The Cavalry Descends

Before my Ex came to my house to remove the items listed in the court order, I spent my time photographing everything in the house. I took countless pictures to account for everything that was there whether or not the items were things she would take or not.

I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.

Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.

When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.

There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.

I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.

I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.

It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.

I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.

Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.

At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.

Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.

The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.

She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.

The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.

We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.

I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.

She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.

When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.

I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.

When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.

When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.

I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.

So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.

When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.

In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.

My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.

When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.

I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.

I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.

I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.

Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.

Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!

Be Blessed, Friends.