There was a time period after my Ex left where life was pretty normal...well, at least as normal as it could be for a single dad with 5 kids who couldn't adequately explain where mommy was and why she wasn't coming home.
During the time between when she left and when I was served with the restraining order (about a 2 month span, or so) I tried to get in touch with her many times. I was trying to contact her for a few reasons, but the biggest reason was to try to let her talk to our kids. I didn't know what to tell them about why their mom wasn't coming home, and nothing I said would have really mattered anyway. At the time, my youngest child was only 3. The others went up in age at close to 2 years apart (5-7-9-11). What do you tell say to them to try to help them?
What I ended up telling them was that their mom had gone away for awhile. I always told them that mommy loved them very much and missed them, and we prayed for her every single night. But still, they needed to hear from her; needed to hear her voice.
The other reason for contacting her was because I was genuinely worried about her. I was not sleeping at night because I was so stressed about what was happening. I had a ton of unanswered questions and every single day I was finding out more and more about what my Ex had been up to before she left. To say what I was finding out was disturbing would be an understatement. I realized that she had been being very dishonest for a long time.
The more I learned, the worse it became.
I went out and purchased a recorder so that I could record all phone conversations that I might have with her. I did this because I wanted documentation of anything that she may say to me because, to be honest, I don't have the greatest memory in the world. I also did this because at the time I was very worried about her state of mind and what may be happening to her. If she were to tell me anything that I felt may be an indication that she was in danger, I wanted to make sure I could relay it accurately to police, or whoever, may need to hear it.
After all, she was still my wife. I was scared for her and confused about what was happening. And yes, I was angry at her too, and I think I was justified in all of those feelings.
After trying to call several times in one day and getting nothing but her voicemail, she finally called back. It was late. She asked to speak to the kids, but they were all sleeping. I asked her where she was and she told me that she just wanted to tell me that I was a really good man.
Again, I asked where she was, and she was adamant about not telling me. Over the course of a couple of calls, I finally got her to tell me that she was in South Carolina. I asked her when she was going to come and see the kids. She said "soon".
I told her that I had been to her former workplace and had talked to some of her co-workers and had found out some awful things that she had been doing before she left, including bragging about her affair. She immediately fixated on this and wanted to know who I had talked to and what they had said.
I told her that we could talk about everything, but I needed to know where she was living. I wanted an address. I had mail and other things to send to her, and I wanted to know that she had a roof over her head and was okay.
She told me that she didn't know the address where she was living. She said that she would get it and call me back, but she was extremely worried about people coming to her place. She said that there were people after her and she had to leave the city we lived in, and the state, just to get away from them all. Over and over again she asked what I had been told and who I had been talking to.
I was trying to get into her head that she needed to come back to see her children. They needed to see her. She said she was coming soon, but she needed money. She claimed that all the money she took when she left was gone. She claimed that she put a deposit down on a place to live, but again, didn't know the address.
This was only a couple weeks after she left.
Let me tell you, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to help her come back so she could at least see the kids. No, I had not yet closed the door on perhaps working things out with her, but first, I had to at least get her to come back for her children.
When she made the statement that she would just disappear off the face of the earth and make everyone happy, I got really scared. I was afraid of what she may do. I was afraid she may be thinking of suicide.
I don't think I will ever understand what exactly happened to her to make her do the things she did. I'm not even sure that she even understands it all to this day. I think that she still buries a lot of her past deep inside and pretty much denies it all ever happened.
But it did happen, and the more I learned, the more I realized that I didn't know this woman anymore at all.
When I return, you will learn more of what I learned. I have to tell you that it isn't pretty, but it is the truth, so I'm going to put it out there.
Please keep reading, and let me know what you think!!
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