Hello everyone!
I know that all of you have probably been thinking that I fell off the face of the earth or something because I haven't published anything in such a long time.
This July marked the 4-year anniversary since my Ex walked out on me and left our home and our children for another man. Four years. I'm deeply saddened and completely shocked that in all that time, nothing has really changed.
The lies continue, the deception continues. I am still struggling to see my children when I am supposed to be able to see them. Everything is a struggle when dealing with my Ex. Simple things...small things that should be easy are made incredibly difficult.
I continue to wonder why?
Anyhow, I had to take some time off from publishing this blog because of life. I can't really state it any other way than that. Between working and the day-to-day struggle of even getting to speak to my kids, I have not had the downtime needed to do much else. However, I have committed myself to posting at least one blog a week, hopefully on Tuesday or Wednesday. In the past I tried to do several per week and it was too much. When you have to go back and relive everything on a daily basis, it becomes overwhelming.
The ultimate goal of this blog, as I have stated before, is to tell my story. I support the statements that I write with actual court documents, redacted for the privacy of all parties. Therefore, it is very difficult for anyone to say they don't believe what is being said when the absolute truth is there, right in front of your face. I will sometimes state my personal feelings during certain events, but hey, this is my blog after all, and my personal feelings and thoughts are just as important as the black-and-white proof showing that these things actually happened.
My intent has never been to bash or belittle anyone else with the words that I write. In fact, I really have been kind in my writing as I know that in the future my children could read this blog. I want to make it very clear (as I have before) that I am not "out to get" anyone by writing this. I am simply telling my story. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Period. If you do read it and it touches a nerve, then it either directly applies to you...or you find some similarity in your own situation that makes what I say rub you the wrong way. I can't help you with that. Those are your issues to deal with. This is MY story. Everyone has one. I just happen to have all the documents to back up what I say. Please keep your comments coming, whether good or bad. If you agree, great! If you don't that's fine as well. Give me your thoughts!
Having said all that, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to all of the supporters from around the globe that I have. I have readers from Germany, Australia, Canada, the UK, the Czech Republic, and almost every state across the United States of America. There are also other countries reading! I am honored and humbled to have received so much support and so many messages from people wondering if I'm OK, how my children are doing, and when I will write next.
And finally, to my friends and family, thank you for your never-ending support. I would not have made it this far if it weren't for you.
My new plan for this blog, as I stated before, is to publish at least once a week. I am also going to go back to a more linear format, meaning I will publish the events as they happened. I will no longer put in current events unless I feel it absolutely necessary. Sorry! You'll just have to wait to get to it! I think that sticking to a more linear format will be less confusing to all of you reading in that I won't be jumping around from past to present and back to past again. I hope that you all agree that this is the best way to go.
I want to say again that I welcome each and every comment from every single person reading, whether you agree with what I say or not. So please, keep the comments coming!
Next week, I will continue this blog from where the last court documents left off. That will be after my contempt hearing in March 2009 and after my Ex came to my house to take "her" belongings that she was awarded in interim distribution. This week I felt it very necessary to reintroduce myself as well as the purpose of my blog.
Keep reading! Much, MUCH more to come!
Be Blessed.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Some Great News, and, of Course, More Drama
So...I have some news. After a couple of years of scrimping and saving and working my fingers to the bone, I (we) are the proud owners of a van! It's not new, but it's new to us, and the best part is that it is big enough to fit me, my girlfriend, her son, and ALL my kids. Yep, 8 people fit very comfortably, and it's great!!
I can't tell you how nice it is and what a great feeling it is to finally be able to take my kids places and to just have a second vehicle in general. It has been hard for the last 2 years to only have one car, especially when schedules differ so much. Now, we don't have to worry about that.
Upon getting the van up and running including registration, inspection, etc., etc., I sent an email to my Ex telling her that I (or more likely, my girlfriend) would now be picking up the kids from school every Thursday and every other Friday for my visitation and that it would be her responsibility to pick them up on Sunday afternoons as she has been doing forever now.
I asked her to do me the courtesy of responding to the email to let me know she received it, but she never did. The only confirmation I got was that she added my girlfriend to the pickup list at school.
Anyhow, before I got the van on the road I did one other thing. I believe I told you all that I once took out criminal harassment charges on my Ex because she would not stop texting me and calling me and emailing me regarding, mostly, child support, but also other things.
During that case, we mediated out of court through a program provided by the courts. She signed a document stating that she would stop texting unless it was about the kids.
If I haven't yet told you about the harassment case, I apologize for letting the cat out of the bag early, but knowing about it is important to what is happening now.
I have gone back and taken out another criminal harassment charge against my Ex because, despite the agreement she signed, she has not stopped the harassment. I will not go into anymore detail than that due to the pending court date; however, just know that I have done that and it is for VERY good reason.
I forwarded a copy of the email I sent to my Ex to my attorney so that they would be aware that I had a vehicle and I was intending to begin picking up the children from school so that I can FINALLY have my visitation. Since I hadn't seen them since Christmas, I was really excited for this to happen!
I received a response from my attorney a couple of days later that stated that my Ex did not want to pick up the children across the street from my home anymore because of the pending criminal action. My attorney stated that my Ex was asking that I keep the children overnight on Sunday night and take them to school on Monday morning.
Well, you know, that would all be fine and dandy if there were anyone available on Monday to take the kids to school. As it is right now, I have to leave for work at 6 am (sometimes earlier), and my girlfriend works the night shift on Sunday nights and does not get home until after 8 am on Monday morning.
It was just not possible, so I informed my attorney that my Ex would have to come and pick up the kids. I also stated that we don't have contact when she comes to pick them up anyway, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
I never heard anything back from my attorney, so I assumed everything was fine.
On Thursday afternoon, my girlfriend picked the kids up from school and then she took them to school on Friday morning. On Friday afternoon, she picked them up again and we had an awesome weekend. On Friday evening, my oldest son had a band concert that we all went to together. We then took them all to the park on Saturday and had a blast.
Everything was going great for a change, and I was so thankful!
On Sunday, however, all the wheels fell off. The time for the kids to be picked up came and went with absolutely no contact from my Ex. I had the kids call her several times and she did not answer her phone. They left her messages that she did not return. I sent text messages that she did not answer.
When it became totally clear that my Ex was not coming, I had the children contact their grandparents, who live close by. They also did not answer their phone and did not return phone calls.
I did the only thing I could do. I loaded all the kids up in the car and drove them to their grandparents home. I was then told that their grandparents had told them that if I went to their house they were going to have me arrested and put in jail.
Nice thing to tell your grandkids, huh?
Anyway, we parked on the side of the road, completely off the property. My kids had to walk to their house down a very long driveway. My oldest son then had to walk all the way back to the car to tell me that their grandparents were, in fact, home and that everyone was inside.
To make matters worse, it was extremely cold, raining, and SLEETING.
I felt very bad for them, but what more could I do? Their mother had, in effect, vanished, and I had already made it very clear that the kids could not spend the night that night.
On Monday, I sent an email to my attorney and explained everything that happened. I was told that someone from my Ex's attorney's office had called and stated that my Ex would not be picking up the kids on Sunday but that it was after office hours on Friday, so no one got the message until Monday morning.
I was also told that now my Ex was saying that she didn't want to pick the kids up because, apparently, I take pictures of her when she is across the street picking them up.
Ummmm.....ok? That is a blatant lie, first of all. Secondly, there is absolutely no reason for it. I mean, what purpose in the world would that serve? And thirdly, I have absolutely no desire to take pictures of my Ex-wife....and neither does my girlfriend (who was also accused).
My attorney wanted to know if I would start dropping the kids off at my Ex's parent's church on Sundays.
No. They are telling my children they are going to have me arrested. I don't think I will be doing that.
OR would I take them to the Sheriff's Department so my Ex could pick them up.
Sorry. Been down that road before. Not doing that either.
Bottom line is that my Ex has put herself in the position she is in. She cannot come on my property because of actions she committed. She has a pending harassment charge on her because of actions she took.
It's time to grow up and get over it and take care of your responsibilities.
I informed my attorney that I need an absolute guarantee that my Ex will be picking up the kids on my Sundays or I just won't pick them up on Fridays anymore. I will have them for my Thursdays, and until we get in front of a judge, that is how it will be.
I still don't have a response.
Funny how the excuse/reason/whatever for not picking them up changed when the first one didn't work, huh?
Then, this past Thursday, my girlfriend went to pick up the kids from school and only ended up coming home with 2 of my 5 children. At the school she was told that the youngest is supposed to have a note from home stating that he is to be a car-rider and that no note was sent.
The other 2, who knows? The two children that did come to my house told me over and over again that EVERYONE knew they were supposed to come to my house that day.
I texted my Ex and let her know they got on the bus. I was concerned that they would get to her house and no one would be there. I had no idea if they could even get inside if no one was home.
She never let me know if they were okay.
I have texted several times asking that the kids call me.
She has not let them call.
Just when I started to believe that now that I finally have a car everything would begin to get back to normal, everything blows up.
I just don't get it. I do not get the drive behind it. I don't understand, and never will, why someone wants to cause problems when there just isn't any reason to. All I heard from my Ex was "get a car, get a car, get a car" and now that I have one, more CRAP!
Before she wouldn't bring them for my visitation, and now she's refusing to pick them up?????
If anyone can explain it to me, I would love it, but I don't think there is an explanation that works for this.
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been reading and/or commenting on this blog. I am sorry there are sometimes big gaps in between posts, but, as you can see, a lot can happen in just a few short days and I sometimes just don't have the energy to sit down and write it all out.
I will update as soon as I know more, and will also get back on track with the past goings-on that I haven't yet told you about.
For now, though, I think I'm going to sign off.
Until next time!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Cavalry Descends
Before my Ex came to my house to remove the items listed in the court order, I spent my time photographing everything in the house. I took countless pictures to account for everything that was there whether or not the items were things she would take or not.
I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.
Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.
When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.
There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.
I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.
I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.
It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.
I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.
Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.
At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.
Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.
The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.
She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.
The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.
We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.
I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.
She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.
When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.
I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.
When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.
When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.
I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.
So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.
When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.
In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.
My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.
When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.
I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.
I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.
I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.
Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.
Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!
Be Blessed, Friends.
I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.
Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.
When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.
There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.
I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.
I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.
It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.
I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.
Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.
At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.
Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.
The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.
She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.
The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.
We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.
I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.
She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.
When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.
I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.
When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.
When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.
I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.
So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.
When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.
In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.
My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.
When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.
I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.
I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.
I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.
Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.
Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!
Be Blessed, Friends.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Blindsided Money!!
When I last updated on court progress, I told you about the criminal court summons I received for truck tampering and that all charges were eventually dismissed when my Ex never showed up in court.
That all took place in May of 2009. For now, I have to backtrack a bit and talk about some other things that took place before that.
On February 6, 2009, I was served with an Order to Show Cause for nonpayment of child support. A motion had been filed in court. The Sheriff delivered the Show Cause Order and the Motion to me while I was at work.
Contempt Motion 2.6.2009
This motion outlines what I have already told you in that it states that I was ordered by the court to pay $1700.00 per month in child support as well as $100.00 per month in retroactive child support plus $300.00 per month in postseparation support along with another $100.00 per month in retroactive postseparation support for six months.
A grand total of $2200.00 per month.
The motion states that I had not paid anything at all in child support since the order was entered; however, I have a copy of a check that was given to my Ex for $300.00. I know, $300.00 is not much when you are ordered to pay $2200.00 per month, but it was all I could do.
During this time, I was spending at least 2 days a week, all day, in court. Most of the time it was more than that. Trying to run my business building and selling furniture was nearly impossible when I could never be there. I had customers that would actually call me and leave messages because they thought I had gone out of business because my door was closed so often. It was a true nightmare.
You also have to remember that I was starting from scratch. When my Ex left and abandoned the children, she cleaned out both the business and personal bank accounts, leaving me with NOTHING. Every dime I made between the time she left and the time she regained custody was spent trying to care for my children and keep a roof over their heads, as well as trying to keep my business doors open. So, when the initial order was entered for the $2200.00 a month that was supposed to pay, it was completely ridiculous. I know I've stated that before, but to this day it still boggles my mind.
On March 3, 2009, we went to court. I, once again, testified about how much money I actually made. I again provided even more bank statements showing my financial activity. I testified that I was going to lose my home and my vehicle, and at the rate everything was going, probably my business as well. I testified that I just could flat out not afford to pay $2200.00 a month. I felt like a broken record, which I would find out would happen over and over again.
In the end, the judge could have cared less. I was ordered to pay $1800.00 before Monday, March 9, 2009; an additional $200.00 before March 16, 2009; and finally $1800.00 before March 23, 2009. Basically, I had to come up with $3800.00 in the span of a couple of weeks.
If I didn't do this, a warrant would be issued for my arrest and I would be put in jail. I could almost see the drool dripping off my Ex's lawyer's chin as he practically begged the judge to have me taken away in handcuffs right then and there. I can still envision his almost purple face as he was yelling across the courtroom. I can remember wondering if he was going to actually burst a blood vessel at some point, all the while my attorney sat there scratching his temple. Useless.
I ended up coming up with the $3800.00 I needed in order to stay out of jail, but it was no easy task. When I testified in court that I had no money, I think that my Ex, her lawyer, AND the judge all believed I was lying and that I was just hiding money and not paying my child support out of spite.
The fact of the matter was that I honestly did not have that kind of money, and never had. When we were together, my Ex and I practically lived off credit cards. We were in debt up to our eyeballs with the huge mortgage for the huge house that she wanted. There just was no money; however, in the eyes of the judge, I was just a deadbeat dad who wasn't caring for his obligations. Actually, the judge had his mind made up about me from the very start. Regardless of what my Ex did to create the entire situation, I was the wrong party in the judge's eyes, and nothing I said or did made any difference.
I sit now looking at copies of checks and money orders that I received from family and friends to cover the $3800.00. Having to ask (beg) people for money might be easy for some people to do, but for me it was a horrible experience. I have thanked everyone who helped me a million times already, but I don't think that thank you will ever truly be enough.
After I was able to put that behind me, I really began to try to focus on my business. Things had definitely slowed to a dead crawl since I was rarely there due to court. I needed to get back on track and just put my head down and work. My wishes were short-lived though, when on April 3, 2009, a Sheriff's deputy showed up at my shop with this:
Distribution_4.3.20090001
That, my friends, is a list of all the stuff my Ex wanted out of the house in the form of "interim distribution".
A few weeks prior to my being served with this distribution order, my Ex and I had a conversation pertaining to what she wanted out of the house and what I wanted to keep. As a matter of fact, I still have the handwritten list that outlines what will be hers and what will be mine.
If you will notice, the distribution document I just showed you is an Order, not a Motion. There was never a motion filed and none of this was ever discussed in court. I do believe at some point that I relayed to my attorney what my Ex and I had discussed and agreed upon, but I can't really be certain.
All I know is that on April 3, 2009, a deputy walked into my shop and served me with this order. This deputy wanted me to leave my shop immediately and go to my home so that my Ex could retrieve what was on the list.
I had some real issues with this.
First of all, I had no knowledge that this order even existed. It was drawn up by my Ex's attorney and taken to court so the judge could sign off on it. I immediately called my attorney and told him what was going on and HE didn't even know that an order had been signed.
The second problem was that the list was extremely vague with terms such as "various" this and "one of" those and "half of" that. It was ridiculous. I wanted time to discuss all of this with my lawyer and figure it all out.
The third problem was that it was the middle of the workday and I was not going to drop everything and shut down business for the day when I was not even informed of any of this beforehand.
In the end, the deputy agreed that I could set a day and time that was convenient for me to go and take care of all of this. I was told by my attorney that I had to abide by the order and that anything she took that I felt she shouldn't would have to be taken back to court since there was already a signed order in place.
How sneaky and underhanded can you get?!?
In my next post, I will tell you all about the day my Ex shows up with the cavalry (seriously) to execute this order. I would tell you now, but it was such a debacle that I think it deserves a post all its own.
Please keep reading!
Until next time.....
That all took place in May of 2009. For now, I have to backtrack a bit and talk about some other things that took place before that.
On February 6, 2009, I was served with an Order to Show Cause for nonpayment of child support. A motion had been filed in court. The Sheriff delivered the Show Cause Order and the Motion to me while I was at work.
Contempt Motion 2.6.2009
This motion outlines what I have already told you in that it states that I was ordered by the court to pay $1700.00 per month in child support as well as $100.00 per month in retroactive child support plus $300.00 per month in postseparation support along with another $100.00 per month in retroactive postseparation support for six months.
A grand total of $2200.00 per month.
The motion states that I had not paid anything at all in child support since the order was entered; however, I have a copy of a check that was given to my Ex for $300.00. I know, $300.00 is not much when you are ordered to pay $2200.00 per month, but it was all I could do.
During this time, I was spending at least 2 days a week, all day, in court. Most of the time it was more than that. Trying to run my business building and selling furniture was nearly impossible when I could never be there. I had customers that would actually call me and leave messages because they thought I had gone out of business because my door was closed so often. It was a true nightmare.
You also have to remember that I was starting from scratch. When my Ex left and abandoned the children, she cleaned out both the business and personal bank accounts, leaving me with NOTHING. Every dime I made between the time she left and the time she regained custody was spent trying to care for my children and keep a roof over their heads, as well as trying to keep my business doors open. So, when the initial order was entered for the $2200.00 a month that was supposed to pay, it was completely ridiculous. I know I've stated that before, but to this day it still boggles my mind.
On March 3, 2009, we went to court. I, once again, testified about how much money I actually made. I again provided even more bank statements showing my financial activity. I testified that I was going to lose my home and my vehicle, and at the rate everything was going, probably my business as well. I testified that I just could flat out not afford to pay $2200.00 a month. I felt like a broken record, which I would find out would happen over and over again.
In the end, the judge could have cared less. I was ordered to pay $1800.00 before Monday, March 9, 2009; an additional $200.00 before March 16, 2009; and finally $1800.00 before March 23, 2009. Basically, I had to come up with $3800.00 in the span of a couple of weeks.
If I didn't do this, a warrant would be issued for my arrest and I would be put in jail. I could almost see the drool dripping off my Ex's lawyer's chin as he practically begged the judge to have me taken away in handcuffs right then and there. I can still envision his almost purple face as he was yelling across the courtroom. I can remember wondering if he was going to actually burst a blood vessel at some point, all the while my attorney sat there scratching his temple. Useless.
I ended up coming up with the $3800.00 I needed in order to stay out of jail, but it was no easy task. When I testified in court that I had no money, I think that my Ex, her lawyer, AND the judge all believed I was lying and that I was just hiding money and not paying my child support out of spite.
The fact of the matter was that I honestly did not have that kind of money, and never had. When we were together, my Ex and I practically lived off credit cards. We were in debt up to our eyeballs with the huge mortgage for the huge house that she wanted. There just was no money; however, in the eyes of the judge, I was just a deadbeat dad who wasn't caring for his obligations. Actually, the judge had his mind made up about me from the very start. Regardless of what my Ex did to create the entire situation, I was the wrong party in the judge's eyes, and nothing I said or did made any difference.
I sit now looking at copies of checks and money orders that I received from family and friends to cover the $3800.00. Having to ask (beg) people for money might be easy for some people to do, but for me it was a horrible experience. I have thanked everyone who helped me a million times already, but I don't think that thank you will ever truly be enough.
After I was able to put that behind me, I really began to try to focus on my business. Things had definitely slowed to a dead crawl since I was rarely there due to court. I needed to get back on track and just put my head down and work. My wishes were short-lived though, when on April 3, 2009, a Sheriff's deputy showed up at my shop with this:
Distribution_4.3.20090001
That, my friends, is a list of all the stuff my Ex wanted out of the house in the form of "interim distribution".
A few weeks prior to my being served with this distribution order, my Ex and I had a conversation pertaining to what she wanted out of the house and what I wanted to keep. As a matter of fact, I still have the handwritten list that outlines what will be hers and what will be mine.
If you will notice, the distribution document I just showed you is an Order, not a Motion. There was never a motion filed and none of this was ever discussed in court. I do believe at some point that I relayed to my attorney what my Ex and I had discussed and agreed upon, but I can't really be certain.
All I know is that on April 3, 2009, a deputy walked into my shop and served me with this order. This deputy wanted me to leave my shop immediately and go to my home so that my Ex could retrieve what was on the list.
I had some real issues with this.
First of all, I had no knowledge that this order even existed. It was drawn up by my Ex's attorney and taken to court so the judge could sign off on it. I immediately called my attorney and told him what was going on and HE didn't even know that an order had been signed.
The second problem was that the list was extremely vague with terms such as "various" this and "one of" those and "half of" that. It was ridiculous. I wanted time to discuss all of this with my lawyer and figure it all out.
The third problem was that it was the middle of the workday and I was not going to drop everything and shut down business for the day when I was not even informed of any of this beforehand.
In the end, the deputy agreed that I could set a day and time that was convenient for me to go and take care of all of this. I was told by my attorney that I had to abide by the order and that anything she took that I felt she shouldn't would have to be taken back to court since there was already a signed order in place.
How sneaky and underhanded can you get?!?
In my next post, I will tell you all about the day my Ex shows up with the cavalry (seriously) to execute this order. I would tell you now, but it was such a debacle that I think it deserves a post all its own.
Please keep reading!
Until next time.....
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Decisions
Hello everyone! I'm very sorry that I have not posted anything in quite some time, but the holidays and work have been keeping me pretty busy. Things seem to have calmed down some now, though, so I thought I would take the opportunity to get things rolling again.
I'm going to start things off by telling you about Christmas. The holiday fell on my visitation weekend this year, so I was very fortunate in that I would be able to have my kids for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning; something that has not happened since my Ex regained custody of the children.
The only issue with getting my children for Christmas was that a couple of weeks before Christmas my Ex sent me a text message informing me that she was (again) no longer going to bring the children to my house for my scheduled visitation. According to her statement, she could not afford the gas money to bring them to my house anymore. Because the children spend pretty much every single afternoon at their grandparent's house, my Ex only has to transport them less than a half-mile to get them from there to my house, but apparently that was a huge drain on her gas tank. She also just got a big promotion at work (which she is very quick to remind me of very often), so it doesn't really make any sense that gas money is an issue now when it was never brought up before. Then again, I have also gotten 3 different explanations as to why her mother or father can no longer bring the kids like they did all last year.
One of those excuses was told to my 8-year-old daughter right in front of me. When talking to my Ex on the phone, asking why her grandmother couldn't come pick them up when my Ex was late, my Ex proceeded to tell my youngest daughter that it was because "Daddy is mean" to them.
I was told it was because they "didn't want to get involved anymore." My lawyer was told in a rebuttal to the contempt motion that it was due to "medical issues". And finally, she says this to my daughter...in my presence. Nice, huh? For the record, the children's grandmother did most of the dropping off and picking up for more than a year and I never came into contact with her. She would pull up and let them out and leave. I'm not sure how "mean" comes into play, but hey, it's just another excuse/lie to add to the mix.
Since I once again could not count on my children being dropped off like they are supposed to be (for Christmas, no less) I began to plan the upcoming weekend accordingly. My girlfriend and I planned to spend Thursday and Friday evening finishing our Christmas shopping and other preparations and then on Saturday I would borrow a vehicle from a friend to go and pick up the kids. They would then stay with me the rest of Saturday (Christmas Eve) and most of Sunday (Christmas day). I would be missing my Thursday night and Friday visitation, but it was the best I could do. I spoke to my children that week and told them all that I would be picking them up on Saturday afternoon and that I was looking forward to seeing them all.
A little after 4 pm on Thursday I got a message from my girlfriend stating that the children had just arrived. My Ex dropped them off and they crossed the street and came right inside. My Ex did not inform me that she was going to drop them off...in fact, the last I knew she was not going to bring them at all.
Please bear with me here as I try my best to explain how my girlfriend and I both felt that day. While we were both extremely happy that the kids were here, we were both beyond frustrated with my Ex. This kind of thing happens quite often. Either the kids don't show up at all or they show up hours late or or I don't think they are coming at all and they show up out of the blue. It is mind-blowingly difficult to make plans when you never have any idea what is going to happen where the children are concerned.
Is it really too much to ask for that my Ex send a simple text message saying she will be dropping them off and what time they will be here? I don't think I'm asking too much, but maybe I am. I recently had to tell my Ex to stop texting me at all unless she was telling me when she was dropping off the kids, but instead of being courteous......
What if no one had been home? What if there had been Christmas presents spread all over the floor in the wrapping process (as they were the day before)? Exasperating is what it is, but no matter how long I wait and pray and hope for things to change (3+ years now) the situation remains exactly the same as it was the day we split up. My Ex does not seem to understand effective, non confrontational communication; hence the reason I had to tell her (yet again) to stop texting me.
Anyway, my girlfriend had to go finish all the Christmas shopping alone, but she got it done! All of the kids received some great gifts this year and they all had a great time. We had a huge dinner on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open one gift (new pajamas for all!). They went to bed and got up Christmas day to see what Santa had brought. Even though it was tough at first, I was so happy to have them here and very happy that Christmas was a great time for everyone. They left on Sunday afternoon around 1 p.m.
And I haven't seen them since. They should be here right now, but they aren't.
I have decided that I am no longer going to ask my Ex to bring them to me. She knows what the court order states, so that is where it lies. I keep my attorney informed and the contempt motion is still pending, so once it finally goes to court, I will leave it to the judge to decide. I am no longer going to play games with my Ex and will not allow her to control my life. She stated that she will no longer be bringing them, so I do not expect them to be here. I will not spend my Thursday and every other Friday afternoons waiting around to see if they show up. I am going to live my life and no longer be at her mercy. If she decides to send me a text and let me know she will be bringing them for my visitation, that is completely fine by me, but other than that I will talk to them on the phone when I can and pray for them daily.
That's where I am right now, and after all the back and forth that has been going on for over 3 years now, I think it is a very healthy place for me to be. I love my children dearly and miss them more than I can put into words, but for my own sanity I will no longer attempt to engage my Ex in any type of conversation. It never goes anywhere and all I ever get is lies and bitterness, so I choose not to do it anymore. I will work and I will continue to save to buy a car, but until that day comes, this is the way it will be.
This blog will also continue. I still have so very far to go to get all of you anywhere close to present day. When I last left you all, I was on the verge of releasing even more court documents in what would become one of the most difficult times in my life. I will be posting another blog entry tomorrow that begins to chronicle that entire fiasco.
For now, I am going to say goodbye and begin to get things together for my next entry. I mostly wanted to check in with all of you and let you know that I am still here and tell you about what I think is a very important, and healthy, decision I have made. I hope that you agree that it is a good decision.
I'll be back soon!!
I'm going to start things off by telling you about Christmas. The holiday fell on my visitation weekend this year, so I was very fortunate in that I would be able to have my kids for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning; something that has not happened since my Ex regained custody of the children.
The only issue with getting my children for Christmas was that a couple of weeks before Christmas my Ex sent me a text message informing me that she was (again) no longer going to bring the children to my house for my scheduled visitation. According to her statement, she could not afford the gas money to bring them to my house anymore. Because the children spend pretty much every single afternoon at their grandparent's house, my Ex only has to transport them less than a half-mile to get them from there to my house, but apparently that was a huge drain on her gas tank. She also just got a big promotion at work (which she is very quick to remind me of very often), so it doesn't really make any sense that gas money is an issue now when it was never brought up before. Then again, I have also gotten 3 different explanations as to why her mother or father can no longer bring the kids like they did all last year.
One of those excuses was told to my 8-year-old daughter right in front of me. When talking to my Ex on the phone, asking why her grandmother couldn't come pick them up when my Ex was late, my Ex proceeded to tell my youngest daughter that it was because "Daddy is mean" to them.
I was told it was because they "didn't want to get involved anymore." My lawyer was told in a rebuttal to the contempt motion that it was due to "medical issues". And finally, she says this to my daughter...in my presence. Nice, huh? For the record, the children's grandmother did most of the dropping off and picking up for more than a year and I never came into contact with her. She would pull up and let them out and leave. I'm not sure how "mean" comes into play, but hey, it's just another excuse/lie to add to the mix.
Since I once again could not count on my children being dropped off like they are supposed to be (for Christmas, no less) I began to plan the upcoming weekend accordingly. My girlfriend and I planned to spend Thursday and Friday evening finishing our Christmas shopping and other preparations and then on Saturday I would borrow a vehicle from a friend to go and pick up the kids. They would then stay with me the rest of Saturday (Christmas Eve) and most of Sunday (Christmas day). I would be missing my Thursday night and Friday visitation, but it was the best I could do. I spoke to my children that week and told them all that I would be picking them up on Saturday afternoon and that I was looking forward to seeing them all.
A little after 4 pm on Thursday I got a message from my girlfriend stating that the children had just arrived. My Ex dropped them off and they crossed the street and came right inside. My Ex did not inform me that she was going to drop them off...in fact, the last I knew she was not going to bring them at all.
Please bear with me here as I try my best to explain how my girlfriend and I both felt that day. While we were both extremely happy that the kids were here, we were both beyond frustrated with my Ex. This kind of thing happens quite often. Either the kids don't show up at all or they show up hours late or or I don't think they are coming at all and they show up out of the blue. It is mind-blowingly difficult to make plans when you never have any idea what is going to happen where the children are concerned.
Is it really too much to ask for that my Ex send a simple text message saying she will be dropping them off and what time they will be here? I don't think I'm asking too much, but maybe I am. I recently had to tell my Ex to stop texting me at all unless she was telling me when she was dropping off the kids, but instead of being courteous......
What if no one had been home? What if there had been Christmas presents spread all over the floor in the wrapping process (as they were the day before)? Exasperating is what it is, but no matter how long I wait and pray and hope for things to change (3+ years now) the situation remains exactly the same as it was the day we split up. My Ex does not seem to understand effective, non confrontational communication; hence the reason I had to tell her (yet again) to stop texting me.
Anyway, my girlfriend had to go finish all the Christmas shopping alone, but she got it done! All of the kids received some great gifts this year and they all had a great time. We had a huge dinner on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open one gift (new pajamas for all!). They went to bed and got up Christmas day to see what Santa had brought. Even though it was tough at first, I was so happy to have them here and very happy that Christmas was a great time for everyone. They left on Sunday afternoon around 1 p.m.
And I haven't seen them since. They should be here right now, but they aren't.
I have decided that I am no longer going to ask my Ex to bring them to me. She knows what the court order states, so that is where it lies. I keep my attorney informed and the contempt motion is still pending, so once it finally goes to court, I will leave it to the judge to decide. I am no longer going to play games with my Ex and will not allow her to control my life. She stated that she will no longer be bringing them, so I do not expect them to be here. I will not spend my Thursday and every other Friday afternoons waiting around to see if they show up. I am going to live my life and no longer be at her mercy. If she decides to send me a text and let me know she will be bringing them for my visitation, that is completely fine by me, but other than that I will talk to them on the phone when I can and pray for them daily.
That's where I am right now, and after all the back and forth that has been going on for over 3 years now, I think it is a very healthy place for me to be. I love my children dearly and miss them more than I can put into words, but for my own sanity I will no longer attempt to engage my Ex in any type of conversation. It never goes anywhere and all I ever get is lies and bitterness, so I choose not to do it anymore. I will work and I will continue to save to buy a car, but until that day comes, this is the way it will be.
This blog will also continue. I still have so very far to go to get all of you anywhere close to present day. When I last left you all, I was on the verge of releasing even more court documents in what would become one of the most difficult times in my life. I will be posting another blog entry tomorrow that begins to chronicle that entire fiasco.
For now, I am going to say goodbye and begin to get things together for my next entry. I mostly wanted to check in with all of you and let you know that I am still here and tell you about what I think is a very important, and healthy, decision I have made. I hope that you agree that it is a good decision.
I'll be back soon!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Picking Up the Pieces
As I told you last time, I finally got to see my children for the first time in over a month on March 6, 2009. Even though we had a great weekend the first weekend they were back, each of them showed signs of damage from the chaos that had been in their lives recently.
The children began to slowly tell me things about their time in Colorado. They told me that their mom had gotten an apartment there and had a job, although they did not know where. She also obtained a driver's license while in Colorado. They had been enrolled in school there and were beginning new lives.
From what I gathered from my children, my Ex had absolutely no intention of ever returning to North Carolina, and no intention of allowing me to see my children again. I fully believe that had it not been for the court order that threatened my Ex with jail, it would have taken me months, if not years, to get my children back.
The following Wednesday, March 11, 2009, three of my children were dropped off at my workplace for my weekly visitation. My oldest and youngest sons were supposed to then be dropped off by 4:00 p.m. by their grandmother. When they didn't arrive and the other three children were getting bored and tired, I decided to take them home to my house. I called the children's grandmother and told her that she would just have to bring the other two kids to my house instead.
I was then informed that the grandmother had the oldest child with her but the youngest one was with my Ex. My Ex stated that my youngest child was sick and was vomiting and had diarrhea (the first I had heard this). I asked the other children if their brother was sick and they told me that their mother had brought him to lunch that day at their school and he seemed fine.
I told my Ex to bring him anyway and that I would take care of him. After all, I am his father; I am perfectly capable of caring for a sick child. However, my Ex did not bring him that night. My Ex ended up writing me a note stating that I could have him for an extra night the following week.
You will see that in the following weeks and months that although I do get my visitation pretty regularly for a time, I usually end up without one or two children for various reasons...usually because of some sort of illness.
Before the kids left the following morning, I gave my oldest two children the house phone number and told them to please call me every Tuesday and Thursday evening so I could talk to them. I was still unable to call them myself because of the restraining order; however, my Ex still contacted me on a regular basis.
The following Wednesday, March 18, 2009, the kids were dropped off for my regular visitation. They did not have any clothing with them to wear to school the next day, which had become very typical. My Ex took all of their clothes and left me with nothing, so when they came for visitation I always had to ask for clothes for them to wear. If they did come with changes of clothes, they usually were missing socks or underwear or something. It was very frustrating.
That particular Wednesday sticks out in my mind quite a bit, though, because along with them having no clothes for the next day, I also found out that the children had not seen their mother at all for the previous week. I found out that they had been staying with (stay with me here) the mother of the man my Ex had the affair with and ultimately left me and the kids for.
They also told me that some of them had been staying with the secretary at my oldest son's school as well as staying some with their grandmother. They told me that they basically did not have a home and every day they stayed somewhere different. They never knew from one day to the next who would be picking them up from school. My oldest child said that he was sick of living like a "hobo", my oldest daughter said that she just wanted a home, and my youngest child said "mommy hates you".
I had to contact the children's grandmother and ask her to bring me some clothes for the children to wear the next day. She brought me some clothes but told me that she needed the clothes off their backs because that was all she had for them. She told me that she had to go buy them all socks and underwear.
It was later discovered that my Ex had left and gone to Colorado yet again but had not even told the children she was going there or when she would be back.
That night was very difficult for the kids. Since they had been shuffled around so much, they were all scared to sleep alone. Everyone wanted to sleep with someone else. My youngest was especially afraid. Before my Ex regained custody of them, they had never had any problem going upstairs to their beds and sleeping all night without a "sleep buddy". I felt so heartsick for them and angry at what this was doing to them. They were traumatized, and the worst part of it was, I could do nothing to stop it. The courts obviously could care less, so my hands were tied.
On Friday, March 20, 2009, my kids were dropped off again for my weekend visitation. My sister had flown down to visit and provide some support to me and to them during this difficult time.
On Sunday when the kids were to go back to their mom, I had my nanny go and meet my Ex in my shop parking lot to make the exchange since I could not go myself. The nanny asked my sister to accompany her.
When they arrived, a sheriff's deputy pulled into the parking lot apparently to witness the exchange. I'm not sure if this was just for show or if my Ex really thought I would be dumb enough to show up there with a restraining order against me, but he was there nonetheless.
When my Ex arrived, she was driving a medium-sized sedan that was only capable of seating 5 people. There were 5 children along with my Ex, so there were not enough seats in the car. My sister also noted that there were no child safety seats in the car, which, at the time, 3 of my children were supposed to be secured in while in the car.
The nanny walked over to speak to the sheriff's deputy to inform him of the lack of safety and seating in the vehicle. She was very concerned for their well-being should they have an accident. The sheriff's deputy seemed very annoyed that the nanny was even speaking to him and stated that he was not going to interfere with my Ex taking her children.
When the question of legality was raised, the deputy shrugged his shoulders and crossed his arms. He then allowed my Ex to drive away with my kids while he went the other direction out of the parking lot.
I guess not only did the courts not care what happened to my children, the police didn't either!
The next insult to me would come on March 25, 2009. I was served with a criminal court summons. I was ordered to go to criminal court on May 1, 2009.
For what, you may ask?
Truck tampering.
At the time, I didn't think it was very funny, but as I recount it all for you now, all I can do is laugh because the accusation is so far-fetched and ridiculous that I can't even believe a magistrate even signed off on the summons to begin with.
Apparently, according to the charges my Ex took out, on March 6, 2009 (the first time I saw my kids after they were in Colorado) I ripped the ignition switch out of the steering column of the pickup truck I was ordered to turn over to my Ex.
Hold on though...there's more to the story! Amazingly enough, I did this in the presence of a sheriff's deputy.
Yep! That's me, alright. Brazen and bold to the core!!!!!
So, according to my Ex, I went to pick up my kids for the first time in over a month. I was followed by the nanny in my vehicle because I was dropping off the pickup truck the judge awarded to her. I parked the truck in her parent's driveway, grabbed my camera (I wanted pictures of my children), and was out of the vehicle in less than 10 seconds.
Meanwhile, a sheriff's deputy sat less than 15 feet from where I parked in plain view of everything going on.
Supposedly in the 10 seconds between when I parked the truck, turned it off, grabbed my camera, and then exited the vehicle, I managed to rip the ignition switch from the steering column...with no tools and in the presence of an officer of the law along with at least 3 other witnesses, not to mention my 5 children.
Does this sound ludicrous to anyone yet?
Truck Tampering 3.25.2009
I don't know how many of you out there reading may be knowledgeable about vehicles, but my accomplishing this feat of destruction in that amount of time with no tools whatsoever would have been next to impossible....aside from being very, very stupid.
The real kicker is that I went to court for this THREE different times and guess what? My Ex NEVER showed up in court. Not once. The sheriff's deputy that was in the driveway was there and told both the DA and my attorney that he had no clue what he was even doing there because nothing happened that day.
Three times it was continued before it was finally dismissed because my Ex never showed up in court and there was absolutely no evidence to show that I had done anything wrong. Three times I missed work. Three times an officer of the law was pulled from his duties to sit in court for nothing. Three times the taxpayer's money was wasted.
For what, I ask? The only person that knows the answer to that is my Ex.
When we continue, the drama will, unfortunately, continue and you will really begin to see the court system unravel (as if it isn't bad enough already).
I hope you have stuck with me through this. Please keep reading!!
God Bless.
The children began to slowly tell me things about their time in Colorado. They told me that their mom had gotten an apartment there and had a job, although they did not know where. She also obtained a driver's license while in Colorado. They had been enrolled in school there and were beginning new lives.
From what I gathered from my children, my Ex had absolutely no intention of ever returning to North Carolina, and no intention of allowing me to see my children again. I fully believe that had it not been for the court order that threatened my Ex with jail, it would have taken me months, if not years, to get my children back.
The following Wednesday, March 11, 2009, three of my children were dropped off at my workplace for my weekly visitation. My oldest and youngest sons were supposed to then be dropped off by 4:00 p.m. by their grandmother. When they didn't arrive and the other three children were getting bored and tired, I decided to take them home to my house. I called the children's grandmother and told her that she would just have to bring the other two kids to my house instead.
I was then informed that the grandmother had the oldest child with her but the youngest one was with my Ex. My Ex stated that my youngest child was sick and was vomiting and had diarrhea (the first I had heard this). I asked the other children if their brother was sick and they told me that their mother had brought him to lunch that day at their school and he seemed fine.
I told my Ex to bring him anyway and that I would take care of him. After all, I am his father; I am perfectly capable of caring for a sick child. However, my Ex did not bring him that night. My Ex ended up writing me a note stating that I could have him for an extra night the following week.
You will see that in the following weeks and months that although I do get my visitation pretty regularly for a time, I usually end up without one or two children for various reasons...usually because of some sort of illness.
Before the kids left the following morning, I gave my oldest two children the house phone number and told them to please call me every Tuesday and Thursday evening so I could talk to them. I was still unable to call them myself because of the restraining order; however, my Ex still contacted me on a regular basis.
The following Wednesday, March 18, 2009, the kids were dropped off for my regular visitation. They did not have any clothing with them to wear to school the next day, which had become very typical. My Ex took all of their clothes and left me with nothing, so when they came for visitation I always had to ask for clothes for them to wear. If they did come with changes of clothes, they usually were missing socks or underwear or something. It was very frustrating.
That particular Wednesday sticks out in my mind quite a bit, though, because along with them having no clothes for the next day, I also found out that the children had not seen their mother at all for the previous week. I found out that they had been staying with (stay with me here) the mother of the man my Ex had the affair with and ultimately left me and the kids for.
They also told me that some of them had been staying with the secretary at my oldest son's school as well as staying some with their grandmother. They told me that they basically did not have a home and every day they stayed somewhere different. They never knew from one day to the next who would be picking them up from school. My oldest child said that he was sick of living like a "hobo", my oldest daughter said that she just wanted a home, and my youngest child said "mommy hates you".
I had to contact the children's grandmother and ask her to bring me some clothes for the children to wear the next day. She brought me some clothes but told me that she needed the clothes off their backs because that was all she had for them. She told me that she had to go buy them all socks and underwear.
It was later discovered that my Ex had left and gone to Colorado yet again but had not even told the children she was going there or when she would be back.
That night was very difficult for the kids. Since they had been shuffled around so much, they were all scared to sleep alone. Everyone wanted to sleep with someone else. My youngest was especially afraid. Before my Ex regained custody of them, they had never had any problem going upstairs to their beds and sleeping all night without a "sleep buddy". I felt so heartsick for them and angry at what this was doing to them. They were traumatized, and the worst part of it was, I could do nothing to stop it. The courts obviously could care less, so my hands were tied.
On Friday, March 20, 2009, my kids were dropped off again for my weekend visitation. My sister had flown down to visit and provide some support to me and to them during this difficult time.
On Sunday when the kids were to go back to their mom, I had my nanny go and meet my Ex in my shop parking lot to make the exchange since I could not go myself. The nanny asked my sister to accompany her.
When they arrived, a sheriff's deputy pulled into the parking lot apparently to witness the exchange. I'm not sure if this was just for show or if my Ex really thought I would be dumb enough to show up there with a restraining order against me, but he was there nonetheless.
When my Ex arrived, she was driving a medium-sized sedan that was only capable of seating 5 people. There were 5 children along with my Ex, so there were not enough seats in the car. My sister also noted that there were no child safety seats in the car, which, at the time, 3 of my children were supposed to be secured in while in the car.
The nanny walked over to speak to the sheriff's deputy to inform him of the lack of safety and seating in the vehicle. She was very concerned for their well-being should they have an accident. The sheriff's deputy seemed very annoyed that the nanny was even speaking to him and stated that he was not going to interfere with my Ex taking her children.
When the question of legality was raised, the deputy shrugged his shoulders and crossed his arms. He then allowed my Ex to drive away with my kids while he went the other direction out of the parking lot.
I guess not only did the courts not care what happened to my children, the police didn't either!
The next insult to me would come on March 25, 2009. I was served with a criminal court summons. I was ordered to go to criminal court on May 1, 2009.
For what, you may ask?
Truck tampering.
At the time, I didn't think it was very funny, but as I recount it all for you now, all I can do is laugh because the accusation is so far-fetched and ridiculous that I can't even believe a magistrate even signed off on the summons to begin with.
Apparently, according to the charges my Ex took out, on March 6, 2009 (the first time I saw my kids after they were in Colorado) I ripped the ignition switch out of the steering column of the pickup truck I was ordered to turn over to my Ex.
Hold on though...there's more to the story! Amazingly enough, I did this in the presence of a sheriff's deputy.
Yep! That's me, alright. Brazen and bold to the core!!!!!
So, according to my Ex, I went to pick up my kids for the first time in over a month. I was followed by the nanny in my vehicle because I was dropping off the pickup truck the judge awarded to her. I parked the truck in her parent's driveway, grabbed my camera (I wanted pictures of my children), and was out of the vehicle in less than 10 seconds.
Meanwhile, a sheriff's deputy sat less than 15 feet from where I parked in plain view of everything going on.
Supposedly in the 10 seconds between when I parked the truck, turned it off, grabbed my camera, and then exited the vehicle, I managed to rip the ignition switch from the steering column...with no tools and in the presence of an officer of the law along with at least 3 other witnesses, not to mention my 5 children.
Does this sound ludicrous to anyone yet?
Truck Tampering 3.25.2009
I don't know how many of you out there reading may be knowledgeable about vehicles, but my accomplishing this feat of destruction in that amount of time with no tools whatsoever would have been next to impossible....aside from being very, very stupid.
The real kicker is that I went to court for this THREE different times and guess what? My Ex NEVER showed up in court. Not once. The sheriff's deputy that was in the driveway was there and told both the DA and my attorney that he had no clue what he was even doing there because nothing happened that day.
Three times it was continued before it was finally dismissed because my Ex never showed up in court and there was absolutely no evidence to show that I had done anything wrong. Three times I missed work. Three times an officer of the law was pulled from his duties to sit in court for nothing. Three times the taxpayer's money was wasted.
For what, I ask? The only person that knows the answer to that is my Ex.
When we continue, the drama will, unfortunately, continue and you will really begin to see the court system unravel (as if it isn't bad enough already).
I hope you have stuck with me through this. Please keep reading!!
God Bless.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Finally Found
When I last left off with the story of my life, I was at the point where my kids were missing and I had been to the Sheriff to try and at least get a missing person's report filed....to no avail. I had assurance from the detective looking into things that my Ex and children were okay because the detective told me that she called him and told him so, but I still had no idea where they were, and if the detective knew he wasn't telling me.
The next day, February 18, 2009, I continued on like normal. I went to work but also called the schools to see if my children were there. I know the schools were probably getting sick of me at this point, but I was hoping beyond hope that they would magically appear one day. I continued to try and call my Ex's phone but it was still disconnected. Things seemed very bleak, to say the least.
Also during this time, my lawyer was filing motions against my ex in court. On February 12, 2009, a contempt motion was filed for my missing my visitation for the weekend of February 6, 2009.
Contempt Motion 2.12.09
On February 17, 2009, there were two motions filed. The first was another motion of contempt because my Ex had not adhered to the court order that stated she was to surrender the van to me. Instead, as you have already heard, she abandoned it on the side of the road with slashed tires. My lawyer was asking that she be jailed, pay a fine, and have to pay for the repair costs and the towing of the vehicle.
The second filing was an order to show cause, which basically says that my Ex had better show up in court no matter what. If she didn't show, she could be arrested for failure to appear. This was because she had neglected to show up for a previous hearing, so my lawyer was doing everything he could to make her show up.
Contempt Motion 2.17.09
Show_Cause_2.17.09
On February 23, 2009, I received a phone call from a Sheriff's deputy. It always made me nervous when they would call me or come to my home or work because, well, I never knew what it was going to be for. This deputy asked me where I was and if I had a minute to come down to the Sheriff's station because they had some out of state papers to give to me. I was wondering what in the world they could possibly have from out of state, but I had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my Ex.
When I arrived, I was given this:
CO Restraining Order 2.19.09
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at that restraining order. I was finally aware that my Ex had taken my children to Colorado and while there she obtained a temporary restraining order against me on February 19, 2009. Even though she was obviously in Colorado, she did not reveal her address.
In the restraining order, she stated her reasons for obtaining the order. A lot of those reasons were the exact same reasons she had used in the restraining order she took out against me in North Carolina. If you don't remember what her statements were in that restraining order, you can go back and reference it here:
She also claims, yet again, that I hit my daughter in the head with the door and states that I was intoxicated and screaming at her to "get out". This was a completely false statement. The only true thing that she stated there was that I did call the police because my Ex was not supposed to be there...and certainly should not have shown up unannounced, yet again.
She states that her tires were slashed and a hole was put in her radiator. She says that this was the third time her tires were slashed and that the police had evidence and were investigating. As I've stated before, I had not set foot on her property, and if she claimed to the police that I did this I'm sure they would have questioned me about it at least, but they never did. The only evidence that this ever happened was my Ex saying that it did, but I know I certainly did not commit those acts.
She also brings up the restraining order that my nanny took out against her. She asserts that the nanny was not in fear of her at any time; however, I don't know how she could possibly know whether or not someone was afraid of her. I personally know that the nanny was extremely uncomfortable and did not ask her to leave because she was afraid of how my Ex would react.
I thought it was completely absurd that she would file a restraining order against me in a state that was 3000 miles away. It was even more absurd because I had no idea she was even there until I received the restraining order. I certainly was not going to travel 3000 miles to try and track her and my children down. Even though it was troubling to have this temporary restraining order against me, it was also quite comical at the time and I do remember having a good laugh about it.
On the VERY SAME day that I received the restraining order, my Ex tried to call me. She called me that day at 9:24, 9:26, 9:28, 9:29, 9:30, 9:32, and 9:33. The calls all came from a blocked phone number. She left a couple of messages saying that she assumed I didn't want to speak to her or the kids.
Um, there was a RESTRAINING ORDER against me. I couldn't answer the phone. I was ordered to have NO CONTACT with her or my children. I felt at that time that she was trying to set me up. If I had answered the phone, she could have called the police and told them that I violated the restraining order. I then would have gotten arrested. I honestly don't know what she was thinking.
The hearing for the restraining order was scheduled for March 4, 2009. Since I lived in North Carolina, I had no intention of traveling to Colorado for this hearing. However, I knew that if I didn't go the order would be made permanent (probably for a year) so I had to figure out how I was going to defend myself from so far away. The hearing was held on March 4, 2009, but was continued until April 3, 2009.
In the interim, since I know knew where they were residing, I talked to my attorney and he filed the following motion in court on February 27, 2009:
Motion_2.27.09
In that motion, my lawyer asks that I be granted temporary custody of my children because it is no longer in my children's best interest to live with their mother. When the hearing was held on March 2, 2009, the judge ordered my Ex (yep, she showed up for court) to return the children by March 6, 2009, so that I could have my court ordered visitation that weekend. If she did not bring the children on that date, she was to surrender herself to jail.
So, on March 6, 2009, I got to see my children for the first time in over a month. My Ex flew them all back from Colorado and I went to pick them up at her mother's house. She had a deputy there to witness the exchange because of the restraining order. I took a friend with me so that I also had a witness and I also dropped off the pickup truck that I was ordered to give to her. The only reason I hadn't given it to her previously was because, well, I didn't know where she was.
It truly was a great weekend. I took tons of pictures and we had a blast. That weekend was my middle son's birthday, so we celebrated his birthday along with mine. We also celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday because she was gone to Colorado for her birthday and I didn't get to see her or call her. It was SO wonderful to see them and know that they were safe.
After that, I did begin getting my visitation regularly for awhile, but it was difficult because of the restraining order. The children either had to be dropped off and picked up by someone else or we had to meet at the Sheriff's department to make the exchange. I also couldn't call them during the in between times because I was not allowed contact with my Ex. I began having my friend call for me to act as a go between, but my Ex would never answer the phone. My Ex continued to call me on a regular basis, though, even though she was apparently afraid of me and had taken out a restraining order on me.
On March 19, 2009, I sent a letter to the court in Colorado in order to attempt to defend myself against the restraining order. You can read the letter here:
Judge Letter 3.19.09
On the day of the hearing, April 3, 2009, I was in my car when the phone rang. It was the judge in Colorado. The hearing was happening and he wanted to ask me some questions. I verified that everything in the letter that I had sent was accurate. The judge then informed me that my Ex did not show up for the hearing (big surprise) and that he was going to dismiss the case. He also told me that he was very upset that my Ex would use the Colorado legal system in such a manner and that based on all the evidence I sent to the court, the restraining order was frivolous.
So that was the end of that.
You are going to see in the future that my Ex has a history of taking out charges against me and never showing up in court. Today, she would be arrested for such behavior, but at the time she got away with it.
She got away with everything. She was never punished for taking the children out of state. She was never punished for the van. She has never been punished by the court for anything. In fact, she was even rewarded for abandoning the children when she received custody of them. Crazy, huh?
Anyhow, there is a lot more to tell as we have only reached March/April of 2009. While things are good for a little bit and I get to see my kids like I am supposed to, it doesn't stay that way for long. The saga will continue, my friends.
Please stay tuned!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
The next day, February 18, 2009, I continued on like normal. I went to work but also called the schools to see if my children were there. I know the schools were probably getting sick of me at this point, but I was hoping beyond hope that they would magically appear one day. I continued to try and call my Ex's phone but it was still disconnected. Things seemed very bleak, to say the least.
Also during this time, my lawyer was filing motions against my ex in court. On February 12, 2009, a contempt motion was filed for my missing my visitation for the weekend of February 6, 2009.
Contempt Motion 2.12.09
On February 17, 2009, there were two motions filed. The first was another motion of contempt because my Ex had not adhered to the court order that stated she was to surrender the van to me. Instead, as you have already heard, she abandoned it on the side of the road with slashed tires. My lawyer was asking that she be jailed, pay a fine, and have to pay for the repair costs and the towing of the vehicle.
The second filing was an order to show cause, which basically says that my Ex had better show up in court no matter what. If she didn't show, she could be arrested for failure to appear. This was because she had neglected to show up for a previous hearing, so my lawyer was doing everything he could to make her show up.
Contempt Motion 2.17.09
Show_Cause_2.17.09
On February 23, 2009, I received a phone call from a Sheriff's deputy. It always made me nervous when they would call me or come to my home or work because, well, I never knew what it was going to be for. This deputy asked me where I was and if I had a minute to come down to the Sheriff's station because they had some out of state papers to give to me. I was wondering what in the world they could possibly have from out of state, but I had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my Ex.
When I arrived, I was given this:
CO Restraining Order 2.19.09
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at that restraining order. I was finally aware that my Ex had taken my children to Colorado and while there she obtained a temporary restraining order against me on February 19, 2009. Even though she was obviously in Colorado, she did not reveal her address.
In the restraining order, she stated her reasons for obtaining the order. A lot of those reasons were the exact same reasons she had used in the restraining order she took out against me in North Carolina. If you don't remember what her statements were in that restraining order, you can go back and reference it here:
She also claims, yet again, that I hit my daughter in the head with the door and states that I was intoxicated and screaming at her to "get out". This was a completely false statement. The only true thing that she stated there was that I did call the police because my Ex was not supposed to be there...and certainly should not have shown up unannounced, yet again.
She states that her tires were slashed and a hole was put in her radiator. She says that this was the third time her tires were slashed and that the police had evidence and were investigating. As I've stated before, I had not set foot on her property, and if she claimed to the police that I did this I'm sure they would have questioned me about it at least, but they never did. The only evidence that this ever happened was my Ex saying that it did, but I know I certainly did not commit those acts.
She also brings up the restraining order that my nanny took out against her. She asserts that the nanny was not in fear of her at any time; however, I don't know how she could possibly know whether or not someone was afraid of her. I personally know that the nanny was extremely uncomfortable and did not ask her to leave because she was afraid of how my Ex would react.
I thought it was completely absurd that she would file a restraining order against me in a state that was 3000 miles away. It was even more absurd because I had no idea she was even there until I received the restraining order. I certainly was not going to travel 3000 miles to try and track her and my children down. Even though it was troubling to have this temporary restraining order against me, it was also quite comical at the time and I do remember having a good laugh about it.
On the VERY SAME day that I received the restraining order, my Ex tried to call me. She called me that day at 9:24, 9:26, 9:28, 9:29, 9:30, 9:32, and 9:33. The calls all came from a blocked phone number. She left a couple of messages saying that she assumed I didn't want to speak to her or the kids.
Um, there was a RESTRAINING ORDER against me. I couldn't answer the phone. I was ordered to have NO CONTACT with her or my children. I felt at that time that she was trying to set me up. If I had answered the phone, she could have called the police and told them that I violated the restraining order. I then would have gotten arrested. I honestly don't know what she was thinking.
The hearing for the restraining order was scheduled for March 4, 2009. Since I lived in North Carolina, I had no intention of traveling to Colorado for this hearing. However, I knew that if I didn't go the order would be made permanent (probably for a year) so I had to figure out how I was going to defend myself from so far away. The hearing was held on March 4, 2009, but was continued until April 3, 2009.
In the interim, since I know knew where they were residing, I talked to my attorney and he filed the following motion in court on February 27, 2009:
Motion_2.27.09
In that motion, my lawyer asks that I be granted temporary custody of my children because it is no longer in my children's best interest to live with their mother. When the hearing was held on March 2, 2009, the judge ordered my Ex (yep, she showed up for court) to return the children by March 6, 2009, so that I could have my court ordered visitation that weekend. If she did not bring the children on that date, she was to surrender herself to jail.
So, on March 6, 2009, I got to see my children for the first time in over a month. My Ex flew them all back from Colorado and I went to pick them up at her mother's house. She had a deputy there to witness the exchange because of the restraining order. I took a friend with me so that I also had a witness and I also dropped off the pickup truck that I was ordered to give to her. The only reason I hadn't given it to her previously was because, well, I didn't know where she was.
It truly was a great weekend. I took tons of pictures and we had a blast. That weekend was my middle son's birthday, so we celebrated his birthday along with mine. We also celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday because she was gone to Colorado for her birthday and I didn't get to see her or call her. It was SO wonderful to see them and know that they were safe.
After that, I did begin getting my visitation regularly for awhile, but it was difficult because of the restraining order. The children either had to be dropped off and picked up by someone else or we had to meet at the Sheriff's department to make the exchange. I also couldn't call them during the in between times because I was not allowed contact with my Ex. I began having my friend call for me to act as a go between, but my Ex would never answer the phone. My Ex continued to call me on a regular basis, though, even though she was apparently afraid of me and had taken out a restraining order on me.
On March 19, 2009, I sent a letter to the court in Colorado in order to attempt to defend myself against the restraining order. You can read the letter here:
Judge Letter 3.19.09
On the day of the hearing, April 3, 2009, I was in my car when the phone rang. It was the judge in Colorado. The hearing was happening and he wanted to ask me some questions. I verified that everything in the letter that I had sent was accurate. The judge then informed me that my Ex did not show up for the hearing (big surprise) and that he was going to dismiss the case. He also told me that he was very upset that my Ex would use the Colorado legal system in such a manner and that based on all the evidence I sent to the court, the restraining order was frivolous.
So that was the end of that.
You are going to see in the future that my Ex has a history of taking out charges against me and never showing up in court. Today, she would be arrested for such behavior, but at the time she got away with it.
She got away with everything. She was never punished for taking the children out of state. She was never punished for the van. She has never been punished by the court for anything. In fact, she was even rewarded for abandoning the children when she received custody of them. Crazy, huh?
Anyhow, there is a lot more to tell as we have only reached March/April of 2009. While things are good for a little bit and I get to see my kids like I am supposed to, it doesn't stay that way for long. The saga will continue, my friends.
Please stay tuned!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
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