When I last updated on court progress, I told you about the criminal court summons I received for truck tampering and that all charges were eventually dismissed when my Ex never showed up in court.
That all took place in May of 2009. For now, I have to backtrack a bit and talk about some other things that took place before that.
On February 6, 2009, I was served with an Order to Show Cause for nonpayment of child support. A motion had been filed in court. The Sheriff delivered the Show Cause Order and the Motion to me while I was at work.
Contempt Motion 2.6.2009
This motion outlines what I have already told you in that it states that I was ordered by the court to pay $1700.00 per month in child support as well as $100.00 per month in retroactive child support plus $300.00 per month in postseparation support along with another $100.00 per month in retroactive postseparation support for six months.
A grand total of $2200.00 per month.
The motion states that I had not paid anything at all in child support since the order was entered; however, I have a copy of a check that was given to my Ex for $300.00. I know, $300.00 is not much when you are ordered to pay $2200.00 per month, but it was all I could do.
During this time, I was spending at least 2 days a week, all day, in court. Most of the time it was more than that. Trying to run my business building and selling furniture was nearly impossible when I could never be there. I had customers that would actually call me and leave messages because they thought I had gone out of business because my door was closed so often. It was a true nightmare.
You also have to remember that I was starting from scratch. When my Ex left and abandoned the children, she cleaned out both the business and personal bank accounts, leaving me with NOTHING. Every dime I made between the time she left and the time she regained custody was spent trying to care for my children and keep a roof over their heads, as well as trying to keep my business doors open. So, when the initial order was entered for the $2200.00 a month that was supposed to pay, it was completely ridiculous. I know I've stated that before, but to this day it still boggles my mind.
On March 3, 2009, we went to court. I, once again, testified about how much money I actually made. I again provided even more bank statements showing my financial activity. I testified that I was going to lose my home and my vehicle, and at the rate everything was going, probably my business as well. I testified that I just could flat out not afford to pay $2200.00 a month. I felt like a broken record, which I would find out would happen over and over again.
In the end, the judge could have cared less. I was ordered to pay $1800.00 before Monday, March 9, 2009; an additional $200.00 before March 16, 2009; and finally $1800.00 before March 23, 2009. Basically, I had to come up with $3800.00 in the span of a couple of weeks.
If I didn't do this, a warrant would be issued for my arrest and I would be put in jail. I could almost see the drool dripping off my Ex's lawyer's chin as he practically begged the judge to have me taken away in handcuffs right then and there. I can still envision his almost purple face as he was yelling across the courtroom. I can remember wondering if he was going to actually burst a blood vessel at some point, all the while my attorney sat there scratching his temple. Useless.
I ended up coming up with the $3800.00 I needed in order to stay out of jail, but it was no easy task. When I testified in court that I had no money, I think that my Ex, her lawyer, AND the judge all believed I was lying and that I was just hiding money and not paying my child support out of spite.
The fact of the matter was that I honestly did not have that kind of money, and never had. When we were together, my Ex and I practically lived off credit cards. We were in debt up to our eyeballs with the huge mortgage for the huge house that she wanted. There just was no money; however, in the eyes of the judge, I was just a deadbeat dad who wasn't caring for his obligations. Actually, the judge had his mind made up about me from the very start. Regardless of what my Ex did to create the entire situation, I was the wrong party in the judge's eyes, and nothing I said or did made any difference.
I sit now looking at copies of checks and money orders that I received from family and friends to cover the $3800.00. Having to ask (beg) people for money might be easy for some people to do, but for me it was a horrible experience. I have thanked everyone who helped me a million times already, but I don't think that thank you will ever truly be enough.
After I was able to put that behind me, I really began to try to focus on my business. Things had definitely slowed to a dead crawl since I was rarely there due to court. I needed to get back on track and just put my head down and work. My wishes were short-lived though, when on April 3, 2009, a Sheriff's deputy showed up at my shop with this:
Distribution_4.3.20090001
That, my friends, is a list of all the stuff my Ex wanted out of the house in the form of "interim distribution".
A few weeks prior to my being served with this distribution order, my Ex and I had a conversation pertaining to what she wanted out of the house and what I wanted to keep. As a matter of fact, I still have the handwritten list that outlines what will be hers and what will be mine.
If you will notice, the distribution document I just showed you is an Order, not a Motion. There was never a motion filed and none of this was ever discussed in court. I do believe at some point that I relayed to my attorney what my Ex and I had discussed and agreed upon, but I can't really be certain.
All I know is that on April 3, 2009, a deputy walked into my shop and served me with this order. This deputy wanted me to leave my shop immediately and go to my home so that my Ex could retrieve what was on the list.
I had some real issues with this.
First of all, I had no knowledge that this order even existed. It was drawn up by my Ex's attorney and taken to court so the judge could sign off on it. I immediately called my attorney and told him what was going on and HE didn't even know that an order had been signed.
The second problem was that the list was extremely vague with terms such as "various" this and "one of" those and "half of" that. It was ridiculous. I wanted time to discuss all of this with my lawyer and figure it all out.
The third problem was that it was the middle of the workday and I was not going to drop everything and shut down business for the day when I was not even informed of any of this beforehand.
In the end, the deputy agreed that I could set a day and time that was convenient for me to go and take care of all of this. I was told by my attorney that I had to abide by the order and that anything she took that I felt she shouldn't would have to be taken back to court since there was already a signed order in place.
How sneaky and underhanded can you get?!?
In my next post, I will tell you all about the day my Ex shows up with the cavalry (seriously) to execute this order. I would tell you now, but it was such a debacle that I think it deserves a post all its own.
Please keep reading!
Until next time.....
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Decisions
Hello everyone! I'm very sorry that I have not posted anything in quite some time, but the holidays and work have been keeping me pretty busy. Things seem to have calmed down some now, though, so I thought I would take the opportunity to get things rolling again.
I'm going to start things off by telling you about Christmas. The holiday fell on my visitation weekend this year, so I was very fortunate in that I would be able to have my kids for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning; something that has not happened since my Ex regained custody of the children.
The only issue with getting my children for Christmas was that a couple of weeks before Christmas my Ex sent me a text message informing me that she was (again) no longer going to bring the children to my house for my scheduled visitation. According to her statement, she could not afford the gas money to bring them to my house anymore. Because the children spend pretty much every single afternoon at their grandparent's house, my Ex only has to transport them less than a half-mile to get them from there to my house, but apparently that was a huge drain on her gas tank. She also just got a big promotion at work (which she is very quick to remind me of very often), so it doesn't really make any sense that gas money is an issue now when it was never brought up before. Then again, I have also gotten 3 different explanations as to why her mother or father can no longer bring the kids like they did all last year.
One of those excuses was told to my 8-year-old daughter right in front of me. When talking to my Ex on the phone, asking why her grandmother couldn't come pick them up when my Ex was late, my Ex proceeded to tell my youngest daughter that it was because "Daddy is mean" to them.
I was told it was because they "didn't want to get involved anymore." My lawyer was told in a rebuttal to the contempt motion that it was due to "medical issues". And finally, she says this to my daughter...in my presence. Nice, huh? For the record, the children's grandmother did most of the dropping off and picking up for more than a year and I never came into contact with her. She would pull up and let them out and leave. I'm not sure how "mean" comes into play, but hey, it's just another excuse/lie to add to the mix.
Since I once again could not count on my children being dropped off like they are supposed to be (for Christmas, no less) I began to plan the upcoming weekend accordingly. My girlfriend and I planned to spend Thursday and Friday evening finishing our Christmas shopping and other preparations and then on Saturday I would borrow a vehicle from a friend to go and pick up the kids. They would then stay with me the rest of Saturday (Christmas Eve) and most of Sunday (Christmas day). I would be missing my Thursday night and Friday visitation, but it was the best I could do. I spoke to my children that week and told them all that I would be picking them up on Saturday afternoon and that I was looking forward to seeing them all.
A little after 4 pm on Thursday I got a message from my girlfriend stating that the children had just arrived. My Ex dropped them off and they crossed the street and came right inside. My Ex did not inform me that she was going to drop them off...in fact, the last I knew she was not going to bring them at all.
Please bear with me here as I try my best to explain how my girlfriend and I both felt that day. While we were both extremely happy that the kids were here, we were both beyond frustrated with my Ex. This kind of thing happens quite often. Either the kids don't show up at all or they show up hours late or or I don't think they are coming at all and they show up out of the blue. It is mind-blowingly difficult to make plans when you never have any idea what is going to happen where the children are concerned.
Is it really too much to ask for that my Ex send a simple text message saying she will be dropping them off and what time they will be here? I don't think I'm asking too much, but maybe I am. I recently had to tell my Ex to stop texting me at all unless she was telling me when she was dropping off the kids, but instead of being courteous......
What if no one had been home? What if there had been Christmas presents spread all over the floor in the wrapping process (as they were the day before)? Exasperating is what it is, but no matter how long I wait and pray and hope for things to change (3+ years now) the situation remains exactly the same as it was the day we split up. My Ex does not seem to understand effective, non confrontational communication; hence the reason I had to tell her (yet again) to stop texting me.
Anyway, my girlfriend had to go finish all the Christmas shopping alone, but she got it done! All of the kids received some great gifts this year and they all had a great time. We had a huge dinner on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open one gift (new pajamas for all!). They went to bed and got up Christmas day to see what Santa had brought. Even though it was tough at first, I was so happy to have them here and very happy that Christmas was a great time for everyone. They left on Sunday afternoon around 1 p.m.
And I haven't seen them since. They should be here right now, but they aren't.
I have decided that I am no longer going to ask my Ex to bring them to me. She knows what the court order states, so that is where it lies. I keep my attorney informed and the contempt motion is still pending, so once it finally goes to court, I will leave it to the judge to decide. I am no longer going to play games with my Ex and will not allow her to control my life. She stated that she will no longer be bringing them, so I do not expect them to be here. I will not spend my Thursday and every other Friday afternoons waiting around to see if they show up. I am going to live my life and no longer be at her mercy. If she decides to send me a text and let me know she will be bringing them for my visitation, that is completely fine by me, but other than that I will talk to them on the phone when I can and pray for them daily.
That's where I am right now, and after all the back and forth that has been going on for over 3 years now, I think it is a very healthy place for me to be. I love my children dearly and miss them more than I can put into words, but for my own sanity I will no longer attempt to engage my Ex in any type of conversation. It never goes anywhere and all I ever get is lies and bitterness, so I choose not to do it anymore. I will work and I will continue to save to buy a car, but until that day comes, this is the way it will be.
This blog will also continue. I still have so very far to go to get all of you anywhere close to present day. When I last left you all, I was on the verge of releasing even more court documents in what would become one of the most difficult times in my life. I will be posting another blog entry tomorrow that begins to chronicle that entire fiasco.
For now, I am going to say goodbye and begin to get things together for my next entry. I mostly wanted to check in with all of you and let you know that I am still here and tell you about what I think is a very important, and healthy, decision I have made. I hope that you agree that it is a good decision.
I'll be back soon!!
I'm going to start things off by telling you about Christmas. The holiday fell on my visitation weekend this year, so I was very fortunate in that I would be able to have my kids for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning; something that has not happened since my Ex regained custody of the children.
The only issue with getting my children for Christmas was that a couple of weeks before Christmas my Ex sent me a text message informing me that she was (again) no longer going to bring the children to my house for my scheduled visitation. According to her statement, she could not afford the gas money to bring them to my house anymore. Because the children spend pretty much every single afternoon at their grandparent's house, my Ex only has to transport them less than a half-mile to get them from there to my house, but apparently that was a huge drain on her gas tank. She also just got a big promotion at work (which she is very quick to remind me of very often), so it doesn't really make any sense that gas money is an issue now when it was never brought up before. Then again, I have also gotten 3 different explanations as to why her mother or father can no longer bring the kids like they did all last year.
One of those excuses was told to my 8-year-old daughter right in front of me. When talking to my Ex on the phone, asking why her grandmother couldn't come pick them up when my Ex was late, my Ex proceeded to tell my youngest daughter that it was because "Daddy is mean" to them.
I was told it was because they "didn't want to get involved anymore." My lawyer was told in a rebuttal to the contempt motion that it was due to "medical issues". And finally, she says this to my daughter...in my presence. Nice, huh? For the record, the children's grandmother did most of the dropping off and picking up for more than a year and I never came into contact with her. She would pull up and let them out and leave. I'm not sure how "mean" comes into play, but hey, it's just another excuse/lie to add to the mix.
Since I once again could not count on my children being dropped off like they are supposed to be (for Christmas, no less) I began to plan the upcoming weekend accordingly. My girlfriend and I planned to spend Thursday and Friday evening finishing our Christmas shopping and other preparations and then on Saturday I would borrow a vehicle from a friend to go and pick up the kids. They would then stay with me the rest of Saturday (Christmas Eve) and most of Sunday (Christmas day). I would be missing my Thursday night and Friday visitation, but it was the best I could do. I spoke to my children that week and told them all that I would be picking them up on Saturday afternoon and that I was looking forward to seeing them all.
A little after 4 pm on Thursday I got a message from my girlfriend stating that the children had just arrived. My Ex dropped them off and they crossed the street and came right inside. My Ex did not inform me that she was going to drop them off...in fact, the last I knew she was not going to bring them at all.
Please bear with me here as I try my best to explain how my girlfriend and I both felt that day. While we were both extremely happy that the kids were here, we were both beyond frustrated with my Ex. This kind of thing happens quite often. Either the kids don't show up at all or they show up hours late or or I don't think they are coming at all and they show up out of the blue. It is mind-blowingly difficult to make plans when you never have any idea what is going to happen where the children are concerned.
Is it really too much to ask for that my Ex send a simple text message saying she will be dropping them off and what time they will be here? I don't think I'm asking too much, but maybe I am. I recently had to tell my Ex to stop texting me at all unless she was telling me when she was dropping off the kids, but instead of being courteous......
What if no one had been home? What if there had been Christmas presents spread all over the floor in the wrapping process (as they were the day before)? Exasperating is what it is, but no matter how long I wait and pray and hope for things to change (3+ years now) the situation remains exactly the same as it was the day we split up. My Ex does not seem to understand effective, non confrontational communication; hence the reason I had to tell her (yet again) to stop texting me.
Anyway, my girlfriend had to go finish all the Christmas shopping alone, but she got it done! All of the kids received some great gifts this year and they all had a great time. We had a huge dinner on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open one gift (new pajamas for all!). They went to bed and got up Christmas day to see what Santa had brought. Even though it was tough at first, I was so happy to have them here and very happy that Christmas was a great time for everyone. They left on Sunday afternoon around 1 p.m.
And I haven't seen them since. They should be here right now, but they aren't.
I have decided that I am no longer going to ask my Ex to bring them to me. She knows what the court order states, so that is where it lies. I keep my attorney informed and the contempt motion is still pending, so once it finally goes to court, I will leave it to the judge to decide. I am no longer going to play games with my Ex and will not allow her to control my life. She stated that she will no longer be bringing them, so I do not expect them to be here. I will not spend my Thursday and every other Friday afternoons waiting around to see if they show up. I am going to live my life and no longer be at her mercy. If she decides to send me a text and let me know she will be bringing them for my visitation, that is completely fine by me, but other than that I will talk to them on the phone when I can and pray for them daily.
That's where I am right now, and after all the back and forth that has been going on for over 3 years now, I think it is a very healthy place for me to be. I love my children dearly and miss them more than I can put into words, but for my own sanity I will no longer attempt to engage my Ex in any type of conversation. It never goes anywhere and all I ever get is lies and bitterness, so I choose not to do it anymore. I will work and I will continue to save to buy a car, but until that day comes, this is the way it will be.
This blog will also continue. I still have so very far to go to get all of you anywhere close to present day. When I last left you all, I was on the verge of releasing even more court documents in what would become one of the most difficult times in my life. I will be posting another blog entry tomorrow that begins to chronicle that entire fiasco.
For now, I am going to say goodbye and begin to get things together for my next entry. I mostly wanted to check in with all of you and let you know that I am still here and tell you about what I think is a very important, and healthy, decision I have made. I hope that you agree that it is a good decision.
I'll be back soon!!
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