In July of 2009, everything changed drastically once again. I was informed that my Ex had taken my children and moved to a location that was a 4-hour drive away (one way). Once again, I felt helpless in the pursuit to have some normalcy for my children. Since their mother had regained primary care of my children in December of 2008, they had been moved around and changed schools so much that I was beginning to fear (and still fear to this day) that it was all beginning to do irriversible emotional damage to them. Just as they would get settled somewhere and begin to make friends again, they would be moved away or have their schools changed right out from under them. Aside from the toll it was taking on my children, the move to the coast was also very difficult for me. How exactly was I supposed to have my visitation like I was supposed to if they lived 4 hours away?
It should be noted that at the time that this happened, and still to this day, my Ex and I have JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY, CARE, AND CONTROL of the children, with her having primary care while I have secondary care. This means that legally I am to be consulted in any big decisions in their lives including changing schools and moving FAR away. NEVER have I been consulted in any decisions regarding my children, and when I find out something is going on that I object to, she just ignores me and does what she wants anyway, most of the time in direct violation of the court order. I recently found out that she has even lied to their schools regarding custody, telling them that she has total custody of the kids. Nice.
Apart from that, she was not supposed to move the children out of the county we lived in without my expressed permission and/or the permission of the court. After the stunt she pulled when she kidnapped my children and moved across the country with them for over a month with me not knowing if they were even alive, it was not beyond the realm of possibility that she would do it again. It seemed to me that it was very easy for her to just pick up and move far away at the drop of a hat. Scary, huh?
So, on July 23, 2009, my attorney filed a Motion and a Show Cause Order to hold my Ex in contempt of court, yet again, for moving out of the jurisdiction. Also included in the Motion was my plea for a reduction in child support based on my inability to pay the amount ordered due to a significant change in circumstances.
Until we got into court, I was having to drive 2 hours one way to meet my Ex at a fast food restaurant in order to get my children for my visitation. Spending over 8 hours of my visitation weekends on the road was not only frustrating, it was completely draining financially. The gas alone was killing me. Not only that, but the Fridays that I had the kids were pretty much gone as far as quality time goes. Most Fridays were spent in the car driving and we wouldn't get home until very late, so it would be bedtime when we got there. I was also missing pretty much all of my Sundays as well because we had to get on the road by a certain time in order to meet their mother. All in all, Saturday was really the only day that I was really getting any quality visitation time with my kids. I was missing my Wednesday visitation completely because how exactly was that going to work? Drive 4 hours away once a week and get a hotel room for the night for me and my 5 children to sleep in and then leave the next morning? I don't think so.
I kept trying to figure out why she moved so far away. She didn't have any family there, or, for that matter, any friends that I knew of. She didn't have a job when she moved. She seemingly just decided to pack herself and the kids up and move 4 hours away on a whim with no care in the world. I wouldn't have expected her to care about how it would affect me, but how it would affect the kids should have been of great concern to her. Guess not.
Because she moved during the summer, I was able to have my kids for a week-long stretch at one point. It was really nice having them all there and not having to worry about driving so far away. It was nice being able to just be with them and talk to them and know that they weren't hundreds of miles away from me. When they were gone, it was very hard for me knowing that if something happened to one of them or if they needed my help for some reason, I wasn't just a few miles away. I couldn't go to any activities they had or go to their school. I couldn't be involved in the day-to-day because they now lived a world away. I finally came to the realization that that is exactly what my Ex wanted.
When we went to court, I once again showed every financial document I had at my disposal to prove that my business was making very little, if any, money. I produced bank statements, tax documents, receipts, bills....you name it, I gave it to the judge. The $2200.00 per month (total) that I was supposed to pay had always been an unrealistic amount of money for me to come up with and I had already been to court for contempt for not paying twice, so it should have been painfully obvious to anyone looking that I didn't even make $2200.00 per month and could not pay anywhere near that amount in child support and still be able to support myself.
However, in court, as had always happened in the past, the judge completely ignored everything and said that I "failed to carry the burden of proof" when trying to convince the court that I wasn't making any money. I was pretty much at my wits end at that point. I really didn't know what else I could do short of showing up in court unshowered with holes in my clothes and shoes to prove that I was completely broke. Of course, had I done that, the judge probably would have had me jailed for contempt of court for showing disrespect. I just couldn't win.
Her attorney kept bringing up the fact that I still lived in "the marital residence" with a hefty mortgage payment and that I was still driving a very nice vehicle. I showed documents to prove that the forclosure process had begun on my house and that my car payments were very far behind and at any time they were going to repossess my vehicle.
I guess the judge saw blank sheets of paper. In the end, it was ordered that the child support would stay the same, and I knew full well that I would end up back in court again for nonpayment. I just couldn't afford it.
When we finally got to the contempt portion of the hearing (her contempt), her defense was that she had asked me if she could move away with the kids and that I had said that she could.
Let me break this down for you....
A short time before she moved away, I did have a converstation with my Ex about her wanting to move out of the area that we lived in. She told me that there were too many bad memories there and that she wanted to try to get a fresh start. In all actuality, I honestly believe that she wanted to run away from all the people who knew what she did and looked down on her for it, but whatever.
I told her that it was ok with me if she moved, but that it couldn't be too far away. I also told her that she needed to tell me BEFORE she moved WHERE she was moving and WHEN. She did none of those things, and before I knew it, my kids were living 4 hours away without my prior knowledge.
In court, however, her attorney worked his magic and my attorney, once again, sat on his hands. By the time all was said and done, it was made to sound like not only had I given her permission to move that far away, but that I had packed them up and helped them move!
There was quite a lot of back and forth when it came to my visitation and the fact that I was missing one day a week and that I was having to drive all that way in order to get the rest of my visitation time. Her attorney once again weaved his web and asked if I had had my children for a week at a time while they were living so far away. I answered yes. He asked if I had ever had them for that long of a stretch since she was given custody. The answer was no; however, it was the summertime. My having them for that long of a stretch of time would have been impossible during the school year with them living so far away.
I presented evidence that since she had regained primary care, I had missed well over half of the visitation days I am supposed to have. Didn't matter. In the end, she got away with violating a court order once again. I could have gotten up on the stand and said absolutely nothing. I could have gotten up there and babbled incoherently like a baby. Doing either one of those things would have brought the same result. Instead, as always, I told the truth. Really did me a lot of good, huh?
By the time court was finished that day, the judge had me feeling like I was supposed to be thankful to her for even meeting me half-way. Her attorney had the judge convinced that she was doing me some huge favor by violating a court order! I was told that if I wasn't happy with the way things were that I could be made to drive the entire 4 hour journey myself, putting me on the road for 16 hours each weekend that I had the kids.
This just goes to show you that if you have a good attorney, he can make a murderer look like an angel. He certainly was good at making an adulterer look like a victim who was as pure as the driven snow. My attorney on the other hand, forget it. I actually wondered at times if he was even breathing, and after that hearing, he would no longer be my attorney.
Anyhow, the solution to the rather large problem that my Ex had created (again) was becoming clear to me, but before I could take the steps necessary, something would happen that would really alter my life forever.
Please stay tuned for the next entry. It's going to be a big one!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Saturday, October 13, 2012
All I Wanted Was To See My Kids
It seems that not having my kids for visitation has actually become more common than actually having them for visitation. It is a sad statement for sure, and I wish it weren't true, but seeing them seems to be a crap shoot at any given time.
In my last post I wrote about how incredibly difficult the month of May 2009 was. I told you about the court drama, the restraining order attempt, the Department of Social Services, and harassment charges. In that post, I also touched for a moment on the fact that I went many weeks without seeing my children during that time. I would like to elaborate on that a little further.
During that time, my Ex and I were meeting at a neutral location to exchange the children. On one occasion, we were informed that we needed to stop meeting at that particular place for that purpose because they did not have the authority to intervene if there were any issues. They suggested that we begin meeting at the Sheriff's Department for the exchanges.
Seems simple enough, right?
Beginning on May 15, 2009, after I had been visited by DSS and had been served with a temporary restraining order, we were supposed to meet at the Sheriff's Department for the exchange. Now, I will remind you that the restraining order I was served with was NOT an Ex Parte order, meaning that it was not in effect until we went to court (where it was ultimately dropped). Also, DSS found no evidence that I was a danger to my children or had harmed them in any way.
Therefore, there was absolutely no reason for my Ex to deny me my children.
However, on May 15, 2009, I went to the Sheriff's Department to pick up my children. My parents had come down for a visit after not seeing their grandchildren for a very long time, and they accompanied me to the Sheriff's Department.
My Ex never showed up.
I went inside and spoke to the Deputy on duty and explained the situation to him. He attempted to call my Ex. After several tries, she finally answered the phone. The Deputy informed her that she needed to follow the law and abide by the judge's orders. She flat out told him that she didn't care about what the judge had to say and that she was not bringing the kids. He then told her that he was going to write a report documenting that she was refusing to bring the children. When the call was over, the Deputy stated to me that she was very rude and hateful to him on the phone and he had several choice names to use in referring to her.
Later on that day, my Ex sent me a text message and told me that she would get the kids to me somehow. I'm not sure if she was starting to get nervous about the police involvement and the fact that she was violating a court order, but nonetheless she agreed to bring the kids.
Only problem was, she didn't follow through and I didn't get to see my kids.
On May 20, 2009, I again went to the Sheriff's Department to pick up my kids. The nanny accompanied me on this trip because I will not go alone to any place where I know my Ex will be. I want witnesses at all times when dealing with her because I have been wrongfully accused of doing so many things to her it isn't even funny. Witnesses, witnesses, witnesses. That is my mantra.
Anyway, once again she didn't show up, even after the Deputy tried, yet again, to call her and convince her that she had to bring them. I didn't get to see my kids.
May 27, 2009, May 29, 2009, and June 3, 2009, were more of the same story. On the June 3, 2009 visit, the Deputy gave me his report:
Incident_Report_5.15.20090001
In case it is difficult for you to read his writing, I will type it out for you here:
"5/19/09, I, Deputy ________, spoke with Mr. __________ at the ACSO front desk. Mr. _________ was there for a child exchange with Ms. _____________ at 1630 hrs. At approx. 1635 hrs. I called Ms. ___________ to see if she was going to meet Mr. ___________ with their kids. She answered that she was not going to bring the kids and had no intent to bring the kids. This is not the first time that Ms. __________ has not met with the victim. Also, Ms. ___________ was very rude and hateful. She was explained that the agreement signed by the judge was a civil matter but it could turn into a contempt of court issue. 5/20/09, Ms. ____________ also did not show. 5/27/09, Mrs._________ did not show. 5/29/09, Ms. ____________ no show. 6/3/09, no show."
I don't know about you, but if I had the police calling me at least once a week, and sometimes more, I think I might begin to analyze why exactly I was violating a court order in the first place. But then again, this was her pattern, and still seems to be her pattern to this day. It wasn't the first time I had missed huge chunks of visitation with my kids, and it wasn't the last time.
I am still having issues to this very day with getting all of my kids when I'm supposed to. It's always a gamble when going to pick them up from school because it's never known how many, if any, of my kids will be there. It's a complete crap shoot. "Complete crap" being the operative phrase.
Anyhow, I wanted to fill in that time period before moving on because my next journal entry is going to be huge. It was a series of events that changed my life forever, and it will probably take at least 3, possibly 4 entries for me to tell you the entire story. You can trust me when I say that you really don't want to miss it!
I hope that you all keep reading and keep the comments coming! I enjoy hearing from each and every single one of you.
Until next time.
In my last post I wrote about how incredibly difficult the month of May 2009 was. I told you about the court drama, the restraining order attempt, the Department of Social Services, and harassment charges. In that post, I also touched for a moment on the fact that I went many weeks without seeing my children during that time. I would like to elaborate on that a little further.
During that time, my Ex and I were meeting at a neutral location to exchange the children. On one occasion, we were informed that we needed to stop meeting at that particular place for that purpose because they did not have the authority to intervene if there were any issues. They suggested that we begin meeting at the Sheriff's Department for the exchanges.
Seems simple enough, right?
Beginning on May 15, 2009, after I had been visited by DSS and had been served with a temporary restraining order, we were supposed to meet at the Sheriff's Department for the exchange. Now, I will remind you that the restraining order I was served with was NOT an Ex Parte order, meaning that it was not in effect until we went to court (where it was ultimately dropped). Also, DSS found no evidence that I was a danger to my children or had harmed them in any way.
Therefore, there was absolutely no reason for my Ex to deny me my children.
However, on May 15, 2009, I went to the Sheriff's Department to pick up my children. My parents had come down for a visit after not seeing their grandchildren for a very long time, and they accompanied me to the Sheriff's Department.
My Ex never showed up.
I went inside and spoke to the Deputy on duty and explained the situation to him. He attempted to call my Ex. After several tries, she finally answered the phone. The Deputy informed her that she needed to follow the law and abide by the judge's orders. She flat out told him that she didn't care about what the judge had to say and that she was not bringing the kids. He then told her that he was going to write a report documenting that she was refusing to bring the children. When the call was over, the Deputy stated to me that she was very rude and hateful to him on the phone and he had several choice names to use in referring to her.
Later on that day, my Ex sent me a text message and told me that she would get the kids to me somehow. I'm not sure if she was starting to get nervous about the police involvement and the fact that she was violating a court order, but nonetheless she agreed to bring the kids.
Only problem was, she didn't follow through and I didn't get to see my kids.
On May 20, 2009, I again went to the Sheriff's Department to pick up my kids. The nanny accompanied me on this trip because I will not go alone to any place where I know my Ex will be. I want witnesses at all times when dealing with her because I have been wrongfully accused of doing so many things to her it isn't even funny. Witnesses, witnesses, witnesses. That is my mantra.
Anyway, once again she didn't show up, even after the Deputy tried, yet again, to call her and convince her that she had to bring them. I didn't get to see my kids.
May 27, 2009, May 29, 2009, and June 3, 2009, were more of the same story. On the June 3, 2009 visit, the Deputy gave me his report:
Incident_Report_5.15.20090001
In case it is difficult for you to read his writing, I will type it out for you here:
"5/19/09, I, Deputy ________, spoke with Mr. __________ at the ACSO front desk. Mr. _________ was there for a child exchange with Ms. _____________ at 1630 hrs. At approx. 1635 hrs. I called Ms. ___________ to see if she was going to meet Mr. ___________ with their kids. She answered that she was not going to bring the kids and had no intent to bring the kids. This is not the first time that Ms. __________ has not met with the victim. Also, Ms. ___________ was very rude and hateful. She was explained that the agreement signed by the judge was a civil matter but it could turn into a contempt of court issue. 5/20/09, Ms. ____________ also did not show. 5/27/09, Mrs._________ did not show. 5/29/09, Ms. ____________ no show. 6/3/09, no show."
I don't know about you, but if I had the police calling me at least once a week, and sometimes more, I think I might begin to analyze why exactly I was violating a court order in the first place. But then again, this was her pattern, and still seems to be her pattern to this day. It wasn't the first time I had missed huge chunks of visitation with my kids, and it wasn't the last time.
I am still having issues to this very day with getting all of my kids when I'm supposed to. It's always a gamble when going to pick them up from school because it's never known how many, if any, of my kids will be there. It's a complete crap shoot. "Complete crap" being the operative phrase.
Anyhow, I wanted to fill in that time period before moving on because my next journal entry is going to be huge. It was a series of events that changed my life forever, and it will probably take at least 3, possibly 4 entries for me to tell you the entire story. You can trust me when I say that you really don't want to miss it!
I hope that you all keep reading and keep the comments coming! I enjoy hearing from each and every single one of you.
Until next time.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
The Month of May 2009 Was One I Would Rather Forget
The month of May 2009 was an extremely trying time for me. Not only did I have to go to court and was ordered to again pay an extremely large amount of money (see previous blog entry) but there were also other very upsetting things that happened during that time.
When my kids didn't show up for visitation on May 13, 2009, I should have known that something was up. I was at work and received a telephone call that really threw me for a loop. The call was from the Department of Social Services. They wanted to come and meet with me at my work and ask me some questions about a report that had been filed against me. I told the DSS workers I would be available that afternoon.
When DSS arrived, they informed me that my Ex had filed a report claiming that I had abused my oldest son on May 6, 2009. When they began talking to me, I immediately knew the event that they were referring to, but what actually happened was vastly different from the pack of lies they had been fed by my Ex.
On Friday, May 1, 2009, the kids were with me for my visitation. After I put the kids to bed that night, I was relaxing in my living room and I heard my oldest son's voice. He said, "Mommy, I'm scared." I immediately got up and went into his room where I found him hiding in his closet talking on a cell phone. I was completely unaware that my son had a phone with him, but nonetheless, approximately 3 minutes after I found him on the phone, my doorbell rang.
It was the police. They stated that they received a call from my Ex in which she stated that her son was in danger and was afraid. I welcomed them inside my home and they spoke to my son. They asked him if he had been hit or hurt in any way and he said no.
The deputy then apologized to me and told me that my Ex had all the cell numbers for the sheriff's deputies and that she called them ALL the time for petty things. He stated that everyone in the Sheriff's Department was sick and tired of her constant calls and that he was going to speak to his supervisor about not taking her calls anymore.
My son felt really bad after the police left because he realized that he had caused the police to come to my house for no reason. He went to bed and all was well....
The following week on May 6, 2009, my kids were with me for my Wednesday visitation. That afternoon I had a long discussion with my kids about lying and how it is very wrong to lie. I also asked them about the allegations that had been made about both me and the nanny drinking while driving.
My oldest son and oldest daughter admitted to me that they had been the ones who told their mother and her attorney that the nanny and I would drive them while drinking. My oldest daughter then stated that she actually never saw the nanny drink and drive. She told me that her mom would tell her to lie and hide things from me. My daughter also told me that her mother would tell the kids to snoop around the house while they were there and also would tell their grandmother not to answer the phone if I called to talk to my kids.
My oldest son stated that he had completely lied to his mother and her attorney about the drinking and driving and that he had never seen either me or the nanny drink and drive.
I then asked my son if he had the cell phone with him that his mother gave him. He told me that he had it. I asked him to give it to me because I didn't want the police showing up at my door again for no reason. My son would not give me the phone, so I went into his book bag and took it.
A little later on, the nanny was inside doing chores and I was outside doing some yard work while all of the children were outside playing. My oldest son went into the house and told the nanny that he was hot and thirsty. The nanny said that he could have something to drink and then go back outside and play. A few minutes later, the nanny went into the living room and found my son playing on my laptop computer. My son had been told many, many times before not to use my computer under any circumstances without my permission and supervision. He had violated this rule several times in the past, and at one point was found in my bedroom hiding in the corner on the computer. Because he had been told over and over again not to use the computer, the nanny felt it was necessary to come outside to inform me that she had found him on the computer yet again.
I went inside and confronted him and his attitude was immediately very nasty. Since he was being so ugly to me, I told him to go to his room. He then said, "you can't tell me what to do." When he again refused to go to his room, I simply walked over and took him by the arm, just above the elbow, and escorted him to his bedroom. While on the way to his room, he actually threw himself on the floor so I picked him up and continued with him to his room.
Once we got into his room, he was being very mean and nasty to me. He was saying hateful things such as, "you are the devil". I simply left the room and told him not to come out of his room until he was ready to apologize for speaking to me that way. I closed the door and went about my business.
Approximately 15 minutes later, the nanny went outside to take out the trash. The other children were standing in the driveway outside of my son's bedroom window. The nanny overheard them discussing what they were going to tell the policeman when he showed up. The nanny went back inside and told me about this and told me that I needed to get the kids inside and have a talk with them. When I went outside to get the kids, I saw my oldest son leaning out his bedroom window screaming for help, telling the other kids to call their mother and call the police.
I went back into my son's room and asked him if he was ready to apologize. He again was very mean and nasty to me. I told him to stand in the corner in his room and not move until he was told he could. I then left the room and shut the door.
While the nanny was inside cooking dinner, I was outside with a friend who had stopped by to help me change the tires on the van (the one found on the side of the road with slashed tires). The nanny would periodically come outside to check on the children and see how progress was going on the van. At one point, after going back inside the house, she caught my oldest son out of his room. He told her that he had to go to the bathroom and that was why he had left his room.
When dinner was ready, everyone sat down to eat, including my oldest son. I remember this night very well, not only because of the events that happened and the resulting aftermath, but also because we had pork chops for dinner and my son dropped one on the floor by accident, which was quickly snatched up by one of my dogs. Everyone thought it was funny and everyone, including my son, laughed.
My son was allowed to remain outside of his room for the rest of that night.
That evening, I had yet another talk with the children about lying. I also talked to them about why their brother had been sent to his room. I told them that it was because he did something he wasn't supposed to and he was being disciplined for it. I told them that this business about calling the police all the time was not okay at all. I told them that you don't call the police because you get in trouble for something and get sent to your room. It seemed that my kids were all under the impression that anytime anything didn't go their way, they could call the police. The kids told me that they were sick of seeing the police all the time.
This entire event, which was nothing more than my son getting in trouble for breaking the computer rule and being belligerent and ugly to me, was the reason that my Ex called DSS.
After a lengthy interview with the DSS workers, they stated that they would conduct and investigation into the events, but at that time they could find no evidence to show that any of my children were in any immediate danger from me. They signed a statement to that effect.
Later on that day, after meeting with DSS, I received a phone call from a deputy at the Sheriff's Department. She informed me that she had some papers she needed me to come pick up.
On Wednesday, May 13, 2009, the nanny accompanied me to the Sheriff's Department where I was served with this:
Restraining Order 5.13.20090001
Yes, you read that right. This was the third restraining order my Ex filed against me in a matter of months, and this time she was bringing my oldest child into the fold. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when I read that I was actually being accused of abusing my son. I felt like my Ex was bound and determined to have a restraining order against me no matter what it took...and now she was using my child to try and get her way.
When she filed the order, she asked for an Ex Parte order, which would mean that the order was granted immediately without my having the chance to defend myself first. The judge did not sign off on the Ex Parte order, stating that a fill hearing would need to be held first. Basically, with such serious allegations, I deserved to defend myself before a decision was made.
She claimed that I locked my son in his room that night, which I never did. The door was never locked. She claimed that I would not let him out to use the bathroom, which was also another lie. She finally claimed that I did not let him eat dinner that night and that he was not allowed out of his room until the following morning.
All lies. Nothing new there.
The hearing was set for May 18, 2009, but ended up being continued because her attorney was on leave, and even though there was no restraining order and DSS found no evidence to substantiate her story, she kept the kids from me for a long time. The only time I saw them for weeks after the restraining order was filed was when I went to their school and had lunch with them.
In the end, the matter was dropped (by my Ex), I ended up filing harassment charges against my Ex, I went to court for child support (previous post) and life continued on with my weekly desperation to see my kids and fighting for what was right. That was all in the month of May 2009. Can you see why I would just like to forget?
I'm still fighting every single day, to this very day.
Next time, things will take another drastic turn. I know, you're thinking it can't possibly get any worse, right? Well, just hold onto your hats, folks!
Until next time.
When my kids didn't show up for visitation on May 13, 2009, I should have known that something was up. I was at work and received a telephone call that really threw me for a loop. The call was from the Department of Social Services. They wanted to come and meet with me at my work and ask me some questions about a report that had been filed against me. I told the DSS workers I would be available that afternoon.
When DSS arrived, they informed me that my Ex had filed a report claiming that I had abused my oldest son on May 6, 2009. When they began talking to me, I immediately knew the event that they were referring to, but what actually happened was vastly different from the pack of lies they had been fed by my Ex.
On Friday, May 1, 2009, the kids were with me for my visitation. After I put the kids to bed that night, I was relaxing in my living room and I heard my oldest son's voice. He said, "Mommy, I'm scared." I immediately got up and went into his room where I found him hiding in his closet talking on a cell phone. I was completely unaware that my son had a phone with him, but nonetheless, approximately 3 minutes after I found him on the phone, my doorbell rang.
It was the police. They stated that they received a call from my Ex in which she stated that her son was in danger and was afraid. I welcomed them inside my home and they spoke to my son. They asked him if he had been hit or hurt in any way and he said no.
The deputy then apologized to me and told me that my Ex had all the cell numbers for the sheriff's deputies and that she called them ALL the time for petty things. He stated that everyone in the Sheriff's Department was sick and tired of her constant calls and that he was going to speak to his supervisor about not taking her calls anymore.
My son felt really bad after the police left because he realized that he had caused the police to come to my house for no reason. He went to bed and all was well....
The following week on May 6, 2009, my kids were with me for my Wednesday visitation. That afternoon I had a long discussion with my kids about lying and how it is very wrong to lie. I also asked them about the allegations that had been made about both me and the nanny drinking while driving.
My oldest son and oldest daughter admitted to me that they had been the ones who told their mother and her attorney that the nanny and I would drive them while drinking. My oldest daughter then stated that she actually never saw the nanny drink and drive. She told me that her mom would tell her to lie and hide things from me. My daughter also told me that her mother would tell the kids to snoop around the house while they were there and also would tell their grandmother not to answer the phone if I called to talk to my kids.
My oldest son stated that he had completely lied to his mother and her attorney about the drinking and driving and that he had never seen either me or the nanny drink and drive.
I then asked my son if he had the cell phone with him that his mother gave him. He told me that he had it. I asked him to give it to me because I didn't want the police showing up at my door again for no reason. My son would not give me the phone, so I went into his book bag and took it.
A little later on, the nanny was inside doing chores and I was outside doing some yard work while all of the children were outside playing. My oldest son went into the house and told the nanny that he was hot and thirsty. The nanny said that he could have something to drink and then go back outside and play. A few minutes later, the nanny went into the living room and found my son playing on my laptop computer. My son had been told many, many times before not to use my computer under any circumstances without my permission and supervision. He had violated this rule several times in the past, and at one point was found in my bedroom hiding in the corner on the computer. Because he had been told over and over again not to use the computer, the nanny felt it was necessary to come outside to inform me that she had found him on the computer yet again.
I went inside and confronted him and his attitude was immediately very nasty. Since he was being so ugly to me, I told him to go to his room. He then said, "you can't tell me what to do." When he again refused to go to his room, I simply walked over and took him by the arm, just above the elbow, and escorted him to his bedroom. While on the way to his room, he actually threw himself on the floor so I picked him up and continued with him to his room.
Once we got into his room, he was being very mean and nasty to me. He was saying hateful things such as, "you are the devil". I simply left the room and told him not to come out of his room until he was ready to apologize for speaking to me that way. I closed the door and went about my business.
Approximately 15 minutes later, the nanny went outside to take out the trash. The other children were standing in the driveway outside of my son's bedroom window. The nanny overheard them discussing what they were going to tell the policeman when he showed up. The nanny went back inside and told me about this and told me that I needed to get the kids inside and have a talk with them. When I went outside to get the kids, I saw my oldest son leaning out his bedroom window screaming for help, telling the other kids to call their mother and call the police.
I went back into my son's room and asked him if he was ready to apologize. He again was very mean and nasty to me. I told him to stand in the corner in his room and not move until he was told he could. I then left the room and shut the door.
While the nanny was inside cooking dinner, I was outside with a friend who had stopped by to help me change the tires on the van (the one found on the side of the road with slashed tires). The nanny would periodically come outside to check on the children and see how progress was going on the van. At one point, after going back inside the house, she caught my oldest son out of his room. He told her that he had to go to the bathroom and that was why he had left his room.
When dinner was ready, everyone sat down to eat, including my oldest son. I remember this night very well, not only because of the events that happened and the resulting aftermath, but also because we had pork chops for dinner and my son dropped one on the floor by accident, which was quickly snatched up by one of my dogs. Everyone thought it was funny and everyone, including my son, laughed.
My son was allowed to remain outside of his room for the rest of that night.
That evening, I had yet another talk with the children about lying. I also talked to them about why their brother had been sent to his room. I told them that it was because he did something he wasn't supposed to and he was being disciplined for it. I told them that this business about calling the police all the time was not okay at all. I told them that you don't call the police because you get in trouble for something and get sent to your room. It seemed that my kids were all under the impression that anytime anything didn't go their way, they could call the police. The kids told me that they were sick of seeing the police all the time.
This entire event, which was nothing more than my son getting in trouble for breaking the computer rule and being belligerent and ugly to me, was the reason that my Ex called DSS.
After a lengthy interview with the DSS workers, they stated that they would conduct and investigation into the events, but at that time they could find no evidence to show that any of my children were in any immediate danger from me. They signed a statement to that effect.
Later on that day, after meeting with DSS, I received a phone call from a deputy at the Sheriff's Department. She informed me that she had some papers she needed me to come pick up.
On Wednesday, May 13, 2009, the nanny accompanied me to the Sheriff's Department where I was served with this:
Restraining Order 5.13.20090001
Yes, you read that right. This was the third restraining order my Ex filed against me in a matter of months, and this time she was bringing my oldest child into the fold. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when I read that I was actually being accused of abusing my son. I felt like my Ex was bound and determined to have a restraining order against me no matter what it took...and now she was using my child to try and get her way.
When she filed the order, she asked for an Ex Parte order, which would mean that the order was granted immediately without my having the chance to defend myself first. The judge did not sign off on the Ex Parte order, stating that a fill hearing would need to be held first. Basically, with such serious allegations, I deserved to defend myself before a decision was made.
She claimed that I locked my son in his room that night, which I never did. The door was never locked. She claimed that I would not let him out to use the bathroom, which was also another lie. She finally claimed that I did not let him eat dinner that night and that he was not allowed out of his room until the following morning.
All lies. Nothing new there.
The hearing was set for May 18, 2009, but ended up being continued because her attorney was on leave, and even though there was no restraining order and DSS found no evidence to substantiate her story, she kept the kids from me for a long time. The only time I saw them for weeks after the restraining order was filed was when I went to their school and had lunch with them.
In the end, the matter was dropped (by my Ex), I ended up filing harassment charges against my Ex, I went to court for child support (previous post) and life continued on with my weekly desperation to see my kids and fighting for what was right. That was all in the month of May 2009. Can you see why I would just like to forget?
I'm still fighting every single day, to this very day.
Next time, things will take another drastic turn. I know, you're thinking it can't possibly get any worse, right? Well, just hold onto your hats, folks!
Until next time.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Yet Another Blindside
After going to court in March of 2009, and being ordered to come up with $3800.00 in a very short time frame, I was eager to try to get back to work. I just wanted to put my head down and concentrate on what I did best and continue to try to get my life back on track.
My relief of courtroom drama would not last long, however. On May 1, 2009, less than 2 months after last appearing in court, a Motion was filed against me once again. This time, however, it was more disgusting than ever before.
My Ex was trying to stop me from seeing my children at all.
Motion_4.21.20090001
As you can see, the Motion contains complaints that I did not allow my Ex to take the items she was allowed to take from our former residence. I already covered all of that in a former post here, but I do feel it is worth mentioning that that part of the Motion never went anywhere.
Also included in this particular Motion was the "truck tampering" that I apparently committed. As stated in a previous blog, that case was dismissed when my Ex never showed up in court. It had already been dealt with in criminal court and should have been over and done with; however, my Ex's attorney slipped it in there anyway. That part of the Motion also never went anywhere. No proof and a dismissed criminal case. In my opinion, that part of the Motion was a waste of ink!
The absolute worst part of this Motion was that my Ex was trying to have the judge order that I not see my children at all. If you will read paragraph #2 on the third page, it says, "That the Plaintiff's (that's me) secondary placement with the minor children be restricted and denied."
Restricted and denied? Maybe it's just me, but that makes no sense at all. How can you restrict visitation AND deny it at the same time? To me, restricted would me less time with them or only seeing them under supervision. Denied means, well, DENIED, as in not seeing them at all.
You have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a law degree to figure out how to be that confusing, I guess.
The basis for the Motion to "restrict or deny" my visitation was not only a complete lie, it was downright offensive to me and also to the other person accused.
My Ex was claiming that 2 of my children stated that I drank alcohol while driving them in the car. Yes, you read that right, WHILE driving. Not that drinking and driving in any shape or fashion is acceptable, but apparently I was doing it while driving down the road.
As an added bonus, the nanny, who was not my girlfriend but was constantly referred to in court as my "live-in girlfriend", was also accused of doing the very same thing.
Before this ever even got heard in court, my Ex was already denying my visitation and she and her attorney were trying to get me to promise that I wouldn't drink while driving anymore. If I would promise that, she said, I could see my kids.
I don't think so.
By saying that, I felt that I was admitting that I had done it to begin with (which I never did) and that I wouldn't do it anymore. I never made such a promise.
In that Motion, she was also asking for a restraining order against me, claiming that I continuously told her that I would have her arrested and had tried to have her arrested in front of the children. I didn't ever try to have her arrested in front of the kids. As a matter of fact, I never TRIED to have her arrested at all, although for the past 4 years she has told my kids over and over again that that is my sole mission in life.
What I did do was tell her, through my attorney, to stay off my property and away from my business unless she had my expressed permission to come to either place. Remember how she had a bad enough habit of showing up unannounced that the nanny took out a restraining order on her? Well, apparently I was trying to have her arrested. A lot.
That was news to me!
And I did not "refuse" to allow her to get school supplies that were left behind. That was, once again, another occasion where she showed up unannounced and I told her to go away. On that occasion, and only that occasion, I did call the police. Not to have her arrested, but to have them tell her to stay away or she WOULD get arrested. I was at my wits end with the constant "dropping by". I had had enough.
And finally, once again, the puppy money was brought up. It was placed in a trust account with my attorney, and once again, in expected fashion, my Ex was trying to get all of it even though the judge had not made a ruling about it yet.
That really didn't surprise me at all. Money and "how much can I get/take from him" has always been, and continues to be, her driving force in life.
I hope that you have read that Motion over carefully.
On May 26, 2009, I was back in court once again where that Motion was heard. The outcome was completely earth shattering:
If you read the Motion carefully, you will have noticed that there was absolutely nothing stated regarding child support. Nothing. However, when all was said and done, I was walking out of the courtroom with yet another enormous amount of money to pay in a very short time frame. Please read the post titled "Order_6.5.2009 in order to view the Court Order.
This time, $4100.00 by June 5, 2009. Yes, you read that right. I had to come up with $2000.00 just 3 days after being in court and an additional $2100.00 by June 5, 2009 (which was the date the Order was actually signed). If I didn't manage to somehow do that, it was off to jail I would go.
On top of that, I was also ordered to pay $3500.00 to HER attorney. I mean I guess when she had amassed a bill of over $10,000.00 but had only paid him $800.00, he had to try to get his money somewhere, right? Obviously she wasn't paying him squat.
Once again, it was brought up that I was driving a nice vehicle and was still living in the "marital" residence, and that although the court acknowledged there had been a downturn in the economy (which meant no one was buying furniture) I could still afford all this money every single month for child support, post separation support, and now, her attorney.
It was repeated again that even though my tax returns said I made very little money, the judge decided that I made approximately quadruple what I reported.
I walked into that hearing expecting to defend myself against drinking while driving accusations and walked out having to come up with over $4000.00 in a week.
Does something seem completely crazy about that to you?
Anyhow, I once again was able to avoid jail by borrowing all the money from various friends and family members. So, if you're keeping track, from March 9, 2009 through June 5, 2009, my Ex received $7900.00, not including child support payments I made above and beyond that.
Was she satisfied yet? Not by a long shot.
The nice vehicle and the house and the business would not be an issue in court much longer because I was about to lose them all. Everything. Gone.
Just wait until you see what happens next!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: I realize that previous blog entries are missing their documents. When I went to the site where I host my documents in order to prepare this entry, I found that all of my documents had been deleted. I know for a fact that I did not do that; however, they are gone. I will have to re-upload all of the documents again (luckily I have them all saved) and then edit each entry to have the documents visible again. This is going to take some time for me to do, so please bear with me. If I didn't know any better, I would think I was hacked because I know I didn't delete all of those documents. It wouldn't be the first time an account of mine was hacked (you know who you are!) so I have taken measures to protect my account and have also reported the issue to the hosting site.
Also, suddenly I cannot upload more than one document in a post and have them both be visible. So what I will do is make another post with the Court Order so that you can see the actual document. I will make separate posts any time I need to show you more than one document in an entry.
Give me some time and all will be fixed!
Thank you and please keep reading!!
Update 9/18/2012: It seems that all problems with document embedding have been fixed. I have re-uploaded and embedded all of the documents in all previous blog posts. I also fixed the mutiple document per post problem, it would seem. Therefore, I will post here the court order that I referenced in this post. If you find any documents still missing or have any problems seeing any documents, please let me know. Thanks!
Order_6.5.2009
My relief of courtroom drama would not last long, however. On May 1, 2009, less than 2 months after last appearing in court, a Motion was filed against me once again. This time, however, it was more disgusting than ever before.
My Ex was trying to stop me from seeing my children at all.
Motion_4.21.20090001
As you can see, the Motion contains complaints that I did not allow my Ex to take the items she was allowed to take from our former residence. I already covered all of that in a former post here, but I do feel it is worth mentioning that that part of the Motion never went anywhere.
Also included in this particular Motion was the "truck tampering" that I apparently committed. As stated in a previous blog, that case was dismissed when my Ex never showed up in court. It had already been dealt with in criminal court and should have been over and done with; however, my Ex's attorney slipped it in there anyway. That part of the Motion also never went anywhere. No proof and a dismissed criminal case. In my opinion, that part of the Motion was a waste of ink!
The absolute worst part of this Motion was that my Ex was trying to have the judge order that I not see my children at all. If you will read paragraph #2 on the third page, it says, "That the Plaintiff's (that's me) secondary placement with the minor children be restricted and denied."
Restricted and denied? Maybe it's just me, but that makes no sense at all. How can you restrict visitation AND deny it at the same time? To me, restricted would me less time with them or only seeing them under supervision. Denied means, well, DENIED, as in not seeing them at all.
You have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a law degree to figure out how to be that confusing, I guess.
The basis for the Motion to "restrict or deny" my visitation was not only a complete lie, it was downright offensive to me and also to the other person accused.
My Ex was claiming that 2 of my children stated that I drank alcohol while driving them in the car. Yes, you read that right, WHILE driving. Not that drinking and driving in any shape or fashion is acceptable, but apparently I was doing it while driving down the road.
As an added bonus, the nanny, who was not my girlfriend but was constantly referred to in court as my "live-in girlfriend", was also accused of doing the very same thing.
Before this ever even got heard in court, my Ex was already denying my visitation and she and her attorney were trying to get me to promise that I wouldn't drink while driving anymore. If I would promise that, she said, I could see my kids.
I don't think so.
By saying that, I felt that I was admitting that I had done it to begin with (which I never did) and that I wouldn't do it anymore. I never made such a promise.
In that Motion, she was also asking for a restraining order against me, claiming that I continuously told her that I would have her arrested and had tried to have her arrested in front of the children. I didn't ever try to have her arrested in front of the kids. As a matter of fact, I never TRIED to have her arrested at all, although for the past 4 years she has told my kids over and over again that that is my sole mission in life.
What I did do was tell her, through my attorney, to stay off my property and away from my business unless she had my expressed permission to come to either place. Remember how she had a bad enough habit of showing up unannounced that the nanny took out a restraining order on her? Well, apparently I was trying to have her arrested. A lot.
That was news to me!
And I did not "refuse" to allow her to get school supplies that were left behind. That was, once again, another occasion where she showed up unannounced and I told her to go away. On that occasion, and only that occasion, I did call the police. Not to have her arrested, but to have them tell her to stay away or she WOULD get arrested. I was at my wits end with the constant "dropping by". I had had enough.
And finally, once again, the puppy money was brought up. It was placed in a trust account with my attorney, and once again, in expected fashion, my Ex was trying to get all of it even though the judge had not made a ruling about it yet.
That really didn't surprise me at all. Money and "how much can I get/take from him" has always been, and continues to be, her driving force in life.
I hope that you have read that Motion over carefully.
On May 26, 2009, I was back in court once again where that Motion was heard. The outcome was completely earth shattering:
If you read the Motion carefully, you will have noticed that there was absolutely nothing stated regarding child support. Nothing. However, when all was said and done, I was walking out of the courtroom with yet another enormous amount of money to pay in a very short time frame. Please read the post titled "Order_6.5.2009 in order to view the Court Order.
This time, $4100.00 by June 5, 2009. Yes, you read that right. I had to come up with $2000.00 just 3 days after being in court and an additional $2100.00 by June 5, 2009 (which was the date the Order was actually signed). If I didn't manage to somehow do that, it was off to jail I would go.
On top of that, I was also ordered to pay $3500.00 to HER attorney. I mean I guess when she had amassed a bill of over $10,000.00 but had only paid him $800.00, he had to try to get his money somewhere, right? Obviously she wasn't paying him squat.
Once again, it was brought up that I was driving a nice vehicle and was still living in the "marital" residence, and that although the court acknowledged there had been a downturn in the economy (which meant no one was buying furniture) I could still afford all this money every single month for child support, post separation support, and now, her attorney.
It was repeated again that even though my tax returns said I made very little money, the judge decided that I made approximately quadruple what I reported.
I walked into that hearing expecting to defend myself against drinking while driving accusations and walked out having to come up with over $4000.00 in a week.
Does something seem completely crazy about that to you?
Anyhow, I once again was able to avoid jail by borrowing all the money from various friends and family members. So, if you're keeping track, from March 9, 2009 through June 5, 2009, my Ex received $7900.00, not including child support payments I made above and beyond that.
Was she satisfied yet? Not by a long shot.
The nice vehicle and the house and the business would not be an issue in court much longer because I was about to lose them all. Everything. Gone.
Just wait until you see what happens next!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: I realize that previous blog entries are missing their documents. When I went to the site where I host my documents in order to prepare this entry, I found that all of my documents had been deleted. I know for a fact that I did not do that; however, they are gone. I will have to re-upload all of the documents again (luckily I have them all saved) and then edit each entry to have the documents visible again. This is going to take some time for me to do, so please bear with me. If I didn't know any better, I would think I was hacked because I know I didn't delete all of those documents. It wouldn't be the first time an account of mine was hacked (you know who you are!) so I have taken measures to protect my account and have also reported the issue to the hosting site.
Also, suddenly I cannot upload more than one document in a post and have them both be visible. So what I will do is make another post with the Court Order so that you can see the actual document. I will make separate posts any time I need to show you more than one document in an entry.
Give me some time and all will be fixed!
Thank you and please keep reading!!
Update 9/18/2012: It seems that all problems with document embedding have been fixed. I have re-uploaded and embedded all of the documents in all previous blog posts. I also fixed the mutiple document per post problem, it would seem. Therefore, I will post here the court order that I referenced in this post. If you find any documents still missing or have any problems seeing any documents, please let me know. Thanks!
Order_6.5.2009
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Going Back In Time A Little
Hello everyone!
I know that all of you have probably been thinking that I fell off the face of the earth or something because I haven't published anything in such a long time.
This July marked the 4-year anniversary since my Ex walked out on me and left our home and our children for another man. Four years. I'm deeply saddened and completely shocked that in all that time, nothing has really changed.
The lies continue, the deception continues. I am still struggling to see my children when I am supposed to be able to see them. Everything is a struggle when dealing with my Ex. Simple things...small things that should be easy are made incredibly difficult.
I continue to wonder why?
Anyhow, I had to take some time off from publishing this blog because of life. I can't really state it any other way than that. Between working and the day-to-day struggle of even getting to speak to my kids, I have not had the downtime needed to do much else. However, I have committed myself to posting at least one blog a week, hopefully on Tuesday or Wednesday. In the past I tried to do several per week and it was too much. When you have to go back and relive everything on a daily basis, it becomes overwhelming.
The ultimate goal of this blog, as I have stated before, is to tell my story. I support the statements that I write with actual court documents, redacted for the privacy of all parties. Therefore, it is very difficult for anyone to say they don't believe what is being said when the absolute truth is there, right in front of your face. I will sometimes state my personal feelings during certain events, but hey, this is my blog after all, and my personal feelings and thoughts are just as important as the black-and-white proof showing that these things actually happened.
My intent has never been to bash or belittle anyone else with the words that I write. In fact, I really have been kind in my writing as I know that in the future my children could read this blog. I want to make it very clear (as I have before) that I am not "out to get" anyone by writing this. I am simply telling my story. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Period. If you do read it and it touches a nerve, then it either directly applies to you...or you find some similarity in your own situation that makes what I say rub you the wrong way. I can't help you with that. Those are your issues to deal with. This is MY story. Everyone has one. I just happen to have all the documents to back up what I say. Please keep your comments coming, whether good or bad. If you agree, great! If you don't that's fine as well. Give me your thoughts!
Having said all that, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to all of the supporters from around the globe that I have. I have readers from Germany, Australia, Canada, the UK, the Czech Republic, and almost every state across the United States of America. There are also other countries reading! I am honored and humbled to have received so much support and so many messages from people wondering if I'm OK, how my children are doing, and when I will write next.
And finally, to my friends and family, thank you for your never-ending support. I would not have made it this far if it weren't for you.
My new plan for this blog, as I stated before, is to publish at least once a week. I am also going to go back to a more linear format, meaning I will publish the events as they happened. I will no longer put in current events unless I feel it absolutely necessary. Sorry! You'll just have to wait to get to it! I think that sticking to a more linear format will be less confusing to all of you reading in that I won't be jumping around from past to present and back to past again. I hope that you all agree that this is the best way to go.
I want to say again that I welcome each and every comment from every single person reading, whether you agree with what I say or not. So please, keep the comments coming!
Next week, I will continue this blog from where the last court documents left off. That will be after my contempt hearing in March 2009 and after my Ex came to my house to take "her" belongings that she was awarded in interim distribution. This week I felt it very necessary to reintroduce myself as well as the purpose of my blog.
Keep reading! Much, MUCH more to come!
Be Blessed.
I know that all of you have probably been thinking that I fell off the face of the earth or something because I haven't published anything in such a long time.
This July marked the 4-year anniversary since my Ex walked out on me and left our home and our children for another man. Four years. I'm deeply saddened and completely shocked that in all that time, nothing has really changed.
The lies continue, the deception continues. I am still struggling to see my children when I am supposed to be able to see them. Everything is a struggle when dealing with my Ex. Simple things...small things that should be easy are made incredibly difficult.
I continue to wonder why?
Anyhow, I had to take some time off from publishing this blog because of life. I can't really state it any other way than that. Between working and the day-to-day struggle of even getting to speak to my kids, I have not had the downtime needed to do much else. However, I have committed myself to posting at least one blog a week, hopefully on Tuesday or Wednesday. In the past I tried to do several per week and it was too much. When you have to go back and relive everything on a daily basis, it becomes overwhelming.
The ultimate goal of this blog, as I have stated before, is to tell my story. I support the statements that I write with actual court documents, redacted for the privacy of all parties. Therefore, it is very difficult for anyone to say they don't believe what is being said when the absolute truth is there, right in front of your face. I will sometimes state my personal feelings during certain events, but hey, this is my blog after all, and my personal feelings and thoughts are just as important as the black-and-white proof showing that these things actually happened.
My intent has never been to bash or belittle anyone else with the words that I write. In fact, I really have been kind in my writing as I know that in the future my children could read this blog. I want to make it very clear (as I have before) that I am not "out to get" anyone by writing this. I am simply telling my story. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Period. If you do read it and it touches a nerve, then it either directly applies to you...or you find some similarity in your own situation that makes what I say rub you the wrong way. I can't help you with that. Those are your issues to deal with. This is MY story. Everyone has one. I just happen to have all the documents to back up what I say. Please keep your comments coming, whether good or bad. If you agree, great! If you don't that's fine as well. Give me your thoughts!
Having said all that, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to all of the supporters from around the globe that I have. I have readers from Germany, Australia, Canada, the UK, the Czech Republic, and almost every state across the United States of America. There are also other countries reading! I am honored and humbled to have received so much support and so many messages from people wondering if I'm OK, how my children are doing, and when I will write next.
And finally, to my friends and family, thank you for your never-ending support. I would not have made it this far if it weren't for you.
My new plan for this blog, as I stated before, is to publish at least once a week. I am also going to go back to a more linear format, meaning I will publish the events as they happened. I will no longer put in current events unless I feel it absolutely necessary. Sorry! You'll just have to wait to get to it! I think that sticking to a more linear format will be less confusing to all of you reading in that I won't be jumping around from past to present and back to past again. I hope that you all agree that this is the best way to go.
I want to say again that I welcome each and every comment from every single person reading, whether you agree with what I say or not. So please, keep the comments coming!
Next week, I will continue this blog from where the last court documents left off. That will be after my contempt hearing in March 2009 and after my Ex came to my house to take "her" belongings that she was awarded in interim distribution. This week I felt it very necessary to reintroduce myself as well as the purpose of my blog.
Keep reading! Much, MUCH more to come!
Be Blessed.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Some Great News, and, of Course, More Drama
So...I have some news. After a couple of years of scrimping and saving and working my fingers to the bone, I (we) are the proud owners of a van! It's not new, but it's new to us, and the best part is that it is big enough to fit me, my girlfriend, her son, and ALL my kids. Yep, 8 people fit very comfortably, and it's great!!
I can't tell you how nice it is and what a great feeling it is to finally be able to take my kids places and to just have a second vehicle in general. It has been hard for the last 2 years to only have one car, especially when schedules differ so much. Now, we don't have to worry about that.
Upon getting the van up and running including registration, inspection, etc., etc., I sent an email to my Ex telling her that I (or more likely, my girlfriend) would now be picking up the kids from school every Thursday and every other Friday for my visitation and that it would be her responsibility to pick them up on Sunday afternoons as she has been doing forever now.
I asked her to do me the courtesy of responding to the email to let me know she received it, but she never did. The only confirmation I got was that she added my girlfriend to the pickup list at school.
Anyhow, before I got the van on the road I did one other thing. I believe I told you all that I once took out criminal harassment charges on my Ex because she would not stop texting me and calling me and emailing me regarding, mostly, child support, but also other things.
During that case, we mediated out of court through a program provided by the courts. She signed a document stating that she would stop texting unless it was about the kids.
If I haven't yet told you about the harassment case, I apologize for letting the cat out of the bag early, but knowing about it is important to what is happening now.
I have gone back and taken out another criminal harassment charge against my Ex because, despite the agreement she signed, she has not stopped the harassment. I will not go into anymore detail than that due to the pending court date; however, just know that I have done that and it is for VERY good reason.
I forwarded a copy of the email I sent to my Ex to my attorney so that they would be aware that I had a vehicle and I was intending to begin picking up the children from school so that I can FINALLY have my visitation. Since I hadn't seen them since Christmas, I was really excited for this to happen!
I received a response from my attorney a couple of days later that stated that my Ex did not want to pick up the children across the street from my home anymore because of the pending criminal action. My attorney stated that my Ex was asking that I keep the children overnight on Sunday night and take them to school on Monday morning.
Well, you know, that would all be fine and dandy if there were anyone available on Monday to take the kids to school. As it is right now, I have to leave for work at 6 am (sometimes earlier), and my girlfriend works the night shift on Sunday nights and does not get home until after 8 am on Monday morning.
It was just not possible, so I informed my attorney that my Ex would have to come and pick up the kids. I also stated that we don't have contact when she comes to pick them up anyway, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
I never heard anything back from my attorney, so I assumed everything was fine.
On Thursday afternoon, my girlfriend picked the kids up from school and then she took them to school on Friday morning. On Friday afternoon, she picked them up again and we had an awesome weekend. On Friday evening, my oldest son had a band concert that we all went to together. We then took them all to the park on Saturday and had a blast.
Everything was going great for a change, and I was so thankful!
On Sunday, however, all the wheels fell off. The time for the kids to be picked up came and went with absolutely no contact from my Ex. I had the kids call her several times and she did not answer her phone. They left her messages that she did not return. I sent text messages that she did not answer.
When it became totally clear that my Ex was not coming, I had the children contact their grandparents, who live close by. They also did not answer their phone and did not return phone calls.
I did the only thing I could do. I loaded all the kids up in the car and drove them to their grandparents home. I was then told that their grandparents had told them that if I went to their house they were going to have me arrested and put in jail.
Nice thing to tell your grandkids, huh?
Anyway, we parked on the side of the road, completely off the property. My kids had to walk to their house down a very long driveway. My oldest son then had to walk all the way back to the car to tell me that their grandparents were, in fact, home and that everyone was inside.
To make matters worse, it was extremely cold, raining, and SLEETING.
I felt very bad for them, but what more could I do? Their mother had, in effect, vanished, and I had already made it very clear that the kids could not spend the night that night.
On Monday, I sent an email to my attorney and explained everything that happened. I was told that someone from my Ex's attorney's office had called and stated that my Ex would not be picking up the kids on Sunday but that it was after office hours on Friday, so no one got the message until Monday morning.
I was also told that now my Ex was saying that she didn't want to pick the kids up because, apparently, I take pictures of her when she is across the street picking them up.
Ummmm.....ok? That is a blatant lie, first of all. Secondly, there is absolutely no reason for it. I mean, what purpose in the world would that serve? And thirdly, I have absolutely no desire to take pictures of my Ex-wife....and neither does my girlfriend (who was also accused).
My attorney wanted to know if I would start dropping the kids off at my Ex's parent's church on Sundays.
No. They are telling my children they are going to have me arrested. I don't think I will be doing that.
OR would I take them to the Sheriff's Department so my Ex could pick them up.
Sorry. Been down that road before. Not doing that either.
Bottom line is that my Ex has put herself in the position she is in. She cannot come on my property because of actions she committed. She has a pending harassment charge on her because of actions she took.
It's time to grow up and get over it and take care of your responsibilities.
I informed my attorney that I need an absolute guarantee that my Ex will be picking up the kids on my Sundays or I just won't pick them up on Fridays anymore. I will have them for my Thursdays, and until we get in front of a judge, that is how it will be.
I still don't have a response.
Funny how the excuse/reason/whatever for not picking them up changed when the first one didn't work, huh?
Then, this past Thursday, my girlfriend went to pick up the kids from school and only ended up coming home with 2 of my 5 children. At the school she was told that the youngest is supposed to have a note from home stating that he is to be a car-rider and that no note was sent.
The other 2, who knows? The two children that did come to my house told me over and over again that EVERYONE knew they were supposed to come to my house that day.
I texted my Ex and let her know they got on the bus. I was concerned that they would get to her house and no one would be there. I had no idea if they could even get inside if no one was home.
She never let me know if they were okay.
I have texted several times asking that the kids call me.
She has not let them call.
Just when I started to believe that now that I finally have a car everything would begin to get back to normal, everything blows up.
I just don't get it. I do not get the drive behind it. I don't understand, and never will, why someone wants to cause problems when there just isn't any reason to. All I heard from my Ex was "get a car, get a car, get a car" and now that I have one, more CRAP!
Before she wouldn't bring them for my visitation, and now she's refusing to pick them up?????
If anyone can explain it to me, I would love it, but I don't think there is an explanation that works for this.
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been reading and/or commenting on this blog. I am sorry there are sometimes big gaps in between posts, but, as you can see, a lot can happen in just a few short days and I sometimes just don't have the energy to sit down and write it all out.
I will update as soon as I know more, and will also get back on track with the past goings-on that I haven't yet told you about.
For now, though, I think I'm going to sign off.
Until next time!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Cavalry Descends
Before my Ex came to my house to remove the items listed in the court order, I spent my time photographing everything in the house. I took countless pictures to account for everything that was there whether or not the items were things she would take or not.
I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.
Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.
When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.
There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.
I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.
I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.
It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.
I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.
Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.
At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.
Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.
The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.
She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.
The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.
We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.
I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.
She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.
When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.
I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.
When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.
When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.
I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.
So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.
When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.
In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.
My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.
When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.
I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.
I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.
I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.
Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.
Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!
Be Blessed, Friends.
I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.
Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.
When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.
There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.
I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.
I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.
It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.
I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.
Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.
At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.
Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.
The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.
She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.
The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.
We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.
I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.
She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.
When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.
I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.
When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.
When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.
I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.
So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.
When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.
In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.
My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.
When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.
I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.
I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.
I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.
Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.
Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!
Be Blessed, Friends.
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