The Month of May 2009 Was One I Would Rather Forget

The month of May 2009 was an extremely trying time for me. Not only did I have to go to court and was ordered to again pay an extremely large amount of money (see previous blog entry) but there were also other very upsetting things that happened during that time.

When my kids didn't show up for visitation on May 13, 2009, I should have known that something was up. I was at work and received a telephone call that really threw me for a loop. The call was from the Department of Social Services. They wanted to come and meet with me at my work and ask me some questions about a report that had been filed against me. I told the DSS workers I would be available that afternoon.

When DSS arrived, they informed me that my Ex had filed a report claiming that I had abused my oldest son on May 6, 2009. When they began talking to me, I immediately knew the event that they were referring to, but what actually happened was vastly different from the pack of lies they had been fed by my Ex.

On Friday, May 1, 2009, the kids were with me for my visitation. After I put the kids to bed that night, I was relaxing in my living room and I heard my oldest son's voice. He said, "Mommy, I'm scared." I immediately got up and went into his room where I found him hiding in his closet talking on a cell phone. I was completely unaware that my son had a phone with him, but nonetheless, approximately 3 minutes after I found him on the phone, my doorbell rang.

It was the police. They stated that they received a call from my Ex in which she stated that her son was in danger and was afraid. I welcomed them inside my home and they spoke to my son. They asked him if he had been hit or hurt in any way and he said no.

The deputy then apologized to me and told me that my Ex had all the cell numbers for the sheriff's deputies and that she called them ALL the time for petty things. He stated that everyone in the Sheriff's Department was sick and tired of her constant calls and that he was going to speak to his supervisor about not taking her calls anymore.

My son felt really bad after the police left because he realized that he had caused the police to come to my house for no reason. He went to bed and all was well....

The following week on May 6, 2009, my kids were with me for my Wednesday visitation. That afternoon I had a long discussion with my kids about lying and how it is very wrong to lie. I also asked them about the allegations that had been made about both me and the nanny drinking while driving.

My oldest son and oldest daughter admitted to me that they had been the ones who told their mother and her attorney that the nanny and I would drive them while drinking. My oldest daughter then stated that she actually never saw the nanny drink and drive. She told me that her mom would tell her to lie and hide things from me. My daughter also told me that her mother would tell the kids to snoop around the house while they were there and also would tell their grandmother not to answer the phone if I called to talk to my kids.

My oldest son stated that he had completely lied to his mother and her attorney about the drinking and driving and that he had never seen either me or the nanny drink and drive.

I then asked my son if he had the cell phone with him that his mother gave him. He told me that he had it. I asked him to give it to me because I didn't want the police showing up at my door again for no reason. My son would not give me the phone, so I went into his book bag and took it.

A little later on, the nanny was inside doing chores and I was outside doing some yard work while all of the children were outside playing. My oldest son went into the house and told the nanny that he was hot and thirsty. The nanny said that he could have something to drink and then go back outside and play. A few minutes later, the nanny went into the living room and found my son playing on my laptop computer. My son had been told many, many times before not to use my computer under any circumstances without my permission and supervision. He had violated this rule several times in the past, and at one point was found in my bedroom hiding in the corner on the computer. Because he had been told over and over again not to use the computer, the nanny felt it was necessary to come outside to inform me that she had found him on the computer yet again.

I went inside and confronted him and his attitude was immediately very nasty. Since he was being so ugly to me, I told him to go to his room. He then said, "you can't tell me what to do." When he again refused to go to his room, I simply walked over and took him by the arm, just above the elbow, and escorted him to his bedroom. While on the way to his room, he actually threw himself on the floor so I picked him up and continued with him to his room.

Once we got into his room, he was being very mean and nasty to me. He was saying hateful things such as, "you are the devil". I simply left the room and told him not to come out of his room until he was ready to apologize for speaking to me that way. I closed the door and went about my business.

Approximately 15 minutes later, the nanny went outside to take out the trash. The other children were standing in the driveway outside of my son's bedroom window. The nanny overheard them discussing what they were going to tell the policeman when he showed up. The nanny went back inside and told me about this and told me that I needed to get the kids inside and have a talk with them. When I went outside to get the kids, I saw my oldest son leaning out his bedroom window screaming for help, telling the other kids to call their mother and call the police.

I went back into my son's room and asked him if he was ready to apologize. He again was very mean and nasty to me. I told him to stand in the corner in his room and not move until he was told he could. I then left the room and shut the door.

While the nanny was inside cooking dinner, I was outside with a friend who had stopped by to help me change the tires on the van (the one found on the side of the road with slashed tires). The nanny would periodically come outside to check on the children and see how progress was going on the van. At one point, after going back inside the house, she caught my oldest son out of his room. He told her that he had to go to the bathroom and that was why he had left his room.

When dinner was ready, everyone sat down to eat, including my oldest son. I remember this night very well, not only because of the events that happened and the resulting aftermath, but also because we had pork chops for dinner and my son dropped one on the floor by accident, which was quickly snatched up by one of my dogs. Everyone thought it was funny and everyone, including my son, laughed.

My son was allowed to remain outside of his room for the rest of that night.

That evening, I had yet another talk with the children about lying. I also talked to them about why their brother had been sent to his room. I told them that it was because he did something he wasn't supposed to and he was being disciplined for it. I told them that this business about calling the police all the time was not okay at all. I told them that you don't call the police because you get in trouble for something and get sent to your room. It seemed that my kids were all under the impression that anytime anything didn't go their way, they could call the police. The kids told me that they were sick of seeing the police all the time.

This entire event, which was nothing more than my son getting in trouble for breaking the computer rule and being belligerent and ugly to me, was the reason that my Ex called DSS.

After a lengthy interview with the DSS workers, they stated that they would conduct and investigation into the events, but at that time they could find no evidence to show that any of my children were in any immediate danger from me. They signed a statement to that effect.

Later on that day, after meeting with DSS, I received a phone call from a deputy at the Sheriff's Department. She informed me that she had some papers she needed me to come pick up.

On Wednesday, May 13, 2009, the nanny accompanied me to the Sheriff's Department where I was served with this:

Restraining Order 5.13.20090001  

Yes, you read that right.  This was the third restraining order my Ex filed against me in a matter of months, and this time she was bringing my oldest child into the fold.  I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when I read that I was actually being accused of abusing my son.  I felt like my Ex was bound and determined to have a restraining order against me no matter what it took...and now she was using my child to try and get her way.

When she filed the order, she asked for an Ex Parte order, which would mean that the order was granted immediately without my having the chance to defend myself first.  The judge did not sign off on the Ex Parte order, stating that a fill hearing would need to be held first.  Basically, with such serious allegations, I deserved to defend myself before a decision was made.

She claimed that I locked my son in his room that night, which I never did.  The door was never locked.  She claimed that I would not let him out to use the bathroom, which was also another lie.  She finally claimed that I did not let him eat dinner that night and that he was not allowed out of his room until the following morning.

All lies.  Nothing new there.

The hearing was set for May 18, 2009, but ended up being continued because her attorney was on leave, and even though there was no restraining order and DSS found no evidence to substantiate her story, she kept the kids from me for a long time.  The only time I saw them for weeks after the restraining order was filed was when I went to their school and had lunch with them.

In the end, the matter was dropped (by my Ex), I ended up filing harassment charges against my Ex, I went to court for child support (previous post) and life continued on with my weekly desperation to see my kids and fighting for what was right.  That was all in the month of May 2009.  Can you see why I would just like to forget?

I'm still fighting every single day, to this very day.

Next time, things will take another drastic turn.  I know, you're thinking it can't possibly get any worse, right?  Well, just hold onto your hats, folks!

Until next time.