Like Pulling Numbers Out of a Hat

Here I am again. I have been so, so very busy lately with work and just haven't had the chance to sit down and write anything. I hope you all have not forgotten about me!!

Anyhow, my children are here again this weekend. Two visitation weekends in a row now, and I'm happy. I'm not holding my breath for a third, though, because my Ex has already made it clear she will not bring them again.

I received a text message from my Ex on Wednesday afternoon wherein she stated that she would bring the kids for my weekend. She stated that she would drop them off on Friday evening and pick them up on Sunday. I was surprised, and skeptical, but thrilled nonetheless. I told her that would be fine, and then she surprised me again by texting back that she would also bring them for my Thursday night visitation. She would pick them up Friday morning for school and drop them back off on Friday evening for them to stay with me all weekend.

WOAH!! Talk about blowing me away here! The fact that my lawyer filed a contempt motion against her for visitation doesn't have anything to do with her recent change of heart, does it? Oh well, even if it does and she is only trying to make herself look better for court, I really don't care. I will take any opportunity to get my children that I can, and as my lawyer stated, "The damage has already been done. Eight weeks without seeing them do not just vanish because she suddenly starts bringing them again. She still has to answer for that in court."

The reason I don't believe she will bring them for my next visitation is because she already has said she won't. See, after she said she would be bringing them and then picking them up on Friday morning for school, etc., I asked her to give me specific drop off and pick up times so that there would be no confusion.

She stated that she would drop them off on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. Great! Well, they didn't show up until 5:45. This would not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things except for the fact that we never grocery shop for food for all of them until AFTER they get here. The reason for this is because I have dealt with her saying they are coming and then she doesn't bring them so many times, only to be stuck with about $100 worth of groceries. So, we wait until after they get here before going shopping.

I texted her at 5:30 and asked if she was still bringing them. When she didn't respond, I told her that if it was going to be much later, they would need to be fed before they were dropped off because it was getting late. That got her attention! She angrily texted back that they would be here shortly and said, "I will never do this again."

I then told her that them being late is not an issue, but she could at least let me know. Forty-five minutes is not just a little late. It's a courtesy thing. I was not being angry with her or anything, but she was very snarky in reply (calling me "your majesty"). If the situation were reversed and I was that late dropping off the kids and didn't contact her, she would have already called the police on me....I'm positive of that.

She was supposed to pick them up at 7:00 a.m. Friday morning and take them to school, but again, she was a no show until 7:45. Forty-five minutes late seems to be the new norm (she's never been one to be on time). I know that 3 of my kids were late to school on Friday because their school day starts at 7:50. Oops!!

On Friday evening, she was going to drop them off at 7:30 p.m., but actually showed up 20 minutes early. Oh well.

I think that she is under the impression that I am supposed to just be so very thankful that she is bringing them that common courtesy goes out the window and she can do whatever she wants and I'm not supposed to say anything. Of course I'm thankful to have my children, and I'm glad that for whatever reason she brought them to me, but considering she is court ordered to bring them, she really isn't doing me the huge favor she believes she is. Nonetheless, they are here, and every day they spend with me is a good day.

I now tune you to the title of today's blog post....child support.

Now, before I begin, let me say that I have NEVER had a problem paying to support my children. Even though I was upset that the judge awarded her custody after everything she did, I still knew that I had to do my part to support them.

That is not the issue here.

The issue here is the fact that I was railroaded, and once you see the documents, you will know that I was railroaded mercilessly.

When my Ex and I were in court to determine the amount of child support I had to pay (since she was awarded primary physical custody temporarily) I had to provide the judge with A LOT of evidence to show my income. Namely:

1) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements for my personal account (which was in my name and my Ex's name).

2) TWO YEARS worth of bank statements in my business name.

3) TWO YEARS worth of tax returns.

4) TWO YEARS worth of receipts for materials and supplies for my business.

5) TWO YEARS worth of bills for my business AND home.

6) I provided extra years just to show that I was telling the truth.

My Ex had to provide the following:

1) Um, nothing. She testified she made a certain amount of money and was never required to show proof. Court documents state that she provided a financial affidavit, but I never saw one (and the court order was written by her lawyer).

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I gave the judge every single piece of paper I had showing my expenses and income. My tax returns showed I made between $12,000 and $15,000 a year. But in the end, the judge threw out EVERY shred of paper I submitted and claimed that I made in excess of $54,000 per year.

Honestly, I have never made that much in a year in my life. Why did he come to this conclusion? Because my Ex did the books and testified in court that I took in cash on a regular basis....and that I didn't report it. The judge believed her.

But, if he believed her about that, why would he not believe she had lied on my tax returns (she did the books!)?

Anyhow, I had a custom furniture business. When I took an order I required half down. Do you know anyone who walks in to a business with $2000 cash in their pocket? I did very little business in cash, but because she testified that I did it all the time, I was done.

The judge ordered me to pay $1800 a month in child support plus $300 a month in post-separation support. $2200 a month. That was my income total (without credit cards) so she was taking everything I had.

They were focused on the fact that I had a car that I had purchased recently. Well, the reason I purchased it is because I needed to be able to transport my children (which she abandoned); the fact that I still had the house, and the fact that I had a nanny to help me care for the kids.

I was finished before I ever even walked into the courtroom.

Child Support Order 2.3.2009br />
The real kicker was that I was served with a CRIMINAL court summons for nonsupport of a child BEFORE this order was even handed down. You will hear more instances like this later (not due to child support, but other issues...all frivolous). It seems that you can go to the Magistrate in my county and tell them whatever you want to tell them, and they will believe you.

Sure, you have to swear on the bible and take an oath, but still....

I was served on January 17, 2009 with a criminal court summons. My Ex went to the magistrate and told her/him that I wasn't paying child support and I needed to go to jail.

Child Support Criminal Summons 1.17.2009br />
Mind you, the judge had not yet ruled on child support...that ruling would come almost a month later.

I went to court for that and my lawyer explained to the judge and DA the situation. The judge threw out the criminal charge because it was being handled in civil court. He also said the charges were frivolous because my Ex knew when she took the charges out that a ruling had not been made (by the way, her lawyer had no idea that she went and took out criminal charges against me on her own).

A word to the wise: In the county that I live in, taking out frivolous charges will land you in jail. Also, if you take charges out on someone and then you don't show up in court to testify, you will be arrested. This has changed in the last year or so. I SO wish this had been in effect earlier because I am going to show you many, many instances that it could have proved effective.

I'm not sure what my lesson is for this blog entry. Perhaps that you should demand that you get to see the financials from the opposing party. Otherwise, it seems, they can say what they want and it will be believed. Demand to see the truth, and if they don't provide it, SUBPOENA it. Subpoenas are not hard to do (I have done them myself). Don't leave it all up to someone's word.

Next...well, next there is so much to tell. I will get denied my visitation for the first time, merely a week out from court and less than a month of her having custody. I sincerely hope you all are prepared for this because the ride doesn't get easier....

Until next time.