When I last left off with the story of my life, I was at the point where my kids were missing and I had been to the Sheriff to try and at least get a missing person's report filed....to no avail. I had assurance from the detective looking into things that my Ex and children were okay because the detective told me that she called him and told him so, but I still had no idea where they were, and if the detective knew he wasn't telling me.
The next day, February 18, 2009, I continued on like normal. I went to work but also called the schools to see if my children were there. I know the schools were probably getting sick of me at this point, but I was hoping beyond hope that they would magically appear one day. I continued to try and call my Ex's phone but it was still disconnected. Things seemed very bleak, to say the least.
Also during this time, my lawyer was filing motions against my ex in court. On February 12, 2009, a contempt motion was filed for my missing my visitation for the weekend of February 6, 2009.
Contempt Motion 2.12.09
On February 17, 2009, there were two motions filed. The first was another motion of contempt because my Ex had not adhered to the court order that stated she was to surrender the van to me. Instead, as you have already heard, she abandoned it on the side of the road with slashed tires. My lawyer was asking that she be jailed, pay a fine, and have to pay for the repair costs and the towing of the vehicle.
The second filing was an order to show cause, which basically says that my Ex had better show up in court no matter what. If she didn't show, she could be arrested for failure to appear. This was because she had neglected to show up for a previous hearing, so my lawyer was doing everything he could to make her show up.
Contempt Motion 2.17.09
Show_Cause_2.17.09
On February 23, 2009, I received a phone call from a Sheriff's deputy. It always made me nervous when they would call me or come to my home or work because, well, I never knew what it was going to be for. This deputy asked me where I was and if I had a minute to come down to the Sheriff's station because they had some out of state papers to give to me. I was wondering what in the world they could possibly have from out of state, but I had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my Ex.
When I arrived, I was given this:
CO Restraining Order 2.19.09
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at that restraining order. I was finally aware that my Ex had taken my children to Colorado and while there she obtained a temporary restraining order against me on February 19, 2009. Even though she was obviously in Colorado, she did not reveal her address.
In the restraining order, she stated her reasons for obtaining the order. A lot of those reasons were the exact same reasons she had used in the restraining order she took out against me in North Carolina. If you don't remember what her statements were in that restraining order, you can go back and reference it here:
She also claims, yet again, that I hit my daughter in the head with the door and states that I was intoxicated and screaming at her to "get out". This was a completely false statement. The only true thing that she stated there was that I did call the police because my Ex was not supposed to be there...and certainly should not have shown up unannounced, yet again.
She states that her tires were slashed and a hole was put in her radiator. She says that this was the third time her tires were slashed and that the police had evidence and were investigating. As I've stated before, I had not set foot on her property, and if she claimed to the police that I did this I'm sure they would have questioned me about it at least, but they never did. The only evidence that this ever happened was my Ex saying that it did, but I know I certainly did not commit those acts.
She also brings up the restraining order that my nanny took out against her. She asserts that the nanny was not in fear of her at any time; however, I don't know how she could possibly know whether or not someone was afraid of her. I personally know that the nanny was extremely uncomfortable and did not ask her to leave because she was afraid of how my Ex would react.
I thought it was completely absurd that she would file a restraining order against me in a state that was 3000 miles away. It was even more absurd because I had no idea she was even there until I received the restraining order. I certainly was not going to travel 3000 miles to try and track her and my children down. Even though it was troubling to have this temporary restraining order against me, it was also quite comical at the time and I do remember having a good laugh about it.
On the VERY SAME day that I received the restraining order, my Ex tried to call me. She called me that day at 9:24, 9:26, 9:28, 9:29, 9:30, 9:32, and 9:33. The calls all came from a blocked phone number. She left a couple of messages saying that she assumed I didn't want to speak to her or the kids.
Um, there was a RESTRAINING ORDER against me. I couldn't answer the phone. I was ordered to have NO CONTACT with her or my children. I felt at that time that she was trying to set me up. If I had answered the phone, she could have called the police and told them that I violated the restraining order. I then would have gotten arrested. I honestly don't know what she was thinking.
The hearing for the restraining order was scheduled for March 4, 2009. Since I lived in North Carolina, I had no intention of traveling to Colorado for this hearing. However, I knew that if I didn't go the order would be made permanent (probably for a year) so I had to figure out how I was going to defend myself from so far away. The hearing was held on March 4, 2009, but was continued until April 3, 2009.
In the interim, since I know knew where they were residing, I talked to my attorney and he filed the following motion in court on February 27, 2009:
Motion_2.27.09
In that motion, my lawyer asks that I be granted temporary custody of my children because it is no longer in my children's best interest to live with their mother. When the hearing was held on March 2, 2009, the judge ordered my Ex (yep, she showed up for court) to return the children by March 6, 2009, so that I could have my court ordered visitation that weekend. If she did not bring the children on that date, she was to surrender herself to jail.
So, on March 6, 2009, I got to see my children for the first time in over a month. My Ex flew them all back from Colorado and I went to pick them up at her mother's house. She had a deputy there to witness the exchange because of the restraining order. I took a friend with me so that I also had a witness and I also dropped off the pickup truck that I was ordered to give to her. The only reason I hadn't given it to her previously was because, well, I didn't know where she was.
It truly was a great weekend. I took tons of pictures and we had a blast. That weekend was my middle son's birthday, so we celebrated his birthday along with mine. We also celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday because she was gone to Colorado for her birthday and I didn't get to see her or call her. It was SO wonderful to see them and know that they were safe.
After that, I did begin getting my visitation regularly for awhile, but it was difficult because of the restraining order. The children either had to be dropped off and picked up by someone else or we had to meet at the Sheriff's department to make the exchange. I also couldn't call them during the in between times because I was not allowed contact with my Ex. I began having my friend call for me to act as a go between, but my Ex would never answer the phone. My Ex continued to call me on a regular basis, though, even though she was apparently afraid of me and had taken out a restraining order on me.
On March 19, 2009, I sent a letter to the court in Colorado in order to attempt to defend myself against the restraining order. You can read the letter here:
Judge Letter 3.19.09
On the day of the hearing, April 3, 2009, I was in my car when the phone rang. It was the judge in Colorado. The hearing was happening and he wanted to ask me some questions. I verified that everything in the letter that I had sent was accurate. The judge then informed me that my Ex did not show up for the hearing (big surprise) and that he was going to dismiss the case. He also told me that he was very upset that my Ex would use the Colorado legal system in such a manner and that based on all the evidence I sent to the court, the restraining order was frivolous.
So that was the end of that.
You are going to see in the future that my Ex has a history of taking out charges against me and never showing up in court. Today, she would be arrested for such behavior, but at the time she got away with it.
She got away with everything. She was never punished for taking the children out of state. She was never punished for the van. She has never been punished by the court for anything. In fact, she was even rewarded for abandoning the children when she received custody of them. Crazy, huh?
Anyhow, there is a lot more to tell as we have only reached March/April of 2009. While things are good for a little bit and I get to see my kids like I am supposed to, it doesn't stay that way for long. The saga will continue, my friends.
Please stay tuned!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Just the Way it is....
I know that all of you are anxiously awaiting the next installment in the disappearance of my children. However, because of a conversation my girlfriend and I had last night, I'm going to take a small break from that in order to get some things out there that I feel need to be said, and in some cases, repeated.
It has been over 3 years now since my Ex left me and our children and took off with her boyfriend. In that time, I have fought tooth and nail for what is right and what is best for my children. I have really been through some very trying times and have not even reached the tip of the iceberg in this blog yet.
Last night my girlfriend and I began a discussion about the way things SHOULD be. I don't really know how we got started on this subject, but as is always the case, at some point in every single day we end up talking about everything going on with my Ex and my children.
I have tried several times over the past 3+ years to mediate with my Ex and come to an agreement about things without having to constantly go to court. I even met with her at a restaurant once and we just talked and hammered things out.
No matter if it has been just her and I or if we have had others involved to act as intermediaries, the same thing always takes place. We are able to be civil and work things out regarding custody, visitation, child support, etc., etc., etc., and then the very next day....she changes her mind about every single thing we agreed on. Every time, without fail.
I feel that it is important for all of you reading this to know that I WANT things to be civil between us. Not only will it cause so much less stress in our lives, but it would be SO great for our children to see that we can get along with each other even if we aren't going to be together.
I need people to understand that I have tried and tried and tried to work things out with her amicably, without courtrooms and lawyers, and it just doesn't work. I don't know why that is because I can't read her mind, but all I know is that I have never been the one to go back on any agreement that we have made.
From my perspective, my Ex has had her mind on one thing and one thing only from the very moment that she left me and the kids and took off. Money. She began by taking all the money out of both of our bank accounts and continued from there. In court, the single most talked about thing is always money. Funny, huh? You would think the court would be concerned about the welfare, health, emotional stability, and stability in general of our children more than money, but go figure.
As I type this, court is looming once again. I have to say that I am sick and tired of going to court. I wish there would be no more court. The only reason that I filed the current contempt motion against her was because that was the only way I was going to get to see my children. And wouldn't you know that from the moment she found out that motion was filed, she has made sure I've had my kids each and every time I'm supposed to? I don't think that's just a coincidence.
So, we sat talking last night, and I said, "wouldn't it be nice if her and I could actually communicate on a civil level with each other? Wouldn't it be nice if she wasn't restricted from even coming onto our property? How amazing would it be if she could actually come inside our home and sit down and talk about the current things going on with the kids?"
That's the way it should be.
I should know how my kids are doing in school without having to jump through hoops to find out. I should know if someone is sick with pneumonia and is having daily nebulizer treatments when they are actually sick; not a week later when I see my kids.
I should be able to call my children every single day and actually be able to talk to them. I should be able to call my Ex if I need to and actually have a civil conversation with her about concerns that I have or concerns that she has. When one of my children is in trouble and gets grounded, I should be notified so that the punishment can continue when they are at my home instead of them just getting a free pass.
Yes, that's the way it should be. That's the way I would like for it to be.
But it's not, and probably never, ever will be.
The only way this could ever happen would be if my Ex could just let go. Just stop with the vindictiveness and the "out to get me" attitude that she still has over 3 years later. I would have thought by now that things would have changed. How long can a person continue to be so bitter towards another person? And when you add in the fact that I'm not even the one who caused the ultimate demise of our marriage, it sort of makes you wonder what it is that she is so bitter about.
Believe me, I have thought about the reason for her bitterness for so long now that I have given up trying to figure it out. I think that part of it is that she is angry at herself for doing what she did and for throwing away a pretty good life that she had. I think she is angry that I have totally moved on in my life and am extremely happy with the person that I am with and with my life in general (aside from court, that is).
Because she is so angry at herself for all of this, and because she still has yet to take any responsibility and has always blamed everything on everyone else (mostly me), I think she takes her anger out on me because I'm the biggest scapegoat.
Other than that, I'm at a loss. I would love to hear your suggestions on why you think she continues this way. I really just wish that she could live and let live.
We discussed inviting her over so that we could all sit down and talk, which is something that has never been done before. We would tell her she doesn't have to come alone if she doesn't feel comfortable. The conversation would mostly be about the kids and there would be no arguing or finger-pointing. I think it would be awesome to be able to do that and would probably blow my kid's minds, but I know that it will never happen.
So, tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear from you about this. What drives a person to be so bitter after so long? I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes I believe coming up with ways to get me is all she thinks about. I've actually witnessed the disturbing lengths she will go to in order to try and turn my life upside down, and will even involve other people if she has to. It really is mind-boggling.
Ahhhhh....but for the way it should be.
Next time I promise to continue on with the story and not keep you all waiting any longer. You really haven't seen anything yet!
**Oh, by the way. My youngest son ended up with ONE stitch. One stitch that my youngest daughter proceeded to pull out a couple of days later. I found this out this past weekend, which was the first time I saw, or spoke to, any of my children since the accident happened. Once again, a little civility on the part of my Ex would have been nice, but I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
It has been over 3 years now since my Ex left me and our children and took off with her boyfriend. In that time, I have fought tooth and nail for what is right and what is best for my children. I have really been through some very trying times and have not even reached the tip of the iceberg in this blog yet.
Last night my girlfriend and I began a discussion about the way things SHOULD be. I don't really know how we got started on this subject, but as is always the case, at some point in every single day we end up talking about everything going on with my Ex and my children.
I have tried several times over the past 3+ years to mediate with my Ex and come to an agreement about things without having to constantly go to court. I even met with her at a restaurant once and we just talked and hammered things out.
No matter if it has been just her and I or if we have had others involved to act as intermediaries, the same thing always takes place. We are able to be civil and work things out regarding custody, visitation, child support, etc., etc., etc., and then the very next day....she changes her mind about every single thing we agreed on. Every time, without fail.
I feel that it is important for all of you reading this to know that I WANT things to be civil between us. Not only will it cause so much less stress in our lives, but it would be SO great for our children to see that we can get along with each other even if we aren't going to be together.
I need people to understand that I have tried and tried and tried to work things out with her amicably, without courtrooms and lawyers, and it just doesn't work. I don't know why that is because I can't read her mind, but all I know is that I have never been the one to go back on any agreement that we have made.
From my perspective, my Ex has had her mind on one thing and one thing only from the very moment that she left me and the kids and took off. Money. She began by taking all the money out of both of our bank accounts and continued from there. In court, the single most talked about thing is always money. Funny, huh? You would think the court would be concerned about the welfare, health, emotional stability, and stability in general of our children more than money, but go figure.
As I type this, court is looming once again. I have to say that I am sick and tired of going to court. I wish there would be no more court. The only reason that I filed the current contempt motion against her was because that was the only way I was going to get to see my children. And wouldn't you know that from the moment she found out that motion was filed, she has made sure I've had my kids each and every time I'm supposed to? I don't think that's just a coincidence.
So, we sat talking last night, and I said, "wouldn't it be nice if her and I could actually communicate on a civil level with each other? Wouldn't it be nice if she wasn't restricted from even coming onto our property? How amazing would it be if she could actually come inside our home and sit down and talk about the current things going on with the kids?"
That's the way it should be.
I should know how my kids are doing in school without having to jump through hoops to find out. I should know if someone is sick with pneumonia and is having daily nebulizer treatments when they are actually sick; not a week later when I see my kids.
I should be able to call my children every single day and actually be able to talk to them. I should be able to call my Ex if I need to and actually have a civil conversation with her about concerns that I have or concerns that she has. When one of my children is in trouble and gets grounded, I should be notified so that the punishment can continue when they are at my home instead of them just getting a free pass.
Yes, that's the way it should be. That's the way I would like for it to be.
But it's not, and probably never, ever will be.
The only way this could ever happen would be if my Ex could just let go. Just stop with the vindictiveness and the "out to get me" attitude that she still has over 3 years later. I would have thought by now that things would have changed. How long can a person continue to be so bitter towards another person? And when you add in the fact that I'm not even the one who caused the ultimate demise of our marriage, it sort of makes you wonder what it is that she is so bitter about.
Believe me, I have thought about the reason for her bitterness for so long now that I have given up trying to figure it out. I think that part of it is that she is angry at herself for doing what she did and for throwing away a pretty good life that she had. I think she is angry that I have totally moved on in my life and am extremely happy with the person that I am with and with my life in general (aside from court, that is).
Because she is so angry at herself for all of this, and because she still has yet to take any responsibility and has always blamed everything on everyone else (mostly me), I think she takes her anger out on me because I'm the biggest scapegoat.
Other than that, I'm at a loss. I would love to hear your suggestions on why you think she continues this way. I really just wish that she could live and let live.
We discussed inviting her over so that we could all sit down and talk, which is something that has never been done before. We would tell her she doesn't have to come alone if she doesn't feel comfortable. The conversation would mostly be about the kids and there would be no arguing or finger-pointing. I think it would be awesome to be able to do that and would probably blow my kid's minds, but I know that it will never happen.
So, tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear from you about this. What drives a person to be so bitter after so long? I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes I believe coming up with ways to get me is all she thinks about. I've actually witnessed the disturbing lengths she will go to in order to try and turn my life upside down, and will even involve other people if she has to. It really is mind-boggling.
Ahhhhh....but for the way it should be.
Next time I promise to continue on with the story and not keep you all waiting any longer. You really haven't seen anything yet!
**Oh, by the way. My youngest son ended up with ONE stitch. One stitch that my youngest daughter proceeded to pull out a couple of days later. I found this out this past weekend, which was the first time I saw, or spoke to, any of my children since the accident happened. Once again, a little civility on the part of my Ex would have been nice, but I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Like Trying to Find a Needle in a Haystack
So, at this point in time, I had last spoken to my oldest child on February 12, 2009. Because I was having such a difficult time getting my Ex to return my calls so that I could speak to my other children, and because of the van found in the condition it was on the side of the road, I just knew that something very strange was going on. On top of that, I had received a message regarding my oldest child not being in school for several days and had received a letter from the DA's office regarding truancy charges that were being pursued.
So, on February 13, 2009, I called the elementary school to see if my children were in school that day. I was told that they were not. I was also told that my oldest child had been withdrawn from that school and that the school had received a request from the private Christian school for his transcripts so that he could be enrolled there.
I already posted the attendance records in a previous post that shows the days that my children missed from school, but it took some time to put all the pieces together. After going to the Christian school and speaking with them, I found out that my oldest child had been enrolled there since February 4, 2009 (I had absolutely no knowledge that this had happened).
My other children were still enrolled at the public elementary school, but again, had not been in school recently; therefore, my oldest child was the only child that anyone could account for in the last week, and then he disappeared as well.
During this time, I was sending text messages to my Ex to try and get her to drop off the title to the van that I was awarded in court. Getting this title was not extremely urgent to me, but I figured that at least I would know that she was still in the area if I could get her to drop it off. My thinking was that if she was still in the area, chances were that my kids were also somewhere nearby.
At first, she told me that she would drop the title off, but when I put a time limit on it, she refused and got hostile with me. I set it up so she could drop it off at a local business and wouldn't even have to see me, but I told her it had to be by a certain time because they close at that time. She accused me of threatening her and ultimately did not drop off the title.
My next move was to call a mutual friend of ours. I asked him to go to my Ex's house (he and his wife were still in close contact with my Ex) and see if she and my children were home and/or if they were still living there. Instead of just dropping by, he called her. She told him that they were not living at the "red house" any longer and hadn't been for over a week because she was afraid to stay there. She said that they were all at a McDonald's at the time and that the kids were fine.
I tried again to call my Ex so that I could speak to my kids and had to leave a voicemail. She finally texted me back and said "What do you want?" She then claimed that she had no minutes on her phone but could send text messages, which didn't make any sense at all. I texted her back and said "Call from your mom's then. I want to talk to my kids please. Thanks."
She texted back and said, "Later. I'm busy now. You can text them now." Well, I was not about to text my children. How would I even know who I was talking to? I told her, "No. I am not texting my kids. Who knows who I am texting? I want to speak to them right now. Go to your mom's and call me like you have before. Thanks."
She again stated that she was busy and would have them call later. I said, "Ok. Give me a time that you will be calling so I know when to expect their call. Thanks." She responded, "I don't know, just have your phone. Again, I'm busy."
I then texted and asked her why it was so difficult for her to give me a time when she would call and that I hadn't talked to them in 1.5 weeks (excluding my oldest). She never responded to me and I never got a phone call.
Little did I know that they weren't even in the state any longer...they were on the road, traveling far, far away.
The next day, I again texted my Ex and said that I wanted to speak to the kids. She never responded.
Since my worry was beginning to reach maximum heights, I began thinking of who I could call to find out where my kids actually were. I knew at that point that my Ex was lying to me. I couldn't prove anything yet,aside from the information I received that they were not living at the "red house" any longer, but my gut was letting me know that something was very wrong and there was major deception going on.
On Saturday, February 14, 2009, after unsuccessfully trying to reach my children again, my next call was to my Ex's grandmother. She normally keeps in close contact with my Ex's mother, and because I had had no success in reaching my Ex's mother yet, I decided to give her a call. I recorded the conversation, just like every conversation, and really did not get much information from her except the continuing feeling that I was being lied to.
She told me that she had no idea what was going on with my Ex or where the children were or if they were even ok.
My next call was to my Ex's mother. I had tried to call her before, but she never returned my calls. I left a message this time stating, "It's 8:30 on Saturday. I need to know if you know where (Ex's name) and the kids are. I haven't talked to them in 2 weeks or seen them. I don't even know if they are alive right now. Could you please give me a call before I have to get the police involved in this? Please give me a call." I left my phone number (even though she had it already) and said thanks.
At 9:22 p.m. that same night, my Ex's mother called me back. Again, I recorded the conversation. I asked her if she knew where my Ex and the kids were. She said she didn't know. She said she had seen my Ex at the school (Christian school) on Thursday afternoon. I asked her if my Ex and the children were still living at the "red house". She responded that she didn't know what I meant.
Now, let me pause for a moment here and let the obvious sink in. "Didn't know what I meant?!?" The "red house" is a house that is located on my Ex's parent's property. It has always been referred to as "the red house". She knew exactly what I meant, but you see, my Ex's mother won't lie...so she did the only thing she could do and dodged the question.
I asked her again and she then said that all of my Ex's stuff was still there. I asked her if my Ex and the kids were still staying there at night. She said that she knew that my Ex and the kids did not stay there over the weekend (I'm not sure what weekend she was referring to since this conversation took place on a Saturday).
She then told me that she would let my Ex know that I called the next time she spoke with her. I know that she was wanting to end the conversation at that point, but I was not finished yet. I asked her if my Ex's boyfriend (the one she left me for) was still staying at the "red house" with my Ex and my kids. She said that he wasn't. She then said that she knew he had been staying down there but that he was not there any longer. She also admitted that she knew exactly who this guy was.
I then asked her if she knew if my kids were okay because I had not seen them or talked to them in 2 weeks and I was very worried about them. This is when the conversation took a turn....
She told me that it was not true that I hadn't talked to them in 2 weeks. So, for accuracy, I corrected myself and said, "Okay, a week and a half, but will be 2 weeks on this upcoming Wednesday." I told her that my Ex was alienating my children from me. I asked her if she was aware of that, and she said that she wasn't. I again repeated that I hadn't seen or spoken to them in a week and a half and that for all I knew they were dead. She told me then that she had seen my Ex and the kids on Thursday evening.
I asked her if she knew what was going on with my Ex and the kids, and she told me that she did not understand what I was asking. I then told her that my Ex had been acting very strange, giving the impression that something was going on. She then stated that she didn't know what I meant and accused me of threatening her regarding calling the police.
She then told me to hold on a minute, and then hung up on me.
The next day, Sunday, I again tried to call my Ex so that I could talk to my kids. I got a message that her voice mailbox was full, so I couldn't even leave a message. I tried to text, but, well that didn't do any good either.
Monday was more of the same. Full mailbox, no answers to text messages.
On Tuesday, February 17, 2009, we had a court hearing. My Ex did not show up. No one knew where she was, including her lawyer. They had tried to call her and she would not answer the phone, and again, her voice mailbox was full.
It was at that point, when she didn't show up for court, that I decided it really was time to get the police involved. After court that day, my friend and I went to the Sheriff's Department to attempt to file missing person's reports for my Ex and all of my children. After all, the last time anyone claims to have seen them was the prior Thursday, 5 days earlier. On top of that, I had attendance records showing that they had not been in school for even longer than that.
We went to the Sheriff and took photos of the kids and descriptions. We took text messages and my recordings of phone calls along with the attendance records from the schools. I talked to them at length and they honestly seemed very concerned about my kids. They said that they were going to investigate thoroughly. They told me that they were going to go and interview my Ex's mother and see if she had any information.
They ended up going to my Ex's mother's workplace to talk to her. The police told me that she did not seem concerned at all even though the none of the children had been in school since February 4th. She said that she didn't know where they were but that she had spoken to my Ex the previous Saturday.
They then told me that because my Ex had primary physical custody of the kids, this was a civil matter and I would have to talk to my lawyer and go to court. They said they would go no further to investigate.
Um...let me get this straight. FIVE children and their mother pretty much vanish off the face of the earth and the police will do NOTHING?? Nice, huh?
I called the schools that day and found out, again, that no one was in school. I tried to call my Ex, and this time the phone was disconnected completely.
So, it's now February 18, 2009, and I receive a call from the detective at the Sheriff's Department telling me that my Ex had called them and assured them that the children were okay. She would not say where they were. Again the children were not in school that day, and the detective would not give me anymore information.
I was on my own. I went to my lawyer and wanted to file for temporary emergency custody of my children and also file charges for parental kidnapping. My lawyer's response? "Well, she will surface eventually and we will get her then."
If I have any advice to offer at all regarding this entry, it is this:
If your attorney will not act on your behalf, ESPECIALLY when the situation is as dire as mine was, find another attorney. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Fire your lawyer and go to another and another until you find one who will help you. Hindsight is always 20/20, so I'm hoping to save someone out there from having to look back, saying "if only I had...."
Next time you read, I will finally find out where they all are, through crazy circumstances. Now that I think of it, has anything been normal yet?
Thanks for reading. See you on the flip side.
So, on February 13, 2009, I called the elementary school to see if my children were in school that day. I was told that they were not. I was also told that my oldest child had been withdrawn from that school and that the school had received a request from the private Christian school for his transcripts so that he could be enrolled there.
I already posted the attendance records in a previous post that shows the days that my children missed from school, but it took some time to put all the pieces together. After going to the Christian school and speaking with them, I found out that my oldest child had been enrolled there since February 4, 2009 (I had absolutely no knowledge that this had happened).
My other children were still enrolled at the public elementary school, but again, had not been in school recently; therefore, my oldest child was the only child that anyone could account for in the last week, and then he disappeared as well.
During this time, I was sending text messages to my Ex to try and get her to drop off the title to the van that I was awarded in court. Getting this title was not extremely urgent to me, but I figured that at least I would know that she was still in the area if I could get her to drop it off. My thinking was that if she was still in the area, chances were that my kids were also somewhere nearby.
At first, she told me that she would drop the title off, but when I put a time limit on it, she refused and got hostile with me. I set it up so she could drop it off at a local business and wouldn't even have to see me, but I told her it had to be by a certain time because they close at that time. She accused me of threatening her and ultimately did not drop off the title.
My next move was to call a mutual friend of ours. I asked him to go to my Ex's house (he and his wife were still in close contact with my Ex) and see if she and my children were home and/or if they were still living there. Instead of just dropping by, he called her. She told him that they were not living at the "red house" any longer and hadn't been for over a week because she was afraid to stay there. She said that they were all at a McDonald's at the time and that the kids were fine.
I tried again to call my Ex so that I could speak to my kids and had to leave a voicemail. She finally texted me back and said "What do you want?" She then claimed that she had no minutes on her phone but could send text messages, which didn't make any sense at all. I texted her back and said "Call from your mom's then. I want to talk to my kids please. Thanks."
She texted back and said, "Later. I'm busy now. You can text them now." Well, I was not about to text my children. How would I even know who I was talking to? I told her, "No. I am not texting my kids. Who knows who I am texting? I want to speak to them right now. Go to your mom's and call me like you have before. Thanks."
She again stated that she was busy and would have them call later. I said, "Ok. Give me a time that you will be calling so I know when to expect their call. Thanks." She responded, "I don't know, just have your phone. Again, I'm busy."
I then texted and asked her why it was so difficult for her to give me a time when she would call and that I hadn't talked to them in 1.5 weeks (excluding my oldest). She never responded to me and I never got a phone call.
Little did I know that they weren't even in the state any longer...they were on the road, traveling far, far away.
The next day, I again texted my Ex and said that I wanted to speak to the kids. She never responded.
Since my worry was beginning to reach maximum heights, I began thinking of who I could call to find out where my kids actually were. I knew at that point that my Ex was lying to me. I couldn't prove anything yet,aside from the information I received that they were not living at the "red house" any longer, but my gut was letting me know that something was very wrong and there was major deception going on.
On Saturday, February 14, 2009, after unsuccessfully trying to reach my children again, my next call was to my Ex's grandmother. She normally keeps in close contact with my Ex's mother, and because I had had no success in reaching my Ex's mother yet, I decided to give her a call. I recorded the conversation, just like every conversation, and really did not get much information from her except the continuing feeling that I was being lied to.
She told me that she had no idea what was going on with my Ex or where the children were or if they were even ok.
My next call was to my Ex's mother. I had tried to call her before, but she never returned my calls. I left a message this time stating, "It's 8:30 on Saturday. I need to know if you know where (Ex's name) and the kids are. I haven't talked to them in 2 weeks or seen them. I don't even know if they are alive right now. Could you please give me a call before I have to get the police involved in this? Please give me a call." I left my phone number (even though she had it already) and said thanks.
At 9:22 p.m. that same night, my Ex's mother called me back. Again, I recorded the conversation. I asked her if she knew where my Ex and the kids were. She said she didn't know. She said she had seen my Ex at the school (Christian school) on Thursday afternoon. I asked her if my Ex and the children were still living at the "red house". She responded that she didn't know what I meant.
Now, let me pause for a moment here and let the obvious sink in. "Didn't know what I meant?!?" The "red house" is a house that is located on my Ex's parent's property. It has always been referred to as "the red house". She knew exactly what I meant, but you see, my Ex's mother won't lie...so she did the only thing she could do and dodged the question.
I asked her again and she then said that all of my Ex's stuff was still there. I asked her if my Ex and the kids were still staying there at night. She said that she knew that my Ex and the kids did not stay there over the weekend (I'm not sure what weekend she was referring to since this conversation took place on a Saturday).
She then told me that she would let my Ex know that I called the next time she spoke with her. I know that she was wanting to end the conversation at that point, but I was not finished yet. I asked her if my Ex's boyfriend (the one she left me for) was still staying at the "red house" with my Ex and my kids. She said that he wasn't. She then said that she knew he had been staying down there but that he was not there any longer. She also admitted that she knew exactly who this guy was.
I then asked her if she knew if my kids were okay because I had not seen them or talked to them in 2 weeks and I was very worried about them. This is when the conversation took a turn....
She told me that it was not true that I hadn't talked to them in 2 weeks. So, for accuracy, I corrected myself and said, "Okay, a week and a half, but will be 2 weeks on this upcoming Wednesday." I told her that my Ex was alienating my children from me. I asked her if she was aware of that, and she said that she wasn't. I again repeated that I hadn't seen or spoken to them in a week and a half and that for all I knew they were dead. She told me then that she had seen my Ex and the kids on Thursday evening.
I asked her if she knew what was going on with my Ex and the kids, and she told me that she did not understand what I was asking. I then told her that my Ex had been acting very strange, giving the impression that something was going on. She then stated that she didn't know what I meant and accused me of threatening her regarding calling the police.
She then told me to hold on a minute, and then hung up on me.
The next day, Sunday, I again tried to call my Ex so that I could talk to my kids. I got a message that her voice mailbox was full, so I couldn't even leave a message. I tried to text, but, well that didn't do any good either.
Monday was more of the same. Full mailbox, no answers to text messages.
On Tuesday, February 17, 2009, we had a court hearing. My Ex did not show up. No one knew where she was, including her lawyer. They had tried to call her and she would not answer the phone, and again, her voice mailbox was full.
It was at that point, when she didn't show up for court, that I decided it really was time to get the police involved. After court that day, my friend and I went to the Sheriff's Department to attempt to file missing person's reports for my Ex and all of my children. After all, the last time anyone claims to have seen them was the prior Thursday, 5 days earlier. On top of that, I had attendance records showing that they had not been in school for even longer than that.
We went to the Sheriff and took photos of the kids and descriptions. We took text messages and my recordings of phone calls along with the attendance records from the schools. I talked to them at length and they honestly seemed very concerned about my kids. They said that they were going to investigate thoroughly. They told me that they were going to go and interview my Ex's mother and see if she had any information.
They ended up going to my Ex's mother's workplace to talk to her. The police told me that she did not seem concerned at all even though the none of the children had been in school since February 4th. She said that she didn't know where they were but that she had spoken to my Ex the previous Saturday.
They then told me that because my Ex had primary physical custody of the kids, this was a civil matter and I would have to talk to my lawyer and go to court. They said they would go no further to investigate.
Um...let me get this straight. FIVE children and their mother pretty much vanish off the face of the earth and the police will do NOTHING?? Nice, huh?
I called the schools that day and found out, again, that no one was in school. I tried to call my Ex, and this time the phone was disconnected completely.
So, it's now February 18, 2009, and I receive a call from the detective at the Sheriff's Department telling me that my Ex had called them and assured them that the children were okay. She would not say where they were. Again the children were not in school that day, and the detective would not give me anymore information.
I was on my own. I went to my lawyer and wanted to file for temporary emergency custody of my children and also file charges for parental kidnapping. My lawyer's response? "Well, she will surface eventually and we will get her then."
If I have any advice to offer at all regarding this entry, it is this:
If your attorney will not act on your behalf, ESPECIALLY when the situation is as dire as mine was, find another attorney. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Fire your lawyer and go to another and another until you find one who will help you. Hindsight is always 20/20, so I'm hoping to save someone out there from having to look back, saying "if only I had...."
Next time you read, I will finally find out where they all are, through crazy circumstances. Now that I think of it, has anything been normal yet?
Thanks for reading. See you on the flip side.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Boys Will Be Boys
Before I continue telling you about the disappearance of my children, I feel that it is important to document what happened this past weekend, not only to demonstrate the craziness that continues to be my life, but to get it all down before the details become fuzzy.
Getting my children here was, as seems is the norm these days, a struggle. Ultimately, they were brought by my Ex, as per court order, on Thursday afternoon. My Ex discovered that I filed a contempt motion against her regarding my visitation, so I assume she figured she had better start complying with the court order.
I wouldn't think the motion of contempt had so much to do with her decision to comply with the court order if I hadn't been down this road so many times before.
Anyhow, my kids spent Thursday night and all weekend here and they had a great time. As usual, they played a lot of games, colored, read books, played outside, and oh, did their dreaded chores.
On Sunday afternoon, they were to get picked up at 4 p.m. At about 3:15, my three boys went outside to play with their Nerf guns. At approximately 3:45 I went to call them inside so they could put their toys away and make sure they had everything they needed before they left.
When I opened the door to call them in, I heard my youngest (6-year-old) screaming. The other two boys were saying he got hurt and I needed to come quick. It wasn't until I got over to him that I realized he didn't just fall down or something...he was bleeding. Bad.
All I knew to do was grab the tail of his shirt and hold it up to the side of his face, where blood was coming out at a pretty steady rate. I scooped him up and brought him inside and called to my girlfriend. I don't deal with blood very well and she is very good with caring for injuries.
While my girlfriend began assessing his injury and was talking to him trying to get him to calm down (he was pretty hysterical), I asked my other two boys what happened.
They told me that they were playing a game outside with their Nerf guns and my oldest was running around the house in one direction and my youngest was running around the house in the opposite direction. My oldest collided with my youngest by accident because he didn't see him until it was too late. The end of my oldest son's Nerf gun hit my youngest on the side of his face, approximately 1/2 inch away from the corner of his eye.
Boys will be boys, right? Injuries are bound to happen, and this was another one to put in the books. It wasn't as if this was the first injury any of my children had suffered while playing, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
My girlfriend cleaned the wound and was able to get the bleeding stopped and bandaged it up as best she could with what we had on hand. We gave him an ice pack and got his clothes changed because they had a lot of blood on them. My girlfriend was phenomenal at calming him down and assuring him that he was going to be just fine. We then gave him a popsicle because he was being very, very brave.
We knew, by the looks of the cut, that it was probably in need of stitches. It was a pretty wide cut, and since it was in his face, the only way it would heal well and him not have a nasty scar would be for a doctor to sew it closed.
Since my Ex was due to arrive at any moment, a text message was sent to her letting her know what happened and the actions that we took. I text her nearly 100% of the time now for a few reasons.
The first reason is because I generally don't like speaking to her because it can never just be a normal conversation.
The second is that she doesn't answer the phone if my number calls her. Lately she doesn't even answer if the kids are here and try to call her.
The last reason that I chose a text on that day was that even if I did call and she didn't answer, there was no way to leave a message stating what happened because she doesn't have voicemail; has never set it up.
Anyhow, a text message was sent stating: "Child #5 was playing outside and he and Child #1 had a collision. Child #5 got a pretty deep cut next to his eye. We bandaged it and he has ice on it, but you may want to have it looked at. It was an accident and he is OK, but will probably have a black eye."
Before I could press send, the kids were saying their mom was across the street....that's how fast everything happened.
I sent the kids to their mom and my oldest carried my youngest across the street when I told them it was okay to cross.
I didn't hear anything for a few hours, but had told my oldest daughter to tell her mom that I wanted to know if he went to the doctor and what happened. He was on my mind big time all afternoon. I remember thinking how grateful I was that the gun had not been 1/2 inch to the left...it would have hit him directly in the eye.
I finally received a text from my Ex that said this:
"Thanks for walking your son across the street like you're supposed to. And tell (girlfriend's name here) it wasn't OK because he had to get stitches."
I will now clarify the crossing the street issue so there is no confusion.
For the past several months, since my Ex got in trouble for trespassing at my work, she is not allowed to come on any property that my boss owns. This includes my house, which we rent from my bosses company.
Because of this, my Ex has to drop the kids off and pick them up across the street from where we live. At first, I was walking across to pick them up and walking across to drop them off. This makes me (and my girlfriend) very uncomfortable for reasons you have yet to hear.
Since the road is only 2 lanes, I began walking to the side of the road with them and telling them when it is safe to cross (no traffic). Their mom is on the other side of the road waiting for them. It is a 2 lane road and the distance they have to cross is only about 15-20 feet. I always stand and watch to make sure they make it across safely and could run out at any moment if need be.
The last few times my Ex has dropped the kids off, she has sent them across the street alone. In fact, this past Thursday and Friday when they got dropped off, my girlfriend saw her pull in and went to get her shoes on to walk over to get them. Before she could get out the front door, my kids walked in, so it was assumed that telling them when it was okay to cross and watching them go across was fine.
Since my Ex brought my girlfriend into the situation with the text she sent, my girlfriend responded via my phone. She identified herself and said the following:
"This is (girlfriend's name here). I never said the cut was OK. In fact, I said you would probably want to have it looked at. I bandaged it the best I could since it happened right before you came. Otherwise, we would have taken him to the hospital. And you let them cross the street alone so that is not an issue. Child #1 even carried him."
In hindsight, my girlfriend probably should not have responded. In all actuality, I should not have responded either, because it never goes well, but it really bothered both of us, so humans will be human.
This is the response from my Ex:
"I don't have a choice but to let them cross by themselves because you are too lazy to get up off your butts off the porch, and I can't cross because you are scared of me and you are wanting me to get arrested. My baby was hurt and in pain. The doctors and nurses were shocked at your actions and disregard for his safety. He needed stitches. Tell your boyfriend."
So there you go. As I already stated, she let them cross the street on her own accord before anyone could come outside to get them. And we don't want her to get arrested; the reason she can't cross is from her own doing, but somehow is all my fault. The part about us being scared of her? Yeah...that part is true. After all this time, we are both afraid of things that she will do or say in order to cause problems because we have witnessed the lengths she will go to.
I ask you...what else could we have done? The answer is nothing. NOTHING. Even if I had put him in the car immediately (with his mom across the street waiting for him) and rushed him to the ER, it wouldn't have been the right decision.
I tried to call my kids that night, specifically to talk to my youngest to find out how he was feeling, but my calls and texts were never returned. Go figure.
Normally when there is irrationality, we don't respond to it at all, but in this case, I felt it was needed. My Ex was basically saying that we neglected him in his time of need and put him in danger, which was not true. You have to defend yourself sometimes, even if it falls on deaf ears. All I know is that my girlfriend and I did everything that could possibly be done for him at that moment. We then turned him over to his mother and knew that she would make sure he got any additional care he needed.
It would have been nice if my Ex could have let me know, calmly, that he needed stitches and that he was doing OK, but I guess that is too much to hope for. Instead there were accusations and innuendos, as usual.
I still haven't spoken to my son or any of my other children. They are supposed to come tomorrow for my visitation, but whether they arrive or not is any-one's guess. I can only wait...and wait...and wait. That is my life. Waiting for the right thing to be done.
This blog post was supposed to be about the disappearance of my children and my search to find them. I find it sad and frustrating that an entire blog post can be taken up by telling you about an injury that my child suffered. It shouldn't be this way.
Next blog, I promise to continue along the lines of continuity here. Please stay tuned!!
Getting my children here was, as seems is the norm these days, a struggle. Ultimately, they were brought by my Ex, as per court order, on Thursday afternoon. My Ex discovered that I filed a contempt motion against her regarding my visitation, so I assume she figured she had better start complying with the court order.
I wouldn't think the motion of contempt had so much to do with her decision to comply with the court order if I hadn't been down this road so many times before.
Anyhow, my kids spent Thursday night and all weekend here and they had a great time. As usual, they played a lot of games, colored, read books, played outside, and oh, did their dreaded chores.
On Sunday afternoon, they were to get picked up at 4 p.m. At about 3:15, my three boys went outside to play with their Nerf guns. At approximately 3:45 I went to call them inside so they could put their toys away and make sure they had everything they needed before they left.
When I opened the door to call them in, I heard my youngest (6-year-old) screaming. The other two boys were saying he got hurt and I needed to come quick. It wasn't until I got over to him that I realized he didn't just fall down or something...he was bleeding. Bad.
All I knew to do was grab the tail of his shirt and hold it up to the side of his face, where blood was coming out at a pretty steady rate. I scooped him up and brought him inside and called to my girlfriend. I don't deal with blood very well and she is very good with caring for injuries.
While my girlfriend began assessing his injury and was talking to him trying to get him to calm down (he was pretty hysterical), I asked my other two boys what happened.
They told me that they were playing a game outside with their Nerf guns and my oldest was running around the house in one direction and my youngest was running around the house in the opposite direction. My oldest collided with my youngest by accident because he didn't see him until it was too late. The end of my oldest son's Nerf gun hit my youngest on the side of his face, approximately 1/2 inch away from the corner of his eye.
Boys will be boys, right? Injuries are bound to happen, and this was another one to put in the books. It wasn't as if this was the first injury any of my children had suffered while playing, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
My girlfriend cleaned the wound and was able to get the bleeding stopped and bandaged it up as best she could with what we had on hand. We gave him an ice pack and got his clothes changed because they had a lot of blood on them. My girlfriend was phenomenal at calming him down and assuring him that he was going to be just fine. We then gave him a popsicle because he was being very, very brave.
We knew, by the looks of the cut, that it was probably in need of stitches. It was a pretty wide cut, and since it was in his face, the only way it would heal well and him not have a nasty scar would be for a doctor to sew it closed.
Since my Ex was due to arrive at any moment, a text message was sent to her letting her know what happened and the actions that we took. I text her nearly 100% of the time now for a few reasons.
The first reason is because I generally don't like speaking to her because it can never just be a normal conversation.
The second is that she doesn't answer the phone if my number calls her. Lately she doesn't even answer if the kids are here and try to call her.
The last reason that I chose a text on that day was that even if I did call and she didn't answer, there was no way to leave a message stating what happened because she doesn't have voicemail; has never set it up.
Anyhow, a text message was sent stating: "Child #5 was playing outside and he and Child #1 had a collision. Child #5 got a pretty deep cut next to his eye. We bandaged it and he has ice on it, but you may want to have it looked at. It was an accident and he is OK, but will probably have a black eye."
Before I could press send, the kids were saying their mom was across the street....that's how fast everything happened.
I sent the kids to their mom and my oldest carried my youngest across the street when I told them it was okay to cross.
I didn't hear anything for a few hours, but had told my oldest daughter to tell her mom that I wanted to know if he went to the doctor and what happened. He was on my mind big time all afternoon. I remember thinking how grateful I was that the gun had not been 1/2 inch to the left...it would have hit him directly in the eye.
I finally received a text from my Ex that said this:
"Thanks for walking your son across the street like you're supposed to. And tell (girlfriend's name here) it wasn't OK because he had to get stitches."
I will now clarify the crossing the street issue so there is no confusion.
For the past several months, since my Ex got in trouble for trespassing at my work, she is not allowed to come on any property that my boss owns. This includes my house, which we rent from my bosses company.
Because of this, my Ex has to drop the kids off and pick them up across the street from where we live. At first, I was walking across to pick them up and walking across to drop them off. This makes me (and my girlfriend) very uncomfortable for reasons you have yet to hear.
Since the road is only 2 lanes, I began walking to the side of the road with them and telling them when it is safe to cross (no traffic). Their mom is on the other side of the road waiting for them. It is a 2 lane road and the distance they have to cross is only about 15-20 feet. I always stand and watch to make sure they make it across safely and could run out at any moment if need be.
The last few times my Ex has dropped the kids off, she has sent them across the street alone. In fact, this past Thursday and Friday when they got dropped off, my girlfriend saw her pull in and went to get her shoes on to walk over to get them. Before she could get out the front door, my kids walked in, so it was assumed that telling them when it was okay to cross and watching them go across was fine.
Since my Ex brought my girlfriend into the situation with the text she sent, my girlfriend responded via my phone. She identified herself and said the following:
"This is (girlfriend's name here). I never said the cut was OK. In fact, I said you would probably want to have it looked at. I bandaged it the best I could since it happened right before you came. Otherwise, we would have taken him to the hospital. And you let them cross the street alone so that is not an issue. Child #1 even carried him."
In hindsight, my girlfriend probably should not have responded. In all actuality, I should not have responded either, because it never goes well, but it really bothered both of us, so humans will be human.
This is the response from my Ex:
"I don't have a choice but to let them cross by themselves because you are too lazy to get up off your butts off the porch, and I can't cross because you are scared of me and you are wanting me to get arrested. My baby was hurt and in pain. The doctors and nurses were shocked at your actions and disregard for his safety. He needed stitches. Tell your boyfriend."
So there you go. As I already stated, she let them cross the street on her own accord before anyone could come outside to get them. And we don't want her to get arrested; the reason she can't cross is from her own doing, but somehow is all my fault. The part about us being scared of her? Yeah...that part is true. After all this time, we are both afraid of things that she will do or say in order to cause problems because we have witnessed the lengths she will go to.
I ask you...what else could we have done? The answer is nothing. NOTHING. Even if I had put him in the car immediately (with his mom across the street waiting for him) and rushed him to the ER, it wouldn't have been the right decision.
I tried to call my kids that night, specifically to talk to my youngest to find out how he was feeling, but my calls and texts were never returned. Go figure.
Normally when there is irrationality, we don't respond to it at all, but in this case, I felt it was needed. My Ex was basically saying that we neglected him in his time of need and put him in danger, which was not true. You have to defend yourself sometimes, even if it falls on deaf ears. All I know is that my girlfriend and I did everything that could possibly be done for him at that moment. We then turned him over to his mother and knew that she would make sure he got any additional care he needed.
It would have been nice if my Ex could have let me know, calmly, that he needed stitches and that he was doing OK, but I guess that is too much to hope for. Instead there were accusations and innuendos, as usual.
I still haven't spoken to my son or any of my other children. They are supposed to come tomorrow for my visitation, but whether they arrive or not is any-one's guess. I can only wait...and wait...and wait. That is my life. Waiting for the right thing to be done.
This blog post was supposed to be about the disappearance of my children and my search to find them. I find it sad and frustrating that an entire blog post can be taken up by telling you about an injury that my child suffered. It shouldn't be this way.
Next blog, I promise to continue along the lines of continuity here. Please stay tuned!!
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