In my last entry, I told you how I was ordered to pay child support and post-separation support totaling $2200.00 a month and how my Ex brought me up on criminal charges for nonpayment before the court had even entered an order as to the amount I would pay.
Well, after the CS/PSS ruling of February 3, 2009, it didn't take very long for the shenanigans to begin.
I have dubbed this time period of my life "crazy town" because, as you will see, some completely unbelievable (and crazy) things begin to take place....DAYS after the child support ruling is entered.
It was during this time that it was suggested I begin keeping a daily journal of events as it pertained to my children and my Ex and the happenings in regards to each. With the help of my good friend, and nanny for my children, I began to do that so that I would have documentation of everything that was happening.
In this journal entry, I will begin to use excerpts from that journal to pass on to you what was happening. I considered scanning the journal in so you all could just read it, but I think that would be very confusing due to the names being taken out and such, so I will relay to you what my journal says instead.
Anyway, as I stated, the court order for child support and post-separation support was entered on February 3, 2009. The day BEFORE, which was a Monday, I have a journal entry which states that I called my Ex's mother's house at 8:07 p.m. to try to speak to my children. I was unable to speak to them.
On the day that the order was entered (February 3) I contacted my Ex and discussed with her arrangements for me to have my visitation the very next day, which would be Wednesday, February 4, 2009. At the time, I had Wednesday visitation, but due to practicality, it was changed to Thursdays some time ago.
I called my Ex at 2:10 p.m. and we made arrangements. Everything was all set and ready to go, and everyone was in agreement with the course of events that would transpire so that I could see my kids for my visitation.
Within an hour of all arrangements being made, my Ex was served with this:
Nanny Restraining Order 2.2.09script>
Yes, the woman who was working for me as a live-in nanny filed a restraining order against my Ex. As you can read in the document I provided, my Ex began showing up at our former marital home (which she was not supposed to come to without permission) completely unannounced when she knew for a fact that I would not be there. Most of the time I was working, but on one occasion I was out of town, and my Ex knew that as well. There was a time when my Ex actually walked right into the house (without being let in) because the door was unlocked.
This restraining order was a last resort for the nanny. She did not want to move forward with it, but really had no idea what else to do. I told my Ex on many, many occasions not to come to the house at all, but when I wasn't there it seemed she felt she could do whatever she wanted. After the incident when I returned home from the beach and she showed up unannounced and sent one of my children inside, I was told by the police that there were grounds to file a restraining order.
Since this had happened so many times to the nanny, and she was fearful of my Ex's erratic behavior, it was felt best that the nanny file the restraining order because she had so much documentation of repeated offenses.
The nanny had my full and complete support in filing the restraining order. I was willing to testify in court, if need be, because I was the homeowner and would need to give my consent. I went with the nanny when she went to the Family Abuse Center and filled out all the paperwork. She was scared and nervous, but she got through it.
After we went to the Family Abuse Center, we had to go over to the courthouse and ask the judge to sign an Ex Parte protection order. All this means is that the Defendant is not present but that the court finds that there is enough evidence to grant a temporary protection order that will be in effect until there is a formal hearing, usually 10 days later.
The nanny was granted the Ex Parte order with no problem whatsoever.
At some time on February 3, my Ex was served by the sheriff with the Ex Parte order. After 9:00 p.m. that night (after all arrangements had been made and agreed upon regarding my visitation the next day) my Ex sent me a text message and informed me that she was not going to let me have my children the next day. I tried to call my children at their grandmother's house 3 times that night to try to talk to my kids and/or my Ex to find out why she changed her mind. No one ever answered the phone or called me back.
I know that her actions were in direct retaliation of the restraining order that she was served with, but she would not admit it.
The next day February 4 (visitation day), I called my children's grandmother's house at 7:30 a.m., trying to talk to them before they left for school and trying to find out if I was going to get my visitation or not. I was finally able to get my kids for my visitation that afternoon, but only after about 20 phone calls back and forth between our lawyers were made and my Ex was convinced that she had to let them come for visitation or it could look bad for her.
On February 5 (Thursday) there was basically a repeat. I had to contact my Ex again to find out about my weekend visitation. I tried to contact my Ex several times about it and she did not answer and did not return my messages.
The kids were supposed to get off the school bus on my days at my shop where I used to have my business. On Friday, February 6, 2009, they did not get off the bus as they were supposed to. I immediately called my attorney, and again the back and forth ensued. My Ex finally agreed to meet me at a gas station at 6 p.m. so that I could get my kids.
My mother had flown down to visit as she had not seen her grandchildren in quite some time, and she wanted to see me because of everything I had been through and was still going through. I kept this a secret from my kids because I wanted it to be a big surprise for them. So, when I went to pick up the kids that night from the gas station, I took my mom with me. We arrived, but my Ex never showed up. She sent me a text message at 6:10 saying that she would not be coming. She claimed that the kids were crying and didn't want to come and that my oldest daughter said that I hit her.
She also said to tell my mother hello.
Now, how do you suppose she knew my mother was with me, or was even visiting in the first place? I'm not going to answer that one for you; you can draw your own conclusions.
I tried to call her to speak to my children and was denied.
The next day, Saturday, February 7, 2009, I was still trying to salvage the weekend with my children, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my mom, who flew in from out of state to see them. I tried to call my Ex and ultimately ended up sending her a text message asking her if I was going to get to see my kids or not.
She never responded.
On Sunday, I tried to call to at least talk to my kids...and was denied yet again.
So, on Monday, February 9, 2009, myself, my mom, and the nanny decided to go to my children's school and eat lunch with them. At least then my mom (and me and the nanny) would be able to see them and know that they were okay. When we got to the school, we were informed that the kids were not in school that day. Hmmmm...their mom had been in court that morning, so where were the kids??
Later on that Monday, I received a voicemail from my oldest son's teacher. She stated that she was concerned about my son because he had not been in school for a few days and she had not been able to reach his mother to find out if he was okay. I did a little investigating and found out that all of my children had missed school the previous Friday and that Monday.
We all felt that their apparent sickness was a bit coincidental since it came at the exact time my mother was visiting (and my Ex never liked my mother).
On Tuesday, February 10, 2009, I went to my children's school to drop off an updated version of the custody papers. The school had been asking my Ex for these papers for some time, but my Ex never provided them. I also wanted to find out what the excuse was for them missing school on Friday and Monday.
While I was there, my oldest daughter happened to walk by with a friend. She saw me, but was not excited at all. She acted as if she wasn't supposed to be talking to me. She almost walked right by me without noticing me, but I said her name and she stopped. I asked her where they had all been over the weekend and she said that she didn't know. I then asked her if I had ever, EVER hit her and she said NO!! I knew that wasn't the best place to ask her about that, but since I could never see them or talk to them, I had to. The statement my Ex made that my daughter said I hit her was weighing heavily on my mind (I knew that I never hit her) and I needed to know if it came from my daughter or from my Ex. Well, my daughter's answer confirmed my suspicions.
I then told my daughter that her grandmother had flown all the way from Mass to visit them, and she had absolutely no reaction at all. Now, if you know my daughter, she is not devoid of emotion at all. She is loving, sweet, caring, kind, and very tender-hearted. But on this day, nothing. I felt like I was talking to a stranger. It was awkward, and I knew at that moment that my children were in the beginning stages of parental alienation.
I never knew I would spend the next 3 years trying to fight against this syndrome, but I'm still fighting it to this very day.
I ended up filing the first contempt charge against my Ex for her failure to provide the kids for my visitation. It certainly would not be the last:
First Contempt 2.12.09
As far as the restraining order against my Ex, I accompanied the nanny to court so that I could show my support and/or testify if needed.
My Ex had her lawyer and the nanny had no one.
Ultimately, there was not a permanent restraining order granted against my Ex for the simple fact that the nanny had never asked my Ex to leave once she was there. Her defense to that was that she was afraid and didn't know what to do. I had told my Ex many, many times not to come to the house, and the nanny did not want to have a confrontation.
Even though she was afraid and was clearly being harassed, my Ex was let off the hook because "please leave" was never spoken. However, the judge did admonish my Ex in court and told her that she knew she had no reason to be at that house, so she better stay away. In the end, that was good enough for the nanny, because if my Ex continued the behavior after the judge said that, the case would be open and shut.
A word to the wise: ALWAYS warn the other party at least once to stop calling/texting/emailing/coming to your home/etc. If you don't warn them at least once, you have no grounds for a protective order or harassment charge. No matter what offense the other party has committed against you, you have to give them fair warning or a judge won't prosecute them or sign off on a protective order against them.
That was a lesson learned, and taken to heart!
When we talk next, the ride will get even crazier. Note that what I have documented in this blog takes place over less than a 2-week span (I know!). Note that my Ex had only had primary physical custody of the children for less than 2 months at this point and I was already getting denied my visitation.
Next up...abandoned and vandalized van and missing children. Where did they go???
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