As I told you last time, I finally got to see my children for the first time in over a month on March 6, 2009. Even though we had a great weekend the first weekend they were back, each of them showed signs of damage from the chaos that had been in their lives recently.
The children began to slowly tell me things about their time in Colorado. They told me that their mom had gotten an apartment there and had a job, although they did not know where. She also obtained a driver's license while in Colorado. They had been enrolled in school there and were beginning new lives.
From what I gathered from my children, my Ex had absolutely no intention of ever returning to North Carolina, and no intention of allowing me to see my children again. I fully believe that had it not been for the court order that threatened my Ex with jail, it would have taken me months, if not years, to get my children back.
The following Wednesday, March 11, 2009, three of my children were dropped off at my workplace for my weekly visitation. My oldest and youngest sons were supposed to then be dropped off by 4:00 p.m. by their grandmother. When they didn't arrive and the other three children were getting bored and tired, I decided to take them home to my house. I called the children's grandmother and told her that she would just have to bring the other two kids to my house instead.
I was then informed that the grandmother had the oldest child with her but the youngest one was with my Ex. My Ex stated that my youngest child was sick and was vomiting and had diarrhea (the first I had heard this). I asked the other children if their brother was sick and they told me that their mother had brought him to lunch that day at their school and he seemed fine.
I told my Ex to bring him anyway and that I would take care of him. After all, I am his father; I am perfectly capable of caring for a sick child. However, my Ex did not bring him that night. My Ex ended up writing me a note stating that I could have him for an extra night the following week.
You will see that in the following weeks and months that although I do get my visitation pretty regularly for a time, I usually end up without one or two children for various reasons...usually because of some sort of illness.
Before the kids left the following morning, I gave my oldest two children the house phone number and told them to please call me every Tuesday and Thursday evening so I could talk to them. I was still unable to call them myself because of the restraining order; however, my Ex still contacted me on a regular basis.
The following Wednesday, March 18, 2009, the kids were dropped off for my regular visitation. They did not have any clothing with them to wear to school the next day, which had become very typical. My Ex took all of their clothes and left me with nothing, so when they came for visitation I always had to ask for clothes for them to wear. If they did come with changes of clothes, they usually were missing socks or underwear or something. It was very frustrating.
That particular Wednesday sticks out in my mind quite a bit, though, because along with them having no clothes for the next day, I also found out that the children had not seen their mother at all for the previous week. I found out that they had been staying with (stay with me here) the mother of the man my Ex had the affair with and ultimately left me and the kids for.
They also told me that some of them had been staying with the secretary at my oldest son's school as well as staying some with their grandmother. They told me that they basically did not have a home and every day they stayed somewhere different. They never knew from one day to the next who would be picking them up from school. My oldest child said that he was sick of living like a "hobo", my oldest daughter said that she just wanted a home, and my youngest child said "mommy hates you".
I had to contact the children's grandmother and ask her to bring me some clothes for the children to wear the next day. She brought me some clothes but told me that she needed the clothes off their backs because that was all she had for them. She told me that she had to go buy them all socks and underwear.
It was later discovered that my Ex had left and gone to Colorado yet again but had not even told the children she was going there or when she would be back.
That night was very difficult for the kids. Since they had been shuffled around so much, they were all scared to sleep alone. Everyone wanted to sleep with someone else. My youngest was especially afraid. Before my Ex regained custody of them, they had never had any problem going upstairs to their beds and sleeping all night without a "sleep buddy". I felt so heartsick for them and angry at what this was doing to them. They were traumatized, and the worst part of it was, I could do nothing to stop it. The courts obviously could care less, so my hands were tied.
On Friday, March 20, 2009, my kids were dropped off again for my weekend visitation. My sister had flown down to visit and provide some support to me and to them during this difficult time.
On Sunday when the kids were to go back to their mom, I had my nanny go and meet my Ex in my shop parking lot to make the exchange since I could not go myself. The nanny asked my sister to accompany her.
When they arrived, a sheriff's deputy pulled into the parking lot apparently to witness the exchange. I'm not sure if this was just for show or if my Ex really thought I would be dumb enough to show up there with a restraining order against me, but he was there nonetheless.
When my Ex arrived, she was driving a medium-sized sedan that was only capable of seating 5 people. There were 5 children along with my Ex, so there were not enough seats in the car. My sister also noted that there were no child safety seats in the car, which, at the time, 3 of my children were supposed to be secured in while in the car.
The nanny walked over to speak to the sheriff's deputy to inform him of the lack of safety and seating in the vehicle. She was very concerned for their well-being should they have an accident. The sheriff's deputy seemed very annoyed that the nanny was even speaking to him and stated that he was not going to interfere with my Ex taking her children.
When the question of legality was raised, the deputy shrugged his shoulders and crossed his arms. He then allowed my Ex to drive away with my kids while he went the other direction out of the parking lot.
I guess not only did the courts not care what happened to my children, the police didn't either!
The next insult to me would come on March 25, 2009. I was served with a criminal court summons. I was ordered to go to criminal court on May 1, 2009.
For what, you may ask?
Truck tampering.
At the time, I didn't think it was very funny, but as I recount it all for you now, all I can do is laugh because the accusation is so far-fetched and ridiculous that I can't even believe a magistrate even signed off on the summons to begin with.
Apparently, according to the charges my Ex took out, on March 6, 2009 (the first time I saw my kids after they were in Colorado) I ripped the ignition switch out of the steering column of the pickup truck I was ordered to turn over to my Ex.
Hold on though...there's more to the story! Amazingly enough, I did this in the presence of a sheriff's deputy.
Yep! That's me, alright. Brazen and bold to the core!!!!!
So, according to my Ex, I went to pick up my kids for the first time in over a month. I was followed by the nanny in my vehicle because I was dropping off the pickup truck the judge awarded to her. I parked the truck in her parent's driveway, grabbed my camera (I wanted pictures of my children), and was out of the vehicle in less than 10 seconds.
Meanwhile, a sheriff's deputy sat less than 15 feet from where I parked in plain view of everything going on.
Supposedly in the 10 seconds between when I parked the truck, turned it off, grabbed my camera, and then exited the vehicle, I managed to rip the ignition switch from the steering column...with no tools and in the presence of an officer of the law along with at least 3 other witnesses, not to mention my 5 children.
Does this sound ludicrous to anyone yet?
Truck Tampering 3.25.2009
I don't know how many of you out there reading may be knowledgeable about vehicles, but my accomplishing this feat of destruction in that amount of time with no tools whatsoever would have been next to impossible....aside from being very, very stupid.
The real kicker is that I went to court for this THREE different times and guess what? My Ex NEVER showed up in court. Not once. The sheriff's deputy that was in the driveway was there and told both the DA and my attorney that he had no clue what he was even doing there because nothing happened that day.
Three times it was continued before it was finally dismissed because my Ex never showed up in court and there was absolutely no evidence to show that I had done anything wrong. Three times I missed work. Three times an officer of the law was pulled from his duties to sit in court for nothing. Three times the taxpayer's money was wasted.
For what, I ask? The only person that knows the answer to that is my Ex.
When we continue, the drama will, unfortunately, continue and you will really begin to see the court system unravel (as if it isn't bad enough already).
I hope you have stuck with me through this. Please keep reading!!
God Bless.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Finally Found
When I last left off with the story of my life, I was at the point where my kids were missing and I had been to the Sheriff to try and at least get a missing person's report filed....to no avail. I had assurance from the detective looking into things that my Ex and children were okay because the detective told me that she called him and told him so, but I still had no idea where they were, and if the detective knew he wasn't telling me.
The next day, February 18, 2009, I continued on like normal. I went to work but also called the schools to see if my children were there. I know the schools were probably getting sick of me at this point, but I was hoping beyond hope that they would magically appear one day. I continued to try and call my Ex's phone but it was still disconnected. Things seemed very bleak, to say the least.
Also during this time, my lawyer was filing motions against my ex in court. On February 12, 2009, a contempt motion was filed for my missing my visitation for the weekend of February 6, 2009.
Contempt Motion 2.12.09
On February 17, 2009, there were two motions filed. The first was another motion of contempt because my Ex had not adhered to the court order that stated she was to surrender the van to me. Instead, as you have already heard, she abandoned it on the side of the road with slashed tires. My lawyer was asking that she be jailed, pay a fine, and have to pay for the repair costs and the towing of the vehicle.
The second filing was an order to show cause, which basically says that my Ex had better show up in court no matter what. If she didn't show, she could be arrested for failure to appear. This was because she had neglected to show up for a previous hearing, so my lawyer was doing everything he could to make her show up.
Contempt Motion 2.17.09
Show_Cause_2.17.09
On February 23, 2009, I received a phone call from a Sheriff's deputy. It always made me nervous when they would call me or come to my home or work because, well, I never knew what it was going to be for. This deputy asked me where I was and if I had a minute to come down to the Sheriff's station because they had some out of state papers to give to me. I was wondering what in the world they could possibly have from out of state, but I had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my Ex.
When I arrived, I was given this:
CO Restraining Order 2.19.09
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at that restraining order. I was finally aware that my Ex had taken my children to Colorado and while there she obtained a temporary restraining order against me on February 19, 2009. Even though she was obviously in Colorado, she did not reveal her address.
In the restraining order, she stated her reasons for obtaining the order. A lot of those reasons were the exact same reasons she had used in the restraining order she took out against me in North Carolina. If you don't remember what her statements were in that restraining order, you can go back and reference it here:
She also claims, yet again, that I hit my daughter in the head with the door and states that I was intoxicated and screaming at her to "get out". This was a completely false statement. The only true thing that she stated there was that I did call the police because my Ex was not supposed to be there...and certainly should not have shown up unannounced, yet again.
She states that her tires were slashed and a hole was put in her radiator. She says that this was the third time her tires were slashed and that the police had evidence and were investigating. As I've stated before, I had not set foot on her property, and if she claimed to the police that I did this I'm sure they would have questioned me about it at least, but they never did. The only evidence that this ever happened was my Ex saying that it did, but I know I certainly did not commit those acts.
She also brings up the restraining order that my nanny took out against her. She asserts that the nanny was not in fear of her at any time; however, I don't know how she could possibly know whether or not someone was afraid of her. I personally know that the nanny was extremely uncomfortable and did not ask her to leave because she was afraid of how my Ex would react.
I thought it was completely absurd that she would file a restraining order against me in a state that was 3000 miles away. It was even more absurd because I had no idea she was even there until I received the restraining order. I certainly was not going to travel 3000 miles to try and track her and my children down. Even though it was troubling to have this temporary restraining order against me, it was also quite comical at the time and I do remember having a good laugh about it.
On the VERY SAME day that I received the restraining order, my Ex tried to call me. She called me that day at 9:24, 9:26, 9:28, 9:29, 9:30, 9:32, and 9:33. The calls all came from a blocked phone number. She left a couple of messages saying that she assumed I didn't want to speak to her or the kids.
Um, there was a RESTRAINING ORDER against me. I couldn't answer the phone. I was ordered to have NO CONTACT with her or my children. I felt at that time that she was trying to set me up. If I had answered the phone, she could have called the police and told them that I violated the restraining order. I then would have gotten arrested. I honestly don't know what she was thinking.
The hearing for the restraining order was scheduled for March 4, 2009. Since I lived in North Carolina, I had no intention of traveling to Colorado for this hearing. However, I knew that if I didn't go the order would be made permanent (probably for a year) so I had to figure out how I was going to defend myself from so far away. The hearing was held on March 4, 2009, but was continued until April 3, 2009.
In the interim, since I know knew where they were residing, I talked to my attorney and he filed the following motion in court on February 27, 2009:
Motion_2.27.09
In that motion, my lawyer asks that I be granted temporary custody of my children because it is no longer in my children's best interest to live with their mother. When the hearing was held on March 2, 2009, the judge ordered my Ex (yep, she showed up for court) to return the children by March 6, 2009, so that I could have my court ordered visitation that weekend. If she did not bring the children on that date, she was to surrender herself to jail.
So, on March 6, 2009, I got to see my children for the first time in over a month. My Ex flew them all back from Colorado and I went to pick them up at her mother's house. She had a deputy there to witness the exchange because of the restraining order. I took a friend with me so that I also had a witness and I also dropped off the pickup truck that I was ordered to give to her. The only reason I hadn't given it to her previously was because, well, I didn't know where she was.
It truly was a great weekend. I took tons of pictures and we had a blast. That weekend was my middle son's birthday, so we celebrated his birthday along with mine. We also celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday because she was gone to Colorado for her birthday and I didn't get to see her or call her. It was SO wonderful to see them and know that they were safe.
After that, I did begin getting my visitation regularly for awhile, but it was difficult because of the restraining order. The children either had to be dropped off and picked up by someone else or we had to meet at the Sheriff's department to make the exchange. I also couldn't call them during the in between times because I was not allowed contact with my Ex. I began having my friend call for me to act as a go between, but my Ex would never answer the phone. My Ex continued to call me on a regular basis, though, even though she was apparently afraid of me and had taken out a restraining order on me.
On March 19, 2009, I sent a letter to the court in Colorado in order to attempt to defend myself against the restraining order. You can read the letter here:
Judge Letter 3.19.09
On the day of the hearing, April 3, 2009, I was in my car when the phone rang. It was the judge in Colorado. The hearing was happening and he wanted to ask me some questions. I verified that everything in the letter that I had sent was accurate. The judge then informed me that my Ex did not show up for the hearing (big surprise) and that he was going to dismiss the case. He also told me that he was very upset that my Ex would use the Colorado legal system in such a manner and that based on all the evidence I sent to the court, the restraining order was frivolous.
So that was the end of that.
You are going to see in the future that my Ex has a history of taking out charges against me and never showing up in court. Today, she would be arrested for such behavior, but at the time she got away with it.
She got away with everything. She was never punished for taking the children out of state. She was never punished for the van. She has never been punished by the court for anything. In fact, she was even rewarded for abandoning the children when she received custody of them. Crazy, huh?
Anyhow, there is a lot more to tell as we have only reached March/April of 2009. While things are good for a little bit and I get to see my kids like I am supposed to, it doesn't stay that way for long. The saga will continue, my friends.
Please stay tuned!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
The next day, February 18, 2009, I continued on like normal. I went to work but also called the schools to see if my children were there. I know the schools were probably getting sick of me at this point, but I was hoping beyond hope that they would magically appear one day. I continued to try and call my Ex's phone but it was still disconnected. Things seemed very bleak, to say the least.
Also during this time, my lawyer was filing motions against my ex in court. On February 12, 2009, a contempt motion was filed for my missing my visitation for the weekend of February 6, 2009.
Contempt Motion 2.12.09
On February 17, 2009, there were two motions filed. The first was another motion of contempt because my Ex had not adhered to the court order that stated she was to surrender the van to me. Instead, as you have already heard, she abandoned it on the side of the road with slashed tires. My lawyer was asking that she be jailed, pay a fine, and have to pay for the repair costs and the towing of the vehicle.
The second filing was an order to show cause, which basically says that my Ex had better show up in court no matter what. If she didn't show, she could be arrested for failure to appear. This was because she had neglected to show up for a previous hearing, so my lawyer was doing everything he could to make her show up.
Contempt Motion 2.17.09
Show_Cause_2.17.09
On February 23, 2009, I received a phone call from a Sheriff's deputy. It always made me nervous when they would call me or come to my home or work because, well, I never knew what it was going to be for. This deputy asked me where I was and if I had a minute to come down to the Sheriff's station because they had some out of state papers to give to me. I was wondering what in the world they could possibly have from out of state, but I had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my Ex.
When I arrived, I was given this:
CO Restraining Order 2.19.09
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at that restraining order. I was finally aware that my Ex had taken my children to Colorado and while there she obtained a temporary restraining order against me on February 19, 2009. Even though she was obviously in Colorado, she did not reveal her address.
In the restraining order, she stated her reasons for obtaining the order. A lot of those reasons were the exact same reasons she had used in the restraining order she took out against me in North Carolina. If you don't remember what her statements were in that restraining order, you can go back and reference it here:
She also claims, yet again, that I hit my daughter in the head with the door and states that I was intoxicated and screaming at her to "get out". This was a completely false statement. The only true thing that she stated there was that I did call the police because my Ex was not supposed to be there...and certainly should not have shown up unannounced, yet again.
She states that her tires were slashed and a hole was put in her radiator. She says that this was the third time her tires were slashed and that the police had evidence and were investigating. As I've stated before, I had not set foot on her property, and if she claimed to the police that I did this I'm sure they would have questioned me about it at least, but they never did. The only evidence that this ever happened was my Ex saying that it did, but I know I certainly did not commit those acts.
She also brings up the restraining order that my nanny took out against her. She asserts that the nanny was not in fear of her at any time; however, I don't know how she could possibly know whether or not someone was afraid of her. I personally know that the nanny was extremely uncomfortable and did not ask her to leave because she was afraid of how my Ex would react.
I thought it was completely absurd that she would file a restraining order against me in a state that was 3000 miles away. It was even more absurd because I had no idea she was even there until I received the restraining order. I certainly was not going to travel 3000 miles to try and track her and my children down. Even though it was troubling to have this temporary restraining order against me, it was also quite comical at the time and I do remember having a good laugh about it.
On the VERY SAME day that I received the restraining order, my Ex tried to call me. She called me that day at 9:24, 9:26, 9:28, 9:29, 9:30, 9:32, and 9:33. The calls all came from a blocked phone number. She left a couple of messages saying that she assumed I didn't want to speak to her or the kids.
Um, there was a RESTRAINING ORDER against me. I couldn't answer the phone. I was ordered to have NO CONTACT with her or my children. I felt at that time that she was trying to set me up. If I had answered the phone, she could have called the police and told them that I violated the restraining order. I then would have gotten arrested. I honestly don't know what she was thinking.
The hearing for the restraining order was scheduled for March 4, 2009. Since I lived in North Carolina, I had no intention of traveling to Colorado for this hearing. However, I knew that if I didn't go the order would be made permanent (probably for a year) so I had to figure out how I was going to defend myself from so far away. The hearing was held on March 4, 2009, but was continued until April 3, 2009.
In the interim, since I know knew where they were residing, I talked to my attorney and he filed the following motion in court on February 27, 2009:
Motion_2.27.09
In that motion, my lawyer asks that I be granted temporary custody of my children because it is no longer in my children's best interest to live with their mother. When the hearing was held on March 2, 2009, the judge ordered my Ex (yep, she showed up for court) to return the children by March 6, 2009, so that I could have my court ordered visitation that weekend. If she did not bring the children on that date, she was to surrender herself to jail.
So, on March 6, 2009, I got to see my children for the first time in over a month. My Ex flew them all back from Colorado and I went to pick them up at her mother's house. She had a deputy there to witness the exchange because of the restraining order. I took a friend with me so that I also had a witness and I also dropped off the pickup truck that I was ordered to give to her. The only reason I hadn't given it to her previously was because, well, I didn't know where she was.
It truly was a great weekend. I took tons of pictures and we had a blast. That weekend was my middle son's birthday, so we celebrated his birthday along with mine. We also celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday because she was gone to Colorado for her birthday and I didn't get to see her or call her. It was SO wonderful to see them and know that they were safe.
After that, I did begin getting my visitation regularly for awhile, but it was difficult because of the restraining order. The children either had to be dropped off and picked up by someone else or we had to meet at the Sheriff's department to make the exchange. I also couldn't call them during the in between times because I was not allowed contact with my Ex. I began having my friend call for me to act as a go between, but my Ex would never answer the phone. My Ex continued to call me on a regular basis, though, even though she was apparently afraid of me and had taken out a restraining order on me.
On March 19, 2009, I sent a letter to the court in Colorado in order to attempt to defend myself against the restraining order. You can read the letter here:
Judge Letter 3.19.09
On the day of the hearing, April 3, 2009, I was in my car when the phone rang. It was the judge in Colorado. The hearing was happening and he wanted to ask me some questions. I verified that everything in the letter that I had sent was accurate. The judge then informed me that my Ex did not show up for the hearing (big surprise) and that he was going to dismiss the case. He also told me that he was very upset that my Ex would use the Colorado legal system in such a manner and that based on all the evidence I sent to the court, the restraining order was frivolous.
So that was the end of that.
You are going to see in the future that my Ex has a history of taking out charges against me and never showing up in court. Today, she would be arrested for such behavior, but at the time she got away with it.
She got away with everything. She was never punished for taking the children out of state. She was never punished for the van. She has never been punished by the court for anything. In fact, she was even rewarded for abandoning the children when she received custody of them. Crazy, huh?
Anyhow, there is a lot more to tell as we have only reached March/April of 2009. While things are good for a little bit and I get to see my kids like I am supposed to, it doesn't stay that way for long. The saga will continue, my friends.
Please stay tuned!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Just the Way it is....
I know that all of you are anxiously awaiting the next installment in the disappearance of my children. However, because of a conversation my girlfriend and I had last night, I'm going to take a small break from that in order to get some things out there that I feel need to be said, and in some cases, repeated.
It has been over 3 years now since my Ex left me and our children and took off with her boyfriend. In that time, I have fought tooth and nail for what is right and what is best for my children. I have really been through some very trying times and have not even reached the tip of the iceberg in this blog yet.
Last night my girlfriend and I began a discussion about the way things SHOULD be. I don't really know how we got started on this subject, but as is always the case, at some point in every single day we end up talking about everything going on with my Ex and my children.
I have tried several times over the past 3+ years to mediate with my Ex and come to an agreement about things without having to constantly go to court. I even met with her at a restaurant once and we just talked and hammered things out.
No matter if it has been just her and I or if we have had others involved to act as intermediaries, the same thing always takes place. We are able to be civil and work things out regarding custody, visitation, child support, etc., etc., etc., and then the very next day....she changes her mind about every single thing we agreed on. Every time, without fail.
I feel that it is important for all of you reading this to know that I WANT things to be civil between us. Not only will it cause so much less stress in our lives, but it would be SO great for our children to see that we can get along with each other even if we aren't going to be together.
I need people to understand that I have tried and tried and tried to work things out with her amicably, without courtrooms and lawyers, and it just doesn't work. I don't know why that is because I can't read her mind, but all I know is that I have never been the one to go back on any agreement that we have made.
From my perspective, my Ex has had her mind on one thing and one thing only from the very moment that she left me and the kids and took off. Money. She began by taking all the money out of both of our bank accounts and continued from there. In court, the single most talked about thing is always money. Funny, huh? You would think the court would be concerned about the welfare, health, emotional stability, and stability in general of our children more than money, but go figure.
As I type this, court is looming once again. I have to say that I am sick and tired of going to court. I wish there would be no more court. The only reason that I filed the current contempt motion against her was because that was the only way I was going to get to see my children. And wouldn't you know that from the moment she found out that motion was filed, she has made sure I've had my kids each and every time I'm supposed to? I don't think that's just a coincidence.
So, we sat talking last night, and I said, "wouldn't it be nice if her and I could actually communicate on a civil level with each other? Wouldn't it be nice if she wasn't restricted from even coming onto our property? How amazing would it be if she could actually come inside our home and sit down and talk about the current things going on with the kids?"
That's the way it should be.
I should know how my kids are doing in school without having to jump through hoops to find out. I should know if someone is sick with pneumonia and is having daily nebulizer treatments when they are actually sick; not a week later when I see my kids.
I should be able to call my children every single day and actually be able to talk to them. I should be able to call my Ex if I need to and actually have a civil conversation with her about concerns that I have or concerns that she has. When one of my children is in trouble and gets grounded, I should be notified so that the punishment can continue when they are at my home instead of them just getting a free pass.
Yes, that's the way it should be. That's the way I would like for it to be.
But it's not, and probably never, ever will be.
The only way this could ever happen would be if my Ex could just let go. Just stop with the vindictiveness and the "out to get me" attitude that she still has over 3 years later. I would have thought by now that things would have changed. How long can a person continue to be so bitter towards another person? And when you add in the fact that I'm not even the one who caused the ultimate demise of our marriage, it sort of makes you wonder what it is that she is so bitter about.
Believe me, I have thought about the reason for her bitterness for so long now that I have given up trying to figure it out. I think that part of it is that she is angry at herself for doing what she did and for throwing away a pretty good life that she had. I think she is angry that I have totally moved on in my life and am extremely happy with the person that I am with and with my life in general (aside from court, that is).
Because she is so angry at herself for all of this, and because she still has yet to take any responsibility and has always blamed everything on everyone else (mostly me), I think she takes her anger out on me because I'm the biggest scapegoat.
Other than that, I'm at a loss. I would love to hear your suggestions on why you think she continues this way. I really just wish that she could live and let live.
We discussed inviting her over so that we could all sit down and talk, which is something that has never been done before. We would tell her she doesn't have to come alone if she doesn't feel comfortable. The conversation would mostly be about the kids and there would be no arguing or finger-pointing. I think it would be awesome to be able to do that and would probably blow my kid's minds, but I know that it will never happen.
So, tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear from you about this. What drives a person to be so bitter after so long? I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes I believe coming up with ways to get me is all she thinks about. I've actually witnessed the disturbing lengths she will go to in order to try and turn my life upside down, and will even involve other people if she has to. It really is mind-boggling.
Ahhhhh....but for the way it should be.
Next time I promise to continue on with the story and not keep you all waiting any longer. You really haven't seen anything yet!
**Oh, by the way. My youngest son ended up with ONE stitch. One stitch that my youngest daughter proceeded to pull out a couple of days later. I found this out this past weekend, which was the first time I saw, or spoke to, any of my children since the accident happened. Once again, a little civility on the part of my Ex would have been nice, but I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
It has been over 3 years now since my Ex left me and our children and took off with her boyfriend. In that time, I have fought tooth and nail for what is right and what is best for my children. I have really been through some very trying times and have not even reached the tip of the iceberg in this blog yet.
Last night my girlfriend and I began a discussion about the way things SHOULD be. I don't really know how we got started on this subject, but as is always the case, at some point in every single day we end up talking about everything going on with my Ex and my children.
I have tried several times over the past 3+ years to mediate with my Ex and come to an agreement about things without having to constantly go to court. I even met with her at a restaurant once and we just talked and hammered things out.
No matter if it has been just her and I or if we have had others involved to act as intermediaries, the same thing always takes place. We are able to be civil and work things out regarding custody, visitation, child support, etc., etc., etc., and then the very next day....she changes her mind about every single thing we agreed on. Every time, without fail.
I feel that it is important for all of you reading this to know that I WANT things to be civil between us. Not only will it cause so much less stress in our lives, but it would be SO great for our children to see that we can get along with each other even if we aren't going to be together.
I need people to understand that I have tried and tried and tried to work things out with her amicably, without courtrooms and lawyers, and it just doesn't work. I don't know why that is because I can't read her mind, but all I know is that I have never been the one to go back on any agreement that we have made.
From my perspective, my Ex has had her mind on one thing and one thing only from the very moment that she left me and the kids and took off. Money. She began by taking all the money out of both of our bank accounts and continued from there. In court, the single most talked about thing is always money. Funny, huh? You would think the court would be concerned about the welfare, health, emotional stability, and stability in general of our children more than money, but go figure.
As I type this, court is looming once again. I have to say that I am sick and tired of going to court. I wish there would be no more court. The only reason that I filed the current contempt motion against her was because that was the only way I was going to get to see my children. And wouldn't you know that from the moment she found out that motion was filed, she has made sure I've had my kids each and every time I'm supposed to? I don't think that's just a coincidence.
So, we sat talking last night, and I said, "wouldn't it be nice if her and I could actually communicate on a civil level with each other? Wouldn't it be nice if she wasn't restricted from even coming onto our property? How amazing would it be if she could actually come inside our home and sit down and talk about the current things going on with the kids?"
That's the way it should be.
I should know how my kids are doing in school without having to jump through hoops to find out. I should know if someone is sick with pneumonia and is having daily nebulizer treatments when they are actually sick; not a week later when I see my kids.
I should be able to call my children every single day and actually be able to talk to them. I should be able to call my Ex if I need to and actually have a civil conversation with her about concerns that I have or concerns that she has. When one of my children is in trouble and gets grounded, I should be notified so that the punishment can continue when they are at my home instead of them just getting a free pass.
Yes, that's the way it should be. That's the way I would like for it to be.
But it's not, and probably never, ever will be.
The only way this could ever happen would be if my Ex could just let go. Just stop with the vindictiveness and the "out to get me" attitude that she still has over 3 years later. I would have thought by now that things would have changed. How long can a person continue to be so bitter towards another person? And when you add in the fact that I'm not even the one who caused the ultimate demise of our marriage, it sort of makes you wonder what it is that she is so bitter about.
Believe me, I have thought about the reason for her bitterness for so long now that I have given up trying to figure it out. I think that part of it is that she is angry at herself for doing what she did and for throwing away a pretty good life that she had. I think she is angry that I have totally moved on in my life and am extremely happy with the person that I am with and with my life in general (aside from court, that is).
Because she is so angry at herself for all of this, and because she still has yet to take any responsibility and has always blamed everything on everyone else (mostly me), I think she takes her anger out on me because I'm the biggest scapegoat.
Other than that, I'm at a loss. I would love to hear your suggestions on why you think she continues this way. I really just wish that she could live and let live.
We discussed inviting her over so that we could all sit down and talk, which is something that has never been done before. We would tell her she doesn't have to come alone if she doesn't feel comfortable. The conversation would mostly be about the kids and there would be no arguing or finger-pointing. I think it would be awesome to be able to do that and would probably blow my kid's minds, but I know that it will never happen.
So, tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear from you about this. What drives a person to be so bitter after so long? I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes I believe coming up with ways to get me is all she thinks about. I've actually witnessed the disturbing lengths she will go to in order to try and turn my life upside down, and will even involve other people if she has to. It really is mind-boggling.
Ahhhhh....but for the way it should be.
Next time I promise to continue on with the story and not keep you all waiting any longer. You really haven't seen anything yet!
**Oh, by the way. My youngest son ended up with ONE stitch. One stitch that my youngest daughter proceeded to pull out a couple of days later. I found this out this past weekend, which was the first time I saw, or spoke to, any of my children since the accident happened. Once again, a little civility on the part of my Ex would have been nice, but I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Like Trying to Find a Needle in a Haystack
So, at this point in time, I had last spoken to my oldest child on February 12, 2009. Because I was having such a difficult time getting my Ex to return my calls so that I could speak to my other children, and because of the van found in the condition it was on the side of the road, I just knew that something very strange was going on. On top of that, I had received a message regarding my oldest child not being in school for several days and had received a letter from the DA's office regarding truancy charges that were being pursued.
So, on February 13, 2009, I called the elementary school to see if my children were in school that day. I was told that they were not. I was also told that my oldest child had been withdrawn from that school and that the school had received a request from the private Christian school for his transcripts so that he could be enrolled there.
I already posted the attendance records in a previous post that shows the days that my children missed from school, but it took some time to put all the pieces together. After going to the Christian school and speaking with them, I found out that my oldest child had been enrolled there since February 4, 2009 (I had absolutely no knowledge that this had happened).
My other children were still enrolled at the public elementary school, but again, had not been in school recently; therefore, my oldest child was the only child that anyone could account for in the last week, and then he disappeared as well.
During this time, I was sending text messages to my Ex to try and get her to drop off the title to the van that I was awarded in court. Getting this title was not extremely urgent to me, but I figured that at least I would know that she was still in the area if I could get her to drop it off. My thinking was that if she was still in the area, chances were that my kids were also somewhere nearby.
At first, she told me that she would drop the title off, but when I put a time limit on it, she refused and got hostile with me. I set it up so she could drop it off at a local business and wouldn't even have to see me, but I told her it had to be by a certain time because they close at that time. She accused me of threatening her and ultimately did not drop off the title.
My next move was to call a mutual friend of ours. I asked him to go to my Ex's house (he and his wife were still in close contact with my Ex) and see if she and my children were home and/or if they were still living there. Instead of just dropping by, he called her. She told him that they were not living at the "red house" any longer and hadn't been for over a week because she was afraid to stay there. She said that they were all at a McDonald's at the time and that the kids were fine.
I tried again to call my Ex so that I could speak to my kids and had to leave a voicemail. She finally texted me back and said "What do you want?" She then claimed that she had no minutes on her phone but could send text messages, which didn't make any sense at all. I texted her back and said "Call from your mom's then. I want to talk to my kids please. Thanks."
She texted back and said, "Later. I'm busy now. You can text them now." Well, I was not about to text my children. How would I even know who I was talking to? I told her, "No. I am not texting my kids. Who knows who I am texting? I want to speak to them right now. Go to your mom's and call me like you have before. Thanks."
She again stated that she was busy and would have them call later. I said, "Ok. Give me a time that you will be calling so I know when to expect their call. Thanks." She responded, "I don't know, just have your phone. Again, I'm busy."
I then texted and asked her why it was so difficult for her to give me a time when she would call and that I hadn't talked to them in 1.5 weeks (excluding my oldest). She never responded to me and I never got a phone call.
Little did I know that they weren't even in the state any longer...they were on the road, traveling far, far away.
The next day, I again texted my Ex and said that I wanted to speak to the kids. She never responded.
Since my worry was beginning to reach maximum heights, I began thinking of who I could call to find out where my kids actually were. I knew at that point that my Ex was lying to me. I couldn't prove anything yet,aside from the information I received that they were not living at the "red house" any longer, but my gut was letting me know that something was very wrong and there was major deception going on.
On Saturday, February 14, 2009, after unsuccessfully trying to reach my children again, my next call was to my Ex's grandmother. She normally keeps in close contact with my Ex's mother, and because I had had no success in reaching my Ex's mother yet, I decided to give her a call. I recorded the conversation, just like every conversation, and really did not get much information from her except the continuing feeling that I was being lied to.
She told me that she had no idea what was going on with my Ex or where the children were or if they were even ok.
My next call was to my Ex's mother. I had tried to call her before, but she never returned my calls. I left a message this time stating, "It's 8:30 on Saturday. I need to know if you know where (Ex's name) and the kids are. I haven't talked to them in 2 weeks or seen them. I don't even know if they are alive right now. Could you please give me a call before I have to get the police involved in this? Please give me a call." I left my phone number (even though she had it already) and said thanks.
At 9:22 p.m. that same night, my Ex's mother called me back. Again, I recorded the conversation. I asked her if she knew where my Ex and the kids were. She said she didn't know. She said she had seen my Ex at the school (Christian school) on Thursday afternoon. I asked her if my Ex and the children were still living at the "red house". She responded that she didn't know what I meant.
Now, let me pause for a moment here and let the obvious sink in. "Didn't know what I meant?!?" The "red house" is a house that is located on my Ex's parent's property. It has always been referred to as "the red house". She knew exactly what I meant, but you see, my Ex's mother won't lie...so she did the only thing she could do and dodged the question.
I asked her again and she then said that all of my Ex's stuff was still there. I asked her if my Ex and the kids were still staying there at night. She said that she knew that my Ex and the kids did not stay there over the weekend (I'm not sure what weekend she was referring to since this conversation took place on a Saturday).
She then told me that she would let my Ex know that I called the next time she spoke with her. I know that she was wanting to end the conversation at that point, but I was not finished yet. I asked her if my Ex's boyfriend (the one she left me for) was still staying at the "red house" with my Ex and my kids. She said that he wasn't. She then said that she knew he had been staying down there but that he was not there any longer. She also admitted that she knew exactly who this guy was.
I then asked her if she knew if my kids were okay because I had not seen them or talked to them in 2 weeks and I was very worried about them. This is when the conversation took a turn....
She told me that it was not true that I hadn't talked to them in 2 weeks. So, for accuracy, I corrected myself and said, "Okay, a week and a half, but will be 2 weeks on this upcoming Wednesday." I told her that my Ex was alienating my children from me. I asked her if she was aware of that, and she said that she wasn't. I again repeated that I hadn't seen or spoken to them in a week and a half and that for all I knew they were dead. She told me then that she had seen my Ex and the kids on Thursday evening.
I asked her if she knew what was going on with my Ex and the kids, and she told me that she did not understand what I was asking. I then told her that my Ex had been acting very strange, giving the impression that something was going on. She then stated that she didn't know what I meant and accused me of threatening her regarding calling the police.
She then told me to hold on a minute, and then hung up on me.
The next day, Sunday, I again tried to call my Ex so that I could talk to my kids. I got a message that her voice mailbox was full, so I couldn't even leave a message. I tried to text, but, well that didn't do any good either.
Monday was more of the same. Full mailbox, no answers to text messages.
On Tuesday, February 17, 2009, we had a court hearing. My Ex did not show up. No one knew where she was, including her lawyer. They had tried to call her and she would not answer the phone, and again, her voice mailbox was full.
It was at that point, when she didn't show up for court, that I decided it really was time to get the police involved. After court that day, my friend and I went to the Sheriff's Department to attempt to file missing person's reports for my Ex and all of my children. After all, the last time anyone claims to have seen them was the prior Thursday, 5 days earlier. On top of that, I had attendance records showing that they had not been in school for even longer than that.
We went to the Sheriff and took photos of the kids and descriptions. We took text messages and my recordings of phone calls along with the attendance records from the schools. I talked to them at length and they honestly seemed very concerned about my kids. They said that they were going to investigate thoroughly. They told me that they were going to go and interview my Ex's mother and see if she had any information.
They ended up going to my Ex's mother's workplace to talk to her. The police told me that she did not seem concerned at all even though the none of the children had been in school since February 4th. She said that she didn't know where they were but that she had spoken to my Ex the previous Saturday.
They then told me that because my Ex had primary physical custody of the kids, this was a civil matter and I would have to talk to my lawyer and go to court. They said they would go no further to investigate.
Um...let me get this straight. FIVE children and their mother pretty much vanish off the face of the earth and the police will do NOTHING?? Nice, huh?
I called the schools that day and found out, again, that no one was in school. I tried to call my Ex, and this time the phone was disconnected completely.
So, it's now February 18, 2009, and I receive a call from the detective at the Sheriff's Department telling me that my Ex had called them and assured them that the children were okay. She would not say where they were. Again the children were not in school that day, and the detective would not give me anymore information.
I was on my own. I went to my lawyer and wanted to file for temporary emergency custody of my children and also file charges for parental kidnapping. My lawyer's response? "Well, she will surface eventually and we will get her then."
If I have any advice to offer at all regarding this entry, it is this:
If your attorney will not act on your behalf, ESPECIALLY when the situation is as dire as mine was, find another attorney. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Fire your lawyer and go to another and another until you find one who will help you. Hindsight is always 20/20, so I'm hoping to save someone out there from having to look back, saying "if only I had...."
Next time you read, I will finally find out where they all are, through crazy circumstances. Now that I think of it, has anything been normal yet?
Thanks for reading. See you on the flip side.
So, on February 13, 2009, I called the elementary school to see if my children were in school that day. I was told that they were not. I was also told that my oldest child had been withdrawn from that school and that the school had received a request from the private Christian school for his transcripts so that he could be enrolled there.
I already posted the attendance records in a previous post that shows the days that my children missed from school, but it took some time to put all the pieces together. After going to the Christian school and speaking with them, I found out that my oldest child had been enrolled there since February 4, 2009 (I had absolutely no knowledge that this had happened).
My other children were still enrolled at the public elementary school, but again, had not been in school recently; therefore, my oldest child was the only child that anyone could account for in the last week, and then he disappeared as well.
During this time, I was sending text messages to my Ex to try and get her to drop off the title to the van that I was awarded in court. Getting this title was not extremely urgent to me, but I figured that at least I would know that she was still in the area if I could get her to drop it off. My thinking was that if she was still in the area, chances were that my kids were also somewhere nearby.
At first, she told me that she would drop the title off, but when I put a time limit on it, she refused and got hostile with me. I set it up so she could drop it off at a local business and wouldn't even have to see me, but I told her it had to be by a certain time because they close at that time. She accused me of threatening her and ultimately did not drop off the title.
My next move was to call a mutual friend of ours. I asked him to go to my Ex's house (he and his wife were still in close contact with my Ex) and see if she and my children were home and/or if they were still living there. Instead of just dropping by, he called her. She told him that they were not living at the "red house" any longer and hadn't been for over a week because she was afraid to stay there. She said that they were all at a McDonald's at the time and that the kids were fine.
I tried again to call my Ex so that I could speak to my kids and had to leave a voicemail. She finally texted me back and said "What do you want?" She then claimed that she had no minutes on her phone but could send text messages, which didn't make any sense at all. I texted her back and said "Call from your mom's then. I want to talk to my kids please. Thanks."
She texted back and said, "Later. I'm busy now. You can text them now." Well, I was not about to text my children. How would I even know who I was talking to? I told her, "No. I am not texting my kids. Who knows who I am texting? I want to speak to them right now. Go to your mom's and call me like you have before. Thanks."
She again stated that she was busy and would have them call later. I said, "Ok. Give me a time that you will be calling so I know when to expect their call. Thanks." She responded, "I don't know, just have your phone. Again, I'm busy."
I then texted and asked her why it was so difficult for her to give me a time when she would call and that I hadn't talked to them in 1.5 weeks (excluding my oldest). She never responded to me and I never got a phone call.
Little did I know that they weren't even in the state any longer...they were on the road, traveling far, far away.
The next day, I again texted my Ex and said that I wanted to speak to the kids. She never responded.
Since my worry was beginning to reach maximum heights, I began thinking of who I could call to find out where my kids actually were. I knew at that point that my Ex was lying to me. I couldn't prove anything yet,aside from the information I received that they were not living at the "red house" any longer, but my gut was letting me know that something was very wrong and there was major deception going on.
On Saturday, February 14, 2009, after unsuccessfully trying to reach my children again, my next call was to my Ex's grandmother. She normally keeps in close contact with my Ex's mother, and because I had had no success in reaching my Ex's mother yet, I decided to give her a call. I recorded the conversation, just like every conversation, and really did not get much information from her except the continuing feeling that I was being lied to.
She told me that she had no idea what was going on with my Ex or where the children were or if they were even ok.
My next call was to my Ex's mother. I had tried to call her before, but she never returned my calls. I left a message this time stating, "It's 8:30 on Saturday. I need to know if you know where (Ex's name) and the kids are. I haven't talked to them in 2 weeks or seen them. I don't even know if they are alive right now. Could you please give me a call before I have to get the police involved in this? Please give me a call." I left my phone number (even though she had it already) and said thanks.
At 9:22 p.m. that same night, my Ex's mother called me back. Again, I recorded the conversation. I asked her if she knew where my Ex and the kids were. She said she didn't know. She said she had seen my Ex at the school (Christian school) on Thursday afternoon. I asked her if my Ex and the children were still living at the "red house". She responded that she didn't know what I meant.
Now, let me pause for a moment here and let the obvious sink in. "Didn't know what I meant?!?" The "red house" is a house that is located on my Ex's parent's property. It has always been referred to as "the red house". She knew exactly what I meant, but you see, my Ex's mother won't lie...so she did the only thing she could do and dodged the question.
I asked her again and she then said that all of my Ex's stuff was still there. I asked her if my Ex and the kids were still staying there at night. She said that she knew that my Ex and the kids did not stay there over the weekend (I'm not sure what weekend she was referring to since this conversation took place on a Saturday).
She then told me that she would let my Ex know that I called the next time she spoke with her. I know that she was wanting to end the conversation at that point, but I was not finished yet. I asked her if my Ex's boyfriend (the one she left me for) was still staying at the "red house" with my Ex and my kids. She said that he wasn't. She then said that she knew he had been staying down there but that he was not there any longer. She also admitted that she knew exactly who this guy was.
I then asked her if she knew if my kids were okay because I had not seen them or talked to them in 2 weeks and I was very worried about them. This is when the conversation took a turn....
She told me that it was not true that I hadn't talked to them in 2 weeks. So, for accuracy, I corrected myself and said, "Okay, a week and a half, but will be 2 weeks on this upcoming Wednesday." I told her that my Ex was alienating my children from me. I asked her if she was aware of that, and she said that she wasn't. I again repeated that I hadn't seen or spoken to them in a week and a half and that for all I knew they were dead. She told me then that she had seen my Ex and the kids on Thursday evening.
I asked her if she knew what was going on with my Ex and the kids, and she told me that she did not understand what I was asking. I then told her that my Ex had been acting very strange, giving the impression that something was going on. She then stated that she didn't know what I meant and accused me of threatening her regarding calling the police.
She then told me to hold on a minute, and then hung up on me.
The next day, Sunday, I again tried to call my Ex so that I could talk to my kids. I got a message that her voice mailbox was full, so I couldn't even leave a message. I tried to text, but, well that didn't do any good either.
Monday was more of the same. Full mailbox, no answers to text messages.
On Tuesday, February 17, 2009, we had a court hearing. My Ex did not show up. No one knew where she was, including her lawyer. They had tried to call her and she would not answer the phone, and again, her voice mailbox was full.
It was at that point, when she didn't show up for court, that I decided it really was time to get the police involved. After court that day, my friend and I went to the Sheriff's Department to attempt to file missing person's reports for my Ex and all of my children. After all, the last time anyone claims to have seen them was the prior Thursday, 5 days earlier. On top of that, I had attendance records showing that they had not been in school for even longer than that.
We went to the Sheriff and took photos of the kids and descriptions. We took text messages and my recordings of phone calls along with the attendance records from the schools. I talked to them at length and they honestly seemed very concerned about my kids. They said that they were going to investigate thoroughly. They told me that they were going to go and interview my Ex's mother and see if she had any information.
They ended up going to my Ex's mother's workplace to talk to her. The police told me that she did not seem concerned at all even though the none of the children had been in school since February 4th. She said that she didn't know where they were but that she had spoken to my Ex the previous Saturday.
They then told me that because my Ex had primary physical custody of the kids, this was a civil matter and I would have to talk to my lawyer and go to court. They said they would go no further to investigate.
Um...let me get this straight. FIVE children and their mother pretty much vanish off the face of the earth and the police will do NOTHING?? Nice, huh?
I called the schools that day and found out, again, that no one was in school. I tried to call my Ex, and this time the phone was disconnected completely.
So, it's now February 18, 2009, and I receive a call from the detective at the Sheriff's Department telling me that my Ex had called them and assured them that the children were okay. She would not say where they were. Again the children were not in school that day, and the detective would not give me anymore information.
I was on my own. I went to my lawyer and wanted to file for temporary emergency custody of my children and also file charges for parental kidnapping. My lawyer's response? "Well, she will surface eventually and we will get her then."
If I have any advice to offer at all regarding this entry, it is this:
If your attorney will not act on your behalf, ESPECIALLY when the situation is as dire as mine was, find another attorney. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Fire your lawyer and go to another and another until you find one who will help you. Hindsight is always 20/20, so I'm hoping to save someone out there from having to look back, saying "if only I had...."
Next time you read, I will finally find out where they all are, through crazy circumstances. Now that I think of it, has anything been normal yet?
Thanks for reading. See you on the flip side.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Boys Will Be Boys
Before I continue telling you about the disappearance of my children, I feel that it is important to document what happened this past weekend, not only to demonstrate the craziness that continues to be my life, but to get it all down before the details become fuzzy.
Getting my children here was, as seems is the norm these days, a struggle. Ultimately, they were brought by my Ex, as per court order, on Thursday afternoon. My Ex discovered that I filed a contempt motion against her regarding my visitation, so I assume she figured she had better start complying with the court order.
I wouldn't think the motion of contempt had so much to do with her decision to comply with the court order if I hadn't been down this road so many times before.
Anyhow, my kids spent Thursday night and all weekend here and they had a great time. As usual, they played a lot of games, colored, read books, played outside, and oh, did their dreaded chores.
On Sunday afternoon, they were to get picked up at 4 p.m. At about 3:15, my three boys went outside to play with their Nerf guns. At approximately 3:45 I went to call them inside so they could put their toys away and make sure they had everything they needed before they left.
When I opened the door to call them in, I heard my youngest (6-year-old) screaming. The other two boys were saying he got hurt and I needed to come quick. It wasn't until I got over to him that I realized he didn't just fall down or something...he was bleeding. Bad.
All I knew to do was grab the tail of his shirt and hold it up to the side of his face, where blood was coming out at a pretty steady rate. I scooped him up and brought him inside and called to my girlfriend. I don't deal with blood very well and she is very good with caring for injuries.
While my girlfriend began assessing his injury and was talking to him trying to get him to calm down (he was pretty hysterical), I asked my other two boys what happened.
They told me that they were playing a game outside with their Nerf guns and my oldest was running around the house in one direction and my youngest was running around the house in the opposite direction. My oldest collided with my youngest by accident because he didn't see him until it was too late. The end of my oldest son's Nerf gun hit my youngest on the side of his face, approximately 1/2 inch away from the corner of his eye.
Boys will be boys, right? Injuries are bound to happen, and this was another one to put in the books. It wasn't as if this was the first injury any of my children had suffered while playing, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
My girlfriend cleaned the wound and was able to get the bleeding stopped and bandaged it up as best she could with what we had on hand. We gave him an ice pack and got his clothes changed because they had a lot of blood on them. My girlfriend was phenomenal at calming him down and assuring him that he was going to be just fine. We then gave him a popsicle because he was being very, very brave.
We knew, by the looks of the cut, that it was probably in need of stitches. It was a pretty wide cut, and since it was in his face, the only way it would heal well and him not have a nasty scar would be for a doctor to sew it closed.
Since my Ex was due to arrive at any moment, a text message was sent to her letting her know what happened and the actions that we took. I text her nearly 100% of the time now for a few reasons.
The first reason is because I generally don't like speaking to her because it can never just be a normal conversation.
The second is that she doesn't answer the phone if my number calls her. Lately she doesn't even answer if the kids are here and try to call her.
The last reason that I chose a text on that day was that even if I did call and she didn't answer, there was no way to leave a message stating what happened because she doesn't have voicemail; has never set it up.
Anyhow, a text message was sent stating: "Child #5 was playing outside and he and Child #1 had a collision. Child #5 got a pretty deep cut next to his eye. We bandaged it and he has ice on it, but you may want to have it looked at. It was an accident and he is OK, but will probably have a black eye."
Before I could press send, the kids were saying their mom was across the street....that's how fast everything happened.
I sent the kids to their mom and my oldest carried my youngest across the street when I told them it was okay to cross.
I didn't hear anything for a few hours, but had told my oldest daughter to tell her mom that I wanted to know if he went to the doctor and what happened. He was on my mind big time all afternoon. I remember thinking how grateful I was that the gun had not been 1/2 inch to the left...it would have hit him directly in the eye.
I finally received a text from my Ex that said this:
"Thanks for walking your son across the street like you're supposed to. And tell (girlfriend's name here) it wasn't OK because he had to get stitches."
I will now clarify the crossing the street issue so there is no confusion.
For the past several months, since my Ex got in trouble for trespassing at my work, she is not allowed to come on any property that my boss owns. This includes my house, which we rent from my bosses company.
Because of this, my Ex has to drop the kids off and pick them up across the street from where we live. At first, I was walking across to pick them up and walking across to drop them off. This makes me (and my girlfriend) very uncomfortable for reasons you have yet to hear.
Since the road is only 2 lanes, I began walking to the side of the road with them and telling them when it is safe to cross (no traffic). Their mom is on the other side of the road waiting for them. It is a 2 lane road and the distance they have to cross is only about 15-20 feet. I always stand and watch to make sure they make it across safely and could run out at any moment if need be.
The last few times my Ex has dropped the kids off, she has sent them across the street alone. In fact, this past Thursday and Friday when they got dropped off, my girlfriend saw her pull in and went to get her shoes on to walk over to get them. Before she could get out the front door, my kids walked in, so it was assumed that telling them when it was okay to cross and watching them go across was fine.
Since my Ex brought my girlfriend into the situation with the text she sent, my girlfriend responded via my phone. She identified herself and said the following:
"This is (girlfriend's name here). I never said the cut was OK. In fact, I said you would probably want to have it looked at. I bandaged it the best I could since it happened right before you came. Otherwise, we would have taken him to the hospital. And you let them cross the street alone so that is not an issue. Child #1 even carried him."
In hindsight, my girlfriend probably should not have responded. In all actuality, I should not have responded either, because it never goes well, but it really bothered both of us, so humans will be human.
This is the response from my Ex:
"I don't have a choice but to let them cross by themselves because you are too lazy to get up off your butts off the porch, and I can't cross because you are scared of me and you are wanting me to get arrested. My baby was hurt and in pain. The doctors and nurses were shocked at your actions and disregard for his safety. He needed stitches. Tell your boyfriend."
So there you go. As I already stated, she let them cross the street on her own accord before anyone could come outside to get them. And we don't want her to get arrested; the reason she can't cross is from her own doing, but somehow is all my fault. The part about us being scared of her? Yeah...that part is true. After all this time, we are both afraid of things that she will do or say in order to cause problems because we have witnessed the lengths she will go to.
I ask you...what else could we have done? The answer is nothing. NOTHING. Even if I had put him in the car immediately (with his mom across the street waiting for him) and rushed him to the ER, it wouldn't have been the right decision.
I tried to call my kids that night, specifically to talk to my youngest to find out how he was feeling, but my calls and texts were never returned. Go figure.
Normally when there is irrationality, we don't respond to it at all, but in this case, I felt it was needed. My Ex was basically saying that we neglected him in his time of need and put him in danger, which was not true. You have to defend yourself sometimes, even if it falls on deaf ears. All I know is that my girlfriend and I did everything that could possibly be done for him at that moment. We then turned him over to his mother and knew that she would make sure he got any additional care he needed.
It would have been nice if my Ex could have let me know, calmly, that he needed stitches and that he was doing OK, but I guess that is too much to hope for. Instead there were accusations and innuendos, as usual.
I still haven't spoken to my son or any of my other children. They are supposed to come tomorrow for my visitation, but whether they arrive or not is any-one's guess. I can only wait...and wait...and wait. That is my life. Waiting for the right thing to be done.
This blog post was supposed to be about the disappearance of my children and my search to find them. I find it sad and frustrating that an entire blog post can be taken up by telling you about an injury that my child suffered. It shouldn't be this way.
Next blog, I promise to continue along the lines of continuity here. Please stay tuned!!
Getting my children here was, as seems is the norm these days, a struggle. Ultimately, they were brought by my Ex, as per court order, on Thursday afternoon. My Ex discovered that I filed a contempt motion against her regarding my visitation, so I assume she figured she had better start complying with the court order.
I wouldn't think the motion of contempt had so much to do with her decision to comply with the court order if I hadn't been down this road so many times before.
Anyhow, my kids spent Thursday night and all weekend here and they had a great time. As usual, they played a lot of games, colored, read books, played outside, and oh, did their dreaded chores.
On Sunday afternoon, they were to get picked up at 4 p.m. At about 3:15, my three boys went outside to play with their Nerf guns. At approximately 3:45 I went to call them inside so they could put their toys away and make sure they had everything they needed before they left.
When I opened the door to call them in, I heard my youngest (6-year-old) screaming. The other two boys were saying he got hurt and I needed to come quick. It wasn't until I got over to him that I realized he didn't just fall down or something...he was bleeding. Bad.
All I knew to do was grab the tail of his shirt and hold it up to the side of his face, where blood was coming out at a pretty steady rate. I scooped him up and brought him inside and called to my girlfriend. I don't deal with blood very well and she is very good with caring for injuries.
While my girlfriend began assessing his injury and was talking to him trying to get him to calm down (he was pretty hysterical), I asked my other two boys what happened.
They told me that they were playing a game outside with their Nerf guns and my oldest was running around the house in one direction and my youngest was running around the house in the opposite direction. My oldest collided with my youngest by accident because he didn't see him until it was too late. The end of my oldest son's Nerf gun hit my youngest on the side of his face, approximately 1/2 inch away from the corner of his eye.
Boys will be boys, right? Injuries are bound to happen, and this was another one to put in the books. It wasn't as if this was the first injury any of my children had suffered while playing, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
My girlfriend cleaned the wound and was able to get the bleeding stopped and bandaged it up as best she could with what we had on hand. We gave him an ice pack and got his clothes changed because they had a lot of blood on them. My girlfriend was phenomenal at calming him down and assuring him that he was going to be just fine. We then gave him a popsicle because he was being very, very brave.
We knew, by the looks of the cut, that it was probably in need of stitches. It was a pretty wide cut, and since it was in his face, the only way it would heal well and him not have a nasty scar would be for a doctor to sew it closed.
Since my Ex was due to arrive at any moment, a text message was sent to her letting her know what happened and the actions that we took. I text her nearly 100% of the time now for a few reasons.
The first reason is because I generally don't like speaking to her because it can never just be a normal conversation.
The second is that she doesn't answer the phone if my number calls her. Lately she doesn't even answer if the kids are here and try to call her.
The last reason that I chose a text on that day was that even if I did call and she didn't answer, there was no way to leave a message stating what happened because she doesn't have voicemail; has never set it up.
Anyhow, a text message was sent stating: "Child #5 was playing outside and he and Child #1 had a collision. Child #5 got a pretty deep cut next to his eye. We bandaged it and he has ice on it, but you may want to have it looked at. It was an accident and he is OK, but will probably have a black eye."
Before I could press send, the kids were saying their mom was across the street....that's how fast everything happened.
I sent the kids to their mom and my oldest carried my youngest across the street when I told them it was okay to cross.
I didn't hear anything for a few hours, but had told my oldest daughter to tell her mom that I wanted to know if he went to the doctor and what happened. He was on my mind big time all afternoon. I remember thinking how grateful I was that the gun had not been 1/2 inch to the left...it would have hit him directly in the eye.
I finally received a text from my Ex that said this:
"Thanks for walking your son across the street like you're supposed to. And tell (girlfriend's name here) it wasn't OK because he had to get stitches."
I will now clarify the crossing the street issue so there is no confusion.
For the past several months, since my Ex got in trouble for trespassing at my work, she is not allowed to come on any property that my boss owns. This includes my house, which we rent from my bosses company.
Because of this, my Ex has to drop the kids off and pick them up across the street from where we live. At first, I was walking across to pick them up and walking across to drop them off. This makes me (and my girlfriend) very uncomfortable for reasons you have yet to hear.
Since the road is only 2 lanes, I began walking to the side of the road with them and telling them when it is safe to cross (no traffic). Their mom is on the other side of the road waiting for them. It is a 2 lane road and the distance they have to cross is only about 15-20 feet. I always stand and watch to make sure they make it across safely and could run out at any moment if need be.
The last few times my Ex has dropped the kids off, she has sent them across the street alone. In fact, this past Thursday and Friday when they got dropped off, my girlfriend saw her pull in and went to get her shoes on to walk over to get them. Before she could get out the front door, my kids walked in, so it was assumed that telling them when it was okay to cross and watching them go across was fine.
Since my Ex brought my girlfriend into the situation with the text she sent, my girlfriend responded via my phone. She identified herself and said the following:
"This is (girlfriend's name here). I never said the cut was OK. In fact, I said you would probably want to have it looked at. I bandaged it the best I could since it happened right before you came. Otherwise, we would have taken him to the hospital. And you let them cross the street alone so that is not an issue. Child #1 even carried him."
In hindsight, my girlfriend probably should not have responded. In all actuality, I should not have responded either, because it never goes well, but it really bothered both of us, so humans will be human.
This is the response from my Ex:
"I don't have a choice but to let them cross by themselves because you are too lazy to get up off your butts off the porch, and I can't cross because you are scared of me and you are wanting me to get arrested. My baby was hurt and in pain. The doctors and nurses were shocked at your actions and disregard for his safety. He needed stitches. Tell your boyfriend."
So there you go. As I already stated, she let them cross the street on her own accord before anyone could come outside to get them. And we don't want her to get arrested; the reason she can't cross is from her own doing, but somehow is all my fault. The part about us being scared of her? Yeah...that part is true. After all this time, we are both afraid of things that she will do or say in order to cause problems because we have witnessed the lengths she will go to.
I ask you...what else could we have done? The answer is nothing. NOTHING. Even if I had put him in the car immediately (with his mom across the street waiting for him) and rushed him to the ER, it wouldn't have been the right decision.
I tried to call my kids that night, specifically to talk to my youngest to find out how he was feeling, but my calls and texts were never returned. Go figure.
Normally when there is irrationality, we don't respond to it at all, but in this case, I felt it was needed. My Ex was basically saying that we neglected him in his time of need and put him in danger, which was not true. You have to defend yourself sometimes, even if it falls on deaf ears. All I know is that my girlfriend and I did everything that could possibly be done for him at that moment. We then turned him over to his mother and knew that she would make sure he got any additional care he needed.
It would have been nice if my Ex could have let me know, calmly, that he needed stitches and that he was doing OK, but I guess that is too much to hope for. Instead there were accusations and innuendos, as usual.
I still haven't spoken to my son or any of my other children. They are supposed to come tomorrow for my visitation, but whether they arrive or not is any-one's guess. I can only wait...and wait...and wait. That is my life. Waiting for the right thing to be done.
This blog post was supposed to be about the disappearance of my children and my search to find them. I find it sad and frustrating that an entire blog post can be taken up by telling you about an injury that my child suffered. It shouldn't be this way.
Next blog, I promise to continue along the lines of continuity here. Please stay tuned!!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
What the Heck is Going on Here?!?!
At some point near the end of January/beginning of February, my Ex and I went to court to discuss interim distribution. Basically, what she wanted to take from the house and what I wanted to keep.
During that time, she testified in court that the minivan that she was driving (which was in both our names) was broken and unable to be used at all. She asked the judge if she could have my old pickup truck. Mind you, it only seated 3 people, so I'm not sure what good it would do with 5 kids, but anyway.
The judge said that she could have the pickup and that I was to take the title to the vehicle and drop it off at her attorney's office.
Well, that was all well and good except for the fact that I had purchased a large SUV to carry all my kids around in when she was splitsville and I had custody of them. I did this because I knew that the van was on its last legs and since I knew I was going to go through a divorce, I wanted to get something that I could transport all my children in while my credit was still good enough to do so.
After the child support order was entered and I had to rob Peter to pay Paul for everything, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I lost my car because I wouldn't be able to pay for it anymore.
After the judge said she could have the truck, I stood up (my lawyer just sat there so I kind of took over). I explained that I would soon be losing my vehicle and that if she was going to take my truck I would be left with no transportation. I said that I would gladly take the van off her hands...since she testified that it didn't work anyway.
The judge agreed and awarded me the van. My Ex FLIPPED OUT! She began yelling at her attorney and told him that he was FIRED, and how DARE he let this happen. All this in front of the judge.
This was the first time I stood up for myself in court, and it worked in my favor. So, there is your lesson for today. If your lawyer isn't getting the job done, TAKE OVER and fight for yourself. Sometimes, it works!
I found it odd, and a little funny, that she threw such a huge fit (I'm talking HUGE temper tantrum) and fired her lawyer on the spot because she lost a van that didn't even work anymore. Or did it.....
She was ordered to turn the title over to my attorney and then we would make arrangements to exchange the vehicles. Of course, getting this to happen was like pulling teeth.
So, I was really shocked when on February 12, 2009 at 2:07 p.m. I received a call from the local police department.
From my journal: "I received a phone call from the **** Police Department at 2:07 p.m. informing me that my 2000 Ford Windstar van was on the side of XYZ Road. They stated that I needed to come and get it or it would be towed to impound at my expense. I informed them that the van belonged to my Ex. The police said they already spoke to my Ex and that she said the van was awarded to me by the judge (however, there was no court order yet and I did not have the title or possession of the van), so it was my problem."
I sent my Ex a text message at 3:03 p.m. and said that I wanted the keys to the van that she abandoned. She responded and confirmed the location of the van, stating the street that it was parked on. That told me that she knew where it was and that she had been driving it, even after she testified in court that it was broken.
Anyhow, I drove out to the location of the van and took my friend (a.k.a. the nanny) along with me. We found the van on the side of the road with the hood open.
Upon looking inside, we found the key in the ignition, but the van would not start. We then found that the driver's side rear and both passenger side tires were flat. When we looked closer, we saw the slash marks in the sidewalls of the tires:
Not only were the tires slashed, but the van was COMPLETELY cleaned out. Now, for most people a clean vehicle would not spark suspicion, but for me it was very odd. You see, at least once a month I would have to take all the seats out of that van and use a shovel to clean all the trash, and whatever else, out of it. So, when I saw it so clean, I was perplexed, to say the least.
Last but not least, there was one of those hard plastic storage containers attached to the roof as if someone might have been on their way somewhere:
There was absolutely no paperwork in the van at all, not even the registration or insurance information. In fact, I think the only thing that remained in the van was an empty drink cup.
The license plate was also gone off the back.
I had to call the police after I got there to have them send an officer out because I wanted to file a police report. The officer arrived and I basically had to force him to take the report. He said that because the van was registered to both my Ex and I, there wasn't anything he could do. He said that if my Ex did cause the damage to the vehicle that technically it was her vehicle and she could do what she wanted to it. I ultimately got him to make a report, but he refused to list her as a suspect.
Van Police Report 2.12.09
The officer informed me that he had seen the van on the side of the road the day before with the hood open and that the license plate had been on the van at that time. The day that I was called to come and get the van (the next day) the plates were gone. The officer called the DMV and found out that the plates had been turned in by my Ex.
So, I guess that since she was so ticked off because the judge awarded me the van, she said "well, here ya go...here it is!!"
I had to have the van towed on a roll-back to my house.
At 3:57 p.m., I tried to call to talk to my children. My oldest was the only one that was with his mom. Every time I would ask him a question there would be a long pause as if he was telling his mom everything I was saying and was getting coached on his answers. My oldest later told me that this was a prank that his mother was pulling. She put my oldest on the phone and then would take the phone, listen to what I was saying, and then laugh. Nice, huh?
I asked my oldest if he had been sick and missed school and he told me that he hadn't. However, when I was talking to him, I already knew that he had missed school since February 3 (this was February 12). I asked my oldest where all his brothers and sisters were and he said "beats me".
I then got on the phone with my Ex and asked her if my oldest had been sick and she said that he hadn't. I asked her who had been sick and she wanted to know why I was asking. I told her that they were my kids and I was concerned for them. She then told me that all of my children (except my oldest) had been sick.
My Ex then called me at 4:08 p.m. and left a very, very long message where she was just ranting and raving about random things and making wild accusations. She stated that I had sabotaged her job. I'm really not sure how I did this since I wasn't even completely sure that she was even working at the time, so therefore had no idea where she was actually employed. I'm guessing that she meant that because she had to spend so much time in court she lost her job. That still wasn't my fault though, because she was the one that continuously filed court papers. The only time anything was filed against her was when the nanny took out the restraining order and then I filed contempt charges for being denied my visitation. But none of that had been heard in court yet.
She also claimed I was sabotaging her vehicle. See, she had another car aside from the van. Apparently someone had slashed her tires on that car and punched a hole in the radiator with a screwdriver while it was sitting in her driveway. Of course she blamed me for it, and even claimed that the police were investigating the matter (I was never questioned about it and never heard another word about it from her). It could not possibly have been her boyfriend, who had a violent temper and a criminal record, could it? Oh, did I forget to mention that she had this guy pretty much living with her and my kids? This is the guy she left me for, abandoned the kids for, and disappeared for 5 months to Colorado with. But no, it couldn't be him, right?
She whined and complained about the van, stating that she wanted to get it fixed and keep it and now I was making her life difficult (again she used the word sabotage) because I knew that she couldn't transport all the kids in the pickup truck. But wait....the JUDGE said I could have the van. So again, I'm failing to see how any of this was my fault. She said that I was trying to make it impossible for her to properly care for the kids so that the judge would take them away from her and give them back to me.
Then she went on to say that she didn't mind me talking to the kids (!) but that they didn't want to see me because they were scared of me. She again accused me of hitting my oldest daughter, which was another lie. Even my daughter said that I never hit her. She accused me of being an alcoholic because she saw a few empty beer cans in the trash on one occasion when she showed up unannounced and was harassing the nanny. She said she hoped I went to AA or got some other kind of help, then said I had even put the nanny, whom she referred to as my "drinking buddy" up to taking out the restraining order on her. Wow! She said toward the end of the call that she would call later and let me talk to all the kids. I have it all recorded, but obviously cannot put that recording on here, although I wish I could.
I tried calling her back at 4:23 p.m. and she immediately hung up on me. I called again at 4:24 and got no answer. I left her a message and told her that she said I could speak to the children so she needed to call me back and let me talk to them. I called one last time at 6:52 p.m. and again left a message asking to speak to my children. No one ever returned my call.
Let me explain to you why I was so very concerned about my kids and why I wanted to actually speak to them to know they were ok.
First of all, the van had been found abandoned on the side of the road with 3 tires slashed and completely cleaned out. It was as if the occupants inside just vanished off the face of the earth. I was truly worried about where they were and what happened to them because I knew that my kids had not been in school lately.
Secondly, I knew that the guy that had been living with them was a bad dude. Don't get me wrong, I WISH that my Ex would find someone to keep her occupied and give her something else to focus her time on, but this guy was truly bad news and I didn't feel comfortable having him around my children. When I asked my Ex if I could at least meet him so that I would know who was spending all this time with my kids, she said absolutely not, no way.
It started with the phone call I received from my oldest son's teacher asking if he was okay because he had missed school. As the month progressed, I began going to the school and talking directly with the principal. I then received these:
First Notice From School 2.20.09
These were official notices I received from the elementary school that 3 of my children attended.
Then, I received these two letters; one was from the school social worker to the district attorney, and the other was the response from the district attorney. They were going to press truancy charges and issue warrants.
DA_warrants_3.3.09_3.4.09
When I talked to my oldest son the day that his mother was deciding to play a childish prank on me, it was the last time I would speak to or see ANY of my children for over a month. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. I really wish that I had known what was truthfully going on...maybe I could have done something to prevent it.
When all was said and done, their attendance records said it all:
Attendance Records
As you can see, a pattern is beginning to emerge in which every negative thing that happens to her is my fault. My Ex still, to this very day, takes absolutely no responsibility for what she does wrong. It is always someone else's fault (usually I get all the blame), but never hers.
It turns out, my Ex wasn't just withholding my visitation (again) and refusing to let me even talk to them. Nope...they were GONE. Disappeared. Vanished. POOF!
Next, I will detail my desperate fight to find my children. There came a point in time when I began to wonder if they were even alive, and with everything that was going on at the time, that was not an irrational thought at all.
Where did they go? Stay tuned!!
During that time, she testified in court that the minivan that she was driving (which was in both our names) was broken and unable to be used at all. She asked the judge if she could have my old pickup truck. Mind you, it only seated 3 people, so I'm not sure what good it would do with 5 kids, but anyway.
The judge said that she could have the pickup and that I was to take the title to the vehicle and drop it off at her attorney's office.
Well, that was all well and good except for the fact that I had purchased a large SUV to carry all my kids around in when she was splitsville and I had custody of them. I did this because I knew that the van was on its last legs and since I knew I was going to go through a divorce, I wanted to get something that I could transport all my children in while my credit was still good enough to do so.
After the child support order was entered and I had to rob Peter to pay Paul for everything, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I lost my car because I wouldn't be able to pay for it anymore.
After the judge said she could have the truck, I stood up (my lawyer just sat there so I kind of took over). I explained that I would soon be losing my vehicle and that if she was going to take my truck I would be left with no transportation. I said that I would gladly take the van off her hands...since she testified that it didn't work anyway.
The judge agreed and awarded me the van. My Ex FLIPPED OUT! She began yelling at her attorney and told him that he was FIRED, and how DARE he let this happen. All this in front of the judge.
This was the first time I stood up for myself in court, and it worked in my favor. So, there is your lesson for today. If your lawyer isn't getting the job done, TAKE OVER and fight for yourself. Sometimes, it works!
I found it odd, and a little funny, that she threw such a huge fit (I'm talking HUGE temper tantrum) and fired her lawyer on the spot because she lost a van that didn't even work anymore. Or did it.....
She was ordered to turn the title over to my attorney and then we would make arrangements to exchange the vehicles. Of course, getting this to happen was like pulling teeth.
So, I was really shocked when on February 12, 2009 at 2:07 p.m. I received a call from the local police department.
From my journal: "I received a phone call from the **** Police Department at 2:07 p.m. informing me that my 2000 Ford Windstar van was on the side of XYZ Road. They stated that I needed to come and get it or it would be towed to impound at my expense. I informed them that the van belonged to my Ex. The police said they already spoke to my Ex and that she said the van was awarded to me by the judge (however, there was no court order yet and I did not have the title or possession of the van), so it was my problem."
I sent my Ex a text message at 3:03 p.m. and said that I wanted the keys to the van that she abandoned. She responded and confirmed the location of the van, stating the street that it was parked on. That told me that she knew where it was and that she had been driving it, even after she testified in court that it was broken.
Anyhow, I drove out to the location of the van and took my friend (a.k.a. the nanny) along with me. We found the van on the side of the road with the hood open.
Upon looking inside, we found the key in the ignition, but the van would not start. We then found that the driver's side rear and both passenger side tires were flat. When we looked closer, we saw the slash marks in the sidewalls of the tires:
Not only were the tires slashed, but the van was COMPLETELY cleaned out. Now, for most people a clean vehicle would not spark suspicion, but for me it was very odd. You see, at least once a month I would have to take all the seats out of that van and use a shovel to clean all the trash, and whatever else, out of it. So, when I saw it so clean, I was perplexed, to say the least.
Last but not least, there was one of those hard plastic storage containers attached to the roof as if someone might have been on their way somewhere:
There was absolutely no paperwork in the van at all, not even the registration or insurance information. In fact, I think the only thing that remained in the van was an empty drink cup.
The license plate was also gone off the back.
I had to call the police after I got there to have them send an officer out because I wanted to file a police report. The officer arrived and I basically had to force him to take the report. He said that because the van was registered to both my Ex and I, there wasn't anything he could do. He said that if my Ex did cause the damage to the vehicle that technically it was her vehicle and she could do what she wanted to it. I ultimately got him to make a report, but he refused to list her as a suspect.
Van Police Report 2.12.09
The officer informed me that he had seen the van on the side of the road the day before with the hood open and that the license plate had been on the van at that time. The day that I was called to come and get the van (the next day) the plates were gone. The officer called the DMV and found out that the plates had been turned in by my Ex.
So, I guess that since she was so ticked off because the judge awarded me the van, she said "well, here ya go...here it is!!"
I had to have the van towed on a roll-back to my house.
At 3:57 p.m., I tried to call to talk to my children. My oldest was the only one that was with his mom. Every time I would ask him a question there would be a long pause as if he was telling his mom everything I was saying and was getting coached on his answers. My oldest later told me that this was a prank that his mother was pulling. She put my oldest on the phone and then would take the phone, listen to what I was saying, and then laugh. Nice, huh?
I asked my oldest if he had been sick and missed school and he told me that he hadn't. However, when I was talking to him, I already knew that he had missed school since February 3 (this was February 12). I asked my oldest where all his brothers and sisters were and he said "beats me".
I then got on the phone with my Ex and asked her if my oldest had been sick and she said that he hadn't. I asked her who had been sick and she wanted to know why I was asking. I told her that they were my kids and I was concerned for them. She then told me that all of my children (except my oldest) had been sick.
My Ex then called me at 4:08 p.m. and left a very, very long message where she was just ranting and raving about random things and making wild accusations. She stated that I had sabotaged her job. I'm really not sure how I did this since I wasn't even completely sure that she was even working at the time, so therefore had no idea where she was actually employed. I'm guessing that she meant that because she had to spend so much time in court she lost her job. That still wasn't my fault though, because she was the one that continuously filed court papers. The only time anything was filed against her was when the nanny took out the restraining order and then I filed contempt charges for being denied my visitation. But none of that had been heard in court yet.
She also claimed I was sabotaging her vehicle. See, she had another car aside from the van. Apparently someone had slashed her tires on that car and punched a hole in the radiator with a screwdriver while it was sitting in her driveway. Of course she blamed me for it, and even claimed that the police were investigating the matter (I was never questioned about it and never heard another word about it from her). It could not possibly have been her boyfriend, who had a violent temper and a criminal record, could it? Oh, did I forget to mention that she had this guy pretty much living with her and my kids? This is the guy she left me for, abandoned the kids for, and disappeared for 5 months to Colorado with. But no, it couldn't be him, right?
She whined and complained about the van, stating that she wanted to get it fixed and keep it and now I was making her life difficult (again she used the word sabotage) because I knew that she couldn't transport all the kids in the pickup truck. But wait....the JUDGE said I could have the van. So again, I'm failing to see how any of this was my fault. She said that I was trying to make it impossible for her to properly care for the kids so that the judge would take them away from her and give them back to me.
Then she went on to say that she didn't mind me talking to the kids (!) but that they didn't want to see me because they were scared of me. She again accused me of hitting my oldest daughter, which was another lie. Even my daughter said that I never hit her. She accused me of being an alcoholic because she saw a few empty beer cans in the trash on one occasion when she showed up unannounced and was harassing the nanny. She said she hoped I went to AA or got some other kind of help, then said I had even put the nanny, whom she referred to as my "drinking buddy" up to taking out the restraining order on her. Wow! She said toward the end of the call that she would call later and let me talk to all the kids. I have it all recorded, but obviously cannot put that recording on here, although I wish I could.
I tried calling her back at 4:23 p.m. and she immediately hung up on me. I called again at 4:24 and got no answer. I left her a message and told her that she said I could speak to the children so she needed to call me back and let me talk to them. I called one last time at 6:52 p.m. and again left a message asking to speak to my children. No one ever returned my call.
Let me explain to you why I was so very concerned about my kids and why I wanted to actually speak to them to know they were ok.
First of all, the van had been found abandoned on the side of the road with 3 tires slashed and completely cleaned out. It was as if the occupants inside just vanished off the face of the earth. I was truly worried about where they were and what happened to them because I knew that my kids had not been in school lately.
Secondly, I knew that the guy that had been living with them was a bad dude. Don't get me wrong, I WISH that my Ex would find someone to keep her occupied and give her something else to focus her time on, but this guy was truly bad news and I didn't feel comfortable having him around my children. When I asked my Ex if I could at least meet him so that I would know who was spending all this time with my kids, she said absolutely not, no way.
It started with the phone call I received from my oldest son's teacher asking if he was okay because he had missed school. As the month progressed, I began going to the school and talking directly with the principal. I then received these:
First Notice From School 2.20.09
These were official notices I received from the elementary school that 3 of my children attended.
Then, I received these two letters; one was from the school social worker to the district attorney, and the other was the response from the district attorney. They were going to press truancy charges and issue warrants.
DA_warrants_3.3.09_3.4.09
When I talked to my oldest son the day that his mother was deciding to play a childish prank on me, it was the last time I would speak to or see ANY of my children for over a month. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. I really wish that I had known what was truthfully going on...maybe I could have done something to prevent it.
When all was said and done, their attendance records said it all:
Attendance Records
As you can see, a pattern is beginning to emerge in which every negative thing that happens to her is my fault. My Ex still, to this very day, takes absolutely no responsibility for what she does wrong. It is always someone else's fault (usually I get all the blame), but never hers.
It turns out, my Ex wasn't just withholding my visitation (again) and refusing to let me even talk to them. Nope...they were GONE. Disappeared. Vanished. POOF!
Next, I will detail my desperate fight to find my children. There came a point in time when I began to wonder if they were even alive, and with everything that was going on at the time, that was not an irrational thought at all.
Where did they go? Stay tuned!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
All Aboard for Crazy Town!
In my last entry, I told you how I was ordered to pay child support and post-separation support totaling $2200.00 a month and how my Ex brought me up on criminal charges for nonpayment before the court had even entered an order as to the amount I would pay.
Well, after the CS/PSS ruling of February 3, 2009, it didn't take very long for the shenanigans to begin.
I have dubbed this time period of my life "crazy town" because, as you will see, some completely unbelievable (and crazy) things begin to take place....DAYS after the child support ruling is entered.
It was during this time that it was suggested I begin keeping a daily journal of events as it pertained to my children and my Ex and the happenings in regards to each. With the help of my good friend, and nanny for my children, I began to do that so that I would have documentation of everything that was happening.
In this journal entry, I will begin to use excerpts from that journal to pass on to you what was happening. I considered scanning the journal in so you all could just read it, but I think that would be very confusing due to the names being taken out and such, so I will relay to you what my journal says instead.
Anyway, as I stated, the court order for child support and post-separation support was entered on February 3, 2009. The day BEFORE, which was a Monday, I have a journal entry which states that I called my Ex's mother's house at 8:07 p.m. to try to speak to my children. I was unable to speak to them.
On the day that the order was entered (February 3) I contacted my Ex and discussed with her arrangements for me to have my visitation the very next day, which would be Wednesday, February 4, 2009. At the time, I had Wednesday visitation, but due to practicality, it was changed to Thursdays some time ago.
I called my Ex at 2:10 p.m. and we made arrangements. Everything was all set and ready to go, and everyone was in agreement with the course of events that would transpire so that I could see my kids for my visitation.
Within an hour of all arrangements being made, my Ex was served with this:
Nanny Restraining Order 2.2.09script>
Yes, the woman who was working for me as a live-in nanny filed a restraining order against my Ex. As you can read in the document I provided, my Ex began showing up at our former marital home (which she was not supposed to come to without permission) completely unannounced when she knew for a fact that I would not be there. Most of the time I was working, but on one occasion I was out of town, and my Ex knew that as well. There was a time when my Ex actually walked right into the house (without being let in) because the door was unlocked.
This restraining order was a last resort for the nanny. She did not want to move forward with it, but really had no idea what else to do. I told my Ex on many, many occasions not to come to the house at all, but when I wasn't there it seemed she felt she could do whatever she wanted. After the incident when I returned home from the beach and she showed up unannounced and sent one of my children inside, I was told by the police that there were grounds to file a restraining order.
Since this had happened so many times to the nanny, and she was fearful of my Ex's erratic behavior, it was felt best that the nanny file the restraining order because she had so much documentation of repeated offenses.
The nanny had my full and complete support in filing the restraining order. I was willing to testify in court, if need be, because I was the homeowner and would need to give my consent. I went with the nanny when she went to the Family Abuse Center and filled out all the paperwork. She was scared and nervous, but she got through it.
After we went to the Family Abuse Center, we had to go over to the courthouse and ask the judge to sign an Ex Parte protection order. All this means is that the Defendant is not present but that the court finds that there is enough evidence to grant a temporary protection order that will be in effect until there is a formal hearing, usually 10 days later.
The nanny was granted the Ex Parte order with no problem whatsoever.
At some time on February 3, my Ex was served by the sheriff with the Ex Parte order. After 9:00 p.m. that night (after all arrangements had been made and agreed upon regarding my visitation the next day) my Ex sent me a text message and informed me that she was not going to let me have my children the next day. I tried to call my children at their grandmother's house 3 times that night to try to talk to my kids and/or my Ex to find out why she changed her mind. No one ever answered the phone or called me back.
I know that her actions were in direct retaliation of the restraining order that she was served with, but she would not admit it.
The next day February 4 (visitation day), I called my children's grandmother's house at 7:30 a.m., trying to talk to them before they left for school and trying to find out if I was going to get my visitation or not. I was finally able to get my kids for my visitation that afternoon, but only after about 20 phone calls back and forth between our lawyers were made and my Ex was convinced that she had to let them come for visitation or it could look bad for her.
On February 5 (Thursday) there was basically a repeat. I had to contact my Ex again to find out about my weekend visitation. I tried to contact my Ex several times about it and she did not answer and did not return my messages.
The kids were supposed to get off the school bus on my days at my shop where I used to have my business. On Friday, February 6, 2009, they did not get off the bus as they were supposed to. I immediately called my attorney, and again the back and forth ensued. My Ex finally agreed to meet me at a gas station at 6 p.m. so that I could get my kids.
My mother had flown down to visit as she had not seen her grandchildren in quite some time, and she wanted to see me because of everything I had been through and was still going through. I kept this a secret from my kids because I wanted it to be a big surprise for them. So, when I went to pick up the kids that night from the gas station, I took my mom with me. We arrived, but my Ex never showed up. She sent me a text message at 6:10 saying that she would not be coming. She claimed that the kids were crying and didn't want to come and that my oldest daughter said that I hit her.
She also said to tell my mother hello.
Now, how do you suppose she knew my mother was with me, or was even visiting in the first place? I'm not going to answer that one for you; you can draw your own conclusions.
I tried to call her to speak to my children and was denied.
The next day, Saturday, February 7, 2009, I was still trying to salvage the weekend with my children, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my mom, who flew in from out of state to see them. I tried to call my Ex and ultimately ended up sending her a text message asking her if I was going to get to see my kids or not.
She never responded.
On Sunday, I tried to call to at least talk to my kids...and was denied yet again.
So, on Monday, February 9, 2009, myself, my mom, and the nanny decided to go to my children's school and eat lunch with them. At least then my mom (and me and the nanny) would be able to see them and know that they were okay. When we got to the school, we were informed that the kids were not in school that day. Hmmmm...their mom had been in court that morning, so where were the kids??
Later on that Monday, I received a voicemail from my oldest son's teacher. She stated that she was concerned about my son because he had not been in school for a few days and she had not been able to reach his mother to find out if he was okay. I did a little investigating and found out that all of my children had missed school the previous Friday and that Monday.
We all felt that their apparent sickness was a bit coincidental since it came at the exact time my mother was visiting (and my Ex never liked my mother).
On Tuesday, February 10, 2009, I went to my children's school to drop off an updated version of the custody papers. The school had been asking my Ex for these papers for some time, but my Ex never provided them. I also wanted to find out what the excuse was for them missing school on Friday and Monday.
While I was there, my oldest daughter happened to walk by with a friend. She saw me, but was not excited at all. She acted as if she wasn't supposed to be talking to me. She almost walked right by me without noticing me, but I said her name and she stopped. I asked her where they had all been over the weekend and she said that she didn't know. I then asked her if I had ever, EVER hit her and she said NO!! I knew that wasn't the best place to ask her about that, but since I could never see them or talk to them, I had to. The statement my Ex made that my daughter said I hit her was weighing heavily on my mind (I knew that I never hit her) and I needed to know if it came from my daughter or from my Ex. Well, my daughter's answer confirmed my suspicions.
I then told my daughter that her grandmother had flown all the way from Mass to visit them, and she had absolutely no reaction at all. Now, if you know my daughter, she is not devoid of emotion at all. She is loving, sweet, caring, kind, and very tender-hearted. But on this day, nothing. I felt like I was talking to a stranger. It was awkward, and I knew at that moment that my children were in the beginning stages of parental alienation.
I never knew I would spend the next 3 years trying to fight against this syndrome, but I'm still fighting it to this very day.
I ended up filing the first contempt charge against my Ex for her failure to provide the kids for my visitation. It certainly would not be the last:
First Contempt 2.12.09
As far as the restraining order against my Ex, I accompanied the nanny to court so that I could show my support and/or testify if needed.
My Ex had her lawyer and the nanny had no one.
Ultimately, there was not a permanent restraining order granted against my Ex for the simple fact that the nanny had never asked my Ex to leave once she was there. Her defense to that was that she was afraid and didn't know what to do. I had told my Ex many, many times not to come to the house, and the nanny did not want to have a confrontation.
Even though she was afraid and was clearly being harassed, my Ex was let off the hook because "please leave" was never spoken. However, the judge did admonish my Ex in court and told her that she knew she had no reason to be at that house, so she better stay away. In the end, that was good enough for the nanny, because if my Ex continued the behavior after the judge said that, the case would be open and shut.
A word to the wise: ALWAYS warn the other party at least once to stop calling/texting/emailing/coming to your home/etc. If you don't warn them at least once, you have no grounds for a protective order or harassment charge. No matter what offense the other party has committed against you, you have to give them fair warning or a judge won't prosecute them or sign off on a protective order against them.
That was a lesson learned, and taken to heart!
When we talk next, the ride will get even crazier. Note that what I have documented in this blog takes place over less than a 2-week span (I know!). Note that my Ex had only had primary physical custody of the children for less than 2 months at this point and I was already getting denied my visitation.
Next up...abandoned and vandalized van and missing children. Where did they go???
Well, after the CS/PSS ruling of February 3, 2009, it didn't take very long for the shenanigans to begin.
I have dubbed this time period of my life "crazy town" because, as you will see, some completely unbelievable (and crazy) things begin to take place....DAYS after the child support ruling is entered.
It was during this time that it was suggested I begin keeping a daily journal of events as it pertained to my children and my Ex and the happenings in regards to each. With the help of my good friend, and nanny for my children, I began to do that so that I would have documentation of everything that was happening.
In this journal entry, I will begin to use excerpts from that journal to pass on to you what was happening. I considered scanning the journal in so you all could just read it, but I think that would be very confusing due to the names being taken out and such, so I will relay to you what my journal says instead.
Anyway, as I stated, the court order for child support and post-separation support was entered on February 3, 2009. The day BEFORE, which was a Monday, I have a journal entry which states that I called my Ex's mother's house at 8:07 p.m. to try to speak to my children. I was unable to speak to them.
On the day that the order was entered (February 3) I contacted my Ex and discussed with her arrangements for me to have my visitation the very next day, which would be Wednesday, February 4, 2009. At the time, I had Wednesday visitation, but due to practicality, it was changed to Thursdays some time ago.
I called my Ex at 2:10 p.m. and we made arrangements. Everything was all set and ready to go, and everyone was in agreement with the course of events that would transpire so that I could see my kids for my visitation.
Within an hour of all arrangements being made, my Ex was served with this:
Nanny Restraining Order 2.2.09script>
Yes, the woman who was working for me as a live-in nanny filed a restraining order against my Ex. As you can read in the document I provided, my Ex began showing up at our former marital home (which she was not supposed to come to without permission) completely unannounced when she knew for a fact that I would not be there. Most of the time I was working, but on one occasion I was out of town, and my Ex knew that as well. There was a time when my Ex actually walked right into the house (without being let in) because the door was unlocked.
This restraining order was a last resort for the nanny. She did not want to move forward with it, but really had no idea what else to do. I told my Ex on many, many occasions not to come to the house at all, but when I wasn't there it seemed she felt she could do whatever she wanted. After the incident when I returned home from the beach and she showed up unannounced and sent one of my children inside, I was told by the police that there were grounds to file a restraining order.
Since this had happened so many times to the nanny, and she was fearful of my Ex's erratic behavior, it was felt best that the nanny file the restraining order because she had so much documentation of repeated offenses.
The nanny had my full and complete support in filing the restraining order. I was willing to testify in court, if need be, because I was the homeowner and would need to give my consent. I went with the nanny when she went to the Family Abuse Center and filled out all the paperwork. She was scared and nervous, but she got through it.
After we went to the Family Abuse Center, we had to go over to the courthouse and ask the judge to sign an Ex Parte protection order. All this means is that the Defendant is not present but that the court finds that there is enough evidence to grant a temporary protection order that will be in effect until there is a formal hearing, usually 10 days later.
The nanny was granted the Ex Parte order with no problem whatsoever.
At some time on February 3, my Ex was served by the sheriff with the Ex Parte order. After 9:00 p.m. that night (after all arrangements had been made and agreed upon regarding my visitation the next day) my Ex sent me a text message and informed me that she was not going to let me have my children the next day. I tried to call my children at their grandmother's house 3 times that night to try to talk to my kids and/or my Ex to find out why she changed her mind. No one ever answered the phone or called me back.
I know that her actions were in direct retaliation of the restraining order that she was served with, but she would not admit it.
The next day February 4 (visitation day), I called my children's grandmother's house at 7:30 a.m., trying to talk to them before they left for school and trying to find out if I was going to get my visitation or not. I was finally able to get my kids for my visitation that afternoon, but only after about 20 phone calls back and forth between our lawyers were made and my Ex was convinced that she had to let them come for visitation or it could look bad for her.
On February 5 (Thursday) there was basically a repeat. I had to contact my Ex again to find out about my weekend visitation. I tried to contact my Ex several times about it and she did not answer and did not return my messages.
The kids were supposed to get off the school bus on my days at my shop where I used to have my business. On Friday, February 6, 2009, they did not get off the bus as they were supposed to. I immediately called my attorney, and again the back and forth ensued. My Ex finally agreed to meet me at a gas station at 6 p.m. so that I could get my kids.
My mother had flown down to visit as she had not seen her grandchildren in quite some time, and she wanted to see me because of everything I had been through and was still going through. I kept this a secret from my kids because I wanted it to be a big surprise for them. So, when I went to pick up the kids that night from the gas station, I took my mom with me. We arrived, but my Ex never showed up. She sent me a text message at 6:10 saying that she would not be coming. She claimed that the kids were crying and didn't want to come and that my oldest daughter said that I hit her.
She also said to tell my mother hello.
Now, how do you suppose she knew my mother was with me, or was even visiting in the first place? I'm not going to answer that one for you; you can draw your own conclusions.
I tried to call her to speak to my children and was denied.
The next day, Saturday, February 7, 2009, I was still trying to salvage the weekend with my children, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my mom, who flew in from out of state to see them. I tried to call my Ex and ultimately ended up sending her a text message asking her if I was going to get to see my kids or not.
She never responded.
On Sunday, I tried to call to at least talk to my kids...and was denied yet again.
So, on Monday, February 9, 2009, myself, my mom, and the nanny decided to go to my children's school and eat lunch with them. At least then my mom (and me and the nanny) would be able to see them and know that they were okay. When we got to the school, we were informed that the kids were not in school that day. Hmmmm...their mom had been in court that morning, so where were the kids??
Later on that Monday, I received a voicemail from my oldest son's teacher. She stated that she was concerned about my son because he had not been in school for a few days and she had not been able to reach his mother to find out if he was okay. I did a little investigating and found out that all of my children had missed school the previous Friday and that Monday.
We all felt that their apparent sickness was a bit coincidental since it came at the exact time my mother was visiting (and my Ex never liked my mother).
On Tuesday, February 10, 2009, I went to my children's school to drop off an updated version of the custody papers. The school had been asking my Ex for these papers for some time, but my Ex never provided them. I also wanted to find out what the excuse was for them missing school on Friday and Monday.
While I was there, my oldest daughter happened to walk by with a friend. She saw me, but was not excited at all. She acted as if she wasn't supposed to be talking to me. She almost walked right by me without noticing me, but I said her name and she stopped. I asked her where they had all been over the weekend and she said that she didn't know. I then asked her if I had ever, EVER hit her and she said NO!! I knew that wasn't the best place to ask her about that, but since I could never see them or talk to them, I had to. The statement my Ex made that my daughter said I hit her was weighing heavily on my mind (I knew that I never hit her) and I needed to know if it came from my daughter or from my Ex. Well, my daughter's answer confirmed my suspicions.
I then told my daughter that her grandmother had flown all the way from Mass to visit them, and she had absolutely no reaction at all. Now, if you know my daughter, she is not devoid of emotion at all. She is loving, sweet, caring, kind, and very tender-hearted. But on this day, nothing. I felt like I was talking to a stranger. It was awkward, and I knew at that moment that my children were in the beginning stages of parental alienation.
I never knew I would spend the next 3 years trying to fight against this syndrome, but I'm still fighting it to this very day.
I ended up filing the first contempt charge against my Ex for her failure to provide the kids for my visitation. It certainly would not be the last:
First Contempt 2.12.09
As far as the restraining order against my Ex, I accompanied the nanny to court so that I could show my support and/or testify if needed.
My Ex had her lawyer and the nanny had no one.
Ultimately, there was not a permanent restraining order granted against my Ex for the simple fact that the nanny had never asked my Ex to leave once she was there. Her defense to that was that she was afraid and didn't know what to do. I had told my Ex many, many times not to come to the house, and the nanny did not want to have a confrontation.
Even though she was afraid and was clearly being harassed, my Ex was let off the hook because "please leave" was never spoken. However, the judge did admonish my Ex in court and told her that she knew she had no reason to be at that house, so she better stay away. In the end, that was good enough for the nanny, because if my Ex continued the behavior after the judge said that, the case would be open and shut.
A word to the wise: ALWAYS warn the other party at least once to stop calling/texting/emailing/coming to your home/etc. If you don't warn them at least once, you have no grounds for a protective order or harassment charge. No matter what offense the other party has committed against you, you have to give them fair warning or a judge won't prosecute them or sign off on a protective order against them.
That was a lesson learned, and taken to heart!
When we talk next, the ride will get even crazier. Note that what I have documented in this blog takes place over less than a 2-week span (I know!). Note that my Ex had only had primary physical custody of the children for less than 2 months at this point and I was already getting denied my visitation.
Next up...abandoned and vandalized van and missing children. Where did they go???
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Like Pulling Numbers Out of a Hat
Here I am again. I have been so, so very busy lately with work and just haven't had the chance to sit down and write anything. I hope you all have not forgotten about me!!
Anyhow, my children are here again this weekend. Two visitation weekends in a row now, and I'm happy. I'm not holding my breath for a third, though, because my Ex has already made it clear she will not bring them again.
I received a text message from my Ex on Wednesday afternoon wherein she stated that she would bring the kids for my weekend. She stated that she would drop them off on Friday evening and pick them up on Sunday. I was surprised, and skeptical, but thrilled nonetheless. I told her that would be fine, and then she surprised me again by texting back that she would also bring them for my Thursday night visitation. She would pick them up Friday morning for school and drop them back off on Friday evening for them to stay with me all weekend.
WOAH!! Talk about blowing me away here! The fact that my lawyer filed a contempt motion against her for visitation doesn't have anything to do with her recent change of heart, does it? Oh well, even if it does and she is only trying to make herself look better for court, I really don't care. I will take any opportunity to get my children that I can, and as my lawyer stated, "The damage has already been done. Eight weeks without seeing them do not just vanish because she suddenly starts bringing them again. She still has to answer for that in court."
The reason I don't believe she will bring them for my next visitation is because she already has said she won't. See, after she said she would be bringing them and then picking them up on Friday morning for school, etc., I asked her to give me specific drop off and pick up times so that there would be no confusion.
She stated that she would drop them off on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. Great! Well, they didn't show up until 5:45. This would not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things except for the fact that we never grocery shop for food for all of them until AFTER they get here. The reason for this is because I have dealt with her saying they are coming and then she doesn't bring them so many times, only to be stuck with about $100 worth of groceries. So, we wait until after they get here before going shopping.
I texted her at 5:30 and asked if she was still bringing them. When she didn't respond, I told her that if it was going to be much later, they would need to be fed before they were dropped off because it was getting late. That got her attention! She angrily texted back that they would be here shortly and said, "I will never do this again."
I then told her that them being late is not an issue, but she could at least let me know. Forty-five minutes is not just a little late. It's a courtesy thing. I was not being angry with her or anything, but she was very snarky in reply (calling me "your majesty"). If the situation were reversed and I was that late dropping off the kids and didn't contact her, she would have already called the police on me....I'm positive of that.
She was supposed to pick them up at 7:00 a.m. Friday morning and take them to school, but again, she was a no show until 7:45. Forty-five minutes late seems to be the new norm (she's never been one to be on time). I know that 3 of my kids were late to school on Friday because their school day starts at 7:50. Oops!!
On Friday evening, she was going to drop them off at 7:30 p.m., but actually showed up 20 minutes early. Oh well.
I think that she is under the impression that I am supposed to just be so very thankful that she is bringing them that common courtesy goes out the window and she can do whatever she wants and I'm not supposed to say anything. Of course I'm thankful to have my children, and I'm glad that for whatever reason she brought them to me, but considering she is court ordered to bring them, she really isn't doing me the huge favor she believes she is. Nonetheless, they are here, and every day they spend with me is a good day.
I now tune you to the title of today's blog post....child support.
Now, before I begin, let me say that I have NEVER had a problem paying to support my children. Even though I was upset that the judge awarded her custody after everything she did, I still knew that I had to do my part to support them.
That is not the issue here.
The issue here is the fact that I was railroaded, and once you see the documents, you will know that I was railroaded mercilessly.
When my Ex and I were in court to determine the amount of child support I had to pay (since she was awarded primary physical custody temporarily) I had to provide the judge with A LOT of evidence to show my income. Namely:
1) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements for my personal account (which was in my name and my Ex's name).
2) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements in my business name.
3) TWO YEARS worth of tax returns.
4) TWO YEARS worth of receipts for materials and supplies for my business.
5) TWO YEARS worth of bills for my business AND home.
6) I provided extra years just to show that I was telling the truth.
My Ex had to provide the following:
1) Um, nothing. She testified she made a certain amount of money and was never required to show proof. Court documents state that she provided a financial affidavit, but I never saw one (and the court order was written by her lawyer).
-------------------------------------------------
I gave the judge every single piece of paper I had showing my expenses and income. My tax returns showed I made between $12,000 and $15,000 a year. But in the end, the judge threw out EVERY shred of paper I submitted and claimed that I made in excess of $54,000 per year.
Honestly, I have never made that much in a year in my life. Why did he come to this conclusion? Because my Ex did the books and testified in court that I took in cash on a regular basis....and that I didn't report it. The judge believed her.
But, if he believed her about that, why would he not believe she had lied on my tax returns (she did the books!)?
Anyhow, I had a custom furniture business. When I took an order I required half down. Do you know anyone who walks in to a business with $2000 cash in their pocket? I did very little business in cash, but because she testified that I did it all the time, I was done.
The judge ordered me to pay $1800 a month in child support plus $300 a month in post-separation support. $2200 a month. That was my income total (without credit cards) so she was taking everything I had.
They were focused on the fact that I had a car that I had purchased recently. Well, the reason I purchased it is because I needed to be able to transport my children (which she abandoned); the fact that I still had the house, and the fact that I had a nanny to help me care for the kids.
I was finished before I ever even walked into the courtroom.
Child Support Order 2.3.2009br />
The real kicker was that I was served with a CRIMINAL court summons for nonsupport of a child BEFORE this order was even handed down. You will hear more instances like this later (not due to child support, but other issues...all frivolous). It seems that you can go to the Magistrate in my county and tell them whatever you want to tell them, and they will believe you.
Sure, you have to swear on the bible and take an oath, but still....
I was served on January 17, 2009 with a criminal court summons. My Ex went to the magistrate and told her/him that I wasn't paying child support and I needed to go to jail.
Child Support Criminal Summons 1.17.2009br />
Mind you, the judge had not yet ruled on child support...that ruling would come almost a month later.
I went to court for that and my lawyer explained to the judge and DA the situation. The judge threw out the criminal charge because it was being handled in civil court. He also said the charges were frivolous because my Ex knew when she took the charges out that a ruling had not been made (by the way, her lawyer had no idea that she went and took out criminal charges against me on her own).
A word to the wise: In the county that I live in, taking out frivolous charges will land you in jail. Also, if you take charges out on someone and then you don't show up in court to testify, you will be arrested. This has changed in the last year or so. I SO wish this had been in effect earlier because I am going to show you many, many instances that it could have proved effective.
I'm not sure what my lesson is for this blog entry. Perhaps that you should demand that you get to see the financials from the opposing party. Otherwise, it seems, they can say what they want and it will be believed. Demand to see the truth, and if they don't provide it, SUBPOENA it. Subpoenas are not hard to do (I have done them myself). Don't leave it all up to someone's word.
Next...well, next there is so much to tell. I will get denied my visitation for the first time, merely a week out from court and less than a month of her having custody. I sincerely hope you all are prepared for this because the ride doesn't get easier....
Until next time.
Anyhow, my children are here again this weekend. Two visitation weekends in a row now, and I'm happy. I'm not holding my breath for a third, though, because my Ex has already made it clear she will not bring them again.
I received a text message from my Ex on Wednesday afternoon wherein she stated that she would bring the kids for my weekend. She stated that she would drop them off on Friday evening and pick them up on Sunday. I was surprised, and skeptical, but thrilled nonetheless. I told her that would be fine, and then she surprised me again by texting back that she would also bring them for my Thursday night visitation. She would pick them up Friday morning for school and drop them back off on Friday evening for them to stay with me all weekend.
WOAH!! Talk about blowing me away here! The fact that my lawyer filed a contempt motion against her for visitation doesn't have anything to do with her recent change of heart, does it? Oh well, even if it does and she is only trying to make herself look better for court, I really don't care. I will take any opportunity to get my children that I can, and as my lawyer stated, "The damage has already been done. Eight weeks without seeing them do not just vanish because she suddenly starts bringing them again. She still has to answer for that in court."
The reason I don't believe she will bring them for my next visitation is because she already has said she won't. See, after she said she would be bringing them and then picking them up on Friday morning for school, etc., I asked her to give me specific drop off and pick up times so that there would be no confusion.
She stated that she would drop them off on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. Great! Well, they didn't show up until 5:45. This would not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things except for the fact that we never grocery shop for food for all of them until AFTER they get here. The reason for this is because I have dealt with her saying they are coming and then she doesn't bring them so many times, only to be stuck with about $100 worth of groceries. So, we wait until after they get here before going shopping.
I texted her at 5:30 and asked if she was still bringing them. When she didn't respond, I told her that if it was going to be much later, they would need to be fed before they were dropped off because it was getting late. That got her attention! She angrily texted back that they would be here shortly and said, "I will never do this again."
I then told her that them being late is not an issue, but she could at least let me know. Forty-five minutes is not just a little late. It's a courtesy thing. I was not being angry with her or anything, but she was very snarky in reply (calling me "your majesty"). If the situation were reversed and I was that late dropping off the kids and didn't contact her, she would have already called the police on me....I'm positive of that.
She was supposed to pick them up at 7:00 a.m. Friday morning and take them to school, but again, she was a no show until 7:45. Forty-five minutes late seems to be the new norm (she's never been one to be on time). I know that 3 of my kids were late to school on Friday because their school day starts at 7:50. Oops!!
On Friday evening, she was going to drop them off at 7:30 p.m., but actually showed up 20 minutes early. Oh well.
I think that she is under the impression that I am supposed to just be so very thankful that she is bringing them that common courtesy goes out the window and she can do whatever she wants and I'm not supposed to say anything. Of course I'm thankful to have my children, and I'm glad that for whatever reason she brought them to me, but considering she is court ordered to bring them, she really isn't doing me the huge favor she believes she is. Nonetheless, they are here, and every day they spend with me is a good day.
I now tune you to the title of today's blog post....child support.
Now, before I begin, let me say that I have NEVER had a problem paying to support my children. Even though I was upset that the judge awarded her custody after everything she did, I still knew that I had to do my part to support them.
That is not the issue here.
The issue here is the fact that I was railroaded, and once you see the documents, you will know that I was railroaded mercilessly.
When my Ex and I were in court to determine the amount of child support I had to pay (since she was awarded primary physical custody temporarily) I had to provide the judge with A LOT of evidence to show my income. Namely:
1) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements for my personal account (which was in my name and my Ex's name).
2) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements in my business name.
3) TWO YEARS worth of tax returns.
4) TWO YEARS worth of receipts for materials and supplies for my business.
5) TWO YEARS worth of bills for my business AND home.
6) I provided extra years just to show that I was telling the truth.
My Ex had to provide the following:
1) Um, nothing. She testified she made a certain amount of money and was never required to show proof. Court documents state that she provided a financial affidavit, but I never saw one (and the court order was written by her lawyer).
-------------------------------------------------
I gave the judge every single piece of paper I had showing my expenses and income. My tax returns showed I made between $12,000 and $15,000 a year. But in the end, the judge threw out EVERY shred of paper I submitted and claimed that I made in excess of $54,000 per year.
Honestly, I have never made that much in a year in my life. Why did he come to this conclusion? Because my Ex did the books and testified in court that I took in cash on a regular basis....and that I didn't report it. The judge believed her.
But, if he believed her about that, why would he not believe she had lied on my tax returns (she did the books!)?
Anyhow, I had a custom furniture business. When I took an order I required half down. Do you know anyone who walks in to a business with $2000 cash in their pocket? I did very little business in cash, but because she testified that I did it all the time, I was done.
The judge ordered me to pay $1800 a month in child support plus $300 a month in post-separation support. $2200 a month. That was my income total (without credit cards) so she was taking everything I had.
They were focused on the fact that I had a car that I had purchased recently. Well, the reason I purchased it is because I needed to be able to transport my children (which she abandoned); the fact that I still had the house, and the fact that I had a nanny to help me care for the kids.
I was finished before I ever even walked into the courtroom.
Child Support Order 2.3.2009br />
The real kicker was that I was served with a CRIMINAL court summons for nonsupport of a child BEFORE this order was even handed down. You will hear more instances like this later (not due to child support, but other issues...all frivolous). It seems that you can go to the Magistrate in my county and tell them whatever you want to tell them, and they will believe you.
Sure, you have to swear on the bible and take an oath, but still....
I was served on January 17, 2009 with a criminal court summons. My Ex went to the magistrate and told her/him that I wasn't paying child support and I needed to go to jail.
Child Support Criminal Summons 1.17.2009br />
Mind you, the judge had not yet ruled on child support...that ruling would come almost a month later.
I went to court for that and my lawyer explained to the judge and DA the situation. The judge threw out the criminal charge because it was being handled in civil court. He also said the charges were frivolous because my Ex knew when she took the charges out that a ruling had not been made (by the way, her lawyer had no idea that she went and took out criminal charges against me on her own).
A word to the wise: In the county that I live in, taking out frivolous charges will land you in jail. Also, if you take charges out on someone and then you don't show up in court to testify, you will be arrested. This has changed in the last year or so. I SO wish this had been in effect earlier because I am going to show you many, many instances that it could have proved effective.
I'm not sure what my lesson is for this blog entry. Perhaps that you should demand that you get to see the financials from the opposing party. Otherwise, it seems, they can say what they want and it will be believed. Demand to see the truth, and if they don't provide it, SUBPOENA it. Subpoenas are not hard to do (I have done them myself). Don't leave it all up to someone's word.
Next...well, next there is so much to tell. I will get denied my visitation for the first time, merely a week out from court and less than a month of her having custody. I sincerely hope you all are prepared for this because the ride doesn't get easier....
Until next time.
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