After finding out about the affair, my mind was completely numb. I had a very difficult time coping with this drastic turn of events in my life. Work was hard to concentrate on, I felt useless in the positions I held in church, and I had a many sleepless nights. I felt as if I had failed as a husband, father, and provider; however, I also felt a need to press on with life.
I continued on with all my activities for a while, and then what happened really hit me. It was like a switch went on in my head. I got angry! Very angry! The fighting began, and lots of it.
I think I can guess what question many of you may have at this point. Did the fighting ever get physical? I can say that I am so very thankful to God that I never laid hands on her like that, but the arguments continued on, and eventually my Ex asked me to leave. Move out.
What?? Me move out? How about you move out! Eventually, I ended up being the one to move out. With no place to go, I ended up in the upstairs of the parsonage at my church. Looking back, I guess it was good to get out of there and give things time to cool off. It was by the grace of God that I had a place to go. Everyone at church knew there were problems with the marriage and were being supportive, but I felt as if I shouldn't be a leader at church like I was. I knew deep in my heart that I had to step down from all my duties and resign; not only because of the marriage problems, but also due to the anger I was dealing with. I was angry at myself, at my Ex, and at God. I was constantly asking how someone involved in the church like we were could act and believe one way but then have an affair. It's called being a hypocrite, and unfortunately churches are full of them.
When you are involved in the church like I was, there are always things going on behind the scenes that the congregation doesn't see, and this affair was one of them. The whole thing really gave me a bad taste in my mouth about church.
I stayed gone for about three weeks before we kind of reconciled and I moved back to the house. I had lost all respect for my Ex. Soon after coming home, I wanted to move out of that town and leave all the negative thoughts and feelings behind. We decided to move to a home on my Ex's parent's property. It was an older home set off the road quite a bit, so it was quiet. The only problem was that it was only 900 SF...maybe. Yeah, you heard me right! With all the kids we had, I don't think the word cozy even begins to describe how cramped it was!
If I had to give you some advice, I would tell you to always keep your eyes open. Yes, there are genuinely wonderful, honest, God-fearing people in this world, and I am very blessed to know many of them, but there are also those who are just putting on a front. Do not believe that just because someone is a Christian and attends church that they would never do something like my Ex did, or something equally as awful.
And if you keep your eyes open, the signs are usually there.
Next post I'll be touching on another drastic move. Is it for the good or the bad? We'll see.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Signs Were Always There
Ok, hold on to your knickers because were going for a wild ride!
I wrote in the last post that I was heavily involved in church and had a few close friends. I was working hard and felt as if I was a good steward for God. There came a point when I began to notice that my Ex was spending an enormous amount of time with a certain friend from church. She was constantly on the phone with this person, and if not on the phone, at this friend's house.
Now, I'm not sure if I drove my Ex to this by being busy all the time or what. I guess I do take the blame for some of the events that have occurred. After all, a marriage involves 2 people, so if it goes bad, one person can't be totally at fault. Right? The things that happened that will be shared were the Ex's decision ultimately. I didn't tell her what to do, and as humans, we have a choice to do right or wrong, just like it is our choice to accept Jesus in our heart. I thought I was in Gods will doing His work and supporting my family.
So let me tell you what happened. I was working hard at my business building furniture. One day, my Ex came into my shop with a very worried look on her face. I stopped what I was doing and asked her what was wrong. She proceeded to tell me that she had been having an emotional affair with her good friend from church; one of the very few close friends we had there. She then told me that it got to be physical and that the physical part started at a women's conference, of all places. WHAT!?!?! How can you do this? I was in total shock. I was angry and told her to leave and went back to work. My mind was numb with disbelief, and in that time of disbelief, I began to remember small things I had witnessed in the past that should have set off alarm bells, especially one occasion in particular.
My Ex and I went to this friend's house after Sunday night church. The friend's husband and I were watching a football game in the family room. I happened to notice that my Ex and the other woman had left the room and gone to the bedroom. They were there for a while, and I was getting tired and wanted to go home. I went to the bedroom to let my Ex know I was ready to go home, and upon walking in the room, I realized there was much more going on than two friends just hanging out. As I opened the door, I noticed movement under the sheets and that they were under the covers with only their heads sticking out. At that point I thought that something was going on that shouldn't be, but at the same time, I thought I'd give my Ex the benefit of the doubt...and never said anything about it.
Now, as I stood at work after my Ex told me about the affair she had with this friend, things started making sense. I am certain that wasn't the only time things happened between them. I never thought something like that would ever happen to me. We had 4 children at the time! It was such a blow, and I couldn't believe it was true.
My one piece of advice for all of you out there is that if you feel something is off, SAY SOMETHING!! If you don't, I promise you there will come a point that it will be too late. Who knows? If I had said something after finding them in bed together, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe what happened later would have never happened. Or....maybe it would have. Either way, if I had said something then, at least I would know now if my saying something would have made a difference.
As it turns out, that would not be the only blow that would rock my world. You have to stay tuned for this! This is only the beginning of the story
Until next time.
I wrote in the last post that I was heavily involved in church and had a few close friends. I was working hard and felt as if I was a good steward for God. There came a point when I began to notice that my Ex was spending an enormous amount of time with a certain friend from church. She was constantly on the phone with this person, and if not on the phone, at this friend's house.
Now, I'm not sure if I drove my Ex to this by being busy all the time or what. I guess I do take the blame for some of the events that have occurred. After all, a marriage involves 2 people, so if it goes bad, one person can't be totally at fault. Right? The things that happened that will be shared were the Ex's decision ultimately. I didn't tell her what to do, and as humans, we have a choice to do right or wrong, just like it is our choice to accept Jesus in our heart. I thought I was in Gods will doing His work and supporting my family.
So let me tell you what happened. I was working hard at my business building furniture. One day, my Ex came into my shop with a very worried look on her face. I stopped what I was doing and asked her what was wrong. She proceeded to tell me that she had been having an emotional affair with her good friend from church; one of the very few close friends we had there. She then told me that it got to be physical and that the physical part started at a women's conference, of all places. WHAT!?!?! How can you do this? I was in total shock. I was angry and told her to leave and went back to work. My mind was numb with disbelief, and in that time of disbelief, I began to remember small things I had witnessed in the past that should have set off alarm bells, especially one occasion in particular.
My Ex and I went to this friend's house after Sunday night church. The friend's husband and I were watching a football game in the family room. I happened to notice that my Ex and the other woman had left the room and gone to the bedroom. They were there for a while, and I was getting tired and wanted to go home. I went to the bedroom to let my Ex know I was ready to go home, and upon walking in the room, I realized there was much more going on than two friends just hanging out. As I opened the door, I noticed movement under the sheets and that they were under the covers with only their heads sticking out. At that point I thought that something was going on that shouldn't be, but at the same time, I thought I'd give my Ex the benefit of the doubt...and never said anything about it.
Now, as I stood at work after my Ex told me about the affair she had with this friend, things started making sense. I am certain that wasn't the only time things happened between them. I never thought something like that would ever happen to me. We had 4 children at the time! It was such a blow, and I couldn't believe it was true.
My one piece of advice for all of you out there is that if you feel something is off, SAY SOMETHING!! If you don't, I promise you there will come a point that it will be too late. Who knows? If I had said something after finding them in bed together, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe what happened later would have never happened. Or....maybe it would have. Either way, if I had said something then, at least I would know now if my saying something would have made a difference.
As it turns out, that would not be the only blow that would rock my world. You have to stay tuned for this! This is only the beginning of the story
Until next time.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The calm before the storm.... kinda sorta but not.
Before I get into the deep court stuff, I have to update you on the time in my life that I was really involved in the church. This is something that most people don't know about me.
Soon after getting married, my Ex and I began going to a southern baptist church. This church was breaking away from the traditional baptist church and had a congregation of about 500.
In going to the contemporary service, I got to know most of the congregation very well, and I was considered "young and hip".
Before I knew it, I was voted by the congregation to be a Deacon, and I was ordained (which pretty much means sanctioned by God) to take care of a lot of families and help the pastor in his work. I was responsible for serving these families in every aspect of their lives. That in itself was a part-time job, but I sincerely enjoyed taking care of families that needed help. It made me feel awesome! It is truly a great feeling.
Soon after being ordained as a Deacon, I was asked to be the children's director in the church. That meant I was taking care of the first through sixth graders. I had to secure Sunday school teachers for all those grades, schedule children's trips to various activities, get the proper curriculum to each grade, and oversee what was being taught to the children. At that time, as you can imagine, I had a ton of stuff on my plate.
On top of that, I was then asked to be on the personnel committee and the security committee. The personnel committee was responsible for hiring pastors, associate pastors, youth pastors, and secretaries. We also approved how much they made and what their "package" consisted of.
On top of all that, I had my own business building furniture exclusively for a company in NC, and I was also doing more production work for various companies. At one time I had 9 employees.
I had my hands full, and this took a lot of time away from my family, who incidentally, I was doing all this to support. I felt it was God's will for me to be doing what I was doing.
My Ex and I had a few really close friends that we spent a lot of time with. I was working hard at everything, my Ex was staying home with the kids, and life was great.
Or, at least I thought it was...but just when I thought things were going so great for us, things really started to take a turn for the worse.
Tune in tomorrow for the beginning of hell.
Soon after getting married, my Ex and I began going to a southern baptist church. This church was breaking away from the traditional baptist church and had a congregation of about 500.
In going to the contemporary service, I got to know most of the congregation very well, and I was considered "young and hip".
Before I knew it, I was voted by the congregation to be a Deacon, and I was ordained (which pretty much means sanctioned by God) to take care of a lot of families and help the pastor in his work. I was responsible for serving these families in every aspect of their lives. That in itself was a part-time job, but I sincerely enjoyed taking care of families that needed help. It made me feel awesome! It is truly a great feeling.
Soon after being ordained as a Deacon, I was asked to be the children's director in the church. That meant I was taking care of the first through sixth graders. I had to secure Sunday school teachers for all those grades, schedule children's trips to various activities, get the proper curriculum to each grade, and oversee what was being taught to the children. At that time, as you can imagine, I had a ton of stuff on my plate.
On top of that, I was then asked to be on the personnel committee and the security committee. The personnel committee was responsible for hiring pastors, associate pastors, youth pastors, and secretaries. We also approved how much they made and what their "package" consisted of.
On top of all that, I had my own business building furniture exclusively for a company in NC, and I was also doing more production work for various companies. At one time I had 9 employees.
I had my hands full, and this took a lot of time away from my family, who incidentally, I was doing all this to support. I felt it was God's will for me to be doing what I was doing.
My Ex and I had a few really close friends that we spent a lot of time with. I was working hard at everything, my Ex was staying home with the kids, and life was great.
Or, at least I thought it was...but just when I thought things were going so great for us, things really started to take a turn for the worse.
Tune in tomorrow for the beginning of hell.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
And the day has arrived
Today was the day. The day my kids would either be dropped off for my visitation or not after their first day of school. Well, guess what...nobody showed up off the school bus. As things stand right now, I have no idea when I'll see my kids again. Tomorrow I will be going to my lawyer's office to see what's next. My Ex is in willful contempt of a court order. She is doing this on purpose, and I know from personal experience that that doesn't tend to sit well with judges...but there will be more on that later.
As you will see, the longer I post and the deeper I delve into what brought me to this place, there will be a steady pattern of my Ex turning my kids' lives upside down over and over again. I'm telling you that it will most certainly blow your mind. You'll be reading information that is very difficult to believe. You will wonder how a mother of five kids can, or even would, put them through such turmoil.
It's all about the kids for sure, but I have some horrific things that have happened to me along the way. I look at life in such a different light now. I have learned so much during this process that seems will never end. I never knew I would know so much about the court system in this country. I'm going to be giving advice along the way to those of you going through divorce and custody battles.
My first piece of advice is the most important of all: Don't ever give up. NEVER!! It may seem that every door is closing in your face until there are no more doors left to muscle open. It might seem that there is no hope at all in what you're fighting for. I have seen my life at the lowest possible point, and I'm here to say that I feel stronger now than ever.
God puts things in our life for a reason. You have probably asked yourself how God can put us through such tragedy. Isn't he supposed to be protecting us from harm? Well, let me tell you, I never thought I would have gone through what I have, but I feel stronger and more knowledgeable and more connected to God than ever. I am really trusting in our God to provide me with making the right decisions and giving me the strength to fight for my kids.
Please be in prayer for my children. I'm sure they are wondering right now why they aren't with me tonight. That breaks my heart!
God, please look after them and keep them safe during this time. Let Your will be done.
As you will see, the longer I post and the deeper I delve into what brought me to this place, there will be a steady pattern of my Ex turning my kids' lives upside down over and over again. I'm telling you that it will most certainly blow your mind. You'll be reading information that is very difficult to believe. You will wonder how a mother of five kids can, or even would, put them through such turmoil.
It's all about the kids for sure, but I have some horrific things that have happened to me along the way. I look at life in such a different light now. I have learned so much during this process that seems will never end. I never knew I would know so much about the court system in this country. I'm going to be giving advice along the way to those of you going through divorce and custody battles.
My first piece of advice is the most important of all: Don't ever give up. NEVER!! It may seem that every door is closing in your face until there are no more doors left to muscle open. It might seem that there is no hope at all in what you're fighting for. I have seen my life at the lowest possible point, and I'm here to say that I feel stronger now than ever.
God puts things in our life for a reason. You have probably asked yourself how God can put us through such tragedy. Isn't he supposed to be protecting us from harm? Well, let me tell you, I never thought I would have gone through what I have, but I feel stronger and more knowledgeable and more connected to God than ever. I am really trusting in our God to provide me with making the right decisions and giving me the strength to fight for my kids.
Please be in prayer for my children. I'm sure they are wondering right now why they aren't with me tonight. That breaks my heart!
God, please look after them and keep them safe during this time. Let Your will be done.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
It's Like This....
Do you know what willful contempt means?
I really wanted to come back and give you all a witty, fun, lighthearted post about the way things were before it all went to pot. It seems, though, that I can't do that.
The best made plans, right?
Right.
My kids will be starting new schools tomorrow, despite my objections, and it seems, despite a court order.
Anyone reading this will say that everything takes time, but I'm talking about my kids' lives here. Time is not a friendly thing.
Wilful contempt, in a legal sense, means that you are knowingly and wilfully defying a court order. In basic terms, it means the court said one thing but you don't care and you are going to do whatever the heck you want.
That is what the Ex is doing.
So, tomorrow I am supposed to have my Thursday visitation, but I have alreay been told (by my Ex) that unless I pick my kids up from their NEW schools, I won't get them.
When I reminded the Ex of the court order (that says they are to be dropped off to me), well, I won't tell you what she said because I would have to scrape your chins off the floor. And I can't go get them without breaking about 100 traffic laws because I don't have a vehicle to transport them all, let alone my little ones who have to be in car seats).
All I can do is wait. Wait for court. Wait for a judge. Wait for...just wait. And in the mean time, she violates a court order and goes on with her life while I worry. I worry about who is caring for them EVERY day when they are there and she is not, because they are NOT old enough to be home alone. Not all 5 of them together, anyway. It's just not safe.
The bottom line is that they didn't need to change schools. This was the Ex's decision, not mine. But in this decision she is in violation of the one thing she should respect the most...
Until tomorrow, my friends.
I really wanted to come back and give you all a witty, fun, lighthearted post about the way things were before it all went to pot. It seems, though, that I can't do that.
The best made plans, right?
Right.
My kids will be starting new schools tomorrow, despite my objections, and it seems, despite a court order.
Anyone reading this will say that everything takes time, but I'm talking about my kids' lives here. Time is not a friendly thing.
Wilful contempt, in a legal sense, means that you are knowingly and wilfully defying a court order. In basic terms, it means the court said one thing but you don't care and you are going to do whatever the heck you want.
That is what the Ex is doing.
So, tomorrow I am supposed to have my Thursday visitation, but I have alreay been told (by my Ex) that unless I pick my kids up from their NEW schools, I won't get them.
When I reminded the Ex of the court order (that says they are to be dropped off to me), well, I won't tell you what she said because I would have to scrape your chins off the floor. And I can't go get them without breaking about 100 traffic laws because I don't have a vehicle to transport them all, let alone my little ones who have to be in car seats).
All I can do is wait. Wait for court. Wait for a judge. Wait for...just wait. And in the mean time, she violates a court order and goes on with her life while I worry. I worry about who is caring for them EVERY day when they are there and she is not, because they are NOT old enough to be home alone. Not all 5 of them together, anyway. It's just not safe.
The bottom line is that they didn't need to change schools. This was the Ex's decision, not mine. But in this decision she is in violation of the one thing she should respect the most...
Until tomorrow, my friends.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Updates...And Other Stuff
Where shall I begin? I guess I will begin by telling you a funny story about my week. It's also an embarrassing story, so take it easy on me, ok?
The day before yesterday, while driving around for work, I realized I needed to get gas. No biggie, right? Well, aside from gas prices being through the roof, it's no big deal, all in all. I was on my way to a local home improvement store and there is a gas station on the way, so I pulled in to put some fuel in the tank.
I'm sure the majority of you --if not all of you-- know that now-a-days you have to prepay for your gas or else you don't get any. I mean, you could use a card at the pump, sure, but if you're gonna pay with cash you are out of luck unless you walk into the station and pay first. I mean, it's as if the gas guru will come and strike you down if you don't pay first. I guess it goes to show how a few rotten apples can spoil....well, you know the rest.
Sorry for getting sidetracked there. That has been my state of mind as of late - sidetracked - to the point I did what I did, for starters.
I pulled into the station and got out of the van and went in and paid for $25.00 worth of gas (I know, for all that will get me!). I then proceeded to come out of the station, get in the van.............and drive away without pumping a single drop!
Now, I don't know if any of you have experienced this or not, but let me tell you, it kind of puts you in a panic. I mean, someone else could have pulled up to that pump and gotten $25.00 in gas for free! They could have stolen from me, in a sense, and it would have COMPLETELY been my fault!
Luckily, I got about 3/4 of a mile down the road and realized what I had done. I did a U-Turn and went back and got my gas before anyone else had the chance to partake.
Now that it is over, I have told the story to others and they laugh, and I laugh, but I have forgotten other important things this week as well. I guess it goes to show what stress can and will do to you.
My stressor right now is still where my kids will--or may be--going to school this year. If you are unfamiliar with the story, I encourage you to read this: http://thexdiaries.blogspot.com/2011/08/flash-to-present-before-returning-to.html because I will not retype it here.
Are you up to speed? Good. Yesterday (Thursday) there was a big question mark on whether my kids would even show up for their weekly visitation. They were late getting here, but they did show up. I found out that Child #1 and Child #3 started school that day at the Christian school that my Ex said they were not going to go to because she was changing everyone's school this year.
What I found out next will explain the picture at the top.
Child #3 told me that for this week, and this week only, he will go to the Christian school and then be moved to the public school in my Ex's district next Thursday when public school starts. HUH?
So, let me get this straight....He is moving from his old school that he went to last year...going to the Christian school for ONE week...and then moving to a brand new public school?!?!?!
Do I live on earth? Because I'm starting to think I'm living more in the twilight zone.
As far as the end goes, I can't tell you just yet, but I have a strong team on my side and this is being handled. My kids have already told me (each and every one of them) that they do NOT want to change schools again. They like being in one place...and they don't want to lose their friends.
And my ultimate goal, as always, is to protect them and make things as easy as possible.
So yeah, I've been scatterbrained and forgetful this week. I lost a notebook, drove off without gas, and have forgotten countless other things.
This is what it does - at least to me - and the bottom line is, it shouldn't be this way.
Please keep following!! It would really make me excited if those of you following this would actually register to follow my blog. No, you don't have to at all, but if you did, I would know who is really interested. Also, if you don't register for this site, you can't leave comments if you want to. And I welcome comments! So please, let me know who you are and what your opinions are. Don't be shy! Ok - enough of the pressure!
I won't say what is next, because sometimes your guess is as good as mine, but I promise it will be entertaining...and as always, REAL.
Until next time, my friends.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'm Still Here!
Sorry for being AWOL for a couple days. I needed some time to decompress a bit. When things become difficult in dealing with the Ex, the stress can get to me a bit, and while writing this blog is somewhat therapeutic for me, it can be hard to find the right words to express the good times that were had in the past. So now, after some much-needed downtime, I am back, and as promised, I am going to tell you about some of the good times we had.
I think we left off with us moving from Mass to NC. When we first moved, we lived in a basement apartment at her uncle's house. Sounds glamorous, right? Well, it was what it was and we made the best of it. After all, we were still getting our feet under us as a married couple, so you do the best you can.
We lived there for about 6 months or so. I was working at a motorcycle shop selling parts and taking care of customers. She was working at a daycare. We were getting along great most of the time and were trying to make our way in the world.
While we were living there, the Ex's parents put a down-payment on a house. We were so thankful and excited to be getting our first, actual house, and felt very blessed that we had been given such a gift.
Once we moved into our house, I started working at a home improvement store, and later would get a job working at a mobile home plant building cabinets. I was really glad to start woodworking.
One day, while at work at the mobile home plant, I was called up to the office because I had a phone call. It was my Ex, who informed me that she was pregnant! She was very thrilled because we had been trying to have a baby for a while, but it just wasn't working. I even went to the doctor to get "checked out" to make sure it wasn't due to a medical problem I was having (I was fine!). I was happy about the pregnancy....and nervous! Oh man, a baby! Life was never going to be the same again, and I guess I knew that, but when you are a first-time parent, you really don't grasp that concept until D-day actually arrives.
She experienced some morning sickness, but other than that, things went relatively easy. We busied ourselves with work and with preparing for our new arrival, anxious to meet our gift from God, and after 9 months, Child #1, a boy, came into this world.
Boy, oh boy, could he cry!! He would cry and cry and cry all night long unless someone was holding him. So, one night, I had had enough and said "just leave him". It really was nonstop crying. Peel the paint off the wall, ear piercing screaming I mean, I know babies cry (I have 5 kids, remember) but this was out of control!
So we left him, and after about 2 hours of screaming his little head off, he stopped. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh....peace at last!
And he never cried at night again.
BTW, no one ever told me about projectile diarrhea. I think this is something that every new dad should be told about. Maybe a handbook or something. I was changing his diaper once and had him on the changing table, and BOOM! I swear to you that his hind end was at least 3 feet from the wall, and if he was aiming for it, he hit it dead on. I didn't know something so disgusting could come out of something so small with such force!! I had to call for reinforcement because, wow, I just couldn't handle that one on my own.
Times were good and life moved on. We were settling nicely into our new roles as parents and just enjoying the many blessings we had come to receive in our lives. We were happy.
Over time, we would end up selling that house and moving on from that place, and more babies would come (relatively every 2 years). Looking back on it, it was a good time in our lives. It would be awhile before the real trouble started to set in, but looking back on it now, I'm thankful for that time in my life. It helped to shape me into the person I am today and gave me 5 of the most amazing children in the world.
Knowing now what I didn't know then, there may be things I would do differently, but I can't say I wouldn't have married her. I mean, I love my kids too much to wish they had never come along, and I am still fighting tooth and nail to protect them and keep them close to me. I lost them for over a month once when the Ex kidnapped them to Colorado, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens again....But that is another story in this crazy ride I've been on. You're going to have to hang on tight!
Next time, I will talk more about our next home and the next babies to come along. I will also give you any updates that I may have about the current school situation and give you another snippet of the trouble to come. I promise you, it is going to boggle your mind!
Thanks for following! Until next time, my friends.
I think we left off with us moving from Mass to NC. When we first moved, we lived in a basement apartment at her uncle's house. Sounds glamorous, right? Well, it was what it was and we made the best of it. After all, we were still getting our feet under us as a married couple, so you do the best you can.
We lived there for about 6 months or so. I was working at a motorcycle shop selling parts and taking care of customers. She was working at a daycare. We were getting along great most of the time and were trying to make our way in the world.
While we were living there, the Ex's parents put a down-payment on a house. We were so thankful and excited to be getting our first, actual house, and felt very blessed that we had been given such a gift.
Once we moved into our house, I started working at a home improvement store, and later would get a job working at a mobile home plant building cabinets. I was really glad to start woodworking.
One day, while at work at the mobile home plant, I was called up to the office because I had a phone call. It was my Ex, who informed me that she was pregnant! She was very thrilled because we had been trying to have a baby for a while, but it just wasn't working. I even went to the doctor to get "checked out" to make sure it wasn't due to a medical problem I was having (I was fine!). I was happy about the pregnancy....and nervous! Oh man, a baby! Life was never going to be the same again, and I guess I knew that, but when you are a first-time parent, you really don't grasp that concept until D-day actually arrives.
She experienced some morning sickness, but other than that, things went relatively easy. We busied ourselves with work and with preparing for our new arrival, anxious to meet our gift from God, and after 9 months, Child #1, a boy, came into this world.
Boy, oh boy, could he cry!! He would cry and cry and cry all night long unless someone was holding him. So, one night, I had had enough and said "just leave him". It really was nonstop crying. Peel the paint off the wall, ear piercing screaming I mean, I know babies cry (I have 5 kids, remember) but this was out of control!
So we left him, and after about 2 hours of screaming his little head off, he stopped. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh....peace at last!
And he never cried at night again.
BTW, no one ever told me about projectile diarrhea. I think this is something that every new dad should be told about. Maybe a handbook or something. I was changing his diaper once and had him on the changing table, and BOOM! I swear to you that his hind end was at least 3 feet from the wall, and if he was aiming for it, he hit it dead on. I didn't know something so disgusting could come out of something so small with such force!! I had to call for reinforcement because, wow, I just couldn't handle that one on my own.
Times were good and life moved on. We were settling nicely into our new roles as parents and just enjoying the many blessings we had come to receive in our lives. We were happy.
Over time, we would end up selling that house and moving on from that place, and more babies would come (relatively every 2 years). Looking back on it, it was a good time in our lives. It would be awhile before the real trouble started to set in, but looking back on it now, I'm thankful for that time in my life. It helped to shape me into the person I am today and gave me 5 of the most amazing children in the world.
Knowing now what I didn't know then, there may be things I would do differently, but I can't say I wouldn't have married her. I mean, I love my kids too much to wish they had never come along, and I am still fighting tooth and nail to protect them and keep them close to me. I lost them for over a month once when the Ex kidnapped them to Colorado, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens again....But that is another story in this crazy ride I've been on. You're going to have to hang on tight!
Next time, I will talk more about our next home and the next babies to come along. I will also give you any updates that I may have about the current school situation and give you another snippet of the trouble to come. I promise you, it is going to boggle your mind!
Thanks for following! Until next time, my friends.
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Flash to the Present Before Returning to the Past
I want to take a minute to really state my true reasons for starting this blog.
I was married to my Ex for 14 years and we have 5 children. We had a decent marriage that had it's ups and downs like any other marriage or relationship does. My reason for writing this blog is twofold. First, I want to get my story out there. As you read on, you will read things that you honestly will not be able to believe actually happened. I always tell people it's like a made-for-TV movie. Ya know, one of those you watch but think, "this never happens to real people." Well it happened to me....and still is. That is why I will provide documentation so that you will always know I am being honest (and all of it is public record at the local courthouse). And yes, in case anyone is wondering, I will always protect the privacy of those involved.
The second reason is that I want to do my part to try to help anyone else out there who may be going through what I went through...and am still going through. My lack of knowledge of the justice system coupled with my disbelief of what was happening to me and my children and the lack of good counsel (read: bad lawyer in the beginning) somewhat put me in the position I am in. I want to put all this out there to help anyone else that may face a situation similar to mine.
I know that I am fast-forwarding through our early marriage. I have to. The last 3 years of my life (since we were separated and divorced) would fill countless blog entries. I am trying to get you all to the present as fast as I can, while giving you the information you need to understand the parties involved.
It is not my intention to bash or belittle anyone. I am simply telling my story, from my point of view. I leave my readers to determine their own views on the parties involved.
Now, I know I haven't gone into the birth and growth of my children yet (we will go back to that soon), but something happened last week that I really need to get down. So, for future reference, my children will be called Child #1, Child #2, Child #3, Child #4, and Child #5. Of course, Child #1 is the oldest, with Child #5 being the little one. I may refer to them differently in other entries, but you will always know who I refer to.
Anyhow, since living with their mother, my kids have not stayed in the same school for an entire school year, with the exception of last year. Before school started last year, their mother emailed me and stated that she would like to enroll them at the school(s) that were in my district. That way, the kids could ride the bus to and from my house on my visitation days. To paraphrase her words, "this will be easy for everyone and the kids will benefit." You see, the schools she was talking about were schools my kids had been pulled in and out of (by her) for the past couple years.
The only exception would be Child #1, who was to go to a private Christian school on scholarship.
It worked great! The kids would all ride the bus to my house on Thursday, get picked up on Friday morning by the bus for school, and, if it was my weekend, they would be dropped off by the bus on Friday afternoon. Child #1 would be dropped off by his grandmother (who works at the Christian school) on Thursday, I would take him to school on Friday morning, and he would be dropped back off on Friday afternoon.
I know it sounds complicated, but it really was rather simple, and the kids were thriving and happy.
So, a couple weeks ago, the Ex told me that Child #3 also received a scholarship to said Christian school and asked me if Child #3 could go there this coming year. I agreed, but stated that due to my current transportation situation I would not be able to drive them both to the Christian school and transportation would have to be provided for both Child #1 and Child #3. Much more on this later...just giving you the basics.
Well, instead of agreeing to do this (again, the children's grandmother works at said school and could easily drop them off and pick them up...and it is not out of the way for her to do so) the Ex decides to enroll ALL the kids in the district she lives in....Thus making all of them change schools AGAIN. Brand new schools, brand new people, brand new everything.
Why?
I have stopped trying to figure out the motivation behind the things my Ex does. However, I know this decision is not healthy for my kids. They are my TOP concern. Switching schools again, having to make new friends AGAIN....very hard on them. Should I mention that due to the hours my Ex works they would be alone from the time they got off the school bus until approximately 7:30 or 8:00 at night (with the youngest ones alone first)? Who cooks dinner? Who helps with homework? Who bathes them and gets them ready for bed?
The easiest solution, if Grandmother didn't want to bring the two from the Christian school and then pick them up in the morning, would just be to tell Child #3 that he was not going to the Christian school and that everything would stay just the same as it was last year. But then, Child #3 should never have been promised the Christian school without my Ex discussing it with me first.
I will not divulge here what is going on to remedy this situation until it is resolved. However, this is the type of thing that goes on all the time. It's always something...ESPECIALLY when it should be simple. Simple solutions just don't seem to work with the Ex...that is when all seems to be the most difficult.
Oh, the reason Grandmother does most of the transportation? The Ex is not allowed on my property. A judge told her so. See? I have SO much to tell. I haven't even touched the smallest tip of the iceberg yet.
When I update again tomorrow, I will return to the history of our marriage. I promise you all that it was not all bad. We had really great times! I hate that it is how it is now....but you can't go back, you can only move forward.
Until later, my friends.
I was married to my Ex for 14 years and we have 5 children. We had a decent marriage that had it's ups and downs like any other marriage or relationship does. My reason for writing this blog is twofold. First, I want to get my story out there. As you read on, you will read things that you honestly will not be able to believe actually happened. I always tell people it's like a made-for-TV movie. Ya know, one of those you watch but think, "this never happens to real people." Well it happened to me....and still is. That is why I will provide documentation so that you will always know I am being honest (and all of it is public record at the local courthouse). And yes, in case anyone is wondering, I will always protect the privacy of those involved.
The second reason is that I want to do my part to try to help anyone else out there who may be going through what I went through...and am still going through. My lack of knowledge of the justice system coupled with my disbelief of what was happening to me and my children and the lack of good counsel (read: bad lawyer in the beginning) somewhat put me in the position I am in. I want to put all this out there to help anyone else that may face a situation similar to mine.
I know that I am fast-forwarding through our early marriage. I have to. The last 3 years of my life (since we were separated and divorced) would fill countless blog entries. I am trying to get you all to the present as fast as I can, while giving you the information you need to understand the parties involved.
It is not my intention to bash or belittle anyone. I am simply telling my story, from my point of view. I leave my readers to determine their own views on the parties involved.
Now, I know I haven't gone into the birth and growth of my children yet (we will go back to that soon), but something happened last week that I really need to get down. So, for future reference, my children will be called Child #1, Child #2, Child #3, Child #4, and Child #5. Of course, Child #1 is the oldest, with Child #5 being the little one. I may refer to them differently in other entries, but you will always know who I refer to.
Anyhow, since living with their mother, my kids have not stayed in the same school for an entire school year, with the exception of last year. Before school started last year, their mother emailed me and stated that she would like to enroll them at the school(s) that were in my district. That way, the kids could ride the bus to and from my house on my visitation days. To paraphrase her words, "this will be easy for everyone and the kids will benefit." You see, the schools she was talking about were schools my kids had been pulled in and out of (by her) for the past couple years.
The only exception would be Child #1, who was to go to a private Christian school on scholarship.
It worked great! The kids would all ride the bus to my house on Thursday, get picked up on Friday morning by the bus for school, and, if it was my weekend, they would be dropped off by the bus on Friday afternoon. Child #1 would be dropped off by his grandmother (who works at the Christian school) on Thursday, I would take him to school on Friday morning, and he would be dropped back off on Friday afternoon.
I know it sounds complicated, but it really was rather simple, and the kids were thriving and happy.
So, a couple weeks ago, the Ex told me that Child #3 also received a scholarship to said Christian school and asked me if Child #3 could go there this coming year. I agreed, but stated that due to my current transportation situation I would not be able to drive them both to the Christian school and transportation would have to be provided for both Child #1 and Child #3. Much more on this later...just giving you the basics.
Well, instead of agreeing to do this (again, the children's grandmother works at said school and could easily drop them off and pick them up...and it is not out of the way for her to do so) the Ex decides to enroll ALL the kids in the district she lives in....Thus making all of them change schools AGAIN. Brand new schools, brand new people, brand new everything.
Why?
I have stopped trying to figure out the motivation behind the things my Ex does. However, I know this decision is not healthy for my kids. They are my TOP concern. Switching schools again, having to make new friends AGAIN....very hard on them. Should I mention that due to the hours my Ex works they would be alone from the time they got off the school bus until approximately 7:30 or 8:00 at night (with the youngest ones alone first)? Who cooks dinner? Who helps with homework? Who bathes them and gets them ready for bed?
The easiest solution, if Grandmother didn't want to bring the two from the Christian school and then pick them up in the morning, would just be to tell Child #3 that he was not going to the Christian school and that everything would stay just the same as it was last year. But then, Child #3 should never have been promised the Christian school without my Ex discussing it with me first.
I will not divulge here what is going on to remedy this situation until it is resolved. However, this is the type of thing that goes on all the time. It's always something...ESPECIALLY when it should be simple. Simple solutions just don't seem to work with the Ex...that is when all seems to be the most difficult.
Oh, the reason Grandmother does most of the transportation? The Ex is not allowed on my property. A judge told her so. See? I have SO much to tell. I haven't even touched the smallest tip of the iceberg yet.
When I update again tomorrow, I will return to the history of our marriage. I promise you all that it was not all bad. We had really great times! I hate that it is how it is now....but you can't go back, you can only move forward.
Until later, my friends.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
This is the Wonderful Part....Right?
So, as I was saying, we got married, with no real fanfare involved. After our wedding, we ventured off on our honeymoon.....to Vermont...in January.
Yeah, January. You should have seen the car....haha. There were balloons everywhere, writing on the windows, the hubcaps were covered in pink and blue paper, cans were tied to the back. And oh yes, there were condoms on the gear shift....provided by my Dad!! The way the car was decorated, you'd have thought it was a completely different couple driving away than the ones who attended the "wake" inside.
OH! But wait...I almost forgot! I need to give a little background on the house where we actually held our so called reception. You see, it was my Ex's parent's house. It was and is a large house (6000 sq ft). The problem is that it hasn't exactly been well cared for over the years...and 17+ years ago was no exception.
I am going to try to put this delicately.
Ah, forget it...there is no better way to say this:
When we walked out of her parents' home to our car to go on our honeymoon after our wedding reception, there were congratulations all around. The guests were throwing rice, they were happy and celebrating. All was right with everything.
Until...
I happened to notice that the guests at the wedding were all holding their noses and were squinting rather oddly...and they seemed to be treading through mud.
At least, they thought it was mud. The truth of the matter is that all of the people who attended our wedding "reception" were walking through a field of human waste.
Yes, my friends, they were walking through a pool of @&#!, to be politically correct.
Imagine it for yourselves for just a moment...I'll wait.
...
.......
............
Ok, so you have the image in your head? Not pleasant, right?
We will be revisiting this home in the future, my friends. And there is a lot more to come; however, we must keep this story moving, so from here we go to our honeymoon.
As I mentioned, it was in Vermont in January of 1994. Let me let you think about Vermont in January for a moment, and you decide if you think it would be a good honeymoon spot or not.
Now, having said that, I take the blame for picking this particular place, because yes, it was my idea to go to Vermont for our honeymoon....in January.
The reason I chose that particular place was because we (my parents, sister, and brother) had spent many family vacations there. I loved the place. They had a male and female Golden Retriever who were gorgeous, they cooked for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; there were all kinds of activities....it was totally relaxing and serene. And my Ex loved the idea of going there for our honeymoon.
We left and were all too quickly enveloped in a ice storm. We realized we had to pull off for the night, so we chose a hotel off the interstate.
Then, the wedding night came. Yes, we were both virgins. We were saving ourselves for marriage; however, we pushed our wedding date up because my sister and sister-in-law were both pregnant and would be due very soon. They had to be able to travel (very pregnant) to be in our wedding.
That night was spent (after an unceremonious, um, meeting of the minds) with my Ex sleeping on the floor of our hotel room.
We finally arrived at our destination in Vermont at 11:30 PM, a day late. I told the proprietor the reason that we were late getting there (the ice storm) and asked about not having to pay for the previous day. Well....that didn't fly, and we had to pay for the whole day anyway, even though there was no possible way we could have been there.
Anyhow, we stayed in Vermont for about a week. We then went to our new home in Massachusetts, which is where I was born and raised. We started out living in a one-bedroom apartment that was half underground. There were a couple of very small windows up near the ceiling, but when the snow got deep you couldn't see outside at all.
To say that my Ex hated living there would be an understatement. She didn't just hate the apartment itself, she hated living in Mass all together. That winter was hard, and she was away from her family. It was very cold and there was LOTS of snow.
So....after living in Mass for about a year, we decided to move to NC, where my Ex is from.
Once moving back, we ended up in her uncle's basement. Yeah..glamorous, right? Oh, the basement...and babies. There would be lots of babies to come.
When you hear from me next, you will learn all about the basement we lived in and the journey that beginning a family would take us on.
Trust me, you really don't want to miss it!
Be sure to follow!!
Yeah, January. You should have seen the car....haha. There were balloons everywhere, writing on the windows, the hubcaps were covered in pink and blue paper, cans were tied to the back. And oh yes, there were condoms on the gear shift....provided by my Dad!! The way the car was decorated, you'd have thought it was a completely different couple driving away than the ones who attended the "wake" inside.
OH! But wait...I almost forgot! I need to give a little background on the house where we actually held our so called reception. You see, it was my Ex's parent's house. It was and is a large house (6000 sq ft). The problem is that it hasn't exactly been well cared for over the years...and 17+ years ago was no exception.
I am going to try to put this delicately.
Ah, forget it...there is no better way to say this:
When we walked out of her parents' home to our car to go on our honeymoon after our wedding reception, there were congratulations all around. The guests were throwing rice, they were happy and celebrating. All was right with everything.
Until...
I happened to notice that the guests at the wedding were all holding their noses and were squinting rather oddly...and they seemed to be treading through mud.
At least, they thought it was mud. The truth of the matter is that all of the people who attended our wedding "reception" were walking through a field of human waste.
Yes, my friends, they were walking through a pool of @&#!, to be politically correct.
Imagine it for yourselves for just a moment...I'll wait.
...
.......
............
Ok, so you have the image in your head? Not pleasant, right?
We will be revisiting this home in the future, my friends. And there is a lot more to come; however, we must keep this story moving, so from here we go to our honeymoon.
As I mentioned, it was in Vermont in January of 1994. Let me let you think about Vermont in January for a moment, and you decide if you think it would be a good honeymoon spot or not.
Now, having said that, I take the blame for picking this particular place, because yes, it was my idea to go to Vermont for our honeymoon....in January.
The reason I chose that particular place was because we (my parents, sister, and brother) had spent many family vacations there. I loved the place. They had a male and female Golden Retriever who were gorgeous, they cooked for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; there were all kinds of activities....it was totally relaxing and serene. And my Ex loved the idea of going there for our honeymoon.
We left and were all too quickly enveloped in a ice storm. We realized we had to pull off for the night, so we chose a hotel off the interstate.
Then, the wedding night came. Yes, we were both virgins. We were saving ourselves for marriage; however, we pushed our wedding date up because my sister and sister-in-law were both pregnant and would be due very soon. They had to be able to travel (very pregnant) to be in our wedding.
That night was spent (after an unceremonious, um, meeting of the minds) with my Ex sleeping on the floor of our hotel room.
We finally arrived at our destination in Vermont at 11:30 PM, a day late. I told the proprietor the reason that we were late getting there (the ice storm) and asked about not having to pay for the previous day. Well....that didn't fly, and we had to pay for the whole day anyway, even though there was no possible way we could have been there.
Anyhow, we stayed in Vermont for about a week. We then went to our new home in Massachusetts, which is where I was born and raised. We started out living in a one-bedroom apartment that was half underground. There were a couple of very small windows up near the ceiling, but when the snow got deep you couldn't see outside at all.
To say that my Ex hated living there would be an understatement. She didn't just hate the apartment itself, she hated living in Mass all together. That winter was hard, and she was away from her family. It was very cold and there was LOTS of snow.
So....after living in Mass for about a year, we decided to move to NC, where my Ex is from.
Once moving back, we ended up in her uncle's basement. Yeah..glamorous, right? Oh, the basement...and babies. There would be lots of babies to come.
When you hear from me next, you will learn all about the basement we lived in and the journey that beginning a family would take us on.
Trust me, you really don't want to miss it!
Be sure to follow!!
Friday, August 12, 2011
The Beginning
My children were here last night for my every Thursday visitation. They were testing my every nerve, pretty much completely out of control. As I continuously tried to maintain order amidst the chaos, I realized that their behavior was stemming from yet another batch of lies that had been fed to them by their mother earlier in the week, and that one of the people who should care about them the most in this world was intentionally going to turn their lives upside down...yet again.
But in order to begin that story, I have to go back now and continue where I left off, for without the story of the past, you could never begin to understand the magnitude of the present and the uncertainty of the future.
So, as I was saying before, I met my ex-wife while attending Bob Jones University. She was also raised in a very strict religious fashion (even more so than I) so it seemed that we made a good match.
We began dating and things were going well. I won't lie here and say that I didn't love her or that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. I proposed to her at City Park....and she said yes.
The wedding should have been an indicator of the type of life I was about to venture into. We had a quiet ceremony at a church and then returned to her parents home for the "reception". Well, I don't know that you could really call it a reception now that I think of it. Looking back, if you were an outsider looking in, you may have thought you were attending a wake, except for the cake and all.
There was no music....no dancing. Most of the people who were there (I'm talking 80% or more) were close to twice our age, if not older than that. I don't remember a lot of celebrating going on, more like sitting or standing around quietly.
Probably not what most people imagine their wedding day to be like at all, right? I began to realize how sheltered a life SK really led. I mean, I know I was really sheltered at that time compared to most people my age, but COME ON, no music or dancing?
As it turns out, completely sheltering your children from everything you deem "bad, inappropriate, disturbing...or maybe just a little upsetting" may not be the best thing for them. Of course it is good to protect them from many things, but you also have to let them have some exposure into what the outside world is really like.
Otherwise, they can really go off the deep end eventually....and that's just what she did.
But in order to begin that story, I have to go back now and continue where I left off, for without the story of the past, you could never begin to understand the magnitude of the present and the uncertainty of the future.
So, as I was saying before, I met my ex-wife while attending Bob Jones University. She was also raised in a very strict religious fashion (even more so than I) so it seemed that we made a good match.
We began dating and things were going well. I won't lie here and say that I didn't love her or that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. I proposed to her at City Park....and she said yes.
The wedding should have been an indicator of the type of life I was about to venture into. We had a quiet ceremony at a church and then returned to her parents home for the "reception". Well, I don't know that you could really call it a reception now that I think of it. Looking back, if you were an outsider looking in, you may have thought you were attending a wake, except for the cake and all.
There was no music....no dancing. Most of the people who were there (I'm talking 80% or more) were close to twice our age, if not older than that. I don't remember a lot of celebrating going on, more like sitting or standing around quietly.
Probably not what most people imagine their wedding day to be like at all, right? I began to realize how sheltered a life SK really led. I mean, I know I was really sheltered at that time compared to most people my age, but COME ON, no music or dancing?
As it turns out, completely sheltering your children from everything you deem "bad, inappropriate, disturbing...or maybe just a little upsetting" may not be the best thing for them. Of course it is good to protect them from many things, but you also have to let them have some exposure into what the outside world is really like.
Otherwise, they can really go off the deep end eventually....and that's just what she did.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Life That Should Have Been Wonderful
So....I was raised in a strict Christian home. I was home schooled for much of my grade school life (I am 38 now), until my 10th grade year of high school. Then, I went to a regular, public high school.
After high school, I enrolled in Bob Jones University. For those who don't know, BJU is a Christian University in SC dedicated to "training leaders by building up their faith and understanding of God’s Word, and by teaching them how to live the truth in every area of life."
Ok...so, to explain my day to day then (aside from the daily prayer meetings, chapel, chaperones, etc.)....
It's not that I didn't respect my parents...or the school. However, I had to find myself. After feeling sheltered for a time, I began to buck the system when I could...doing things that were not allowed (NEVER anything illegal or dangerous....no way) but succeeding in my goal.
I DID find myself... in furniture. You see, I had chosen accounting as my major, but taking a random cabinet making class changed my life. Furniture was my calling, and I KNEW it. I felt it in every bone in my body...and then some. I did not graduate from BJU...instead, I left early.
There was a time, while at BJU, that I met SK (who also did not graduate from BJU), and my relationship with SK would eventually prove to be a trial of my wits.
Yeah, I married her, but you have no idea the ripples one decision can make in your life until you make it.
If I had only known then what I know now....
This blog is not about religion....nor is it about a love gone wrong.
This blog is about lies and the damage they cause....especially to children (my children). It is a cautionary tale...one dead-bolted in truth, as anything you read here can be documented in official documents that prove their authenticity. If you question anything, I urge you to contact me.
Read on, if you dare. It will blow your mind!
After high school, I enrolled in Bob Jones University. For those who don't know, BJU is a Christian University in SC dedicated to "training leaders by building up their faith and understanding of God’s Word, and by teaching them how to live the truth in every area of life."
Ok...so, to explain my day to day then (aside from the daily prayer meetings, chapel, chaperones, etc.)....
It's not that I didn't respect my parents...or the school. However, I had to find myself. After feeling sheltered for a time, I began to buck the system when I could...doing things that were not allowed (NEVER anything illegal or dangerous....no way) but succeeding in my goal.
I DID find myself... in furniture. You see, I had chosen accounting as my major, but taking a random cabinet making class changed my life. Furniture was my calling, and I KNEW it. I felt it in every bone in my body...and then some. I did not graduate from BJU...instead, I left early.
There was a time, while at BJU, that I met SK (who also did not graduate from BJU), and my relationship with SK would eventually prove to be a trial of my wits.
Yeah, I married her, but you have no idea the ripples one decision can make in your life until you make it.
If I had only known then what I know now....
This blog is not about religion....nor is it about a love gone wrong.
This blog is about lies and the damage they cause....especially to children (my children). It is a cautionary tale...one dead-bolted in truth, as anything you read here can be documented in official documents that prove their authenticity. If you question anything, I urge you to contact me.
Read on, if you dare. It will blow your mind!
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