Some Great News, and, of Course, More Drama

So...I have some news. After a couple of years of scrimping and saving and working my fingers to the bone, I (we) are the proud owners of a van! It's not new, but it's new to us, and the best part is that it is big enough to fit me, my girlfriend, her son, and ALL my kids. Yep, 8 people fit very comfortably, and it's great!!

I can't tell you how nice it is and what a great feeling it is to finally be able to take my kids places and to just have a second vehicle in general. It has been hard for the last 2 years to only have one car, especially when schedules differ so much. Now, we don't have to worry about that.

Upon getting the van up and running including registration, inspection, etc., etc., I sent an email to my Ex telling her that I (or more likely, my girlfriend) would now be picking up the kids from school every Thursday and every other Friday for my visitation and that it would be her responsibility to pick them up on Sunday afternoons as she has been doing forever now.

I asked her to do me the courtesy of responding to the email to let me know she received it, but she never did. The only confirmation I got was that she added my girlfriend to the pickup list at school.

Anyhow, before I got the van on the road I did one other thing. I believe I told you all that I once took out criminal harassment charges on my Ex because she would not stop texting me and calling me and emailing me regarding, mostly, child support, but also other things.

During that case, we mediated out of court through a program provided by the courts. She signed a document stating that she would stop texting unless it was about the kids.

If I haven't yet told you about the harassment case, I apologize for letting the cat out of the bag early, but knowing about it is important to what is happening now.

I have gone back and taken out another criminal harassment charge against my Ex because, despite the agreement she signed, she has not stopped the harassment. I will not go into anymore detail than that due to the pending court date; however, just know that I have done that and it is for VERY good reason.

I forwarded a copy of the email I sent to my Ex to my attorney so that they would be aware that I had a vehicle and I was intending to begin picking up the children from school so that I can FINALLY have my visitation. Since I hadn't seen them since Christmas, I was really excited for this to happen!

I received a response from my attorney a couple of days later that stated that my Ex did not want to pick up the children across the street from my home anymore because of the pending criminal action. My attorney stated that my Ex was asking that I keep the children overnight on Sunday night and take them to school on Monday morning.

Well, you know, that would all be fine and dandy if there were anyone available on Monday to take the kids to school. As it is right now, I have to leave for work at 6 am (sometimes earlier), and my girlfriend works the night shift on Sunday nights and does not get home until after 8 am on Monday morning.

It was just not possible, so I informed my attorney that my Ex would have to come and pick up the kids. I also stated that we don't have contact when she comes to pick them up anyway, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.

I never heard anything back from my attorney, so I assumed everything was fine.

On Thursday afternoon, my girlfriend picked the kids up from school and then she took them to school on Friday morning. On Friday afternoon, she picked them up again and we had an awesome weekend. On Friday evening, my oldest son had a band concert that we all went to together. We then took them all to the park on Saturday and had a blast.

Everything was going great for a change, and I was so thankful!

On Sunday, however, all the wheels fell off. The time for the kids to be picked up came and went with absolutely no contact from my Ex. I had the kids call her several times and she did not answer her phone. They left her messages that she did not return. I sent text messages that she did not answer.

When it became totally clear that my Ex was not coming, I had the children contact their grandparents, who live close by. They also did not answer their phone and did not return phone calls.

I did the only thing I could do. I loaded all the kids up in the car and drove them to their grandparents home. I was then told that their grandparents had told them that if I went to their house they were going to have me arrested and put in jail.

Nice thing to tell your grandkids, huh?

Anyway, we parked on the side of the road, completely off the property. My kids had to walk to their house down a very long driveway. My oldest son then had to walk all the way back to the car to tell me that their grandparents were, in fact, home and that everyone was inside.

To make matters worse, it was extremely cold, raining, and SLEETING.

I felt very bad for them, but what more could I do? Their mother had, in effect, vanished, and I had already made it very clear that the kids could not spend the night that night.

On Monday, I sent an email to my attorney and explained everything that happened. I was told that someone from my Ex's attorney's office had called and stated that my Ex would not be picking up the kids on Sunday but that it was after office hours on Friday, so no one got the message until Monday morning.

I was also told that now my Ex was saying that she didn't want to pick the kids up because, apparently, I take pictures of her when she is across the street picking them up.

Ummmm.....ok? That is a blatant lie, first of all. Secondly, there is absolutely no reason for it. I mean, what purpose in the world would that serve? And thirdly, I have absolutely no desire to take pictures of my Ex-wife....and neither does my girlfriend (who was also accused).

My attorney wanted to know if I would start dropping the kids off at my Ex's parent's church on Sundays.

No. They are telling my children they are going to have me arrested. I don't think I will be doing that.

OR would I take them to the Sheriff's Department so my Ex could pick them up.

Sorry. Been down that road before. Not doing that either.

Bottom line is that my Ex has put herself in the position she is in. She cannot come on my property because of actions she committed. She has a pending harassment charge on her because of actions she took.

It's time to grow up and get over it and take care of your responsibilities.

I informed my attorney that I need an absolute guarantee that my Ex will be picking up the kids on my Sundays or I just won't pick them up on Fridays anymore. I will have them for my Thursdays, and until we get in front of a judge, that is how it will be.

I still don't have a response.

Funny how the excuse/reason/whatever for not picking them up changed when the first one didn't work, huh?

Then, this past Thursday, my girlfriend went to pick up the kids from school and only ended up coming home with 2 of my 5 children. At the school she was told that the youngest is supposed to have a note from home stating that he is to be a car-rider and that no note was sent.

The other 2, who knows? The two children that did come to my house told me over and over again that EVERYONE knew they were supposed to come to my house that day.

I texted my Ex and let her know they got on the bus. I was concerned that they would get to her house and no one would be there. I had no idea if they could even get inside if no one was home.

She never let me know if they were okay.

I have texted several times asking that the kids call me.

She has not let them call.

Just when I started to believe that now that I finally have a car everything would begin to get back to normal, everything blows up.

I just don't get it. I do not get the drive behind it. I don't understand, and never will, why someone wants to cause problems when there just isn't any reason to. All I heard from my Ex was "get a car, get a car, get a car" and now that I have one, more CRAP!

Before she wouldn't bring them for my visitation, and now she's refusing to pick them up?????

If anyone can explain it to me, I would love it, but I don't think there is an explanation that works for this.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been reading and/or commenting on this blog. I am sorry there are sometimes big gaps in between posts, but, as you can see, a lot can happen in just a few short days and I sometimes just don't have the energy to sit down and write it all out.

I will update as soon as I know more, and will also get back on track with the past goings-on that I haven't yet told you about.

For now, though, I think I'm going to sign off.

Until next time!

The Cavalry Descends

Before my Ex came to my house to remove the items listed in the court order, I spent my time photographing everything in the house. I took countless pictures to account for everything that was there whether or not the items were things she would take or not.

I also went through the house and put yellow sticky notes on everything that she was allowed to take according to the court order. I divided out the dishes, pots, and pans that she was to receive along with the outside toys for the children that she could take.

Before the court order was written up (which again I had no idea about) my Ex and I had a long conversation about what she would take and what I would keep. One of the things we discussed was the Queen-sized bed in my bedroom. It was a Sleep Number bed in a wrought iron bed frame. We agreed that my Ex would take the bed frame but that I would keep the actual mattress and foundation.

When my Ex arrived it was as if the entire police force descended upon my house. She was driving the pickup truck that I turned over to her and had some of my children with her. Her father followed with a trailer to load stuff in.

There were also 3 Marshals and at least 3 Sheriff's Deputies that arrived so that the order could be executed.

I was there along with the nanny, who still had personal belongings in the basement as well as the garage. She had not yet found a place to live but was working on it. She was there not only to protect her own things from being tampered with or taken, but to provide me with a witness and moral support.

I immediately informed everyone that the items that my Ex was allowed to take were tagged with a yellow sticky note and that nothing else was to be touched.

It was like watching a tornado go through my house. The police told me that things had to move quickly because they were not going to stay there all day while all of this went on because, obviously, they were needed elsewhere.

I stood and watched as my Ex and her parents moved from room to room taking things out. I remember the sight of my Ex standing on top of my dining room table in order to take the chandelier down from the ceiling. Before she did that, however, she asked me if I had a screwdriver.

Call it petty...call it what you will...I did not give her a screwdriver. She moaned to the police about it and they told her that I did not have to assist her in any way and if she needed a screwdriver she should have brought her own.

At this point, she told my oldest son to open the garage because she knew there were tools in there. There was nothing in the garage that she was entitled to take and I had it closed and locked. She was not supposed to go into the garage and I informed the police of this when they arrived. Before I could stop my son, though, he pushed the garage door opener and my Ex flew out of the house and into the garage.

Things got heated for a moment as the police, myself, and the nanny followed her out to the garage. I was telling the police that they needed to get her out of there. The nanny was extremely concerned because she had boxes of personal belongings in the garage....as well as her vehicle.

The police finally managed to get my Ex to step out of the garage and she was none too happy about it.

She finally got a screwdriver, I think from her father, and finished taking down the light fixture in the dining room and in the front room.

The two biggest bones of contention ended up being the bed and the entertainment center.

We had 2 entertainment centers. One was a large unit that I built that was in my living room. The other was a smaller unit that was in the basement. The court order said "an entertainment center" or something to that effect. Since there were 2 of them, I designated the one in the basement for my Ex. She went into my living room and began to try to remove the television and other things from the larger entertainment center so that she could take it.

I stopped her and told the police that she was not allowed to take that entertainment center and the one she could take was in the basement. Again, she was not happy and complained, but in the end the police told her that due to the way the court order was stated and if I refused her taking that entertainment center, and there was a suitable one in the basement, she would have to go back to court if she really wanted the one in the living room.

She did not take the one in the basement. Go figure.

When it came time for her to take the bed, there was another argument. Before everyone arrived, I broke down the bed and put the bed frame in the hallway and left the mattress and foundation in my bedroom, because, as we had discussed, she was only going to take the bed frame.

I also locked my bedroom door because I did not want her or anyone else in my bedroom, my personal space, rifling through my things. It was all the nanny and I could do to keep an eye on everyone everywhere as it was.

When my Ex went to take the bed, she immediately saw the bed frame in the hallway and proceeded to try and open my bedroom door to go after the mattress and foundation. She then complained to the police that she was supposed to get the ENTIRE bed and that I had my bedroom door locked and she couldn't get in.

When I explained my side of the story, telling the police what we previously agreed upon, they threatened to arrest me if I did not allow her to take the entire bed and that I would have to take her to court to get it back if I felt that she was not supposed to take it.

I found it to be quite a double standard when I was being threatened with arrest and she was not threatened with the same when she went into my garage without permission. She was treated with kid gloves......I got the iron fist.

So, in order to keep myself from being incarcerated, I unlocked my bedroom door and removed what was left of my bed, without anyone else coming into my room, so that she could take it.

When the dust settled and everyone was gone, I was left with a house that was half-full of furniture. I had no bed, no washer and dryer, and no lights in 2 rooms.

In the basement, where the nanny resided, the door leading to the outside had been taken off the hinges so that the washer and dryer could be taken out...and the door was never put back. Some of the nanny's furniture had also been moved so that there would be room to move things out...but her stuff was not put back where it belonged. Also, a lamp that I had provided her was taken from her night table that was not supposed to be taken.

My Ex did not take any of the outside toys for the children and did not take the piano because they could not move it at the time. The police informed her that if she did not get everything she was entitled to during the one trip, she would have to go back to court to get another order to come and retrieve more items because it was a one-shot deal, but nevertheless, she did not take the piano or the entertainment center.

When it was all over, even though I had no bed to sleep in, I was glad, to be honest. I wanted my Ex to get the stuff and get out so that I could be done with that part of all of it. I didn't want, and have never wanted, to fight over anything. I have always wished and hoped and TRIED, TRIED, TRIED to make things amicable between us. I saw this as another step toward moving on.

I wish that I could sit here right now and tell you that things have changed dramatically since then, but I can't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the day, no matter the time, I cannot communicate with my Ex. It is completely impossible, and I have given up trying at this point. As I stated before, my sanity depends on it.

I miss my children more than I can even say. I still haven't seen them since Christmas, and them coming at 8:00 on a Thursday night (school night) does not equate to visitation for me. I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than necessary, and since they get shuffled around so much as it is, I will not have them come here and go to bed, only to get up and leave early in the morning....kinda like a hotel.

I will see them at some point, and when I do I will love on them and talk to them and hold them tight and let them know how much they have been missed. Until then, I pray for them everyday and think of them always. I pray for their mother too...that she will see the error of her ways, not only recently but in the past as well. I am not bitter and I hold no ill will toward her; however, I will protect myself, and that is the mode I am in right now.

Almost four years of it is long enough. Something has to change.

Next time, yet another restraining order, but this one will probably knock your socks off!

Be Blessed, Friends.