My Desire

Before I start writing about the next 3 years of the hell my children and I have been through, I need to make sure you understand some other things first.

I am writing this blog in the hopes of helping people understand that the fathers in the United States have an extremely difficult time getting custody of their kids, even when it is clear-cut that they should get custody.

Let me tell you what my ideal model for a divorced family is. I would want the mother and father to be equal identities in the kids' lives -- meaning the mom and dad are civil to each other, no matter their differences, in order to raise the children well, even though they cannot be together.

This means that the mom and dad should be able to communicate about the children in a civil manner, without being spiteful and bitter. Well, this would be in a perfect world.

I WANT that. I want to be able to communicate with my Ex about my children and it go well. I WISH that were the case. But, unfortunately, that is not the way it works....for me.

I try to ask her things about the kids, and I get grief. I try to bring things to her attention that I think need to be addressed (school issues, health issues, etc.) and I get met with "leave me alone, I am a good mom", when I never implied otherwise.

I know for a fact that an amicable situation can be reached...people do it all the time. So why is it so hard for me?

Let me tell you, it is not for my lack of trying. I have TRIED to mediate with my Ex on several different occasions (once was court ordered and she balked), with her ultimately backing out at the very end of it all. I have kept my kids out of court, kept them out of the loop, etc...only to walk into court and see my 10-year-old sitting there (and before that my 11 and 13 year old).

I don't want them to know the details of what is going on, not because I have anything to hide, but because they are KIDS and SHOULD NOT know, but time and time again they bring things up to me...like child support.

In my opinion, they should not even know what child support is. However, they do, and I'm not the one who told them about it.

And when I said there are fathers who should get custody over the mothers, I was not saying shut the mothers out completely. I'm saying that the kids should be in the primary care of the father, but the state favors the mother like you would not believe. If you are a dad going for custody, your gender is already a strike against you, even if it is clear the kids do better in your care.

By writing this blog, I want to bring things to light that people don't normally think about when you hear that someone you know is getting a divorce. I want to help people who may be going through something similar, because when I began this journey, I knew NOTHING and would have welcomed any help I could get, especially when it came from someone who had been through it.

I do not want to place blame on anyone, and will never do so. I will tell the facts. And as I said before, there will be actual court documentation to back it all up.

I will let all of you decide how you feel about what I say from here on out, because this is where it will get extremely messy.

PLEASE comment. I really want to hear you!!

Brace yourselves! Tomorrow is D-Day!