The Aftermath

After finding out about the affair, my mind was completely numb. I had a very difficult time coping with this drastic turn of events in my life. Work was hard to concentrate on, I felt useless in the positions I held in church, and I had a many sleepless nights. I felt as if I had failed as a husband, father, and provider; however, I also felt a need to press on with life.

I continued on with all my activities for a while, and then what happened really hit me. It was like a switch went on in my head. I got angry! Very angry! The fighting began, and lots of it.

I think I can guess what question many of you may have at this point. Did the fighting ever get physical? I can say that I am so very thankful to God that I never laid hands on her like that, but the arguments continued on, and eventually my Ex asked me to leave. Move out.

What?? Me move out? How about you move out! Eventually, I ended up being the one to move out. With no place to go, I ended up in the upstairs of the parsonage at my church. Looking back, I guess it was good to get out of there and give things time to cool off. It was by the grace of God that I had a place to go. Everyone at church knew there were problems with the marriage and were being supportive, but I felt as if I shouldn't be a leader at church like I was. I knew deep in my heart that I had to step down from all my duties and resign; not only because of the marriage problems, but also due to the anger I was dealing with. I was angry at myself, at my Ex, and at God. I was constantly asking how someone involved in the church like we were could act and believe one way but then have an affair. It's called being a hypocrite, and unfortunately churches are full of them.

When you are involved in the church like I was, there are always things going on behind the scenes that the congregation doesn't see, and this affair was one of them. The whole thing really gave me a bad taste in my mouth about church.

I stayed gone for about three weeks before we kind of reconciled and I moved back to the house. I had lost all respect for my Ex. Soon after coming home, I wanted to move out of that town and leave all the negative thoughts and feelings behind. We decided to move to a home on my Ex's parent's property. It was an older home set off the road quite a bit, so it was quiet. The only problem was that it was only 900 SF...maybe. Yeah, you heard me right! With all the kids we had, I don't think the word cozy even begins to describe how cramped it was!

If I had to give you some advice, I would tell you to always keep your eyes open. Yes, there are genuinely wonderful, honest, God-fearing people in this world, and I am very blessed to know many of them, but there are also those who are just putting on a front. Do not believe that just because someone is a Christian and attends church that they would never do something like my Ex did, or something equally as awful.

And if you keep your eyes open, the signs are usually there.

Next post I'll be touching on another drastic move. Is it for the good or the bad? We'll see.