I would like to be able to give you an exact date as to when my Ex returned to North Carolina from Colorado, but I really can't. All I can tell you is that she came back and was living in a house on her parent's property that we had formerly lived in as a family. Upon her return, her parents floated the money for her to secure an attorney, and then the fight began.
The next thing I knew, my attorney notified me that I was going to court regarding custody of my children. At the time, I had had full custody of them for 5 months after they were abandoned by my Ex, but I knew that things had to be finalized. My lawyer assured me that because of the nature of her leaving, I had a slam-dunk case and had nothing to worry about.
I should never have listened to, or trusted my lawyer.
Let me give you a little bit of a mental picture of him before we continue. He was recommended to me by a close acquaintance. I was given raving reviews about his capabilities and was told that he was "the best". I'm sure he was the best at one time, in fact, I know he was from doing research.
However, when he represented me, he was pushing 70 years old and was not very sharp anymore. I should have known better, but again, this was all new to me. Hindsight, and all...
At the time, I figured that he had gotten me temporary custody and had worked everything else in my favor, so why not believe what he was telling me and trust that the court would be in my favor? I went ahead with court, completely unprepared, with no prior meeting with my lawyer to even talk about what was going to be discussed at the trial.
During the trial, he rarely objected to anything, even when the questions were completely out of line or outright lies were being told. He would sit with a sort of half-smirk on his face, rubbing his temple. When it was his turn to ask questions, he pretty much butchered everything. Even when one of my witnesses had been torn apart on the stand by my Ex's attorney, my attorney would not even try to right the wrongs or try to ask questions to clear the air.
It was a massacre.
Now, my Ex's attorney was a vulture. He was good. He was REALLY good. He was the kind of guy that you have a love-hate relationship with. I hated him because his sole job was to make me look like the worst father ever; however, I had to like him too, because he was only doing his job....and he was doing an amazing job at it.
Anyhow, after a week of testimony by myself, my Ex, teachers, friends, and my nanny, the decision was made. The judge declared that we would have joint legal custody of the children, with my Ex having primary physical custody and me only having visitation.
I went from having them all by myself for 5 entire months to only getting to see them one day a week and every other weekend.
The reason, you ask? The judge decided that because she had been their primary caregiver for most of their lives (read: she was their mom) they should live with her and not me. Forget the fact that she had an affair, abandoned them, stole money, and pretty much disappeared for several months. Nah, didn't matter. And my attorney? He acted like the decision was no big deal and asked me what I wanted to do about it. "Do you want to appeal it, or what?"
So without further fanfare, I'm going to show you the court document from that week of trial. The one that took my kids away from me and would start close to 3 years of struggle on my part to keep a constant relationship with my children.
Temporary Custody 01.28.2009br />
I know there is a lot of information in that document that I have not yet touched on. It's really very hard to remember each and every single thing. What you should always remember from here on out is that in every court case, I am always the Plaintiff, and my Ex is the Defendant.
What I will do in my next post is go through each paragraph and fill in any blanks that I haven't touched on yet and let you know how it actually felt to be in that courtroom on the stand and have your world ripped apart. I would do that now, but you would be reading all night!
This document outlines that she get primary physical custody and lays out the visitation schedule that I was supposed to have.
As you can see at the end of the document, this is a temporary order that was issued almost 3 years ago. It is still in effect today. Nothing has ever been made permanent.
Are you shocked by the decision? Let me tell you, this came down right before Christmas 2008, so it was not a very merry Christmas for me because I had to give her the children. Poof! Just like that.
All I can remember is being so confused, angry, and most of all hurt by the decision. I couldn't believe that I had cared for them for so long after what she had done, only to have them taken from me in the blink of an eye by a judge who's wife died from cancer just days before he rendered this decision. Personally, I don't think he was in any shape to be making life-altering judgements given what was going on in his personal life, but my lawyer didn't seem to think it was an issue....
It was after this happened that I began to keep a journal of daily events, because believe it or not, only a month or so went by before my Ex began refusing me my visitation.
Read it, take it in, make notes of your questions or confusion, and next time you read this blog, I will try to flesh it all out for you. There are a lot of things that weren't put in the order that were testified to, and there were also a lot of lies told.
Please stick with me, because it only gets crazier from here!!
See you on the flip side!
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