A Happy Weekend

I realize that I haven't posted anything in quite a few days, and I apologize for that, but it was for good reason, because this past weekend....

I GOT TO SEE MY KIDS!!

My sister and brother-in-law drove down from their home, which is about 15 hours away, to visit. They have a van that will accommodate 8 people, so I let my Ex know I would be picking up all the kids from school this past Friday and that they would spend the weekend with me (it was my weekend anyway).

To my surprise, my Ex did not deny this at all. She actually didn't say anything back. So, we picked up all the kids from their respective schools Friday afternoon. They were very surprised to see their aunt and uncle (I never mentioned they were coming). They were so happy to see me and my girlfriend too. I missed them tremendously! 6 weeks without seeing the kids is a real tough thing to go through and to feel them hug me and say they love me got me choked up. That was a GREAT feeling to have, but this won't be the last time I don't see me kids for that amount of time either. The next time that happens will rock your world.

We had a blast! On Friday night, we all went out to eat at a local pizza place called The Mellow Mushroom. I had never been there before, but apparently the kids had. It was really good and we devoured three 16-inch pizzas like they were nothing!

After we were done with dinner, we took all the kids back to the hotel where my sister and her husband were staying. This was supposed to be the only hotel around that had an indoor swimming pool. My sister even called and spoke to someone there to make sure they had an indoor pool, and she was told that they did.

Well...they didn't.

It was an outdoor pool and it was extremely windy and pretty chilly outside. However, that didn't stop the kids (the water was heated) and they went swimming for at least a good hour, maybe more. After that, we went up to the room where all the kids enjoyed hot chocolate and answering riddles that their uncle would give them. It really was a great night.

On Saturday, the small town that I live in was having a little festival, so we all went and walked around there. They had 4 different bounce houses that the kids could jump in until their hearts were content.

After the festival, we all went bowling. The bowling alley worked out a great deal, and we got 3 lanes for all of us along with 2 pitchers of soda and 2 hours to bowl all we could bowl. We ended up bowling 4 games or more a piece. Huge thanks to the bowling alley, because they even let us finish our last game after the 2 hour mark was up. It truly was a great day because my kids love to go bowling. I used to take them often, but haven't been able to do so in over a year due to transportation and finances. My sister and brother-in-law were truly a blessing to make this an incredible weekend.

They left on Saturday afternoon, and we had a great home-cooked meal of Russian chicken. This meal is probably at the top of my kids' favorite meals list, so they were loving every minute of it.

On the weekends when I have my kids, we always have movie night. The kids take turns picking out a movie to watch on Netflix and they have popcorn. Well, Saturday night was no different, except this time I had to ground my oldest son.

Actually, this past weekend wasn't the first time, but I felt awful about it. I hadn't seen my kids in SIX weeks...punishing any of them is not what I wanted to do at all. Then again, what am I supposed to do? He was saying awful things, being disrespectful to everyone; shooting people with his Nerf gun, which is not allowed. I ultimately decided that things should be no different than when they were with me before, and I sent him to bed early, as I would have done any of the other kids if they were doing the same things.

The next morning, it was as if all was forgotten and he made me breakfast and cappuchino. It's like that with him...he turns on and off the attitude and anger like a switch. Part of it is his age (13) and part of it is just the way he is. Either way, I love him.

On Sunday, I had a discussion with my two oldest children about how they talked to me a few weeks ago on the phone. My oldest son was especially nasty, and they both were convinced that I don't pay child support due to what their mom has told them.

I called them in separately and showed them the evidence. I logged into my account on the child support website and showed them the amounts I have paid every single week for the last year. I also showed them my pay stubs (child support is taken out automatically). Now...I have been paying my child support for much more than a year, but the child support website will only allow you to pull records for 13 months.

My daughter cried because she didn't want to admit that her mother had lied to her. It was heartbreaking for me. My daughter had been told that I only started paying child support 3 weeks ago after our phone conversation. In reality, I had been paying child support for 3 years, in excess of $30,000. I told her that I was not asking her to say anything about her mom, I was just trying to correct the wrong things that had been said about me. In the end, she understood and went away knowing that I was showing her and telling her the truth.

My son was indifferent. He had an attitude from the beginning and didn't want to listen, but I told him anyway. He was convinced that the way he spoke to me on the phone that time was okay. I told him that it was not EVER okay to talk to me that way, and I showed him the child support stuff as well. Even though he acted like he wanted nothing to do with the conversation, I know he heard me and saw the truth.

All in all, it was an amazing weekend, and I was phenomenally happy to see my children after SIX weeks. The only sad thing is that it took my sister and her husband driving 15 hours to make that happen (part of the trip was for one of their children, but they came here as well to see the kids and to help me see the kids).

The other sad thing is that I don't know when I will see them next.

Trust me that my lawyer is working on this.

Please continue to pray for me and my children. There are other things going on that I did not touch on in this blog, but compared to not seeing my children, everything else seems minor.

I will see you soon, my friends.

P.S...I understand this is a break in the continuity of things, but I got to see my kids and I felt it was important. It was amazingly helpful to me and made me feel better. It made them feel better too, which was evident as they didn't want to leave my side.

In the next post we will return to the sequence of things.

The Trial

In my last post, I showed you the court order that resulted from a week long trial over custody of my children. I have to say that going to court is probably my least favorite thing in the world to do. I did learn a lot from that experience, and from all my subsequent court hearings, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have done things much differently.

First off, my attorney. I told you how he was not very quick to object to anything and pretty much seemed to be stumbling through everything. This is true, but if I had listened to him in the very beginning, things may have gone much differently for me with regards to custody.

When my Ex first took off and pretty much fell of the face of the earth, my attorney acted quickly and was successful in getting me emergency temporary custody of my children. He wanted to continue further and "really go after her" in terms of solidifying my having custody, but I said no. I wanted to hold off. I can't really explain why I wanted to do that. I think it was mostly that I was so naive about the whole process that I didn't think holding off would matter all that much.

Boy was I wrong!

If I had known then what I know now; that the 3 years after this first trial would be a living nightmare for me, even in trying to have my court ordered visitation, I would have gone forward with everything in the very beginning. It probably would have saved me tons of heartache, anxiety, anger, sadness, money, and overall disbelief at the state of the justice system.

During the trial, everything my Ex said was taken as gold. She offered no proof to any statements that she made in court, but she was believed regardless. She brought my 2 oldest children to court to testify against me, which really didn't work out for her at all. At least the judge talked to them in his chambers instead of in open court. They were traumatized enough by just having to do that.

Since the first few paragraphs of the order are just legal mumbo jumbo to state what the case is about, I will move forward to paragraph 8 under Findings of Fact to begin.

Everything in this paragraph is correct, including the fact that my Ex did all of the bookkeeping and banking responsibilities for my business. She did this sparingly because she was always off somewhere else. She hated the business and resented the fact that it took up so much of my time, so she spent as little time there as possible.

Paragraph 9 is correct to a degree. She testified in court that at the time of the trial she was working for a home care agency, but she would not say the name of it, and my lawyer did not press the issue. She said she worked about 30 hours a week and stated how much money she made per hour, but she offered no evidence to back up her claims in the form of wage stubs or the like. Again, this was let go by my attorney, and her word was taken at face value.

What isn't mentioned in the order, but was testified to at length, was the fact that I had to provide every single scrap of paper I had in my possession that outlined every single dollar I made and how I made it. I submitted bank statements, invoices, copies of bills, tax returns, and receipts. My business and personal information was not separate, so everything had to be taken into account to determine my income. I had to testify as to how much my house payment was, car payment, even how much I spent on groceries each week to support my children.

All of this information is very important when we get to the child support phase, and you are going to see judicial corruption at its finest.

Paragraph 10 is true. As I have already stated, I worked long hours to support my 5 children and my wife. I paid all the bills, including a huge mortgage payment on a house that we never should have gotten in the first place. But, more on that later.

Paragraph 11 is partly true. I did leave, as I already mentioned, after my Ex had her first affair; however, she knew exactly where I was living (at the church). Of course, I testified that she knew where I was during that time, but the order only states what she said and leaves out my testimony.

Paragraph 12 is also true. I don't think I mentioned this before, but I did leave her again due to more and more problems in our marriage. She was hiding things and lying to me, and I got fed up. I even found birth control pills hidden in the trunk of her car, along with skimpy clothes. We could not have anymore children at that time, so birth control was not necessary for her unless it was for medical reasons, but if that was the case, there was no reason for her to hide them. So, yeah, I left.

Paragraph 13 is true. I went back home and we began going to church together and attended counseling. One session, to be exact.

Paragraph 14 relates what she testified to; however, I never abused her. And, as the order says, she never contacted the police or got a restraining order or anything else. She could provide no evidence in court that she had ever been abused. Of course, I testified that I had never abused her, but again, my testimony is not in the order and was pretty much ignored.

Paragraph 15 is true. It relates to the incident where I kept her keys from her when she abandoned the children. That was considered an act of domestic violence, but again, there was no evidence that I had ever abused her in any way prior to that incident.

Paragraph 16 is true. I was away from home a lot. Again, I was working my rear end off trying to support my family. I had my shop that I conducted business out of, and I also had a retail store. I was stretched very thin and had to work almost constantly to keep up. I did hire an employee to work at the retail location (actually, my Ex hired her!) and since I build custom furniture, there is a lot that goes into the quote process. So, yes, sometimes she was at my shop after hours but we were always conducting business. The doors were locked because the shop was closed, and if my Ex had any suspicions, she could have simply come inside (she had a key). There was a time that we were sitting in her car talking, but it was about business and nothing more. Oh, and the dead end road that it was parked on? My shop is located at the top of a dead end road. She was trying to paint the picture that I was having an affair, but it never went anywhere, and I will tell you right now that I never, ever cheated on her.

Paragraph 17 has already been established. She left.

Paragraph 18 is a lie. She testified in court that the reason she left was to go and find a place for her and the kids to live. The first time she EVER said anything like that was on the witness stand in court. The entire time she was gone, she never once told me that she planned to get a place and have the kids live with her.

Paragraph 19 is correct, and I have already shown you the letter she signed.

Paragraph 20 is partially true. I have already told you how that day went down, but I never choked her. I love how there is just a little blurb at the end of that paragraph that says, "although he denies choking her" as if it's an afterthought. Great, huh?

Paragraph 21 is correct and has been established in this blog. What the order does not state is that she returned to North Carolina specifically to pick up her boyfriend (which she did testify to) and then left for Colorado.

Paragraph 22 is a bunch of hooey. She talked to the children whenever she would call as long as they were awake. As a matter of fact, I called her over and over and over again in order to let the kids talk to her, and she would never answer her phone. I did not ask her to come back because I could not take care of the kids; I asked her to come back to SEE her kids because they missed her and didn't understand why mommy wasn't coming home. She did not "offer evidence" that she went to a domestic violence agency in Colorado; she simply testified that she did. The only part of that paragraph that is true is that she never thought I would ever seek custody of the children.

Paragraph 23 is correct.

Paragraph 24 is only partially true. She did sign the parenting agreement that allowed her very strict visitation; however, she could have seen the children before that if she would have COME BACK to see them. Kinda hard to see your kids when you're clear across the country, isn't it?

Paragraph 25 is correct. I met a woman online and went out with her. I was looking for new friends and companions, as I really didn't have any friends around me. All of my family lives far away and I had never really established a network of friends because I worked so much, so I was pretty much alone and going through hell.

Paragraph 26 is correct. The woman that I met online became a great friend and was actually looking for a new place to live. After we had known each other a few weeks and she became familiar with my situation, we discussed her moving into my home to help me care for my home and children as a live-in nanny. The house I lived in had an apartment in the basement complete with a kitchen and bathroom and a separate entrance, so it was perfect for her. She had another job, but it was one that she could do from home, so it worked out great. She moved in and began helping me care for the kids. She did all the cleaning and cooking, and also began helping me through the court process. She began doing this before my Ex even returned, when I had custody of the kids. After my Ex got custody back, she spent nights and weekends there even when the kids were not there because she LIVED there. There was never a romantic relationship between us.

Paragraph 27 states that I testified that the nanny slept in the basement (she had her own furniture down there) and that we were not romantic. The judge interviewed my 2 oldest children in his chambers. Ninety percent of the questions asked to them were about the nanny. And yes, I did testify that if my oldest son said he saw us together romantically he was either mistaken or lying. My oldest has had a major problem with lying for most of his life. My Ex even agreed and testified on the stand that he lies a lot.

The nanny spent an entire week in court and was not called to the stand until the very last day. My lawyer tried to get the judge to excuse her from her subpoena after the second day because she was missing work at her other job. When the judge asked my Ex's lawyer if he planned on having the nanny testify, his response was "I haven't decided yet." It was all a game to him.

On the stand, the nanny was made to testify about the nature of her relationship with me and my children and what duties she performed in my home. Then the line of questioning turned very personal. My Ex's lawyer began questioning her about her other job and asked her income. My lawyer did object to that because it was really not relevant at all, but the judge made her answer the question anyway. He also questioned her at great length about a refrigerator that she sold on craigslist. It was her fridge and she didn't need it anymore, so she sold it. A huge deal was made about why she sold it and for how much and what she did with the money. I still to this day have no idea what that had to do with the price of tea in China, but whatever. She, of course, was also asked about any romantic relationship she may be involved in.

Funny how none of that stuff is mentioned at all, isn't it? Perhaps that is because they were trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, and when that didn't work, they just swept it under the rug like it never happened. You see, my Ex wife is an insanely jealous woman. During our marriage, I was kept in a box. I could not go anywhere or do anything without her permission. I was not allowed to join a gym because there would be women there. If we were watching television and a Victoria's Secret commercial would come on, she would actually put her hand up to cover my eyes. No, not in a joking manner, she actually would not allow me to look at the TV until after the commercial was over.

You know what else wasn't stated in the court order? I testified, and the nanny testified, that I was dating at the time. That's right...I was dating other women. Actually, at the time of the trial, I had a girlfriend. So much for that theory!

This nanny was so wonderful at a time that I really needed help, and my kids absolutely loved her. She made sure they were always well fed and clean, and my house had never been cleaner! But all my Ex saw was another woman...which apparently automatically meant I was sleeping with her.

The reason I have spent so much time talking about the nanny is because I never mentioned her before now. You are going to hear her mentioned a lot in this blog, so I wanted you to get the background story.

Moving on....

Paragraph 28 is partially true. She hadn't seen them in over a month, but it wasn't because I wouldn't let her. I'm pretty sure we've covered this several times now.

Paragraph 29 is true. When she moved back from Colorado, she moved into the house on her parent's property that we had formerly lived in as a family.

Paragraph 30 is completely false. I've told you about that house already, remember? It was 900 SF at best and only had 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. It's an old house that was pretty run down. I would not at all classify it as "a nice home with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms."

Paragraph 31 is confusing. Yes, I had had the children since July. I did testify that I was not working at night as much as I had before my Ex and I separated, but frankly I didn't have to. My retail store had been closed for some time, so I only had the one location to worry about, and since my Ex was gone, I didn't have to work as much to support her spending habits. Not trying to be mean here, but she spent money ALL the time, mostly $5 here and $10 there. All that adds up over time, and no matter how hard I tried to explain to her that she was nickel and diming me to death, she just kept spending. After the initial dent when she cleaned out both bank accounts, with the help of family, friends, and some strangers, money suddenly was not nearly as tight as it always had been, and I was able to be home more than I ever had been able to before. A tape recording was played in court where I apparently said that I was going to work almost every night, but I remember the tape was very garbled and I could not say for certain that it was my voice on the tape. However, I do believe the recording was made shortly after she left, and if it was me on the tape, it would have been true because right after she left, I was working at night all the time because I had no money and had no choice.

Paragraph 32: Ahhh, the teachers. I almost want to laugh out loud at the next few paragraphs because they are full of inaccuracies, and also because, again, it really didn't matter. These teachers were made to miss work for, I believe, 2 days to testify in court, under subpoena, and in the end, what they said really had no bearing on the case at all.

One teacher taught my middle son the year prior and now had my youngest daughter in her classroom. The other was only a teacher's assistant who worked in the classroom across the hall and never taught either one of those two children. All I can say about them claiming the kids were dirty is that that is a load of bull. All the kids were always clean and had their hair combed before school, and they all did their homework every single night. Again, no evidence was entered to corroborate that my daughter wasn't doing her homework (by the way, she was in kindergarten, so homework pretty much didn't exist for her). As far as her being tired all the time, there is actually a running joke that she can sleep anytime, anywhere, and fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I once found her in my kitchen lying across 2 stools, sound asleep. It was so funny that I even took a picture of it! What it doesn't say is that the teachers also said that my children weren't "in style". Huh? Ok, so a 5 and 7-year-old are apparently supposed to be in high fashion. I guess clothes from The Gap just aren't good enough. Who knew?

As to them being excited to see their mom, I'm sure they were! She had only been gone for 5 months and had barely seen them. What kids wouldn't be excited?

Paragraph 33 is more of the same. And yes, my Ex did a lot at the school before she took off, but she was a stay-at-home mom. Is it really a surprise that she would spend time in their classrooms? Oops! They mentioned in there that I actually went and ate lunch at the school with my kids several times. Who let that slip in there?

Paragraph 34 is again more of the same. They were trying to paint her in a "mother of the year" light to try and make me look like a terrible father and try to shift focus off of what she had done. Apparently it worked.

Paragraph 35 outlines testimony from a neighbor that we had several years before in another town. I don't really put much stock in her testimony at all and was confused as to why she was even there, except to again try to make it look like I could care less about my kids and was never around to care for them. All I can say is that this woman didn't live with us, and if she had that much knowledge about the goings-on at my home, perhaps I should have been concerned about a stalker. She certainly sounded in her testimony like she watched every move that I made.

Paragraph 36: Yes, she was the primary caregiver of the children because I worked and she didn't. Well, she was the primary caregiver until she abandoned them, but who's keeping score here? We're supposed to forget about that, remember?

Paragraph 37: "Best interest of the children". Yeah, ok. We'll see how that works out as this blog continues.

Paragraph 38: The puppies. Oh my word, the puppies. This was brought up in almost EVERY single court hearing. We had 2 Golden Retrievers that we bred on occasion and would sell the puppies for extra income. We had been doing this for quite some time before she left. Well, AFTER she left, my female went into heat and one of the kids opened the gate, and well, you can figure out the rest. I took the litter up north to sell them because, frankly, you can get more money up north for them. My Ex wanted that money. All $2400.00 of it (I guess the $2000 she took from the bank accounts just wasn't enough). My lawyer actually fought hard on this issue (for once) and stated that because the conception occurred after date of separation, my Ex had no claim to the proceeds from the sale of the puppies. The judge didn't know what to do (there was a brief discussion between the judge and 2 lawyers about crops and farms and some such that still makes no sense to me), so it just kept getting put off and put off. To this day a ruling has never been made regarding whether or not she had any rights to any of that money. The money was put aside in my lawyer's trust account...and you'll see what happens to it later.

So there you have it. We were granted joint legal custody of the children with her having primary placement. The judge declared that she have primary care because she had been the one to care for them most of their lives. What she did never mattered one bit. The fact that she would up and leave her children for another man and disappear for 5 months seemed to be no big deal to the judge.

You can see the visitation schedule that I am supposed to have outlined, and to this day it remains in effect except that we mutually agreed to change my Wednesday visitation to Thursday.

Tomorrow will mark 6 weeks since I have seen my kids.

I know this is a very long post, and I hope you were able to stick with me through it. Coming up, we will talk about child support, post-separation support, contempt of court charges, more restraining orders, and my children disappearing.

Buckle in, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

And Then She Returned....

I would like to be able to give you an exact date as to when my Ex returned to North Carolina from Colorado, but I really can't. All I can tell you is that she came back and was living in a house on her parent's property that we had formerly lived in as a family. Upon her return, her parents floated the money for her to secure an attorney, and then the fight began.

The next thing I knew, my attorney notified me that I was going to court regarding custody of my children. At the time, I had had full custody of them for 5 months after they were abandoned by my Ex, but I knew that things had to be finalized. My lawyer assured me that because of the nature of her leaving, I had a slam-dunk case and had nothing to worry about.

I should never have listened to, or trusted my lawyer.

Let me give you a little bit of a mental picture of him before we continue. He was recommended to me by a close acquaintance. I was given raving reviews about his capabilities and was told that he was "the best". I'm sure he was the best at one time, in fact, I know he was from doing research.

However, when he represented me, he was pushing 70 years old and was not very sharp anymore. I should have known better, but again, this was all new to me. Hindsight, and all...

At the time, I figured that he had gotten me temporary custody and had worked everything else in my favor, so why not believe what he was telling me and trust that the court would be in my favor? I went ahead with court, completely unprepared, with no prior meeting with my lawyer to even talk about what was going to be discussed at the trial.

During the trial, he rarely objected to anything, even when the questions were completely out of line or outright lies were being told. He would sit with a sort of half-smirk on his face, rubbing his temple. When it was his turn to ask questions, he pretty much butchered everything. Even when one of my witnesses had been torn apart on the stand by my Ex's attorney, my attorney would not even try to right the wrongs or try to ask questions to clear the air.

It was a massacre.

Now, my Ex's attorney was a vulture. He was good. He was REALLY good. He was the kind of guy that you have a love-hate relationship with. I hated him because his sole job was to make me look like the worst father ever; however, I had to like him too, because he was only doing his job....and he was doing an amazing job at it.

Anyhow, after a week of testimony by myself, my Ex, teachers, friends, and my nanny, the decision was made. The judge declared that we would have joint legal custody of the children, with my Ex having primary physical custody and me only having visitation.

I went from having them all by myself for 5 entire months to only getting to see them one day a week and every other weekend.

The reason, you ask? The judge decided that because she had been their primary caregiver for most of their lives (read: she was their mom) they should live with her and not me. Forget the fact that she had an affair, abandoned them, stole money, and pretty much disappeared for several months. Nah, didn't matter. And my attorney? He acted like the decision was no big deal and asked me what I wanted to do about it. "Do you want to appeal it, or what?"

So without further fanfare, I'm going to show you the court document from that week of trial. The one that took my kids away from me and would start close to 3 years of struggle on my part to keep a constant relationship with my children.

Temporary Custody 01.28.2009br />
I know there is a lot of information in that document that I have not yet touched on. It's really very hard to remember each and every single thing. What you should always remember from here on out is that in every court case, I am always the Plaintiff, and my Ex is the Defendant.

What I will do in my next post is go through each paragraph and fill in any blanks that I haven't touched on yet and let you know how it actually felt to be in that courtroom on the stand and have your world ripped apart. I would do that now, but you would be reading all night!

This document outlines that she get primary physical custody and lays out the visitation schedule that I was supposed to have.

As you can see at the end of the document, this is a temporary order that was issued almost 3 years ago. It is still in effect today. Nothing has ever been made permanent.

Are you shocked by the decision? Let me tell you, this came down right before Christmas 2008, so it was not a very merry Christmas for me because I had to give her the children. Poof! Just like that.

All I can remember is being so confused, angry, and most of all hurt by the decision. I couldn't believe that I had cared for them for so long after what she had done, only to have them taken from me in the blink of an eye by a judge who's wife died from cancer just days before he rendered this decision. Personally, I don't think he was in any shape to be making life-altering judgements given what was going on in his personal life, but my lawyer didn't seem to think it was an issue....

It was after this happened that I began to keep a journal of daily events, because believe it or not, only a month or so went by before my Ex began refusing me my visitation.

Read it, take it in, make notes of your questions or confusion, and next time you read this blog, I will try to flesh it all out for you. There are a lot of things that weren't put in the order that were testified to, and there were also a lot of lies told.

Please stick with me, because it only gets crazier from here!!

See you on the flip side!

And the Hits Just Keep On Comin'

Sorry I have been MIA for a few days; I will explain what is currently happening later in this post.

For now, I will continue where I left off. As I stated in my last post, my Ex was gone. She admitted to me that she was in South Carolina, but she would not tell me much more. All she would tell me was that she was staying with "a friend", had put a deposit down on a place, and that she was working. Where, I don't know, but she claimed to have a job. However, she also claimed she was only eating rice because she was broke even though she emptied the bank accounts.

Over the course of our conversations, I continued to try to get more information about where she was and what she was doing, again to find out if she was okay...and if she was ever coming back, if for no other reason than to see the kids.

She continued to be fixated on whom I had spoken to at her workplace and what they had told me. She told me that she had called her employer (this was a good job, by the way) and that she had told them that she was quitting. However, when I spoke to them, they said that she just stopped showing up for work. They also told me that she had been on thin ice for some time because she was either always late or just not showing up altogether.

This information, coupled with the information I gained from co-workers (and other people) that she had been bragging about having an affair, solidified in my mind that she was with this new guy. I didn't have any proof of that, but it was a very strong suspicion.

It wouldn't be until she returned and we went to court for temporary custody that I would learn the real truth about everything. Well, I say everything, but I know there is a lot I still don't know, but to be honest, at this point I really don't care about all the details. All I know for certain is what she testified to in court, and that is enough to make a person's head spin.

The entire time that she was gone and I was extremely concerned about her; wanting her to come and see her kids, or at least show and interest in seeing them, she was lying to me.

Yes, she was in South Carolina for a time, but it was not for very long. She left South Carolina and came back to our city...only to pick up her boyfriend. She did not contact me at that time at all, and she did not make any effort to see the children, even though she was in the same town.

This was also the point when she filed the restraining order I have previously shown you.

After filing the restraining order and picking up her boyfriend, she left town again and went to Colorado. Yep, clear across the country....and I never knew. I never found out she was in CO until the temporary custody trial started.

Amazing, huh?

I always had the feeling when I spoke to her on the phone that she was scared to tell me where she was. I don't think she was scared because of what I might do; I think she was scared because of what her boyfriend might do if he found out she was talking to me and giving me any information.

I've said before that this guy was not a good guy, and I will share more on that later...I don't want to get ahead of myself here. Just know that he has a questionable background...and was not always nice to my children.

This guy would end up coming in and out of her life (and the lives of my children) for the better part of a year, and whenever he was around, there was always trouble. I never even met the guy, but I heard enough about him from my kids to know that I didn't want him around them at all.

When I post next, I will talk about her return and the custody trial. I will show you documents that contain her testimony about what she had done, and I will probably shake your faith in the justice system in a major way.

But for now, an update:

Today is my oldest daughter's birthday. She is 12 years old and the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss her dearly, as I miss all my kids.

Not seeing them is taking a major toll on me. I went to the doctor today for a check-up and to get some medication refills and my blood pressure was high and my heart rate was high.

Stress takes a major toll on your body.

The other night, I was on facebook and saw that my oldest son was on. I began to chat with him. I asked him where he was, and his response was "don't worry about it". When I prompted further, he exited the chat and unfriended me from facebook. I then realized that he had blocked me entirely.

I then attempted to call my children. Because I don't get to see them due to her contempt, calling is the only way I can talk to them.

When I called, I got an automated message that the number was disconnected.

She is alienating me from my children. As this blog continues, you will see that this is a pattern. Things go well for awhile, and then everything goes off the rails...just like they have now.

So there you have it. I can't contact them at all. This is not the first time this has happened, but I'm terrified because the last time this happened, she up and moved them all to Colorado without my knowledge and I was at the police stating trying to put out an Amber alert.

That is yet another chapter of this story yet to come.

So, on my daughter's birthday, I have no way to contact her. I have no way to contact any of them. I don't know if they are safe at home, at their grandmother's, or who knows where. I miss them terribly, and I am afraid for them.

I expect a call from my attorney (who has been in trial all week) tomorrow. Hopefully I can begin gaining some ground here.

So, yeah, I can see why my blood pressure might be high!

Please pray for me and my children. Pray that they are safe, pray that they always know I love them, and pray for their mom to realize that this is hurting them more than she could even realize.

Pray for me to be able to see them very soon, and pray that I may find peace and get some sleep.

Until next time, my friends.

The Space Between

There was a time period after my Ex left where life was pretty normal...well, at least as normal as it could be for a single dad with 5 kids who couldn't adequately explain where mommy was and why she wasn't coming home.

During the time between when she left and when I was served with the restraining order (about a 2 month span, or so) I tried to get in touch with her many times. I was trying to contact her for a few reasons, but the biggest reason was to try to let her talk to our kids. I didn't know what to tell them about why their mom wasn't coming home, and nothing I said would have really mattered anyway. At the time, my youngest child was only 3. The others went up in age at close to 2 years apart (5-7-9-11). What do you tell say to them to try to help them?

What I ended up telling them was that their mom had gone away for awhile. I always told them that mommy loved them very much and missed them, and we prayed for her every single night. But still, they needed to hear from her; needed to hear her voice.

The other reason for contacting her was because I was genuinely worried about her. I was not sleeping at night because I was so stressed about what was happening. I had a ton of unanswered questions and every single day I was finding out more and more about what my Ex had been up to before she left. To say what I was finding out was disturbing would be an understatement. I realized that she had been being very dishonest for a long time.

The more I learned, the worse it became.

I went out and purchased a recorder so that I could record all phone conversations that I might have with her. I did this because I wanted documentation of anything that she may say to me because, to be honest, I don't have the greatest memory in the world. I also did this because at the time I was very worried about her state of mind and what may be happening to her. If she were to tell me anything that I felt may be an indication that she was in danger, I wanted to make sure I could relay it accurately to police, or whoever, may need to hear it.

After all, she was still my wife. I was scared for her and confused about what was happening. And yes, I was angry at her too, and I think I was justified in all of those feelings.

After trying to call several times in one day and getting nothing but her voicemail, she finally called back. It was late. She asked to speak to the kids, but they were all sleeping. I asked her where she was and she told me that she just wanted to tell me that I was a really good man.

Again, I asked where she was, and she was adamant about not telling me. Over the course of a couple of calls, I finally got her to tell me that she was in South Carolina. I asked her when she was going to come and see the kids. She said "soon".

I told her that I had been to her former workplace and had talked to some of her co-workers and had found out some awful things that she had been doing before she left, including bragging about her affair. She immediately fixated on this and wanted to know who I had talked to and what they had said.

I told her that we could talk about everything, but I needed to know where she was living. I wanted an address. I had mail and other things to send to her, and I wanted to know that she had a roof over her head and was okay.

She told me that she didn't know the address where she was living. She said that she would get it and call me back, but she was extremely worried about people coming to her place. She said that there were people after her and she had to leave the city we lived in, and the state, just to get away from them all. Over and over again she asked what I had been told and who I had been talking to.

I was trying to get into her head that she needed to come back to see her children. They needed to see her. She said she was coming soon, but she needed money. She claimed that all the money she took when she left was gone. She claimed that she put a deposit down on a place to live, but again, didn't know the address.

This was only a couple weeks after she left.

Let me tell you, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to help her come back so she could at least see the kids. No, I had not yet closed the door on perhaps working things out with her, but first, I had to at least get her to come back for her children.

When she made the statement that she would just disappear off the face of the earth and make everyone happy, I got really scared. I was afraid of what she may do. I was afraid she may be thinking of suicide.

I don't think I will ever understand what exactly happened to her to make her do the things she did. I'm not even sure that she even understands it all to this day. I think that she still buries a lot of her past deep inside and pretty much denies it all ever happened.

But it did happen, and the more I learned, the more I realized that I didn't know this woman anymore at all.

When I return, you will learn more of what I learned. I have to tell you that it isn't pretty, but it is the truth, so I'm going to put it out there.

Please keep reading, and let me know what you think!!

The Calm Before The Storm

I have some space to fill between when I received the restraining order until my Ex resurfaced. In the space between, I have decided to talk about my life as a single dad.

I told you before that I realized I needed help with the day-to-day. That was absolutely true, and what I did to remedy that was hire a babysitter. This girl was great. She would come to my house whenever I needed and take care of my kids. Most of the time, I needed her help in the evenings.

I had an extreme hardship with finances at that time. You have to remember that my Ex cleaned out both my business and personal bank accounts before she left. This left me with nothing except the money in my wallet, which was about $5.00.

Now, expenses were not simple. When you own your own business, nothing is ever simple. I was living in a 3000+ SF house with a huge mortgage payment, which we could never afford to begin with. I had my shop rent, electric at my home (including heat), power at my shop, gas bill at my home, and materials and supplies for my shop and showroom, which I had to provide to build furniture. Not to mention telephone and fax for my shop and cellphone. On top of that, I had a vehicle that I made deliveries with that was a business expense.

When my Ex left and cleaned out the bank accounts, she took every single bit of the money that I needed to keep things going. Not to mention food, clothing, and other expenses for my children.

It was through the grace of God that people helped us. They gave money without my asking and without batting an eye. I owe these people more than I can even say....and more than I could ever repay.

I owe a major debt of gratitude to all of them, because I could not have kept things going without their help.

In the beginning, after my Ex left, I was still working heavy hours at my shop, and a lot of those hours were into the evening. The babysitter would come and watch the kids, feed them, and sometimes put them to bed for me.

She was invaluable to me at that time. And, my kids loved her, which made it all that much better.

So, even after the restraining order, life went on. I took my kids to school everyday and they got off the bus at my shop every afternoon. I was still getting them up every single morning and feeding them and clothing them, and I was taking care of the house as best I could while working crazy hours in order to support them.

I cannot be sure of the exact date, but at some point, I learned where my children's mom was. I found out that she was in Colorado with her new boyfriend. Now, I knew she had been to SC, but Colorado?

Once I found out the name of her new guy, I did some research and found that he was not the greatest guy ever. He had been in trouble for drug possession in the past. That immediately sent my radar up, and I was determined to find out more about him, or at least meet him, before he spent time around my kids.

I had to consider him spending time around my kids, of course. As horrible as it sounded for me, if he was the one she wanted to be with, I should meet him, yes? So, it was a possibility I should entertain.

I was enjoying my life as a single dad. My kids were doing GREAT in school, never missing a day, and they were thriving. They were all happy and healthy and really never seemed to miss a beat.

I know they missed their mom, and we talked about it often. We prayed every single night for her. I don't know if it was their ages at the time, or if they felt relief from the trouble, but all-in-all, they were doing very well.

Eventually, though, my Ex returned. And when she did, she wreaked havoc on the life that we were creating for ourselves.

Again, I will not bash, belittle, or say negative things about my Ex. I imagine that she was doing what she felt was expected of her.

What she did, though, was turn our lives upside down...and she hasn't looked back since.

Next time, we will go further into her return. The quake she left when she departed was minor compared to the earthquake she made when she came back. Until next time.

PS: It's been one month now since seeing my kids last.

First Restraining Order

As I said in my last post, I was raising my kids all by myself, and, not to toot my own horn, I was doing a really good job of it.

So, imagine my shock and disbelief one evening when a knock came at my door and I opened it to find a Sheriff's Deputy. My first thought was whether or not something bad had happened to someone, namely my children's mother. However, I would be further shocked to know that the deputy was there to serve me with a restraining order.

I knew nothing of restraining orders at the time. Of course, I knew they existed from hearing things on TV, but I didn't know how to get one or even how they worked.

Anyway, he was there to deliver me a restraining order. He explained to me what was going on and I took the document...in complete shock.

The restraining order was from the incident that occurred TWO MONTHS earlier when my Ex dropped all the kids off and left. Why it took her two months to file it, I will never understand. Actually, I know why, but for now I'm not going to say.

You can read what she says happened in the restraining order I provide you below, but I will tell you my side of the story now.

She showed up at my shop and dropped off the kids and said to me: "I'm leaving." My immediate response was "What do you mean?" She again said she was leaving. Leaving me and the kids and not coming back. So, I did the only thing I could think of to get her to stop and to talk to me.

I took her car keys.

I know, I know. I shouldn't have done that, but honestly I was in panic mode. I was upside down and just reacted. I wanted to stop her and make her talk to me.

So, yes, I took her keys and told her if she really wanted to leave she had to sign a letter stating that she was leaving me, our home, and our children.

During this time, I was holding her keys in front of me in both hands, trying to keep them away from her. She was hitting me and scratching me and trying to get her keys back. At one point, she fell down on the ground because she had her arms wrapped around me and then let go and stumbled.

It was like she was a different person. I didn't recognize her at all. She had a one-track mind. Leaving.

So, yeah, I was surprised to be slapped with this:

Restraining Order #1br />
In that document, it states that I put my hands around her neck, which I never did. It also describes another incident where I went to her house, after she left, to get a drill. Well, I dispute the date that she claims that happened because she was not in NC in Sept. She was gone...with her boyfriend. I DID go to her house at one time to retrieve a drill, but she allowed me in. There was no fight, I did not hurt her, and she never asked me to leave.

I know I can say all I want and there will be people who don't believe me; however, the judge, when hearing the restraining order, only granted it for 3 months. This is unheard of. Normally, a restraining order is either thrown out...or granted for an entire year.

The reason that he only granted it for 3 months was because he agreed that I should not have kept her keys from her (and I agree) however, he could not find evidence of ongoing abuse, so, 3 months it was.

Restraining Order Verdictbr />
Restraining Order Verdict Continuedbr />
So there you have it. My one stupid act. But I ask you, how would you react if your spouse of 14 years did the same to you? Yes, perhaps I did not act rationally, but what is rational in that situation?

It would come to pass that this would not be the only time I was served with such an order. But future orders...well, you'll have to stay with me to find out what happens with them. I will only say that things were being put into motion that were beyond my control. If I had only known then what I know now!

Next, you will hear about where my Ex has been during all this time...and what happens when she returns.

If you think it's been ugly thus far, you have a major wake-up call coming!

Until next time!

P.S. If you cannot read the documents, or have trouble reading them, please let me know. You can scroll the docs down to read all the pages, or you can click on the title to get a bigger picture of them. Please let me know if you ever have difficulty seeing them.

Thanks.