I know that all of you are anxiously awaiting the next installment in the disappearance of my children. However, because of a conversation my girlfriend and I had last night, I'm going to take a small break from that in order to get some things out there that I feel need to be said, and in some cases, repeated.
It has been over 3 years now since my Ex left me and our children and took off with her boyfriend. In that time, I have fought tooth and nail for what is right and what is best for my children. I have really been through some very trying times and have not even reached the tip of the iceberg in this blog yet.
Last night my girlfriend and I began a discussion about the way things SHOULD be. I don't really know how we got started on this subject, but as is always the case, at some point in every single day we end up talking about everything going on with my Ex and my children.
I have tried several times over the past 3+ years to mediate with my Ex and come to an agreement about things without having to constantly go to court. I even met with her at a restaurant once and we just talked and hammered things out.
No matter if it has been just her and I or if we have had others involved to act as intermediaries, the same thing always takes place. We are able to be civil and work things out regarding custody, visitation, child support, etc., etc., etc., and then the very next day....she changes her mind about every single thing we agreed on. Every time, without fail.
I feel that it is important for all of you reading this to know that I WANT things to be civil between us. Not only will it cause so much less stress in our lives, but it would be SO great for our children to see that we can get along with each other even if we aren't going to be together.
I need people to understand that I have tried and tried and tried to work things out with her amicably, without courtrooms and lawyers, and it just doesn't work. I don't know why that is because I can't read her mind, but all I know is that I have never been the one to go back on any agreement that we have made.
From my perspective, my Ex has had her mind on one thing and one thing only from the very moment that she left me and the kids and took off. Money. She began by taking all the money out of both of our bank accounts and continued from there. In court, the single most talked about thing is always money. Funny, huh? You would think the court would be concerned about the welfare, health, emotional stability, and stability in general of our children more than money, but go figure.
As I type this, court is looming once again. I have to say that I am sick and tired of going to court. I wish there would be no more court. The only reason that I filed the current contempt motion against her was because that was the only way I was going to get to see my children. And wouldn't you know that from the moment she found out that motion was filed, she has made sure I've had my kids each and every time I'm supposed to? I don't think that's just a coincidence.
So, we sat talking last night, and I said, "wouldn't it be nice if her and I could actually communicate on a civil level with each other? Wouldn't it be nice if she wasn't restricted from even coming onto our property? How amazing would it be if she could actually come inside our home and sit down and talk about the current things going on with the kids?"
That's the way it should be.
I should know how my kids are doing in school without having to jump through hoops to find out. I should know if someone is sick with pneumonia and is having daily nebulizer treatments when they are actually sick; not a week later when I see my kids.
I should be able to call my children every single day and actually be able to talk to them. I should be able to call my Ex if I need to and actually have a civil conversation with her about concerns that I have or concerns that she has. When one of my children is in trouble and gets grounded, I should be notified so that the punishment can continue when they are at my home instead of them just getting a free pass.
Yes, that's the way it should be. That's the way I would like for it to be.
But it's not, and probably never, ever will be.
The only way this could ever happen would be if my Ex could just let go. Just stop with the vindictiveness and the "out to get me" attitude that she still has over 3 years later. I would have thought by now that things would have changed. How long can a person continue to be so bitter towards another person? And when you add in the fact that I'm not even the one who caused the ultimate demise of our marriage, it sort of makes you wonder what it is that she is so bitter about.
Believe me, I have thought about the reason for her bitterness for so long now that I have given up trying to figure it out. I think that part of it is that she is angry at herself for doing what she did and for throwing away a pretty good life that she had. I think she is angry that I have totally moved on in my life and am extremely happy with the person that I am with and with my life in general (aside from court, that is).
Because she is so angry at herself for all of this, and because she still has yet to take any responsibility and has always blamed everything on everyone else (mostly me), I think she takes her anger out on me because I'm the biggest scapegoat.
Other than that, I'm at a loss. I would love to hear your suggestions on why you think she continues this way. I really just wish that she could live and let live.
We discussed inviting her over so that we could all sit down and talk, which is something that has never been done before. We would tell her she doesn't have to come alone if she doesn't feel comfortable. The conversation would mostly be about the kids and there would be no arguing or finger-pointing. I think it would be awesome to be able to do that and would probably blow my kid's minds, but I know that it will never happen.
So, tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear from you about this. What drives a person to be so bitter after so long? I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes I believe coming up with ways to get me is all she thinks about. I've actually witnessed the disturbing lengths she will go to in order to try and turn my life upside down, and will even involve other people if she has to. It really is mind-boggling.
Ahhhhh....but for the way it should be.
Next time I promise to continue on with the story and not keep you all waiting any longer. You really haven't seen anything yet!
**Oh, by the way. My youngest son ended up with ONE stitch. One stitch that my youngest daughter proceeded to pull out a couple of days later. I found this out this past weekend, which was the first time I saw, or spoke to, any of my children since the accident happened. Once again, a little civility on the part of my Ex would have been nice, but I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
No comments:
Post a Comment